âI just⌠donât know how to fix this,â Sirius whispers, shoving his food around his plate lifelessly. When he looks up, James is chewing his lip uncomfortably, looking about as uncertain as Sirius feels.Â
âHe didnât say anything at all?â James asks. Again.Â
âNot a word.â Sirius shakes his head again, running an anxious hand through his hair. âI donât know what to say to him.âÂ
âTo who?â Lily seems to appear out of nowhere. Sirius jumps at her arrival, forcing himself to relax as she slides into the seat opposite him and looks around at the three marauders. âTo Remus?â Peter nods once, drawing a frown out of Lily. âWhatâs going on? Is everything okay?âÂ
âHeâŚâ Sirius trails off, trying to figure out just how much he can tell her. âHe got hurt. Hasnât said a word to any of us since.âÂ
Lilyâs eyes widen as she leans in a little closer and drops her voice.Â
âNothing?â Sirius shakes his head, pressing his lips into a thin line and trying to ignore the anxiety gnawing at his stomach. âWell⌠how hurt? What happened?âÂ
Siriusâ brow furrows as he recalls the night before.Â
The full moon was bad. The marauders may as well have been invisible, with the wolf hell bent on tearing itself apart. They had, thankfully, managed to keep the worst of it at bay. It has been tiring, and hurt like hell, but at least they had managed to stop Remus from bleeding out overnight. What they couldnât do, however, was protect Remus from everything. The wolf is frustratingly strong, having successfully fought the marauders off more than once. The night had left Remus with a few new scars. The odd one on his arms, his shoulder, andâŚÂ
One gash had found its place right in the middle of Remusâ face, cutting across his nose from one cheekbone to the other. Sirius had sat with Remus when he saw it, watched him shut down. Something like light had vanished from Remusâ eyes as his face went blank. Any emotion was pulled straight from his face as soon as his eyes settled on the injury.Â
Madame Pomfrey had promptly kicked Sirius out, as he waited with the other marauders for Remus to re-emerge.Â
When he finally got out, he walked straight past his friends. With a concerned frown, Sirius had followed him to the dorms, gently trying to get Remus to open up to him.Â
That is, until Remus closed and locked the door behind him with barely a glance in Siriusâ direction. It stopped Sirius in his tracks, as clear a sign as any.Â
Remus wants to be left alone.Â
Begrudgingly, hesitantly, Sirius had turned and left him alone.Â
âHeâll be okay,â Sirius opts for. âPhysically. Itâs his head Iâm worried about.âÂ
James and Peter nod, uncertain. As Sirius looks between them, heâs sure that they share the urge to skip class and check in on Remus.Â
Still, thatâs not a part of the deal. Too suspicious, apparently.Â
With a sigh, Sirius pushes down his uncomfortably nauseous feeling and starts to eat.Â
âGuess we just have to wait it out, yeah?â He says eventually. âNot sure what other options we have.âÂ
The others nod, as Sirius tries to force himself to take his own advice. He canât make Remus open the door. He canât make him do anything.Â
Reminding himself of that does nothing to ease the pit in his stomach.Â
This is going to be a long day.Â
Charms is, quite literally, hell on earth. Flitwick doesnât give the marauders any grace, completely ignoring the fact that theyâre all practically falling asleep at their desks. Sirius has to fumble through a startlingly difficult lesson with no energy and his mind solely on Remus. The hour seemingly stretches, lasting years.Â
Still, he makes it through charms without too many issues and, thankfully, McGonnagal lets him zone out throughout most of transfiguration.Â
By the time heâs walking out of the transfiguration classroom, heâs actually starting to think that heâll be able to push through until lunch.Â
That is, until he gets to divination.Â
In all honesty, heâs been expecting divination to be a breeze. Itâs hardly a real lesson anyway.Â
The moment he walks through the door, he knows that heâs wrong.Â
The room is stifling, hot, cramped and loud. As soon as he gets in there, spots his small, uncomfortable chair, every inch of his body starts to protest. Itâs like he canât even bring himself to sit down.Â
âPadfoot? You okay?â James asks gently.Â
âIâve got to go,â Sirius says suddenly, dumbfounded. He looks over at James, expecting him to protest. Instead, he just reaches out and squeezes Siriusâ shoulder.Â
âIâll cover you. Go.âÂ
Sirius shoots James a grateful smile, relief crashing down on him, before he turns as bolts from the classroom.Â
His first instinct is to make a beeline for the dorms, but he forces himself to stop and think for a moment. What would he be going in with? No plan, feeling completely lost.Â
He needs to go in with something.Â
With a sigh, he turns and starts to walk towards the hospital wing. If anybody will have answers for him, itâll be Madame Pomfrey. As much as he doesnât want to freak her out, heâs a little too worried to bear that in mind right now.Â
When he gets into the hospital wing, Poppy Pomfrey is nowhere to be seen.Â
He looks around, confused. Just as heâs about to give up, to resign himself to improvising, the office door opens and Madame Pomfrey emerges.Â
âOh, Mr Black.â She looks at him, a little surprised. âArenât you supposed to be in class?âÂ
âYeah, sorry. ErâŚâ Sirius looks down at his feet uncomfortably. âI just⌠needed to ask you something. About Remus.âÂ
âAh.â She nods, face softening. âHow is he?âÂ
âWellâŚâ Sirius bites his lip uncomfortably. âI havenât really seen him. Heâs been in the dorms all day.âÂ
For a moment, Madame Pomfrey just looks at him, a little stunned. Sirius is half-expecting her to chastise him for leaving Remus alone. Instead, she shoots him a reassuring smile, before turning and heading back to her office. She pulls the door open, before turning back to him.
