The water cycle is attacking me

Boston Hunters:

New England’s coastal hunter, the osprey doesn’t circle and wait. It picks its target, folds its wings, and hits the water talons first. We move fast and we move first, striking out the competition without hesitation. The Hunters are inspired by Harriot Hunt who, like the osprey, set her mind on a goal and made it happen. A trailblazing physician, she was one of the first women to practice medicine professionally in the USA, despite being denied admission to Harvard twice because of her gender. Like Harriot, the Hunters are ready leave their mark on history books.

Los Angeles Queens:

Inspired by our namesake, Lizzie Murphy – nicknamed the “Queen of the diamond”- the LA Queens are built on the confidence, presence and influence she carried throughout her trailblazing career, qualities that also define Los Angeles. Lizzie Murphy broke barriers at a time when opportunities for women in pro sports were extremely limited, showing the world how true talent rises to the top. We carry the Queen of the diamond’s legacy, channeling her confidence, ambition, and style. It’s time to claim the throne.

New York Heights:

Built around the ambition, intensity and relentless standards associated with New York, the Heights demands excellence. Just like our namesake, Dorothy Height, we’re ready to rise to the occasion. One of the most influential leaders of the civil and women’s rights movements, Dorothy Height dedicated her life to advancing equality for all. As we take the field, we‘re inspired by her confidence, leadership, and unwavering commitment to her goals. Just like Dorothy Height, we‘re ready to rise to the occasion and change the game.

San Francisco Firebells:

for example, we have a microscope that is perfectly functional, good microscope, but its software is abandonware because the company refused to maintain it. the company is still in business, still makes essentially the exact same software, but they made all of the old tech incompatible with new software to force people to buy the new microscope tech. it would cost a quarter million dollars to replace this microscope. this perfectly good microscope.

Another person at work said they hoped I'd apply for the promotion and I'm honored but. I don't qualify. I'm 2 months short. I am 96% of the way toward qualifying and it feels so bad...With the way things work (or in an ideal situation for the workplace) chances are this promotion won't be available for several years, so if I miss out on it now that's my shot. I'm just. Ahhhh. I feel like lately I've been making lots of little mistakes that will crush my chances even if I somehow DO make it through the HR barrier that I think will just trash my application before it ever gets to the interview stage. I feel young and inexperienced and I question whether I'm qualified.

I wish I had those two months. I wish I could go in with full confidence that I had a shot. I'll feel like I'd be disappointing people when I don't get it, whether I apply or not, or like they'll wonder what I botched so badly not to get it. I feel like I'll be stepping on more senior people's toes if I applied and somehow got it. I still remember being told I made people look bad when I got my first promotion before my cohort, because I happened to come into the job with the perfect extra two months required to get the promotion ahead of time. It wasn't just my cohort. It was the guy on one of the ones ahead of me too. Does he want the new promotional position? Would I be salting the fields if I got it? Am I a try-hard? Does it seem like some sort of special treatment?

They still haven't actually posted the listing, but they have to be posting it any day now. The position has been open for three weeks. Based on old listings for similar positions, it will be open for ten days. I'd need them to wait an entire extra month for me to be able to sneak in once I'm qualified, and I highly doubt that's going to happen.

Some people are treating my like I have the position already and I just. It would be nice. It will be awkward when I don't get it because I'm just straight up not qualified by two months. I had a job in college that maaaaybe I could stretch to say counted for those two months of experience, but I don't want to be caught "lying" and then be in some way punished. I don't think I'd lose my current job, I hope, but I'm worried I'll get blacklisted for any further promotions in the future.

I don't know if so many people have told me I'm doing a good job lately because I'm actually doing a good job or because I'm like some nervous hamster they need to calm down before it has some sort of heart attack or breakdown. I feel like it's the latter. Maybe it's some sort of imposter syndrome but like. Ah.

The position has finally been posted and I think I've decided I'm not going to apply.

