#potter!reader

Pressed against the stone wall behind the library, hidden in the shadows, you felt his fingers tangle in your hair as his lips moved hungrily against yours. Your heart pounded like it always did when he touched you—half from the thrill, half from the guilt.

You broke the one rule your parents gave you. And you broke it over and over again.

You didn’t mean to fall for Draco Malfoy. You really didn’t. He was cold and smug, always armed with some sharp-tongued remark. But there was something about him that you couldn’t shake—something that got under your skin.

Maybe it was the way he looked at you when he thought no one was watching. Or the way he softened, just slightly, when you were alone. Maybe it was the fact that he saw you when so few people did.

Whatever it was, you fell. Hard.

The worst part? You didn’t regret it.

Your relationship wasn’t born from passion—it was born from quiet. From shared detentions, lingering glances, sarcastic bickering that slowly melted into warmth.

It started in fifth year, during a late-night prefect patrol, when you caught Draco staring up at the stars through one of the Astronomy Tower windows.

“I thought you didn’t care about anything that wasn’t gold or pureblood,” you had teased.

“I don’t,” he’d replied, smirking. Then, after a pause:

“Except maybe this.”

He never said what “this” meant. But he didn’t have to.

You kept it hidden. For nearly a year, you and Draco became masters of secrecy. Carefully choreographed exits, notes passed in books, fleeting touches under desks. No one suspected a thing. Not your friends. Not Harry. Not your parents.

Until the day the secret fell apart.

It started with a storm.

You and Draco had snuck off to the boathouse, hoping to escape the castle for an hour. The rain came fast, wind howling against the windows. You lit your wand and wrapped yourselves in a conjured blanket, curled together on the old wooden bench. He kissed you, slow and soft, the way he always did when he was trying not to say something out loud.

And then—click.

You both froze.

In the doorway stood Colin Creevey, camera in hand, eyes wide.

“Colin,” you said, your voice weak. “You can’t—please don’t—”

But he was already running. Already shouting your name and Draco’s down the corridor.

By the time you returned to the castle, the damage was done.

You walked into the Great Hall for dinner and the noise immediately dipped into silence. Dozens of heads turned. Murmurs passed like wildfire through the room.

“Potter’s daughter and Malfoy?”

“James Potter’s going to kill him.”

“Bloody hell, are they serious?”

You held Draco’s hand anyway.

Even though Ron gawked at you like you’d lost your mind. Even though Hermione looked at you like she was calculating seventeen different ways your life was about to fall apart.

Even Harry, sitting at the far end of the Gryffindor table, stood up and walked out the moment you sat down.

He didn't talk to you for a month.

You were dreading the Easter holidays.

The moment you stepped off the train at King’s Cross, the pit in your stomach grew heavier. Your parents were waiting by the barrier, smiling—until they saw you walking hand-in-hand with Draco Malfoy.

James’s smile vanished.

Lily blinked like she was sure she was seeing things.

“Draco,” you said carefully, “maybe I’ll see you later—”

But James was already storming forward.

“Is this a joke?” he snapped. “Please tell me this is some Slytherin dare.”

“Dad—”

“No, no, no, don’t Dad me—you promised. You promised us!”

“I didn’t plan this—”

“Damn right you didn’t!” James shouted, voice cracking. “He’s a Malfoy! Do you have any idea what that family stands for?”

Draco, to his credit, didn’t say a word. He just nodded once at James, then looked at you with something unreadable in his eyes.

“I’ll see you later,” he murmured, and disappeared into the crowd.

Back home, the air was thick with silence.

Lily sat across from you at the kitchen table, her hands wrapped around a cooling cup of tea. James paced by the fireplace like a storm cloud.

“I knew you’d rebel eventually,” James muttered. “But I didn’t think you’d break our one rule.”

“I’m not rebelling,” you said. “I’m in love with him.”

The room froze.

Lily’s eyes softened. “Sweetheart…”

“He’s not Lucius,” you said, voice shaking. “He’s not cruel. He’s not obsessed with bloodlines. He’s nothing like the stories you told us.”

“And what if you’re wrong?” James asked, quieter now. “What if he hurts you?”

“Then he hurts me,” you said. “But at least it’s my choice.”

