marixpedition

It is almost the end of the year, and here we are trying to look back at what basically happened in the year that is yet to end. I am guessing that it will either be a trip down to memory lane or a flashback of regrets. It is undeniable that we are all rooting for the former though.

2019 embodies a different personality for every person. I have scrolled through Instagram looking at people’s 2019 stories - travel, success, milestones, relationships, reconciliation, breakups, enlightenment, coffee, and more coffee. Some would say it is a year to be thankful for; some would say it is something they have to let go of. I am thinking each year boils down into two options: make or break. 

I have known people who got married this year, had their first child, graduated from college or graduate school, got back with their ex, traveled a lot this year, just got promoted at work. Others I have known of lost a family member, ended a long time relationship, got cheated on, lost an opportunity they have been waiting for so long, was rejected by a person they liked so much or friendzoned, had a friendship gap because of little things that got out of hand.

Disclaimer lang puu: ‘di ako nagbablind item or nangchichismis.

Each year that passes for us is a mathematical problem that just got solved or just left us even more puzzled than we were in this life. If I were to assess my 2019, I choose the latter. There are so many things this year that got me asking myself, “ What the heck was that?” or “What on Earth just happened?”

I am about to share to you 5 personal things that happened in my year and what I learned from them. These are not just 5 personal issues or drama or whatever you would call that, but they are “risks” I took this year that made me tell myself, “Damn, girl! Ano? Rebel ghorl?”

1. Pixie Cut

Christmas of 2018 was when I finally had a short haircut after 3 years of having a long hair, but 2018 was yet to be shaken. It was because I finally decided, middle of this year, to get a pixie after a year of push and pull conflict with myself. I was too excited to get my hair chopped real short that time and also nervous. Why was I nervous? SIZT! I was about to get the shortest length of haircut in my entire life (so far). Who knows I might sport myself a baldy some day? 

Do I consider it a risk? ENTIRELY. It was a huge risk because I was not fully confident that I will be able to pull it off after the magic of the salon blower expires. It turns out to be true. Reactions of the people I know were mixed. “Omg! You cut your hair? I love it!” “It suits you! How I wish I can do the same!” “What happened to your hair?!” “Why did you cut it?” “What are you doing with your life?” (Oo besh may ganun nagtanong, “Ano ginagawa mo sa buhay mo?”)

How did my family react to it? My brother - no comment. My mother - at first she was confused as to why I would cut my hair very short but she eventually accepted my decision. After months of having my pixie, she also got the same hairdo. Idol talaga ako ng nanay ko. ‘Di bale idol ko din naman siya. My father - he did not like it. He thought I looked like a “tomboy” in Filipino context. Jake Zyrus ganorn daw. Even my relatives from the province was not a fan of it especially the titas. I still love them, but I was on the verge of blaming the culture for what it has imposed on women with short hair and glorifying those with long ones. But I said to myself, WHATEVER. 

That is when it hit me. 

That is how it feels when you defy the norms without actually violating any rules. Cliché man pero EMPOWERED tayo mga mamshies. It was following my heart’s desire without compromising my faith and principles nor any relationship. It was a great leap for me - doing something new and beyond my comfort zone.

It reminded me of the day I put my life in the hands of the Lord. Many people would say it is very risky and scientifically unstable based on human calculations, but never in my entire life did I feel like I have done the right-est thing until I have surrendered everything to Him.

But why did I grow my hair again? P350 monthly haircut maintenance at Bench Fix Salon. Mahal, besh. Pulubi na ako.

2. 2nd Pair of Lobe and Helix Piercing

The second thing I will talk about is indeed RISKY. I admit that I have compromised few of my principles and relationships here. Example would be the promise to keep the body pure for it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which means that having tattoos or cuts/wounds do not make the Lord pleased. Also, because I am an educator who is to be a role model in the academic institution, I must not have gotten a piercing that could push my students to do the same which obviously is not allowed in school.

Second best question is do I regret getting those piercings? Kind of. I am not the type of person who breaks the rules because I detest any form of hassle if it can be avoided. Now, having these piercings is so hassle when I am at work because they have to be removed then put on again at night to make sure the holes do not close.

Hassle talaga, mga besh. Wala eh. Priorities. I love my work more than my nice earrings and piercings.

Kathryn Bernardo made me get the piercings. Haaayy. I still love her though.

Do I recommend piercing? Yes, one pair only for girls. For boys, nah.

But to those who are wondering where I got them (hehe), I’ve had my first pair of lobe since I was a child. I don’t exactly remember where I got them. My second lobe piercings are from Unisilver which used an ear gun. It was more painful compared to needle piercing. My helix piercing was done by Iggy Boy Palma, a professional tattoo and piercing artist, at Whiplash Tattoo in BF Aguirre. Popular question: Which is safer and less painful? Definitely, needle piercing. I give it a 2/10 level of pain.

3. Bleaching my Hair

It was only this December that I finally decided to give my grown pixie a new look. I had the back part trimmed and gave in to the highlights club. At first, I was troubled by how it looked like after having it bleached. IT WAS SUPER LIGHT AND BRIGHT #ManokNaDilaw (yellowish orange). I got nervous because it looked bad on me, and I do not want to be called out again for another violation. So, I had the stylist layer the color with another coating which is gray.