Thinking about it, I don't think I'm ready for the promotion. Maybe I would be in a year or two, maybe never. I am not a decisive person, and this would be a position in which I would have to be more decisive. People ask me things all the time in my current position (even moreso now, since the position above me is currently vacant so they don't have the normal person to ask) and I am able to answer a lot of things, but when it comes to tricky situations that require subjectivity I tend to hesitate, and I don't think that would fit well into the promoted position. I don't like being wrong and I don't want to mislead oyher people. Not as an authority figure. Not ever, but especially not then.

I know I'll be disappointing some people. But from talking to others, I think they can tell I'm hesitating, and from the tone of their voice I think they think I don't really want the position and that it would be a bad fit. Someone who hesitates over applying to a job probably is not fit to have that job. I think they haven't told me I shouldn't apply because they don't want to hurt my feelings and want me to arrive at the conclusion myself, which I have.

It's a bit disappointing because I used to think I would really want to get into that promoted position, and I think eventually I could do a good job. Unfortunately, I don't think that eventually is now. Even more unfortunately, it's very possible this promotion will not open up again for many, many years. This is my shot. If I miss it, it's gone. But I don't want to burden people with someone who isn't a good fit, so I think it's better not to go for it.

You could definitely argue that the question of fit is something the interviewers should determine. I assume either all or all but one of the interviewers would know me, since it's an internal promotion (though they could grab someone from slightly outside my division, which has happened before). They would probably know how often I ask questions. They could probably factor that into the final decision. The question of whether I'm good enough should maybe be left to them and not me. But I can't help but think some think more highly of me than they should, because they don't interact with me 24/7 and don't see all the questions I put out, which get distributed through other people. I'd feel a bit like a sham.

I think my coworkers deserve someone more competent than me. We have hired people before that weren't good fits in the end, so the interview process is not infallible. I could trick them with a false display of competency.

I think one reason a promotion seems nice is that it would be an escape from my current situation, to an extent, into something more controlled. My job isn't the most regular. If I were promoted, there would be less external interaction and more internal interaction, which I would like. But again, it's a question of fit, and I think the answer is "not well enough."

I have another week to think about it before applications close. But I think I just won't apply. Hopefully whoever we get is competent. I really liked the person we had in that position, and the one before him was pleasant enough too. I would interact with that person all the time, so at a minimum please let them be bearable.

If anything, I'll be glad once the application closes, whether I apply or not. I think about it all the time. Every day. When out and about, when home, when trying to shower, when trying to sleep...I want to be free of the worry over whether or not I should apply (and whether or not I'm good enough).

The summary is that internally I think I've accepted the fact that I'm not a good fit after all, and that the people who've praised me have done so either because they don't interact with me enough to see my major faults, or because they're just so worried about getting someone HORRIBLE that I would be a consolation fill/bearable because at least I'm internal and wouldn't have to learn things from the ground up.

I think that's the core of it. I think if I got the position it would be a consolation prize. A fill because they needed someone. Acceptable because they only have pieces and not the full thing. I think once I got into the position my cracks would show.

I've pretty much come to terms with it at least. Getting promoted would be a partial out from the stuff I don't like in my current job, but I can manage at what I'm doing now. Most of it is on a three year loop (or one year, for some things) and I have had my current loop-position for three years now, so now I know what to expect at most places.

Well spoke to my boss today and he asked if I applied, which I did end up doing after talking to the guy who held the position before, who encouraged me to apply. My boss then asked if I was sure the application went through, and that I should double check, but I already had and got confirmation so I said so. Then I got a speech of "well, uh, if you don't qualify you can always try again next time..." that has me thinking he's probably in enough with HR that he would've known if I was a potential candidate, so I'm probably not. Oh well. It is what it is 🤷‍♂️

My boss has also really been on my about getting to some old stuff which I totally understand, because yeah, it's old. But I was also told for years that all of that was at the end of my priority list, so I've treated it as such. I've gotten through a good chunk of it, but if you look at the list of upcoming things, you will see that I have about 20-50% more on my plate then every other person in my group so I'm trying hard to keep up with my current mandates while also getting to all that old stuff (which are NOT multiple years old, but older than is ideal).