That night, you lay in your old bed, staring up at the enchanted ceiling James had painted for you when you were little—charmed to mirror the sky above Godric’s Hollow. Stars blinked back at you as your heart twisted with everything left unsaid.

You reached under your bed and pulled out the small, rectangular piece of enchanted slate. A matching one sat in Draco’s room at the Manor. You’d created them together last year in secret—a charmed chalkboard where whatever you wrote appeared on the other’s board in real time. Just one more way to stay close without being caught.

You held the chalk in your hand for a long moment, unsure what to say. But then, your fingers moved instinctively.

Are you still there?

A few seconds passed.

Then, slowly, a response appeared, the words etching themselves across the slate in Draco’s neat, angular handwriting:

I’m still here. If you still want me.

Your breath caught.

You smiled softly, heart aching with everything you felt and everything you chose.

You pressed the chalk to the board again.

Always.

You were told to never go near a Malfoy. But you did.

And now?

You’re not going back.

⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰

In time, you looked up to find a pair of brown eyes staring at you with both curiosity and pity, you frowned, desperately wishing your brother’s friends would stop pestering you. Their mere presence was a bitter reminder of your brother's abandonment, the pain you suffered seeing them fill your place, share laughter together like you both did many years ago. You looked away, luckily for you, Remus got the signal and made to move past the compartment; but to Remus’ ill luck, James followed his gaze and opened the door.

“Mum said Dad won’t be able to come, but will be waiting for us at the Manor.” He murmured, his eyes pointedly trying to not stare too hard at the bandages peeking through your jumper. You nodded. “She will meet us at the station.”

“Okay,” You said, not moving to take your headphones off, nor to look at him to meet his gaze. You feared you would cry if you looked at him, a reminder of the despair in his eyes when they brought you into the infirmary. “I knew that, you know we still write to each other, right?”

James nodded quickly, swallowing hard at your voice devoid of emotion. “Yeah, just… Just wanted to make sure,” He paused, quickly stepping in to fully enter and close the door behind him. You finally turned your head to him with surprise. “You alright?”

You scoffed, finally taking your headphones off your ears, “What do you think, James?” This time, he has no qualms about studying you completely, eyes skimming over your poor posture as a result of the accident. You couldn’t help rolling your eyes, your blood boiled as you spat. “Yes, I’m fine. Will that be all, or…?”

James closed his mouth and schooled his face, something desperately needing to be said. You bit your lip, your insides filling with regret but having no intention of backing away from the incoming disagreement. Something in you stirred with hope, hope that he would finally give you your place and sit with you. However, the bespectacled boy simply nodded and left the compartment. 

You let out a breath, disbelief and disappointment in your heart as you placed the headphones back in your head. A tear slowly rolled down your cheek and you quickly cleaned it, your shaky hand almost poking your eye as you desperately tried to swallow the possible panic attack you felt looming over you. The countless letters addressed to you from your mother heavy on your satchel, most of them asking you to fix your relationship with James, the other begging you to take care of yourself, you weren’t sure which ones hurt the most. 

The moment the word Sectumsempra left Snape’s mouth, a curse filled with magic so dark not even the boy could understand it, you almost felt bad for the relief you felt in your chest at the pain that took over your body. That morning still felt like a far away memory, a dream that shook you up so much you still recalled after you woke up; McGonagall’s surprised gasp and the students that were unfortunate enough to witness the moment your fellow housemate almost made you cut into pieces. You were brought up in a rush to the infirmary where your brother and his friends recovered from a rather violent full moon, James had almost passed out at the pure rage he felt when he was informed of the situation. You weren’t proud to admit that your brother being angry on your behalf was a nice memory to die with, a redemption that came almost too late. 

You weren’t even prouder to admit to the sinking feeling in your chest when you woke up to find nothing had changed, the only remains that someone still cared about you in the form of Madam Pomfrey’s gentle touches. James hadn’t stayed back to check on you, and you couldn’t blame him. To that day, you couldn’t fully stare at your reflection in the mirror without your eyes filling with tears, had it not been for Pandora, promoted to friend as of lately, you wouldn’t have been able to even put the healing potions in your scars. 

Just in time, three knocks came at the door, you turned, ready to yell at your brother or his friends to fuck off, but Pandora’s gentle smile made you pause. She pointed at the seat across from you, cold and empty, and you nodded dumbly. She stepped in, arms filled with sweets from the trolley and smiled at you as she made herself comfortable in the seat. 

