One Feral Raccoon

i always forget "fuck" is a bad word. it's like a brother to me

still fuckin hate that “bee-free honey” that’s made from……… apples. bitch who you think sexed up those apples

A farmer, by hand and with love and care

wild bees still sexin em up when he’s not looking

old mccuckhold had a farm it seems

I’m like if someone smart chose to be an idiot. Out of free will

talking to people while holding a beverage is awesome because you don't have to know what to do with your hands and when you don't know what to do with your face you can just take a sip

human brain is so easy to manipulate its stupid. sun is out longer in evening = life is worth living...read some negative social media posts = everybody hates me...read one interesting article = i have the scholar's ambition

april will be a good month [staring into the sink mirror eyebags prominent the most upset person youve ever seen]

meowth team rocket will go episodes forgetting he himself is a pokemon and his main hobby will be breaking the law, attempting to ruin a childs life, and generally being an asshole and thats cool but then hell curl up on a table to go to sleep and im like OHHH... HES A KITTY.. hes just a little cat. a little kitty cat meow meow meow. mrow

biblical angels but their true form looks like the patterns in 90s arcade carpets

That’s just microbiology innit?

Obsessed with this answer.

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

not again

We will not be girlrotting in April. We will be girlblooming girlburgeoning girlflourishing

”I will be withering away in bed” no. You will be out there under the spring sun. With the grass between your toes

Show up at work like hi boss sorry I'm late my I was helping my mother track down one specific 90s dungeon crawler for the purposes of obtaining a muffin recipe the developer hid in the files

I'M MAKING THE MUFFINS

Taste review: Make the video game muffins oh my GOD.