kar_ma-ish

Caleb saw you write orders in your notepad with the same worn smile. Juggling between balancing food trays and anticipating every demand even it was ridiculous and beyond infuriating. You live in the constant state of demand. Almost mechanical that you can't even fathom of wether you were still alive or dead and was constantly living in the motions.

He notices everything about from the slight tremor of your hands. Your head tilting to the side while you listen with intention. Anticipating every movement and the sudden change of heart with every order. He can make out the way you write in your handwriting. The little swish and curve of the letters being jutted down in paper. He knows everything about you like the back of his hand and despite everything about it — you will never know him for he was a stranger.

He only upgraded to be a patron who orders the same thing and asks for the specials. You didn't bother to know his name as you politely take his order and offers him the same worn smile that you wear every single day and Caleb itches to know you more. See the facadé you were putting on and to peel the layers of your skin to find the real you.

Despite that somehow Caleb thinks that you truly knows him even it's simple as putting a cup of water in his table or how you plate his food. Avoiding suggestions of specials of the day that contains cilantro or simply requesting the cook to remove the much despised herb on his food. He also likes to think that he was special — that the smiles you have given him were different.

He allowed himself to hope that you might feel something for him. That your genuine smiles was only meant for him. It must be the corners of your lips naturally creasing, slowly fading in their usual lines. Your shoulders are relaxed and it means that you're comfortable with him and you can truly trust him.

He didn't think that maybe you have given yourself some little respite after hearing that there's a chance of salary increase enough to cover your monthly dilemmas from bills. He didn't think of it. He can only think of the smile you were giving him. He thought that you were giving him a chance and you see him as more than the patron who sits in the corner.

Out of the streaky paint of the walls and cracked leathers of the chairs — a stranger that goes by the name of Caleb, his dark brown hair under the warm light and eyes with the color of the Orion Nebula, wearing the same flight jacket holds in his heart that you will look at him. Someday.

It takes thirty steps from the diner to the bus stop. Fifty when you like to bask in the surroundings. A twenty minute ride to your home. Another thirsty steps and forty when you take five steps backwards when you almost forgot to greet Patches, the resident tabby cat that likes to nap near the post and another five steps when you continue walking after greeting the cat. Sometimes it takes a lot more when you stop for your groceries although it only consists of frozen foods much to his dismay. You don't need a quick easy meal, you deserve a warm home-cooked meal.

He can tell the weather's cold. Probably dropping another degree as he watch you puff a breath of cold air instantly dissipating in the thin air as you began to climb the stairs in your apartment. Then, he hears the familiar music blasting in your earphones. It's been on the charts for weeks and you seem to love that singer as you hummed. You've been streaming for days. It kind of grows on him too. Lately he's been scrolling and listening to your preferred music.

He takes what he can. Absorbing every details about you. Caleb feels closer to you when he does it. Making sure you arrived safely at your home and protect you from the dangers that lurks around the corners including those strangers that likes to be near you. He took care of that problem before they can cause you real harm. They were a danger the moment they think it was okay to be near you.

Here in this rundown diner he can see everything. Taking notes of everything. Everyone that may cross that line and thinking that they own you because you serve them. He doesn't miss what you were doing. Caleb can't take his eyes off you for a second and he got the talent for not being so obvious about his staring.

The diner moves in a average pace. A few diners scattered around your area. A family of four in the middle booth trying to keep the food down in their children's throat and not be thrown across the table.

In the next booth, a couple silently shares a slice of pie. The rest was the few people that sometimes gets their fixed of food that they've been downing since they learned how to eat.

He sees you cleaning a table before the bell rings. A bunch of rowdy friends entered. Caleb knows they're going to be trouble and they really choose the area where you are serving.

You move with years of experience. Clearing the dirty plates in the speed of light and walking towards the table. It's instinct at this point for Caleb to be alert. Anticipate every movement of the party that may threaten you or act in pure stupidity.

He keeps his eyes on you. He can the exhaustion in your eyes, your shoulders stiff and your lips almost trembling as you kept smiling. Crossing out their previous orders cause they can't decide on wether to annoy you or make your life miserable for such a simple task.

They obnoxiously laughed as you left to tend their orders. Their chatters sounding like teeth scraping against teeth on his ears. Irritating.

In his months of visiting this diner, he saw how many times you handled this kind of situations before. You have the patience of a saint. Calmness that surpasses beyond. Efficiency that you can get any job done because you can.

Even if you possess all the good qualities — Caleb knew you were bound to crack one day. You forget that you were human too. Any day, any minute, any second. It will take a small trigger to shatter and release all your bottled feelings because Caleb always knows anything about you. If you did he will be right there by your side to save you.