“Hi, how are you feeling?”

Why is everyone asking me that?, you thought bitterly. Immediately feeling regretful when Pandora presented you with a Chocolate Frog. 

“I’m okay,” you murmured, shyly taking the sweet from her hand. She had a different color in each of her nails, you noted. “Thank you.”

Her platinum white locks fell to her shoulder as she sat back, her own Chocolate Frog in her hand. She smiled at you and picked her book, and you wanted to cry tears of happiness. Comfortable silences were Pandora’s main form of love language, you quickly learned, and you were eternally grateful for the company. You weren’t sure if you had it in you to put up with your self hatred for another moment, let alone the rest of the train ride.

You looked up from your cassette case, eyes lingering a beat too long on the compartment door. 

“He’s two compartments over,” She said breezily, noticing the hesitance in your movements. “I passed them on my way here, he seems gutted.”

“Oh, please,” You made a scoffing sound, your shaky hand struggling to take a new cassette off its box. “He just feels bad for me, but he’s going to do absolutely nothing about it.” You poked your cheek with your tongue, satisfied when you finally got the cassette out. 

“Have you thought that maybe,” Pandora started to say, fully closing her book now that she had your undivided attention, “maybe… he thinks it’s too late? You have been a bit too cold to him…”

“It’s the least he deserves,” You spat, then cleared your throat. If Pandora felt offended at your anger, she didn’t show, she never did. You looked back to the window, feeling the train had noticeably slowed down. “I just… I’m so tired of waiting for him, I don’t… I don’t know how to feel, I so badly wanted him to get close but now that he’s trying I don’t…” To your utter horror, you felt tears prickling in the corners of your eyes. “I’m so confused.”

Pandora’s lips curled in an empathetic smile, she reached and held your shaky hand, gently sweeping her thumb across your knuckles, you took a deep breath, trying to collect yourself as students began to empty the train. 

“I’m sorry,” You dared to meet her heterochromic eyes. 

She shook her head, chuckling quietly. “No need to be sorry, keeping those feelings bottled up must be so tiring, I’m sure.” You laughed weakly, and used your free hand to discretely clean your cheeks. “You might’ve accepted your loneliness a long time ago, but that doesn’t mean it has to be permanent, sweet girl. Evan would agree, though he’s more shy to actually say it. You got more people in your corner than you realize, only if you let them…” She turned to the door, and you followed her gaze where you found James and Sirius walking past with a troubling look in their eyes. Pandora stood up, “You need help with your trunk?”

You opened your mouth, but were interrupted by the door opening. “Ready to go?” Sirius asked, and you frowned.

“I can carry it, thank you.” You smiled at Pandora, pointedly ignoring his question. She nodded, and reached to give you a quick hug, gentle and careful to not hurt you. “I’ll see you next term.”

“Write me?” She smiled, passing you a small box and you nodded, eyes in a daze as you tried to read the note. She walked to the door, and smiled at both boys. “Happy christmas.” 

You watched her go, shaky hand still holding the box. James frowned, and studied you for a few more seconds before Sirius, who wanted to leave the station immediately before his parents would show up to drag him and Regulus away, cleared his throat rather loudly. 

“Are you ready to go?” He repeated, making a move to take your trunk but you swiftly picked it up. Your features a mix of anger and, if he had more time to look at you, he would also find pain. “Don’t be stubborn, I can take that.”

“I can take my own trunk, Sirius. But thank you.” You spat, then turned away from both boys. “I’ll meet you in the platform in a moment, let me just put everything away.” You pointed to your little cocoon, the blanket and cassette player tossed aside in your previously vacated seat. “Just remember to—”

“To not tell Mum anything,” Finished James for you, an edge to his voice. “We know.”

You nodded, fear settling in your chest at the prospect of your brother picking up the argument you had nights before. Him begging you to tell your parents about what happened with Snape, to prepare them for your almost deadly state, but you met him head on, not willing to back down until he dropped the matter. He had walked away mid argument, his friends staring at you both with something akin to sadness, watching the distance grow impossibly longer despite James’ recent efforts to fix it. You had cried that night in Pandora’s arms as she and her brother watched you with both sadness and regret, you, for your part, seemed blind to the fact that they had been the reason James had breached that subject with you.