Many people have asked how it was done. Let me share with you how simple it was. First, the stylist tied my hair in half pony tail. The loose part (untied) was the one that got bleached and colored gray. Finally, if you put the pony down, the light dye will be covered but is partially seen which is actually the idea of the style.

Was I happy about it? SUPER. I think this hairstyle is actually cool-subtle kind of rebel. It is not loud obvious, but it shows and stands out. Thank you, Pinterest.

Do I recommend it being done in a salon? Yes! Less hassle, and the stylists know better. However, if you have been coloring your own hair for years now, I guess you could do a DIY not to mention that it will be cheaper.

4. Getting Darker

What is wrong with being dark? NOTHING. But is there something wrong? Yes, many in this country believe that those who are fairer look better. Am I angry? No, but I am sad. Ganda ko kaya, char.

This year, I was blessed to have visited Boracay with my church friend. Despite it being crowded, it was a real paradise (Kala ko nga nasa abroad ako eh puro foreigners legit). The white sand was so fine just like flour. During the trip, I did bring with me sunscreen but not to make myself not get dark but to avoid sunburn. Yes. I was super ready to dive into the sea and just get all that rays on sunshine on my skin. When going on a beach trip, getting a tan is a must. I think tan looks pretty. To cut the long story short, I got darker intentionally lol.

Why is this a risk? I believe I have never been as dark as that in the past four years. After some time, our family went to our province in Quezon. Many of our relatives were like, “Ang itim mo!” “You got dark!” (Ano pa po? Keep it coming!) Well, it’s true, but what is saddening is the facial expressions that accompanied their remarks. Am I mad? Of course, not! It is a risk I do not regret at all. I do not mind getting dark as long as I get dark while on a beach trip and not here in Manila heat.

5. A New Work Responsibility

Now is some serious talk. (Kabado me sa part na ituu) What has changed this academic year for me? First, I got new additional tasks that are more challenging. Second, I am advising both students and teachers already. Third, I’m doing OTs again.

What exactly is this that I am talking about? It’s hard to explain, but let me put it this way. I used to be just an extra in a scene. Now, I am a some sort of a minor character who is tasked to help the protagonist achieve the goal and slay the enemies.

Am I happy about the opportunity? BIG YES. Is it mostly fun doing the job? No (nako nako talaga). There are more emotional heartbreaks, mental breakdowns, and sleepless nights. I have learned things in a not so easy way like how words could mean differently to the company and to the customer and how honest and transparent I must be to our clients. There were moments when I think I knew better, and it was so difficult to submit to authority. In those times, I was able to prove again that only God will remain consistent by my side. He is my constant help and supporter who encouraged me to choose what is right rather than what is convenient.

Did this opportunity put me in a better situation? Triple yes. I admit that the journey is an uphil climb. There is absolutely zero shortcuts (hirap kung hirap mga kapatid). However, God surrounded me with people who helped me mature, be graceful under pressure, control my emotions, laugh despite the hurt, and clearly see the beauty of being a teacher.

To end this post, I would like to just praise the God Almighty for His faithfulness in our lives. Getting through the 365 days is no joke. There were nights I thought of not going to work the next day because I had so many doubts and insecurities. Fortunately, I have only had one absence because I was sick. It was an ironman race to finish 2019. There were several curves and confusing directions which stressed me so much. Even though it was exhausting and tempting to give up, God pushed me to not stop moving until the end of the race (which of course I have not reached yet).

My 2019 is not as extravagant or controversially interesting as others’, but what I can say is that in those motivating experiences that happened in my year, I have earned a bigger faith in Him.

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

v. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

Merry Christmas!

It has been a while since I last posted on this blog. I missed blurting out my thoughts in words. We just recently celebrated the our fathers and those who stood in our lives as our father figure across the globe. It’s funny how so much appreciation posts we see online yet we are unsure of why we celebrate this day when most of us actually lament the patriarchal society and its dominating features.

Disclaimer: I do not have a plan on posting an appreciation post for my dad in any form. I already greeted him personally, made him a card, and even posted a message on Facebook. However, one person caught my attention saying that my Facebook Father’s Day message was offending and negative, which made me delete it as a form of respect.

In my Facebook post, I called my dad Mr. Labandero (a man who does the laundry) and Mr. Plantsadero (a man who irons clothes) of our house. Now, I clearly see why this society is considered controlling by many. Just because a man is doing what women usually do (due to social construct) does not make him less of a man. Doing household chores does not make a man a weak man, nor does it make him a hero. Doing household chores make a man normal. The reason why men are pressured to overpower or dominate is because they are being disgusted by people who think that what they do is inappropriate. Moreover, just because I appreciate my dad the most for ironing my clothes does not make me a lazy person. Call a person lazy when that person ceases to make an effort in life. 

Moving on, let me tell you what my father is life and so if he is like that.

1. My dad goes to the wet market every Saturday.

My dad buys our food supplies every Saturday in the wet market. That has been his routine. I bet few men can do that or should I say willing to do that. My dad will prepare early to go to the market to buy our food that is good for one week. He goes there to get a cheaper bargain. Well, he is not the best in choosing products, but his willingness to serve us by going there despite the heat, smell, and other forms of inconvenience makes me proud of him. So what if most women do that task?