The surface of the ceramic mug burns his fingers. Gripping the ware that it might crack under his hold but Caleb likes to pretend that he was just stressed — under pressure. That his gaze still unwavering to the people who was rude to you were nothing hostile and it was just concern.

There's a lot of people who can hurt you in this world and Caleb can be powerless but he does anything in his power to shield you away from anything that wants to hurt you.

A loud crash can be heard. The fellow diners stopped whatever they were doing including him. Caleb look at the spot where the noise is.

His blood run cold but his skin burns from anger. Because what the hell is that. That isn't overreacting it's failing to show basic human decency who was working.

There standing, is you who was trying not to cry. A large chunk of food is pasted to your uniform. Staining the once pristine clothed that he knows you always clean to look presentable. He can also make out the sauce splattered in your face and arm.

You remained calm — unmoving, unblinking. He can hear you apologizing along with the line that their order will be replaced immediately and behind you, a fellow waitress scrambles as you usher her to immediately replace the ruined order.

From a bystander’s eye, it was all settled. A messed up order can be changed. The waitress apologizes for the mistake but Caleb knew people and people who thinks they're allowed to mistreat workers definitely didn't take this the easy way out and Caleb have to sit with his fists clenched.

It doesn't end there and Caleb without hesitation stands up. He can't allow you to be mistreated furthermore because of a simple mistake and allows for more room to berate you.

He makes himself known but Caleb didn't need to drag his footsteps to the sound of his heavy leather combat boots. Or puff his broad chest cause no one can ignore the tall man standing over six feet walking towards the waitress who's been serving his food for the last months.

The wasted food squelches under his boots. It was unintentional and quite wounded Caleb. He does not like wasting food and the people who can throw it casually just because they can and to aim at someone who had made an honest mistake makes his blood boil.

He steps between you and the man. The group behind him silences and whispers as he intervened. Shielding you with his body and to stop this kind of a overreaction over some mistaken order.

“Step aside, kid. There's no reason to be playing knight in shining armor for this stupid bitch.” Caleb glares at him. Stupid bitch. He calls you that name and this man must had kissed the floor if he punched him. Eating the wasted food this scumbag has thrown.

There are two kind of people Caleb hates. The one who thinks they have the permission to call you names because they can and the other who thinks you're available for them to touch.

The crunch of bone can be heard followed by the sound of a scream. It's easy to lose your appetite for this kind of sound coming from a grown man who's pathetic.

Does he really think he can touch you with this filthy hands and hurt you with it when he's around? No fucking way.

“Enough.” Caleb's lips are pressed into a thin line. “She apologized and we know that we won't be in this situation if it weren't for your companion’s indecisiveness and yours.” The man winces as he tightens his grip around the wrist. Further dislocating it.

“You think it's funny to annoy someone who's patiently accommodating your bullshit?” He hears the scratch of your pen crossing another order from the menu because they keep changing it while you try to remain steady. Repeatedly nodding and politely reciting today's specialties that none of them bothered to take.

“Hey, cut it out.” He glares at the woman huddled in the booth. “Cut it out? You didn't tell this scumbag that's enough?” The woman freezes at his words. Fear and embarrassment on their face.

“Then when you're provided with good service, you get angry because it's not your order when it really is or you just lack respect to anyone who serves your food?” He swats their hand away. Clutching their dislocated wrist that was blooming with bruise in the shape of his fingers.

“Leave. You don't deserve to be in this diner.” They didn't need to be told twice or look at him again. Caleb's looks was beyond murderous and would snap when provoked.

They scurry away like rats. Making a beeline towards the exit. The bell ringing behind them. Caleb exhaled and when he turns around — his eyes instantly softens. Caleb knows you doesn't owe him or anything because he helped you but the look in your eyes. Glossy and looking at him with such humiliation just rewire his brain into nothing.

It was a rough day for you and Caleb understands that. You kneeled beside the mess of the food. Ignoring the sticky mess clinging in your blouse as you crouch to clean up the floor.

Caleb kneels too. Helping you clean up. “You didn't need to help. Paying customers are not allowed to clean up. Management says.” You murmur but Caleb pretends he didn't hear you. He simply relishes that he's near you even when you don't look at him.

He can hear the pain in your voice though.

Caleb dislike rainy days that stretches into the afternoon until evening but with the pouring rain, there's only you and him under the bus stop.

The scent of rain, the metal corroding with rust in the bench and your scent lingers in the air. He saw you leaning in the corner. Despite the hood of your jacket covering your face, he can see the faint streaks of tears staining your round cheeks. Realizing that he was staring at you, you pulled the hoodie over to cover your face and he can see your left hand covered with bandage. Too tight that blood seeps into the white cloth.