The bespectacled boy nodded, and stepped out of the compartment with Sirius close behind. You took the cassette player and put the headphones back on, Billy Joel’s Piano Man a fitting soundtrack to the way you felt. You took your satchel and hurriedly put the messily folded blanket inside, made an assesment of the compartment to not leave anything behind and silently walked out of the compartment towards the platform.

You watched with a sinking feeling as your mother enthusiastically greeted James, grabbing him by his cheeks and showering him with kisses, Sirius and the rest of his friends in line to receive the same treatment. He says, Bill, I believe this is killing me, Billy Joel sang in your ears and you readily agreed, walking towards the bunch with a tiny smile and your insides filled with dread. 

Euphemia Potter’s bright smile dimmed when she met your eyes, and noted the sadness that, evident to everyone but you, radiated off your body as you placed your headphones around your neck. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out, your brother and his friends watching the exchange nervously, as she practically balanced herself over you in a tight hug.

“My lovely girl,” You were horrified to almost hear her voice breaking, the least you wanted was your mother to worry for you. “How I missed you, oh, look at you.”

“Hi, mum…” You muttered, bitting your lip as she accidentally squeezed precisely around your middle, where your most painful scar was located. “Missed you too, Dad too, of course.” You patted her back awkwardly and she pulled back.

“You’re so small, oh, my girl, please be honest with me,” She grabbed your cheeks the same way she did to James, and you successfully swallowed the lump in your throat. “Have you been eating properly? I knew that veganism nonsense simply  wouldn’t do.”

Her eyes studied you much like James did earlier, and you bit your lip nervously. You knew what was coming, and you wanted to take off and disappear from her searching eyes.

“I’m actually quite hungry…” You said quietly, hoping it would be enough to distract her. 

Your mother, however, couldn’t be deterred. “What happened here?”

Unconsciously, you met James’ eyes. “Quiddtich accident.” You replied quickly, the lie easily slipping past your lips. “Fell off my broom, doesn’t hurt, though. I’m okay.”

“Quidditch!” She exclaimed, chuckling as she turned to James who smiled in return to avoid giving you away. “Honestly, what is it with my children and Quidditch? Can’t wait to see your dad’s face— Speaking of! He must be driving himself mad waiting for us! Come, come! Dear, you need help with your trunk?”

“I’m okay—” You replied and she quickly turned to shepherd everyone out of the plaform. 

“Here,” Remus walked to you, taking the handle from your shaky hand, hard to notice to the blind eye, but he knew better, he was familiar. You frowned, and he made his voice extra quiet as he spoke, “I know you can manage but you’re going to make them worse, and by the time we get to the manor everyone will notice. It’s no problem, really.”

You stared at him, then at James who pretended to listen as Sirius and your mother fussed over Regulus, who would join you for the first time for the holidays. He gave you a tight-lipped smile and you forced yourself to look back at Remus, he smiled kindly as you nodded mutely and trailed behind the group. A comfortable silence falling between you both.

—

Potter manor seemed to stay stuck in time, with its beautiful pillars and big stained glass windows letting in colorful rays of sunshine when the english countryside allowed it. You looked through the window at your mother’s lovely garden she devoted herself to during springtime, surely to kill time when your dad was busy at work and her children away at school, her caring nature evident in the way all the flowers grew beautifully, despite the current cold weather. You sighed, and walked away ready to face your hideous fate, your secret stash of healing potions and your scars ready to be tended to.

You stopped short in front of your bed, Pandora’s present small in contrast to your belongings sprawled all over your bedding. It had her touch all over the decoration, even if the card claimed it was from both Rosier twins, the silver bow and colorful wrapping paper showing her peculiar taste. Your shaky hand hovered over the ribbon and gently tugged it to open the box, where you found a pretty aquamarine necklace along with a soft pair of green knitted mittens sitting neatly enveloped by tissue paper. You smiled and wasted no time to try and put the necklace around your neck, ignoring the fact that your shaky hands would make the task nearly impossible. 

You were about to throw the necklace across the room in desperation when you heard a light knock on the door. 

“Yes?” You managed to speak out, a sob begging to leave your lips. There was silence on the other side and you briefly wondered if you imagined the whole thing. “What?”

“Can I come in?” Sirius said quietly, and you frowned, but replied a quiet yes before turning your back to the door. “Hi,” He said as he stepped in, careful in his movements.