2. My dad does his laundry every single day.

Just as how often he drinks coffee, so does he washes his clothes. My dad is very meticulous when it comes to his things especially his clothes. He makes sure that he is the one who washes every single one of them. Before, I would always wonder why he is so conscious about his clothes. I then realized that he values every single piece that he was not able to receive when he was younger. Let’s ask ourselves. Do we care for the things given to us enough for us to make sure that they are kept fine? Maybe, most of us do not even care. We just dig into our wardrobe like it is some form of a treasure chest and pick whatever we like. Then, we ignore whether others were folded neatly just because we won’t wear them.

3. My dad irons clothes, and he is the best among us four in doing it.

Since I was in primary school, I can remember my dad ironing our school uniform. He irons our clothes finely. You’ll see zero wrinkle if he does the ironing of your clothes. Everyone at home knows that he does it better than my mom does it. Until now that I am working, he irons my clothes. I feel bad at times, but I am honest that I can’t really do it anymore. I am thankful for this skill of his. We survived urban life for several years without house help. It was just us since then. We all help in doing the household chores. I was never embarrassed of this. I never looked down on my dad because he irons clothes at home. I do not find anything  peculiar about giving extra effort at home to help the household. 

If you’re reading this right now, you’re probably super bored or it has been officially announced that there is an extra hour in a day which makes it 25 hours per day, the extra hour for dilly-dally.

First confession: Had I known MMA and had we obtained the resources back then, I would have taken an art course.

Nevertheless, I have no regrets. I can still freely pursue art even if it doesn’t seem to coordinate with me.

I am here to shamelessly tell you 3 main reasons why I relentlessly pursue art despite being a very busy teacher.

1. Since drumsticks aren’t for me, I thought maybe pencils are.

I have that mellow rakista in me ever since I was in high school. I grew up listening to the jams of Paramore, Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, and etc. I always imagine myself in a band named, Blue Mountains (ewww right? so reflective pls don’t judge). I am that hardcore drummer wearing a muscle tee and high-waist skinny pants paired with Dr. Martens.

Unfortunately, I did not even last a week in my guitar lessons. But I told myself, I can’t be without a weapon most especially when the magical question pops up, What is your name and what do you like to do? That has been one of the questions I dread the most aside from How old are you? Do you already have a boyfriend? None?! Why?

Because I have all access with pencils of different sorts, might as well give it a try. I’m glad I did. Now, I consider art as my weapon. I found my indentity in Jesus, and He is constantly revealing thingsavout myself through the art that I do.

(Btw, I somehow play the ukelele. I think it’s still important to know how to play at least one instrument if your voice alone can’t do a one-man show.)

2. In art, you get to express yourself in ways words cannot.

Wow, that’s deep! I only mean a simple thing though. Because of who we are and what we do, we get restrictions on how we can say what we feel. In art, things get abstract and complex. A little vague, maybe. Therefore, people can’t point fingers at you. Because of art, there is equality and democracy that come in an abstract form. I get to be myself without giving away everything that I am. In art, I become a lowkey independent woman (coz I’m still dependent really).

Plus, I enjoy its basic exclusivity. Only those who know art will truly understand what an artist is trying to mean. Ideas are physically available, but the truth behind it is not easily given on hand. There must be an eager pursuit to dig deeper into its meaning. Art is for art seekers.

(I need my floaters. I’m drowning and I’m lost in my own flow of thoughts.)

3. 5 years and still counting

I started to love art when I was in 1st year college. To be honest, art was tedious for me back then. There has to be patience and fluidity in whatever form of art you’re doing. It all changed when I have known of an aspiring young artist from our church. We are not close though. But in her artwork did I get to appreciate colors, hues, lines, curves, and shades.

She was a total package. Dancer + artist + child of God. I admire her because I see in her my dreams becoming fulfilled. With that, I was encouraged to pursue the things I love regardless of what diploma I am holding right now.

When I am in a no-teacher mode, I would like to live like an artist. It’s what my heart wants aside from teaching.

I am grateful that God has revealed to me one thing where I can maximize my energy and ideas aside from being an educator. Art is one of His greatest gifts for me. I may not be the best at it, but I have the best God who guides me as I pursue my passion in life.

Give art a chance. It may ask for countless tries, but why not? We ought to give beautiful things countless chances. If you end up realizing art is not for you, think of this. Art comes in different forms. It is not bounded in the limits of a brush, a paint, and a blank canvas. Art my knock on your door in a form of a song, a dance, or maybe a poem.

Just know this: Whatever you do, do it not for men. Do it for the glory of God.

2 Chronicles 15:7

It’s the time of the year again when most people are becoming so reflective. Appreciation posts are flattering as well as greetings. I am not so fond though of posting my thoughts on my social media accounts but since this is the last day of the year, let’s give it a shot.

10 REFLECTIONS I HAVE TO CAP OFF MY CRAZY 2017

1. Love and love and love as much as possible. You don’t know when things will suddenly be plucked out from your life, so show some love even if you feel exclusive about it. It won’t hurt to give a little love. Sometimes, we run out of ideas and forget that love is the best thing that we can offer to people who little did we know need it the most.