It hurts Caleb to see you like this. He doesn't need to know what happened it was clear to him that you got fired. Your reaction was normal. The diner's wages plus the tips was the thing that pays the bills in your home and with it gone after the earlier commotion because of assholes who lacks basic decency of being human costed your job.

Caleb didn't like seeing you cry to and he wanted to comfort you. Brush the tears rolling down your cheeks but if he did it now, he will be scorned by you as a stranger who dare to touch you but you're too kind to do that or it will just scare you and Caleb didn't want that. He wants you to trust him.

“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” He apologizes, sitting in a comfortable distance. Not enough to invade but close enough to you.

In the corner of his eyes, he watches as you slowly slipped off the hood of your jacket.

“I don't mind.” You casually say despite the sob that was threatening to slip from your mouth. You cried enough for the day and a stranger to see you like this — it was pathetic.

Your eyes are bloodshot. Lips a bit dry but he knows they're daily moisturized but the cold weather and the earlier dilemma, it was bound to get chapped. You remained in your seat quietly. Clutching the sleeves of your sweater and it was hard for him to ignore your injured hand.

The rain continued to pour and the red sign of the next bus stopping blinks, it would be another fifteen minutes for you and he plans to stay with you.

Kindness is second to Caleb. He always has been the dependable one and it is only for those who deserves it. The children, the elderly and you. It's hard for him to turn a blind eye to those who need it and certainly not to you even he knows you were going to reject his help but vulnerability has it's perks.

“You’re bleeding a little. It would hurt more if it's not dressed properly.” He watch as your eyes shift. The cold must have numbed you up to realize your wound was stinging.

You avoided his gaze. Embarrassed that a stranger noticed your wound. “It’s not a big deal.” You murmured but the stranger in your eyes only smiled and Caleb knows how his smile can be disarming. A certain charm for people that always works.

He hums, unconvinced at your dismissal. He rummages through the paper bag that he brought surprisingly wasn't damp with moisture.

“May I?”

He extends his arm towards you. Waiting for you to take it. Will you just accept his help? You didn't need to be strong all the time. Let this be a moment of vulnerability for you. He will always have your back.

When you tentatively placed your hand in his, he almost sighs in relief. He carefully unwraps the poorly dressed wound.

What a coincidence it must be. A stranger tending to your wound has a bottle of antiseptic and a roll of bandage in his paper bag. He was running out of supply in his home. It wasn't intentional that he bought those things together to tend your wound properly. Caleb's just prepared even he's been following you and saw the whole scene of you being fired.

From the backdoor of the diner where you weakly closes the door. Clutching your coat while tears endlessly streams down your face.

Being fired from a job wasn't easy. You've been struggling for so long and that diner was your lifeline.

He kept his distance from that scene. He cannot offer you words of comfort and he feared he lost his means of being close to you without crossing boundaries.

The cameras didn't provide closeness. The longing made it worst. Separated between screens while watching you. The diner was the closest he can have you.

He can see the outline of your hands. There’s a tiny scar hidden in your pinky. A childhood mishap he can tell. He noticed it the first time he starts visiting the diner you previously worked at. Plush fingers contrasting his thicker ones and Caleb wonders how must it feel to have your hands wrapped in his.

Caleb briefly looks at your face. Your eyes a little swollen around the edges and the tears were still pooling at the corner of your eyes. Caleb knew that you didn't remember when was the last time someone was kind to you and he hopes that he will be the last to take care of you.

“All done.” He murmurs, the sound of his voice similar to someone who's wounded. It takes real compassion to master that but it was second to Caleb when it comes to you.

The fingertip of his thumb briefly brushes the skin at the back of your injured hand and he hesitates for a moment, not wanting to let go of your hand that he's been dying to hold but he still let go. He already took whatever he can right now and he will be having more if he remains patient and if everything falls according to plan.

“Thank you….” Caleb heard you whisper. Intertwining your hands together and your eyes flickering back and forth. Clueless on how to show the gratitude to this stranger. You put your hand in your pocket. Wondering if it was a good decision what you're going to do next. He hears your exhale.

“I don't know how to thank you but here's my phone number.”

Bingo.

“Text me or I don't know. I really don't want to owe you.” He frowns for a moment before switching to a confused look. Genuinely concerned why you were thinking like that but Caleb understands.

Those who usually lends a helping hand wants something for an exchange. The colonel in his civilian clothing doesn't want anything from you, not when he can get it.

“You don't owe me anything, but if you insist, how about I take you out for coffee some time? Only if you want to.” His voice warm and gentle, reminding you that maybe there is still some human decent out here and he's in front of you.

The coldness of the weather somehow seeps into your bones. The freshly tended wound in your hand stings. You look at the stranger in front of you. He's not really a stranger, you saw him many times.

