I'm going to Strawberry Fields

RIVALS - 2.05

Robby + Encouraging Langdon

Oh, he's so handsome, just like his reward posters.

I can never tell if I like this one or not, so come on the journey of discovery with me!

- Blood, fear, creatures, etc.

- Matthew stoically driving away from his girl is a beautiful shot even if I hate him for it

- Ysabeau and Marthe look like power lesbians here and I’m just saying that 70 years after your husband’s death you’re allowed to move on

- But also don’t watch Diana in the tub wtf

- “Our servers are impenetrable” This is deadly stuff but Miriam is doing her best in that fucking to die for coat and I forgive all her worst lines

- So wait they met at Matthew’s house to have a 2 second conversation that could’ve happened over the phone and then all drove to the lab???

- “Don’t even begin to deny it” I mean despite the fact that he just drove away from her while she was crying in the rain I like that Matthew is in full ‘Nobody talks shit about our love!!!’ mode. He’s dumb but it’s cute

- “I know the signs” PLEASE tell me the signs of mating. Please. Is it making out under trees and giggling while horseback riding and tangoing in front of your mom til one of you glows? Truly these are the softest onscreen vampires of all time

- “Of course this is about Diana” Matthew’s dick doing all the investigation work here

- Marcus having to tell his uncle that his dad is trying really really hard not to lay pipe with a hot witch is the stuff of myths & legends

- “Ysabeau says he will respect the covenant he just needs to get his head straight” lmaoooo do you even know your son ma'am. He fucks and asks questions never

- Marcus you are clearly not on a phonecall. Sort your props son

- Ysabeau trying to tell Diana that vampire hunting isn’t romantic or glamorous and yet she and her son are out on the prowl in full suits, looking hot

- Anyone know where I can get Gillian’s tote? It’s cute

- Matthew being mean to Gillian is a straight-up turn on and I don’t care what that says about me

- He really should’ve just killed Gillian for that dumb flailing leg at least

- Yeah Ysabeau I don’t think a dead fox is really going to be a dealbreaker. Give your hot son’s ability to dickmatize a little more credit

- The line delivery of “You failed!!” from Diana is too dramatic given that she’s valiantly announcing how much she still wants to f*ck him… to his mom

- Her lil high five to the tree makes me laugh, though

- Uggghhhh why aren’t you dead. But is she dead later??? Nobody knows. Nobody cares

- So who’s this bald witch. What’s his deal

- Satu realizing these white men are dangerous too late. Oh, girl

- Okay so Diana’s phonecall to her aunts. Girl he walked out on you!!! It feels weird that this whole episode acts like he kissed her goodbye and was like, “k. Be good with Maman I’ll be back in two days!”

- Also “I thought you two might understand” – this white het nonsense girl. Your mixed race lesbian aunts should hang up and throw that phone away

- “They don’t get to choose who I love” that actually seems to be the congregation’s whole purpose as an organization despite the fact that the covenant has “”“”“never been broken”“”“”

- “How does Matthew feel?” Em is the only one in this family with an ounce of sense

- This Hamish conversation is pure poetry and it’s beautiful and I love it and I love Hamish and the little cluck he makes before saying “Oh Christ, Matthew” and his singlehanded destruction of toxic masculinity

- “I thought the congregation would no longer care” that seems to be their whole job!!!!!! What are any of you talking about

- Matthew and Diana both love to downplay their LGBT+ loved ones’ struggles with their own het nonsense and it’s a bad scripting choice tbh

- “Matthew built this church and he’ll never love you, and that’s the end of our tour”

- Diana entering the church, picturing those strong stonemason hands girl I get you

- “You’ll never be able to have his babies!!” I mean, between Matthew and Diana, it’s not Diana’s fertility that’s the issue, surely

- “Oh wait also he tried to kill himself and you’ll never ever make him want to die like his wife and son did”

- “Nobody knew whether he slipped or jumped” – you’ve had 1500 years to ask

- This episode is truly lousy with awkward foreshadowing and I want to love it but lines like “If I could use my blood to save him I would” make it tough

- Congregation round table. Nobody really cares about Gillian, as is appropriate

- “Rules are rules” is the hottest line in the show. Feel free to @ me because I know I’m right

- Significant glances!!!

- “I will go get Diana myself!!! Buuut tomorrow, after my brother gets in a little foreplay first. Rules are rules”

- This conversation between Satu and Knox is so poorly blocked and I know nothing about cinematography

- Daemon dinner party: cute but pointless

- Would’ve been a good time to tell people what y'all do but that’s just me

- The shaaaaaade from that one daemon when Nathaniel gets up from the table. So good. Rewatch it

- I love Sophie but that American accent is real, real bad. Don’t ever come for Teresa when this is happening on the same show

- Is Diana meant to be working on her paper that never gets mentioned again? Still no wall outlets by the way. Everyone just running straight through their laptop batteries like fools

- The sniffing of a single strand of hair is absurd but I love it

- M. Goode should also sue for this extreme close-up of his forehead lines

- Nervously rubbing at Gillian’s scratch marks this dork

- The science sequence is beautiful but the song wailing in the middle of their conversation was too much

- Matthew telling Miriam to run the tests again so he can race off to lay pipe is THE power move

- Marthe being like “Wakey wakey Daddy’s home”. She stans

- Also Matthew def packed those tiny pajama shorts for Diana and they do look good

- Now Miss Diana. You’re really throwing on that outfit to go meet him? That’s your best look for this?

- Matthew trying to slow his pace to avoid looking desperate when he sees Diana vs. Diana giving no fuqs at all

- I’m not lying when I say I can’t watch this scene. It’s “what spell have you put on me??” dialled to 11 and I can’t handle it

- “Do you know what you have just done?” A crime against my sense of decency Ysabeau I agree

- I do kind of wish she’d slapped him here

- Matthew Goode is trying very hard not to laugh in this scene and I feel him

- “And you are now my daughter” Surely Diana is confused about this

- “If you have the courage to love my son” Tall. Handsome. Gives expert head.Yeah seems like a real challenge

- lol Gerbert standing next to his tacky statues with that smile

- lol Marthe all but threw on some silk sheets and Barry White. She loves it

- “Here are your 23 & Me results, Diana”

- “Or even Gillian” “Who?”

- “It’s restless. It wants to get out” like he knows she’s thinking about his dick and this is just rude

- Diana desperately trying to get him to shut up and f*ck her is feminist power

- This initial kiss is awkward and I’m not sure if it’s because he feels guilty but it is odd

- His shitty little glass clink when she’s like “lol bundling you’re hilarious” and then her “Wait pardon?” face are underrated moments of pure gold

- “You might not like what you see” honestly he made it sound like he has two dicks or something

- He’s built like a Ken doll with conveniently placed scars oh no

- Also him trying to turn her on with scar history. Like surely one of them is going to be from like falling on a rake when fighting with Baldwin or something

- “I want to kill anyone who hurt you” is Matthew’s biggest kink and I like it

- “I will kill myself when you die” take that Ysabeau

- He’s really getting in there

- I like the giggling. I like the scene in general, apart from the fact that not even the world’s most talented vampire gets someone off that fast

- looool the Domenico/Juliette scene is so stupid sexy. This is blatantly disrespectful to Matthew and Diana’s love to juxtapose their bundle with this raw sexual energy

- Matthew sleeps like a lil angel and it’s cute

- I respect the accurate running gear (did Matthew pack that really tho????) but surely this path is not good for maintaining a steady speed

- The flying effect. I mean you all know it looks bad I don’t have to say it