2. Life is both a wheel and an uphill climb. Adulting is so difficult. It is like you need to earn 10 years of experience before you take another step in life. It’s not always that you are up there. Most of the time, you are down there, but at least you can look up to something. Like what they say, “When you’re down, you have nowhere to go but up.” Being an adviser to 27 wonderful [naughty] kids is not a joke, but I’m glad I took that chance despite the difficulty at first glance.

(If you are reading this, Determination Batch 2018, I love you all so much even if you are “sometimes” pasaway.)

3. You will never be prepared for sudden changes in life, so just be cool with it. You may not like the changes, but what can you do? It’s there. Give things the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the change you dislike is the change that will open more opportunities for you. So when you encounter change, be like yaazz this girl on fire is so ready to slay.

4. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH PLANS A.K.A DRAWINGS. It’s normal. We plan and sometimes things do not go our own way. We have reasons. They have reasons. As adults, we just have to deal with it maturely. Time is gold, but respect is more precious than that. God has the perfect time for all the plans you planned. If He has to extend the hours in a day, He will do that if it is part of His plan. Do not go crazy ranting about postponement. It’s not going to get you in a comatose.

5. (Fave part ❤️) True love is not about being in a relationship. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against your cheesy lives. Sometimes, true love is choosing to wake up on the other side of the bed and get up to go to school or work. True love is not about eating in fancy restaurants. It can be sparing 15 minutes of your precious time to eat your breakfast with your loved ones. Maybe, true love for some is flashing a sweet smile to people despite the inner pain. So, do not be down if they make fun of you being single. You have experienced and shown true love, but in a metaphorical way mediocrity will never understand.

(Still praying for my God’s best. Yes. No judging please. 😂😂😂)

6. Take good care of yourself. No one else will unless you’re crazy rich. Those skincare routines may seem like a waste of time and money at first, but you need it SERIOUSLY. When you grow older, you lose confidence in your own skin. The key is to invest in “sulit” products.

My Skincare Routine:

Dove Soap (Shea Butter)/ St. Ives Oatmeal Scrub > Nivea Toner > Nature Republic Aloe Gel/Nivea Moisturizing Creme 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

Also, dress up well. You do not have to join the bandwagon, but please dress up accordingly. You have to be attractive to your own self before being attractive to other people (Yes, may pinaglalaban).

Most of all, EAT HEALTHY. It’s only this year that I realized the importance of this one. I got super sick when it was the busiest time of the year. Only by God’s grace that I survived teaching, MA, parties, and other stuff while I was super sick. I should definitely stop eating nuggets and rice every single day in school.

(Apologies for inserting my photo here. I am not saying that I am a perfect picture of beauty. It’s just that I was glowing in this photo. 😂)

7. Stand up for what you believe in as a christian. If open dating is a no, then it is a no. Say it. Do not settle for the gray areas especially if you are permitted to express yourself freely. If you think premarital sex is wrong, say it. Do not be passive about such things that can endanger your principles. Modern day people might be triggered or shookt about this, but no matter how risky standing up for your faith is, you must do it or just stop preaching at all. Dare to be different because you are set apart for His glory. Christ died for us. You do not have to die to walk your talk. All you need is to be mindful and make sure that God is the center of every action and every word you speak.

8. Embrace who you are. Let not social media dictate who you should be. Wear whatever you are comfortable with not with what IG girls are wearing. Travel not because a well-known personality went there, but because you want to experience the world.

If there is a need to take down your accounts, take the challenge. In that way, may you find yourself again. (Worked for me. Been in a social media hiatus since October. Got back this holiday season. Will be in a hiatus again after.)

Btw, this is a photo of a very natural and true-to-self young boy. A student of mine I consider legit lodi.

9. FAMILY over any form of kaartehan. This is so true for me. Before you worry about your ootd, make sure your family has already eaten their meal. Before raving about the new stuff you got, make sure your family is home safely. Before thinking about your next snap, check how they are and if they are doing well in school/work. It does not make you less of a millennial if your top priority is your family next to God of course.

Just this year my mom was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. She went through medication and a certain diet for her to be tested if the nodules are cancerous. Thank God it wasn’t! It was a great relief. That time I felt the need to spend more and more time with my family. Tell them everyday how much I love them. Eat dinner altogether and so on. I do not want to regret not spending more time with them when I could.

Right now, I just feel so blessed to spend the last day of 2017 at home with my family. ❤️

10. WAIT. Waiting hurts a bit, but waiting is discipline while you anticipate the reward. So, just wait. Whatever it is you are asking God of, wait. He will give it to you at the right time. My friends always ask me when will jowa arrive. I’m just like, “I don’t know. I am waiting patiently. Baka na-traffic lang.” But seriously speaking, waiting is something that will build up and strengthen our faith in God. I know that I won’t be single forever, but for now I just have to trust Him and wait patiently.

I do not know what 2018 has in stored for me, but I am sure that God knows when I’ll see Maldives and London and when I’ll meet God’s best. He knows things I am yet to know and let’s keep it that way. 😉

To everyone who patiently read this blog post from beginning until the end, I pray that you will have a lit and slaying 2018. May God fill each and everyday of your 2018. When setbacks arrive, just pray. You’ll get through it by His grace. You survived 2017, so there’s no way for you to give up in 2018.