The sight of him, waiting for your answer. You should have refused. Kindness doesn't need to be paid for when it's given. It's a choice, but leaving him with nothing but a mere gratitude of saying thank you, it feels wrong. Not wanting to left anything in loose ends — you agreed.

You didn't thought much of it. Coffee sounds nice with the weather and maybe it's a sliver of something good, you didn't really know. What's more to lose for you?

Caleb smiles, eyes glimmering with mirth like everything is falling into places. “I’ll text you.” Is what he told you.

You can only nod. Tucking your arms to your sweater and didn't give much a thought of it. You have no entertain and you will only be doing it because you hate owing. Nothing comes good from loose ends.

You were so close yet so far.

The distance was within arm's reach with only the table between you and him. “Thanks for accepting my invitation.” He says and you only shook your head before taking a seat when you arrived.

Caleb has managed to convince you in going out with him for a coffee despite your hesitation over the phone and part of him knows you won't be able to refuse him knowing how much you hated owing to people.

He watches as you sit warily in front of him. Your fists in your lap, almost shy and Caleb knows that you didn't have time for such leisure activities and being outside and not being on the hustle is a sort of a warning in your overworked body and brain. No time to waste as you chase for pennies that counts.

Of course he knows your situation and how difficult it must be for you these days and you were on the brink of crumbling but Caleb keeps his composure. Hoping to ease you out of your shell and trust him.

He already ordered for you. Your favorite drink and the assortment of sweets that you may like, well he knows it. He just pretends that it was all coincidence and it's nice to be heard without asking. He noticed how you were a little hesitant in taking a bite or touching the food he had offered.

“Don't worry about it. I'm the one who asked to hangout. It's my treat.” He smoothly says and with a smile, the corner of his lips lifts higher as you nod. Finally accepting and taking a bite of your favorite food.

“So...” He began and a conversation finally started.

You were every bit what Caleb thought of you. A little shy, wary of how a stranger like him treats you this nice but slowly you were starting to open up. Once he gets you trusting him, you were opening up like a lotus flower being able to emerge from the mud after being submerged for so long and was slowly blooming. He hopes to take care of you.

He was glad that you were softening up to him and took your mind off temporarily for things that burdens you and he was close to making it permanent. He can't be rash at this time, everything will fall into the right pieces and time.

You take a sip of your drink and Caleb noticed that your wound has healed up nicely. “Does your wound still hurts?” He asks even it was obviously just a scar and doesn't affect you much. You glance at the wound in your hand and gently brushes it with the tip of your finger. “It doesn't hurt anymore. Thank you very much for that day Caleb. I won't forget it.” You answered, meeting his gaze and he feels giddy inside. It was the right thing to do and no way in hell he will left you alone to fend for yourself.

“That's nice to know. I hope the diner compensates you for the damage.” He lightheartedly says even he knows of your current situation. He can see how your smile falters and your eyes losing it's mirth. “Actually, I don't work there anymore.” You murmured, ashamed of revealing it to him.

Caleb softens at your words. “No one should be treated that way and it's better you're not there anymore if they can't treat you with respect.”

Respect doesn't pay the bills. He knows it. Seeing the sullen look in your face, it was the reason you have endured for so long just to survive by staying at that diner. You forgot how to live your life and waste your best years in that old diner.

“I guess so, it's been my life for years and helped me.” You shrugged it off like you were more grateful of being treated like nothing just to live. Caleb disliked that of seeing you so beat up with no plan of getting up.

“If you don't mind me asking, do you have any plans after working in that diner?” He doesn't take his eyes off you. Watching as your eyes cast downwards. The same hesitation etched in your face of whether it was good to share it to a stranger.

“I'm finding a new place. My current situation is not letting me pay my rent ” You whispered. He immediately perked up upon hearing the words from your mouth. Caleb just needs to play it cool.

“If you're still looking, I have a place. Mine. I'm not really home often.” He suggested. Brushing it as nothing but a convenience for you. He knows how inappropriate it is for him to offer it to you. He was a guy and you can be wary or frightful at what he was offering. The more good it was to hear, the worst was the consequences but Caleb has no intention of hurting you, it was only to help.

“Thank you but I really can't take that. I don't want to trouble you.” You look straight in his eyes and he can hear the sincerity in your voice.

“It's no trouble and my offer still stands if you can't find a place.” He calmly accepts your decision but makes sure to leave the option for you if you ever changed your mind.

You wistfully smiled at him before thanking him for his help. You both stayed at the café until it was time to say goodbye.

You thought it was the last time you were seeing him but Caleb hasn't planned that and weeks after the conversation, Caleb was helping you move out of your apartment to his.