Over the last few years, my group's workload has gotten shifted around a lot. Every single person gained some stuff and lost some stuff...except for me. I only gained stuff. So I'm dealing with having my original workload from three years ago, plus part of the workloads of two or three other people, which is why things are so out of balance. Because of the way things shifted, most people are currently in the loop-stage of having lost something, while I'm in the stage of a big gain. It's not impossible to do, but it does mean I'm trying to handle chipping away at old things (some of which weren't even my thing to handle when they first became a thing...I just inherited them with the shifts) while also trying to get a handle on current things and to catch up on future things before I miss those deadlines.

There's a lot to juggle. I'll get caught up. I have until the end of August to get to all that stuff. It's some pretty unfortunate timing on this happening during the one shot I had at a promotion, but it is what it is.

On a side note there was a guy I was supposed to help train that graduated the same year as me, who is instead apparently going off to get his Master's Degree (I think? I overheard a comversation). Kind of feels like a sign tbh. I should leave and get one myself. Get some job I enjoy. Do something that makes me happy. Escape from this. My job has enough safety to it that I don't want to lose that, and I'm grateful for everything I have, but there are parts I definitely dread and it would be nice to lose that. I'm not at the sobbing on the floor level I was a year or two ago, but I could be back there in a year or two if that was a product of where I was at in the loop more than mental state. It was kind of both. The stress will return. I'm better at dealing with it now, at least, but I know what's coming and while it means I can prepare, it also means I know for certain that I WILL end up slammed when the loop returns.

So is life. Tbh I'm still not totally sold on whether I would really like the promotion because I'm not sure if I'm ready for it now (I would like it Eventually! I just feel like I should know more) but I was kind of hoping to at least get an interview so I could get a feel foe the questions asked and be prepared if the promotion ever opened up again.

I wonder who we'll end up getting. Whether it will be in-house or whether we'll have someone external. They extended applications a week (without announcing that they did...) so it makes me feel like the didn't get many candidates. I'm not privy to the information of course. I just got the vibe from my boss that he would know if I was being considered, but since he didn't know I had applied and immediately started backing off and trying to console me when I said I already had, I'm probably not in the pool. So it goes.

Kidnapped.

this is not life-threatening, but also who wants weeks of diarrhea and a fucking parasite in them lol. if you suspect you've already had this and it's passed, i would see a doctor. you might need an antiparasitic anyway. if you're actively sick, see a doctor and they might be able to prescribe medication to help you get over it faster.

try to avoid eating raw vegetables, scrub fruit with a produce brush and rinse thoroughly with water. again, don't bother with premade greens or bagged salads. if you buy lettuce, remove the outer 2-3 layers of leaves.

All of the otters/ Lutrinae !

a bunch of archives of incredibly important government datasets like maternal mortality statistics are about to be deleted forever. in a regime where they're known to fudge numbers, we can't trust a lot of the data coming from them to not be altered. open source backups like those found on data.world are vital to being able to verify that the data coming from our government is still intact and not altered. and they're about to delete all of it.

i don't know if we need to start a petition or what. nobody seems to fucking care. there are millions of users on data.world and yet nobody is raising the alarm bells and it makes me feel like I'm going insane. somebody needs to do something. i don't know what to do. it feels like more and more of this world is being destroyed and dismantled. it's not only US centric data, either! it's all sorts of countries from around the world! and they're about to fucking delete everything.

the only things that won't be deleted are private companies who happen to use the paid version of their platform (which isn't accessible data to the open source community; some people have just been using their service to host their own data on privately)

and the kicker? this announcement was made... via an AI generated blog post. so not even any sort of human touch. just a generic, soulless announcement made by a soulless human about to take a wrecking ball to one of the more important websites that exists on the internet.

an example of some of the things that will be deleted on July 11th:

https://www.re3data.org

There are over 3500 respectable data repositories on one respectable global registry; to a researcher there’s no point in data existing if not findable; if you’re trying to find a new home for your dataset, start there