To the one I chose over Lauv,

My close friends know how bad I want to see Lauv. They know how eager I was to see him and sing with him after I knew that he was coming to Manila. It was a literal, WALANG MAKAKAPIGIL SAKIN. The day I learned that he will have live shows in Ayala Malls, I immediately blocked my schedule. LAUV is LAUV.

But I want you to know that LAUV is not everything in my life

God is. Next is family.

Yes, it broke my heart a little that I won’t be able to come to LAUV, but in the depths of my heart I know I made the right choice. It is one choice I will never regret. Watching LAUV would be awesome, but seeing you happy and eating your sinigang for dinner at that exact time LAUV was performing is something that is priceless. The moment you told me that you were glad because I did not push through the gig made me feel like I have matured in decision-making.

I may not be able to say this to you directly, but you are more important than any of my interest or passion. LANY, LAUV, art, books, and dogs can never outweigh you in my heart. I want every inch of you to feel that you are well-loved by your imperfect daughter. You know how hard I am trying to change and improve, how I am battling my dark parts. For that, I thank you. Thank you because you never lost confidence that I can win the battles in my life - battles that were too scary for me to face. Thank you for bringing me back when I ran out of love for the things that I do with passion and enthusiasm. Most of all, I thank you for teaching me that this world can only give me temporal things, but what God has in stored for me in heaven is eternal.

With that, happiest birthday to you! You may have aged a year, but you are as vibrant as ever to us. I pray that God will give you more years to share your life testimony to people. There is nothing to fear, ma. We love you so much.

Love,

The one who always asks you where random stuff are

P.S.

LAUV is LAUV, but LAUV will never be real love.

To “The Very Class,”

This may seem weird, to write a letter to you not even having the closest chance of you reading this, but I’ll do it anyway.

It all started on the 18th of July. I had all kinds of butterflies in my stomach as I waited outside your classroom. I kind of got intimidated with your number, but I managed to shrug off the jitters. I held my red clearbook tightly as I prayed to God that He will give me all sort of strength and wisdom that I need to survive the “meet & greet” a.k.a. “make or break time of the year”.

I told myself that I would project that game face until the end of the period, but the moment I entered your class I knew I would fail. Seeing your faces and hearing your voices for the first time got me laughing inside on a serious situation. Some of you looked clueless, lutang, bangag, hyper, etc.

But what’s unique is that you all had the guts to speak in vernacular knowing that you are in your English class. Deep inside, I’m just like, “WOW! KAPAL NG FES!” but I thought of just letting it pass since I am yet to set my class rules.

The first meeting was just full of “Very Wrong” moments. I remember asking what you can do in the name of love, and I had the hugot-kung-hugot to the most profane kind of answers that I could ever imagine.

That day I knew life was going to be challenging yet fun with you. Sadly, some of you had to transfer which trimmed your number down to 20. Now, the catch is a class of 20 is noisier than my other class of 30 which is very unlikely according to my logic.

To be honest, your class was THE VERY ROWDY. One student is all over the place, varsity stuff here and there, diaries everywhere, and a whole lot of VERY NOT 5S scenario.

I always ask your class why on earth are students from your batch always peeking inside your room. Why do they always knock and ask for someone? Of course, you’d be like, “because we are the very chill and they wanna be here”

NO FURTHER ARGUMENTS.

You are a class who’s too chill and who complains a lot. I know SHS life is tough, but believe me that your school now is a safe haven. A lot of you are planning to leave by next year, but you have to be very ready for it could be tougher out there. You are so happy and comfortable where you are now, but you have to gear up if you are really willing to explore the world outside the South.

Despite your unpredictable mixture of personalities, I liked how you act as a family. My heart flutters when one would say before you leave for recess that you should all eat in one area only. It reminds me of my college family and of my family at home.

My most unforgettable experience with you probably is when you had your storytelling presentation. Everyone was serious and extra about it. You did not really care if you would look pathetic, you did it for good grades. I remember seeing Sarah Ang Munting Prinsesa, Puerto Rican lady, a fairy bird, Zoro in yellow dress, Persian Pop Prince, and a magician. That experience made me realize that I have an unli subscription to a comedy show.

But of course every story has a plot twist. The day I learned that I won’t be your teacher anymore was probably the hardest thing I had to face that week. I had to be positive about that change or else I knew that it could drag you elsewhere, too.

Unlike how others would have treated the situation, I actually never planned of telling you that except for one. I remember joking around in class during my last week and most of you have zero idea on what I meant.

What touched me the most are the hugs you gave me after the day you learned about it. I thought that I was the only clingy person. Someone even thanked me for I believed that she could do things she never thought she could. *insert silent sobbing*

This change may be something that is a little bit saddening, but this is surely something that is for the best. For the four months that I was with you, little did I know that you would make a huge impact in my life. I was able to love and appreciate your family in that little time I‘m given with you.

What tomorrow holds, we will never know, but as a family, strive to keep the relationship stronger and intact. Do not let go of anyone despite their refusal. Keep on pushing forward until you achieve what your heart of hearts desires. Fight!