“Uhm, Caleb? Are you really sure that it's okay for me to live here temporarily?” You asked. Anxiously looking around at the interior of his home. You didn't know it would be this big. It was thrice the size of your apartment and that still excludes the other room.

The brunette pilot hummed. Occupied at carrying your heavy luggage that you brought with you, not even breaking a sweat. “It's fine. I'm not home that often.” He responded, easily carrying another heavy box that he helped you back during the final days in your old apartment. “It's a waste that nobody lives here and it's only collecting dust.” He added.

When he moved the final box of your belongings, he smiled at you. “Come, let me take you to your room.”

You followed him slowly. Unease and embarrassed at having him help you at your lowest even if you have survived many times despite barely scraping by.

Your gaze sweeps in the interior of the room and despite having a spacious living room. It was devoid of any warmth, like abandoned. The slate gray walls feel too gloomy even with the warm amber light casting in the corners. Caleb was right it feels like nobody really lived here and you felt more guilty knowing he must have cleaned it before you can move in.

He takes you to a door and you presumed it was going to be your room which you are correct. “Here, this is going to be your room. Treat it as your own and I'll be leaving you alone while I go make dinner.” He said as he opened the door, stepping aside to let you in and let you see your room.

It was big. Compared to the slate gray walls in the living room, the room was the lightest shade of your favorite color and in the middle was a bed. Also the shade of your second favorite color and you would think that it was just coincidence because it was cause no way Caleb would know it.

Inside was your luggage and a few boxed items that you have in your old apartment. “Don't mind it for now. We'll unpack after you're rested.” Caleb chimes in, taking your silence in mind. He can see the solemn look in your face. Probably finding it too much for a stranger like yourself which he never considered because he knows you more than yourself.

“Caleb, it's too much for me to stay in.” You protested because it felt you were imposing too much but Caleb only shook his head. A smile on his face. “Don't worry about it, no one's occupying in this room and like I said treat it as yours. I'll leave you now. I'm gonna start dinner.” He assures you and leaves you alone to get more comfortable with the room.

The sound of his heavy boots slowly being muffled as he went to the other room which you think is the kitchen. You were left alone and you went inside. Your gaze looks around and sees a few pieces of furniture. A table in the corner with a desk light and drawers. A cost rack and a bookshelf. It was perfect for the books that you have collected over the years. It feels like it was intended but you brushed it off because it was normal for rooms this huge to have a bookshelf just to fill the space.

It was too much you think and you don't plan on putting your things and letting it stay on the boxes to prevent attachment and setting a reminder that it was only temporary. You're not planning to stay here for long.

The bed slowly dips with your added weight as you sit down. Remaining still for a few moments to let it sink that it was real and brushing the soft blanket with your palm. The softness reminds you of the days when you did a nap in the comfort of your bed in your childhood home. It is a distant memory now. It was back when you were carefree before the reality of adulting has crushed every dream that you have.

You felt so helpless. A burden to someone after swallowing your pride for once to ask for help. To need someone in the time of your needs. You didn't take it for granted and was already thinking how you can bounce back and think of ways on how to repay him and get a job soon to move out and start again. It was still far fetched for your current situation but you hope that you have the strength to stand on your own feet after this bump on your life.

Caleb has said he was making dinner and wanting to make yourself useful. You dragged yourself to the bathroom in the room to change your clothes. When you entered you noticed your toiletries already set up in the wall rack. You didn't remember if you had already unpacked or Caleb had done it but nonetheless you paid it no mind. Too tired and wanting to help Caleb, you take a quick shower and change into your comfortable home clothes.

Caleb works really well in the kitchen. You didn't have the strength to interrupt him as he made you sit while he puts the ingredients together for a meal he's cooking. Insisting that you were a guest and should relax. You hesitate but you know better than to hinder him. You take a mental note to wash the dishes later.

He looks at ease. Relaxed while he expertly tossed and stirred the ingredients in the pot. It feels like he's done it a million times and you recognize that look, it wasn't like he was preparing it for himself but for someone. Habitually putting extra care and preparation. You take a look at his hands moving, then to his arms and then to his face.

There's a small smile on his face like he was really enjoying what he was doing. You might have been staring at him for so long that he stopped for a moment. You didn't realize until his eyes narrowed to the side and he turned his head to look at you, his lips curled into a lopsided smile. “Hungry?” He asks and there's an amusement tinged in his voice. Realizing that it was directed to you, your face burned in embarrassment and quickly shook your head. He chuckles at your reaction before continuing what he was doing.

The table was filled with homemade meals truly made by Caleb. They're still piping hot and served along with freshly white rice. You sit there a little lost. It's been a long time since you've seen food this many times when you only survived on microwavable meals and bread. The concept of home cooked meals was foreign to you.