âCome in.âÂ
She sits there with a kind, comforting expression as Sirius expresses every concern that has been sitting in his stomach from the moment everything had started to go wrong. She doesnât interject, or judge him. She doesnât even seem bothered by how long he goes on for. When he runs out of steam, he looks up at Madame Pomfrey uncomfortably.Â
âSorry,â he says quietly.Â
Poppy just waves him off politely.Â
âDonât worry,â she says with a smile. âItâs comforting to know that Remus has such a supportive group of people around him.â Sirius smiles back at her, fidgeting with his fingers. âIn all honesty, SiriusâŚâ she trails off, choosing her words carefully. âWaiting for him to speak to you may be the only thing you can do. Just telling him that youâre there for him, and that heâs not alone.âÂ
âOh.â Sirius tries not to frown. Sheâs probably right, but⌠well, thatâs pretty much the last thing he wanted to hear. âRight. Okay. I guess Iâll go do that.âÂ
Although he hasnât gotten any new advice, he feels a little more confident going in now.Â
He pushes away from the desk, ready to leave.Â
âThanks, Madame Pomfrey.âÂ
âAny time, Sirius.â He turns to the door. âCould I ask you for a favour?â Sirius nods. âI gave Remus some care instructions, to ensure the scar finishes healing quickly. Would you be able to look over it? See if heâs in any pain?âÂ
âIf itâs still causing him any trouble, let me know.âÂ
âThank you, Sirius.âÂ
He nods once, before turning and leaving.Â
Finally, finally, finally, he heads to the dorms.Â
Heâs never felt this antsy in his life, practically sprinting towards the Gryffindor Common Room. He ignores the confused glances thrown his way by the people around him, shoving through the portrait and up to their dorm.Â
When he pushes the door, the lock protests.Â
He takes a careful breath, before pulling his wand out.Â
Hopefully Remus isnât going to be too frustrated about this.Â
âAlohamora.â The lock clicks open, as Sirius pushes the door open carefully and looks around. The dorm looks empty. The curtains are drawn, darkness shrouding the room.Â
The only sign that Remus is even there is his closed off bed.Â
âHey, Moony?â Sirius calls out softly.Â
He walks over to Remusâ bed, spotting a sealed bottle of murtlap essence on his bedside table.Â
âIâm coming in, alright?â He pulls the curtain side, before slowly settling beside Remusâ sleeping figure. For a moment, he just watches him, still unable to shake his concern. He reaches out and rests his hand on Remusâ shoulder, feeling Remus tense underneath his touch.Â
âMoons. Hi.â His earlier confidence has vanished, suddenly unsure. âI, er⌠I just wanted to check on you.â Remus takes a breath, relaxing slightly under Siriusâ hand.Â
âMadame Pomfrey wanted to know if youâre in any pain. If everythingâs healing up right.âÂ
âCould I, er⌠check?â He squeezes Remusâ shoulder. âWe donât have to talk about it. Promise.âÂ
For a moment, Sirius is certain that Remus isnât going to do it. Then, he turns and sits up. Sirius shoots him a reassuring smile, trying to pretend that relief isnât crashing over him. He lights the tip of his wand and, for a moment, just looks at him. He looks⌠empty. Heâs still shut down, not quite looking at Sirius, eyes heavy. When he looks at the scar, he has to fight to keep his expression neutral. Not because it looks bad, or out of place, or anything.Â
Itâs a lot more inflamed than it had been that morning, and Sirius knows exactly why.Â
Without saying a word, he reaches out and grabs the bottle of murtlap essence on Remusâ bedside table. After using his wand to open just enough of the curtain, shedding light over the two of them, he sets his wand aside and starts working on Remusâ face. He applies the murtlap essence gently, but he doesnât miss the slight stutter in Remusâ breath whenever he hits a particularly painful point.Â
Once heâs finished, he sets the murtlap essence back on Remusâ bedside table. Then, he looks at Remus for a moment, offering him a smile.Â
âThere.â He leans in and presses a gentle kiss to Remusâ nose, just underneath the scar. âBeautiful.âÂ
The word seems to break through something in Remusâ head. He looks up, meeting Siriusâ eye, and all of the emotion floods back into his face. Sirius watches the tears well in his eyes, and pulls him into a hug without hesitating. As soon as Siriusâ arms are around Remus, he crumbles. His breath escapes in gasping sobs, clinging to Sirius as though Sirius is the only real thing in the world. Sirius just sits and holds him through it; grip tight, heart breaking for him.Â
Sirius rakes a hand through Remus' hair gently, whispering soothingly as he lets Remus cry it all out.
He knows this isn't about Remus' face. It's about the visibility. It's about never being able to hide again.
Sirius doesn't move. He still doesn't know how to fix this.
All he knows is that he's staying right here.