Love,

The Very Not-So-Obvious

First of all, YOU ARE NOT LIVING A BORING LIFE. 

It’s just that other people seem to be living a more exciting life than you are. They travel, they party, they meet people, they go to graduate school, and many things more. And there you are pitying yourself because you have nothing more exciting to do than watch the newest netflix series that you downloaded. I say, THERE’S NOTHING WRONG ABOUT THAT. 

As a single professional, I’m pretty sure you’re tired. You’re tired because you are certainly doing your job right. You often complain about lack of sleep, so why not spend your weekend sleeping or doing things that will renew your mind. Now, your question is how can you do things that will renew your mind when your situation is very limiting? 

1. You are still a week away from the next payday.

2. Your friends are not available to accompany you somewhere you want to go.

3. Your strict parents prefer that you just stay at home and rest.

4. Weather is not good.

5. You actually do not know what to do besides laying on your bed and staring at the ceiling.

In short, you end up asking why, of all people, were you chosen to live that ‘boring’ life. But then again, YOU ARE NOT LIVING A BORING LIFE.

There are three possible reasons on why you perceive your life as a boring one.

1. You won’t live within your means.

You grew up doing the things that you like when you feel like doing it already and now that you are an adult you are having a hard time controlling your urges. Even if you have a tight budget, you force yourself to give in to your desires. Immediate self-gratification at its finest.

2. You have succumbed to the pressure of social media.

Let’s admit it. If we can destroy social media, we will. Admit it or not, it destroyed a part of us in some way. Social media is dictating who you’re ‘supposed’ to be implicitly. Posts of #goals #dreams #blessed have led us to thinking that those things posted online is the standard of a happy life. We do not post the dark parts of our lives on social media. We mostly show the world the good times and our bright lights. With that, it is as if we are compelled to create a perfect life not for ourselves and the one we love, but for the people who see us virtually.

3. You have little faith on God’s plans in your life.

Have you ever heard of Miley Cyrus' 7 Things? The last part of the song says,

"The 7 things I like about: your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's. When we kiss, I'm hypnotized. You made me laugh, you made me cry, but I guess that's both I'll have to buy. Your hand in mine when we're intertwined, everything's all right." If you will be asked right now what are the top 7 traits you are looking for in partner, what would you answer?

Handsome? Intelligent? Fit? Responsible? Funny? Athletic? Artsy? How about a Christian? In this Netflix Age, people are probably looking for a face and body like Archie's and a personality like Jughead's. Maybe, some are eyeing for a total hottie like Veronica or a nice pretty lady like Nancy or simply someone who has an irresistible smile like Toothless. If you are in world full of smart and good-looking people, how are you to pick a future partner if they are almost the same? The tie-breaker question is WHO IS A CHRISTIAN? ONE THAT HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. To all ladies out there, let me present to you 5 reasons why being a Christian is a non-negotiable trait of a partner.

1. Face value fades. A Christian glow is eternal.

Have you ever met a simple-looking person but is super blooming? Face itself does not make a person attractive. There has to be that glow. A glow caused not by some face cream from your favorite skin care brand but a glow from an inspiration. The best skin care products won't last, but God's unending love is unlimited. Only those who have a relationship with God can experience that glow. Even if a Christian has aged, that person will still be glowing like in his early 20s. 2. A Christian will lead you the right things.

Ever fought with someone because that person got you into trouble or led you to a trap? A true Christian will never do that. A Christian knows no compromises. He does not settle for gray areas where things can be very complicated and confusing. A Christian will not let you stay up late at night talking to each other because he knows that 6-8 hours of sleep is the best for you, and he knows that your parents do not like getting disturbed in their sleep. Most of all, a Christian will not engage you in pre-marital sex. He will never touch you until you are already married. He will not engage you in tempting situations while you are still in the courting stage.

3. He will make your parents fall in love with him first.

Many people joke about how terrible their experiences are with their in-laws. Tons of films show how hard it is to deal with in-laws and how complicated it is to stay in one roof with the them. A Christian will not only court you but your parents as well. He knows that you are a precious gem of your family, and he has to earn his way to get that precious gem. He will prove his worth as a rightful winner of that precious gem. He will not stop; he will never get tired because God will sustain his strength. 4. A Christian is consistent. (More consistent than your IG stories)

A Christian will not make you fall for some sort of hokage moves or pakilig effect. A Christian man may not even be the sweetest of the sweetest unlike the boys you see in social media surprising their girlfriends with lovely things. But one thing is for sure: a Christian is consistent. He is consistent with his time with God. He is consistent in serving the Lord. Imagine, if he is consistent in showing his love for God, how much more in showing his love for you. Because God is his top priority, everything else will fall into place.

5. He's ready. No need to worry.

When a Christian pursues you, it's serious. Yes, I used the word pursue. It's not some kind of a fling. He only has one goal in mind when he asks your parents' permission to date you. MARRIAGE. Girls, do not settle for man who has no clear plans in mind yet. Do not let dating stage last for several years. Never ever give your all to a man who has no intentions of being with you legally. Why is marriage so important if everyone else is doing live-in?

a. Living in without the Lord's blessing is against His Word. Why is it bad to be against Him? Simple. We are clearly defying His commands which will give us a joyful living.

b. It's like buying something without a receipt. There is no proof that you are really serious of being together.

c. It gives you more sense of responsibility in the relationship because there are definite accountability. Living in's danger is the case of trial and error in a relationship.