Caleb served you with a bowl of white and put a braised chicken wing. You took it shyly and thanked him. Caleb served himself too. “What's the matter? Not to your liking? I can whip something real quick.” He suggested and you furiously shook your head.

“No. Everything looks delicious.” You replied, staring at your bowl and the scent almost made your mouth water. You know it's going to be delicious.

Thanking him again for the food, you take a bite. Slowly savoring the warm food. You chew for a few seconds and then swallow, you take another bite again. Wow. It's delicious. You take another bite again. Again. Again. Again. Who knew food could be this good. A home cooked meal at the best. You think that nostalgia's dangerous because it has the capacity to pull you to the past that once forgotten and Caleb's food was a reminder and it's good. You don't want to live with your previous situation and be the child again at the dinner table with your loved ones.

Wow, it's so good. “I could almost cry.” Is the thought that crossed your mind and suddenly you feel something wet rolling down your cheeks. Weird. You're inside his house and no leaky roof to fix. It's not raining and you realized it was tears coming from your eyes. You were crying just from eating the food that you thought you could never taste again. A homemade meal.

Were you really that low and beaten up in life that the concept of a warm food is enough to bring you in tears? It's been so long. You forgot the taste of home. Of the comfort of food that brought. For once you remember what it's like to be at home. Everything was so heavy that you didn't realize how much of a toll it was taking in your soul.

More tears cascaded at your cheeks and you know how embarrassing it is to cry while Caleb sits across from you. Quietly eating his own food. He remains silent and never makes any comment as he puts more food in your bowl. You take every bite. Grateful for every ingredient that was mixed to create this delicious food.. You eat what you like, like it was the last meal you were ever going to taste. Clumsily wiping the tears that were rolling down your cheek with the heel of your hand and coming back to eat again.

Caleb smiles a little. Looking at you while you enjoy his food but he can't help but to feel the ugly feeling in his heart seeing you suffer so much that food would bring you to tears. For months he watched you live at a fast pace. Sleep. Eat. Work. Worry. Back at the endless cycle that you can't bring yourself to spare a complete meal because you were thinking about tomorrow.

He lets you cry while you eat. Happier that you were eating a full meal and it was the start. He swears that you're never going to eat those packets of cold food and there will always be a warm food waiting for you.

Caleb never commented after the meal which you were kind of glad about but it doesn't stop you from thinking that he may have thought that you were an emotional weirdo crying about his food. The pilot remained silent while you helped him stack the dishes to be washed.

“Can I wash the plates? It's the least I can do.” You offered, already walking towards the sink. “You had a long day. I can do it and you need to rest.”

You were about to retaliate and Caleb interrupts you. “No buts.” He grinned. Ruffling your hair and basically pushing you out of the kitchen. Defeated, you bid him good night and thanked him for the food.

“Good night.” He says back to you. Already rolling his sleeves and turning the faucet on to wash the dishes and pans that he used.

Going back to the room that Caleb has lent you, you slowly laid down in the bed. Staring at the unfamiliar ceiling and thinking is this what your future should be and go back doing your odd jobs. You were thankful for Caleb appearing in your life. You didn't deserve his kindness and someday you're going to repay it. You thought of many things too. Calculating the acceptable duration of your stay and being able to save for a new apartment. You keep thinking and thinking. Your eyes slowly droop and your breathing getting shallow.

Today was nice, before sleep takes you, you think of what you are for dinner... Caleb... And then you were out. Engulfed in the softness of the bed with your last thoughts on the stranger that frequents the diner where you worked at.

The silence is deafening.

The room felt too big and the sea of the clouds floating outside the window of Caleb's apartment is vast. For the first weeks you weren't alone and Caleb has been taking care of the chores and not letting you work. Insisting that you should rest and let yourself relax but how could you, you were the one living for free in his home and you should be able to help him with the chores but Caleb remains firm that he's not letting you work and so you did. Not wanting to annoy or irritate. Well, with your interactions with him lately, he's yet to show that other emotions.

You were starting to understand why Caleb didn't stay much in his apartment. Living alone in this big apartment feels empty. You were starting to miss Caleb. He already told you that his work was demanding and said he would come home when he can.

You didn't really know much about his job but the DAA jacket he wore was enough for you to tell that he was a fighter pilot. Besides that, a thought crosses your mind, it is what you only knew of Caleb. He really didn't talk much about his life and you didn't ask about it but you remember he mentioned that he had a grandmother and an adopted little sister.

