can i be goofy with you

Fixed Ep04 ending because I can

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Sitting down at the table, I remembered the scars on my arm. The universal signifier of "This Kid Needs Help." Maybe his kindness was only out of pity. He saw those and assumed there was some great misery and wanted to offer me some relief. It's generally good to be kind to people who are hurting. But I wasn't hurting that bad.

The thing is, there is some great misery. People generally aren't doing that great. There is a great misery within me and within him and within everyone, and some people notice the pain, some people express it, others don't. But we all suffer from something.

It doesn't matter if someone seems to deserve some relief. Everyone needs it. Everyone is suffering constantly. Some more than others, but still. This Kid Needs Help applies to everyone.

Thirty minutes later, I went to get a second pastry, intending to pay and leave a tip this time. It was the same cashier. As he reached to grab it for me, I saw scars on his arm.

After having their Moment™️ together in the hotel gym, Shane immediately starts thinking about how he's overdue to break up with his girlfriend

Shane King of Denial Hollander is specifically attracted to how manly 19 year-old Ilya is - but he's definitely into women

Ilya finds English difficult, especially at the start, so he is constantly bitter about Shane being perfectly, fluently bilingual

The first time they hook up in a hotel room, Shane is so paranoid about being caught that he makes Ilya check the hallway is empty before Shane will leave

For many years, the two of them really, genuinely get under each other's skin and piss each other off just by existing and being good at hockey

Shane feels really bad about the messes they keep making in hotel rooms, and he always leaves a huge tip for the maids 

Bears told Ilya to quit smoking, so now he tastes like nicotine gum instead of cigarettes

Shane Mr. Real Estate Landlord Businessman bought an entire 3-unit building as an "investment" so he could lie to himself about wanting to have a comfortably empty building to meet Ilya in without fear of getting caught

Ilya fully realizes that that's what Shane has done, and he feels touched that Shane bought a building for them

The first time Ilya fucks him, Shane King of Denial Hollander thinks, "OH! So this is why everyone's always raving about sex being so good!" - but he's definitely into women

Ilya 100% intended to sleep with that woman at the club, but she turned him down because she's there with her boyfriend who likes to watch her make out with other guys on the dance floor

When Shane King of Denial Hollander sleeps with women, he prefers blowjobs, because it's easier to get off when he can shut his eyes, though he really doesn't enjoy reciprocating - but he's definitely into women 

The first time Ilya mentions marriage, he suggests that *both* of them find understanding women to settle down with, because then Shane will be able to have a family like he wants

Shane's sexual history eventually includes two other men, and he admits that those encounters weren't as good because they weren't Ilya

Ilya is slightly obsessed with getting to see Shane's home, particularly his bedroom; when they're at the cabin, he feels like he's finally gotten his wish

When Shane suggests "let's be honest with each other this week", Ilya's first thought is about saying "I love you"

When Ilya says his mom died by "accident", he's parroting the line that his father insisted on when she died 

Part of the appeal of Ilya playing for a Canadian team is that, unlike America, Canada offers convenient paths to citizenship that don't involve marriage

Dr. Alan Hart helped pioneer the use of chest X-rays to diagnose tuberculosis. Hart was married to a woman and practicing medicine in San Francisco in 1918 when he was outed as a trans man by a former colleague. Dr. Hart was chased out of town on the back of headlines like “Girl Poses as Male Doctor in Hospital" (he was not posing, of course) and spent much of his life moving from town to town to escape various forms of transphobia. Hart was also a novelist, and wrote of one of his characters, "When it came to outrunning gossip he found he couldn't do it," which was Hart's experience as well—he moved seven times in nine years all around the U.S. in search of safety, but it always proved fleeting. He did manage to get a graduate degree in radiology, though, and helped show how chest X-rays could show very early signs of tuberculosis, thus allowing patients the opportunity to rest and get adequate nutrition sooner, which contributed to better outcomes. Chest X-rays continue to be an essential diagnostic tool; mobile chest X-ray machines that can be carried via backpack now serve rural communities, so Hart's popularization of this diagnostic method continues to save lives.