Now for those of you who are already in a relationship, I am not asking you to break up. But ask yourselves these:

Is this relationship I am in now a healthy one? Does this glorify the Almighty and the common good or does this only glorify my personal desires?

For others who are yet to find their God's best, put CHRISTIAN at the top of your list. Make sure that this man is a man after God's own heart.

Do not settle for less if you can have God's best.

July 17, 2017 was definitely the starting point of my race. Sleepless nights, overtime, and skipped meals were just few of the many challenges I am facing this academic year as a high school English teacher/ class adviser/ everything else but the one he likes (Okay. Enough with the hugot).

I must admit. I was not expecting the first term to be as tiring as how I am experiencing it right now. I envisioned this year as a lighter and more relaxed year; however, reality seems to have a discord with expectation.

EXPECTATION: Have completed all classroom decor in the first week of classes

REALITY: Completed the classroom decor after one month and after being reminded by the boss (actually bulletin board to follow)

EXPECTATION: Have organized all documents (English, advisory, and etc.)

REALITY: Can't even remember the last email I received

I became really busy. I was LITERALLY eaten up by work. There is a huge difference between a person eaten up by work and a workaholic. I, for sure, am not a workaholic.

Just today, I went to church and listened to God's message delivered by Pastor Peter Tan-Chi.

LIFE'S TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS

1. Who are You, Lord?

2. What shall I do, Lord?

Chris Tomlin's Jesus and Indescribable were sung. Three things I realized while praying and worshiping the Lord:

1. I am very tired.

I did not realize how tired I am until I closed my eyes and talked to God. I did not realize how little my strength is until He made me feel His greatness. I was tired and weary because of teaching, intramural preparation, meetings, unexpected changes, but God's love has shown me the beauty in turmoil. In down times, I find joy in knowing that the Father has already overcome my monsters in life. The battle is His to fight and I am dependent on Him.

2. I am nothing. I am no good without Him.

I was battling with insecurity and self-pity. There were times when I compare myself to others and I ask why I have to be the one to suffer from such embarrassment and/or failure. I cried really hard when some of my students compared me to other teachers. I felt like I am nothing but an inefficient visual aid in front. That was the time I realized that I was looking for self-glorification when in fact I am simply nothing without God's luminescence in my life. Then, I knew I should stop enjoying praises of men and start introducing who God is to men, so they will praise Him instead. It is not me who must receive praises because I am definitely no better than anyone. It is God who is truly deserving of all praise.

3. I must choose God over everything.

We are so busy imagining a life that we think is best for us. We hold nothing, but the choices that we are to make in every situation. All our choices must be the choice that God is to pick if He is in our situation. Just this month, I underwent a complicated situation wherein I am in the middle of water and fire. I needed heat, but I don't want to burn. I needed something to quench my thirst, but I don't want to drown. I am to choose one. I do not want to compromise just to be in the middle of both. I will and I must choose God in all ways. No matter how much I think I can lose in picking the godly decision, I must do it. For God chose to die for us on the Cross despite our sinful nature, so what reason do we have not to choose Him?

The first month of this academic year was really tough, but we have God who is tougher and sovereign of all things. It is never too late to run back to Him. In times like this when waves are high, we must rise up in our faith, ready to surf and conquer the waves through Him who alone can speak to the waters.

God is the controller of my life, and as my controller, I will do whatever He commands me to do. No ifs, no buts, just YES, LORD. I WILL FOLLOW.

2 Corinthians 5:14

Me: Give me an example of a modern day ballad, a dramatic love song.

Student: Di Ko Kayang Tanggapin

Me: What do you want your ballad to be about?

Student: Dogs. I love dogs eh.

Me: You want to write about food for your ballad? How can you extract deep emotions and make a dramatic plot from it?

Student: I can do that, Miss. I like tempura a lot.

Me: What can you do in the name of love?

Students: *sing altogether* “In the name of loooove” (by Martin Garrix)

Me: You know who he is, right? He is a literary legend. (Pertaining to Shakespeare)

Student: Ah. Yan si Panot.

To the first ever unicorn of the South,

I remember the first day we met. You were wearing a printed skirt matched with a black blazer. Your long brown hair was braided and you look a bit nerdy with your spectacles.

At that moment, I did not know that something "shining" would start.

To be your partner is like a Paris Hilton-Nicole Richie kind of show. It's crazy, but we always get through every episode. We laugh, and we cry to things that either make us or break us.

To be your partner is to look forward to whatever food there is outside. You have taught me self-value by not starving my starved-looking body.

To be your partner is to live a life like Barry Allen's. The Flash on #NoWHERETOMondays and #NoPPTMondays. To cram a lot is one thing; to cram a lot without being noticed is another. I will never forget our Tuesdays - days when we still get to talk in the faculty room from 7:30am -8:30am. These are the times you work on your Chinese Cinderella or Things Fall Apart while I think of what to do for GMP.