There's still much you didn't know about him and you feel stupid of having to depend on a total stranger for the meantime while you were struggling. You were better than this but the exhaustion of having to wake up every morning, you didn't know if you can get up or drop dead in the sidewalk to be forgotten. Another soul lost in the system.

A sudden cramp in your lower stomach suddenly shoots. You wince, holding the area and think that it must be that time of the month again. That explains why you were so melancholic lately, you have always been but when your period gets nearer, it gets worst.

Without needing to explore the apartment more, you went to your room to rest.

When you wake up, thunder flashes across the sky followed by lightning being illuminated inside you room. The rain drops lashed against the window before flowing like rivulets. You sleepily rubbed your eyes before looking at the clock. It reads 5 in the evening.

You put your blanket aside as you walked towards the kitchen to drink water and a familiar figure was already there.

“Slept well?” He asks, putting the groceries he bought in their designated storage while a pot of water is boiling above the stove.

“Caleb, you're home. I thought you're not coming back until the next day.” You commented, you were kind of happy to see him again. You were quite lonely by yourself.

“We finished early and I bought groceries. I also pick something up.” Aside from the bunch of paper bags there was the familiar logo coming from your favorite bakery along with a cup of your favorite milk tea.

You froze momentarily as you reach for the paper bag. You were getting comfortable. You stopped asking for permission and you didn't worry about being seen as too much or doing something that might annoy him.

Two weeks.

Two weeks have passed since you moved in and you were already like someone who lived here comfortably. You hesitate for a moment. Caleb must have noticed as he pushed the paper bag containing what may be a pastry and the cup of your favorite milk tea.

“I bought it for you. It's yours.” He reminds you.

Cinnamon buns. It was your favorite and in that specific bakery only. You look at the swirls in your cinnamon bun and to Caleb who was busily preparing for tonight's dinner, you stare at the kitchen counter where the ingredients for your favorite food are prepared, all washed and diced to be cooked and then to the cup of milk tea you hold.

You convinced yourself it was coincidence but it's too specific and you didn't remember telling Caleb about it but it was rude of you to think about him like he did something wrong. Maybe it was just fate. Right time, right place. You brushed it off, too exhausted to think of anything else or trying to connect the dots. It was just a coincidence you tell yourself again.

You look at Caleb again, all with his easy smiles that you don't know if it was really sincere to get you to trust him.

Eventually, months passed. You settled into a routine and have got to the point that you didn't feel that you no longer belong much to Caleb's delight.

In the days where he was away, you took care of the apartment. You cleaned, arranged the books on the shelves and you started cooking and you were happy, contented even though the thought of being back outside makes you uncomfortable.

The boxes of your belongings have been cleared as you unpacked and put them in their designated places. Your room felt like yours after a long time of hesitating that you won't be staying for long but Caleb insisted. Saying that your room should be up to your liking, he even helped you arrange your belongings.

Everything feels normal but nothing stays hidden for so long.

A manual handbook of the newest model airplane kit was completely ignored as you and Caleb both pored over the different parts, exchanging tiny pieces of what should be the part of the aircraft model.

Brainstorming of what parts goes where and somehow you find the activity soothing. You recently learned that Caleb likes to assemble pieces of aircraft models.

“You missed your old neighborhood?” He asks first, breaking the silence. Glancing at you briefly to study your reaction.

You did. That was the place where you lived since the first time you left home and it witnessed all your struggles and even though there were bumps in your life, there were also the times that you were genuinely happy.

You will remember the cold air in your late night walks and didn't forget to look in the night sky and see the stars twinkling in the darkness. The lamp post sometimes flickers while moths fly around the light.

“Sometimes, it was like home to me.” You replied, casually passing him a part and Caleb took it before placing it.

He smiles, mirth reaching his eyes. The DAA pilot looks at you and he tilts his head to the side. His eyes narrowed to the unfinished model before looking at you. “How about here? Does it feel like home?” He casually asks and you pause for a moment.

“I would be lying if I said no...” You blinked for a few moments before a melancholic smile appeared on your face. “I almost forgot what home felt like. Here I get to be me without worrying.”

You let out a soft laugh, fidgeting another piece that you have taken. “I probably sound like I'm taking advantage of you.”

Caleb shook his head. “You should and I'm the one who insisted on letting you stay here.” He says softly, glad that you were starting to be comfortable.

“I also miss the neighborhood cat too.” You mentioned, missing the tabby cat that sleeps near the post and purrs whenever you pet them.

Caleb hums, “I'm sure Patches misses you too.”

Huh? Did you misheard him? How did he know and you never mentioned any cats or possible names until now. You fell into silence. Suddenly the room feels small and your posture slowly deflates.

A quiet realization dawns on you. That's why. All the pieces have fallen into the right places. You felt betrayed. Played even but the fault lies on you, you were easier to manipulate. Desperation has clung to you and you took the nearest helping hand that offered you.