To be your partner is to fulfill my dreams as a frustrated rockstar. Those after work hours singing to Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, Paramore, 21 Pilots, etc. is unforgettable. Sir Tats is a witness of all our concert-pretend moments. Maybe we should do it again, don't you think?

To be your partner is learning how to be Sharpay on the outside and Gabriela on the inside. We slay, look fierce, or talk savage when students are rude, but we forgive, forget, and radiate love the moment after. We share our sentiments about how unforgivable students are, but in spite of their shortcomings we accept them as our own children.

To be your partner is to be the Cara Delevingne version of Kampanerang Kuba. You taught me how to present myself well despite the pain in my back caused by bringing heavy stuff to school almost everyday.

To be your partner is to be a Eun Tak to my Ahjussi. Don't get me wrong. You are definitely ippuda. It feels great to have someone to always check on you. I found an "ate" in you. An "ate" who will rub in how beautiful she and sexy she is.

To be your partner is to be a human Takoyaki. People think we do weird things (not because we smell or something), but the truth is we are just enjoying the simple good things in life like eating Takoyaki three times a day.

To be your partner is to look fresh and cheeky amidst the grind we get while working. Thank you for always sparing me your time to put on my blush. Thank you for recommending Tony Moly. From you, Jam , and Nicole, I have learned to never ever face the class ugly.

To be your partner is to work the "suite-est" way possible. While you stream on Cole-Dylan shows and videos, I entertain myself watching the Apparently Kid or listening to Sir MC's jokes. (We do this after work hours, promise.)

To be your partner is to love my brother even more. I fell in love on how you took care of your baby brother who needs you the most in his life. I felt more responsible for my own brother for we are the only ones who would truly love them for their uniqueness. No wonder how proud your mom is of you for being both the mom and sister to your brother. You are the real Katniss Everdeen. You deserve all the best in the world for your selfless mindset - a Tris Prior with an Abnegation heart and a Dauntless attitude.

I hope this is not tedious to read. I made it short as possible. I have made more than 13 reasons why I am blessed to have you as my partner in my first year of teaching. If only  Hannah Baker had found a friend like you, her life would have been brighter.

The next academic year will be different. It will be more challenging for us. It may never be the same because we would not be level partners anymore, but our tandem will be my inspiration to step up my game and be a better English teacher. God made us stronger in the company each other to make a lovely difference in the community we belong to, and I am truly happy to serve the Lord with you.

We will remain as soul sisters - the Gigi Hadid to my Cara Delevingne; the Betty Cooper to my Veronica Lodge; If you need anything, I'm just seated next to you in case you forget.

I love you, my gem. Cheers to more "shining" adventures!

Love,

To my Grade 7-Kindness, 

I must admit that this school year was tough and stringy because your class. With all the noise and clamor, your class can easily be described as the "difficult" one. Everyday, my voice would battle against all your vocal forces before my message gets to your senses. They say that in English classes it's normal for students to be talkative because they are supposed to maximize their communicating skills or language skills; however, it appeals to me differently. Being in your class is like casting in a reality tv show/talk offs - The Incessant Speakers Supremacy. I often complain about how you treat me unfairly, and how I feel like I am the least respected teacher of yours. I would shout at times, I would pause for seconds, or I would just laugh it out of frustration. 

But somehow I find solace in your class. Yes, your class is running high with SED violators, students who transfer seats, secret eaters, and so on, but I feel like a legit teacher when I am in RM 309. For some reasons, this class fortifies my confidence, making me realize that maybe raising 5,000 roses in the same garden isn't so bad as we think it is. Sometimes, I get very tired in the middle of discussions, but I feel stronger by the end of the period. It's ironic on how I gain strength from something that technically drains it. Right there I realized that I can only be filled if I am empty. This class may have emptied all the patience and understanding that I have, but God filled me with more than just both to survive 6 hours with you every week. I may look stressed out after our class, but finishing the class well gives me an infallible feeling that only I can discern - fulfillment . That moment when I will finally say, "Okay. Is everything clear? Goodbye and thank you, 7-Kindness," is just premium.   

People may be judging your class saying that you are noisy, lazy, incompetent, or a pain in the neck, (Well, sometimes you are.) but your class is not like that to me. Seriously. Your class is my moon. Craters are damages you are known for, but your class will forever fascinate me, and I will always fall in love on how beautiful you all are as I watch you play outside the faculty, hearing the loudness of Roshan, Esa, and Zade as they try catching each other. Kindness will always be my moon in the night sky. Life as a teacher can be dark for me, but your light has glimmered in a way that firms me up as I go through the vigorous times. It's your class who told me without hesitation how I can improve as a teacher. Kindness made me a tough person who has a soft heart. It's your class who can make me laugh nonstop (for a minute or two). You know how CJ, Yuuichi or Yash can make burst into laughter even if I'm boiling mad with the Korean boys because they cannot be ceased with all their comments/stories which they speak in their vernacular (subtitles please). 

 To my Grade 7-Kindness, don't grow up too fast. Fall in love with academics, and ace every task given to you. Also, prove to the world that talents and skills are not measured and determined by the section you belong to. With faith and hardwork, I humbly believe that each of my babies in your class can run the world and radiate love and inspiration. 

The telescope, 

Ms. Marix