Outside, thunder rumbles and a flash of lightning burst and for a brief moment it illuminates Caleb's face and you see the other Caleb. It's not that different Caleb was Caleb no matter who he is. The same caring person or does he keep that facade to keep you. You wonder who's the real him. Or you were yet to see it when he got tired of playing nice to you.

In the corner of your eyes, you see the harmless trinkets from his childhood. You dare to turn your head and stare at it. He would notice it when he reviews the footage late in the night or was it reserved when he's away and you're the entertainment he keeps under surveillance like a house pet that's left alone.

Caleb remains silent or he was testing the waters but he didn't come out and reveal anything. He seems to be calm about it even if you did find out and you know how reasonable he will be if you ever did confront him.

You should. A part of you, reasons. This is not normal and from what Caleb had said, it was obvious he's been watching you for so long and that visits in the diner and that one rainy day in the bus stop, it's too much. You couldn't reason anymore or let it slip an excuse that it was a coincidence because it's too much to be.

He took advantage of your vulnerability. You want to say that you know. You want to ask why he did that but the other part of you argues that it is wrong but your life has been much easier since you started living under his roof. You didn't worry of bills or think of whether you will still have a roof to shelter over your head and you don't have to eat the same cold food that you put in your same beat up microwave just to make ends meet.

This such a life of the people who disappears quietly in the background waiting for someone to help them and Caleb was the one to pull you out.

A city mouse caught in the mouth of a cat but even that, you lived comfortably despite being caught in a cage. It's up to him to either sink his teeth until you bleed or let you go. He only got you by the nape and hasn't done anything harmful to you.

You look at him oblivious or pretending to be, still occupied with assembling that airplane craft. Caleb was kind to you. The first ever to see your struggles and you hate to think of him that way.

Your eyes are warm and the familiar sting of the tears burning in the corner of your eyelids appears. You want to tell him the truth but it scares you, will he just lock you up or kick you out after he gets bored of you? The answers were indefinite but the thought of leaving scares you more. You want to keep your tears at bay.

“Caleb...” Your voice trembles and he looks at you with concern on his face. He immediately went and kneels in front of you. Holding your cheeks in his hands. “What's wrong?” He asks you, you see the panic briefly crossing his face.

I know what you did. You thought of it and was about to say it. The tears start rolling down your chin and plops in the floor.

“I...” You stammer, wanting the words to get out. To hear what the reason he can tell you and to know what his real intentions are. You were about to say it.

“I don't want to leave you.”

A whimper escapes your lips as you slowly sob. Tiny hiccups coming from your mouth as you look at him through blurry eyes. This outweighs your decision to stay rather than know the truth and have your old life back again. It was the finality. Guess the city mouse would rather live a dangerous life with the comfort of a good life.

You can see how rounded Caleb's eyes turned back into the look of reassurance at your words. He wiped the tears on your round cheeks. He softly murmurs the words you desperately wanted to hear.

“You can stay here as long as you like. I can give you a good life.” Is what he says and he kisses your forehead. “You got me worried, I don't want to leave you too. I'll make you stay.” He added, letting you cry on his chest.

You didn't think much of anything. Only him and this life that he can give you. The city mouse would stay in her cage and live a happy life. Away from the people outside that would trample and leave her to die and be forgotten.

Aaah... So, you children truly are worthless cowards.

Based upon recent events within the Love and Deepspace fandom, you all must know that I speak ill of the Anti-Valko cult, the Cow Dung Girls or as I call them the Cow Shit Slingers, the animal abusers, the ignition for InFold and PaperGames' collapse.

If the only way they can harass you (Tumblr artists and authors) is to contact you via strawpage or Anon requests here on Tumblr and sending animal abuse videos, I can only imagine they will become the next generation of Shanghai Tech University's cat killers.

I needed to fire the shot. This is the image these children, and the adults who encourage them, are projecting. It starts with their demented minds when they are young, and will carry on into their adult years without proper care.

If they're sending cow dung to offices and animal abuse photos to fanfic authors now, they'll only get WORSE.

I only use this as an example because the university is on their home turf. In 2023, "cat in blender" and "cat in microwave" videos started appearing among students at said university; cases of students selling and buying cats/kittens came into light. And what were they doing to those animals? Torturing them to death—poison, acid, strangulation, electrocution. Full story covered by RottenMangoPod on YouTube. Link has been provided. ⚠️Mango speaks very graphically. View at your own discretion.

I reiterate. What can you do now, my pretty, to counter the Anti's? Stand Proud. Ten toes down. Head held up. There are a lot of monsters in the world. It's not just about Valko anymore.