“Hi,” You echoed quietly, looking around the room to avoid meeting his eyes. 

Sirius stared at the necklace in your hand and the discarded box in the other, “Need help with that?”

“I’m okay,” You followed his gaze and shook your head, knowing well it was a losing battle with the piece of jewelry. “I was just untangling it,” You said, barely believing it, and by his face, Sirius didn’t seem to believe you, either.

He stepped closer to you, his movements more confident. “Let me help you,” You opened your mouth to protest, but ended up handing him the necklace, knowing it was a losing battle arguing with him, too. “Stubborn thing you are, trying to put on this tiny necklace when your hands are shaking like a leaf.” He pointed as he stood behind you.

A silence followed, and you stared down at your hands, suddenly insecure in the way they trembled, another souvenir from your fellow housemate’s attack. 

“I didn’t think anyone would notice.”

“They’re not very noticeable,” He allowed, gently tugging your shoulders to make you face him. “But sadly, love, I am very familiar with these kinds of things.” His grey eyes pointedly looked at the blood dots peeking through your bandages from your jumper. “I would change those before supper if I were you.”

You swallowed and nodded, “Thank you. Is this why you came here? Is the food ready?”

He opened his mouth, but seemed to think better of it, and nodded his head. “Yes, um… Mum told me she made you some of your vegan requests.”

“Oh,” You frowned, and he chuckled quietly at the surprise in your face. “I’ll be down in a moment… I have to…”

“I know,” He nodded, then made to walk out the door but paused on the threshold, turning to face you once again. “You know… James, he’s really trying, it’s just… He doesn’t know how to reach out.”

A beat. 

“Was it hard for you? To reach out to Regulus? After everything?”

He seemed to be taken aback with your question, frowning and very clearly about to tell you to mind your sodding business, but then his eyes got a very sad look that you despised. You both dreaded and hoped for his answer.

“It was difficult, yes, but because of the way we were raised, not because there wasn’t love, it was just very tangled with other things, confusion, anger and resentment… But the love persevered. I think… I think that’s what made it bearable, that at the end of the day we loved each other despite everything.”

You nodded, visibly not satisfied with his answer. “I get that, but… you said it yourself, it was hard because of the way you were raised so… what is stopping James?”

Sirius seemed pretty close to tears himself, feeling for you and frustrated at the way James acted. Honestly not even himself could explain the way James handled everything since you both were sorted, admittedly he hadn’t known him long enough back then to be confused by the evident indifference towards you, but as he grew to know you both, that confusion grew in significance. It couldn’t have been the same James that offered him his home without thinking twice when he learned the hell that was Grimmauld Place, it was hard for Sirius to think that James held some resentment towards his sister for being sorted into Slytherin when he himself despised Sirius’ parents for disowning him for being a Gryffindor. You didn’t seem to be particularly fond of the pureblood supremacy ideologies your house held, either; keeping to yourself and to your friends, the Rosier twins and occasionally Regulus as of lately, and the gentle way you carried yourself through the hallways. He often wondered if the Sorting Hat had made a mistake. 

“I… I don’t know, sweetheart,” He sighed. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, I don’t think this is a conversation for me to participate in.” 

“It’s alright,” You nodded, once again swallowing the lump in your throat. “I’ll be down in a minute.” You said before marching towards your bathroom, closing the door behind you. 

Sirius sighed, feeling very angry at himself for the way he managed to mess it all up in a matter of seconds. A hand squeezed his shoulder and he turned his face to meet both Remus and his brother’s sad eyes, he shrugged sadly and closed the door to your room quietly. A few seconds later, Lily walked out of her own room, immediately taking notice of the three boys sadly staring at your door and ushered them all to the dinning room, a sad look in her own eyes as she tried to ignore the knot in her stomach. 

—

You stared blankly at a spot next to your father‘s face as you pretended to listen to his very heated debate with James about where should the next Quidditch Cup be. The food long gone and conversations passed in a daze as you ate supper and managed to participate here and there and answer the questions directed to you. You unconsciously thumbed the precious gemstone resting in your chest, the repetitive action helped you make the shakiness in your hands less evident. 

You sat in a wingback chair, making a cocoon of yourself as you watched your brother and his friends happily chatting away to different topics, you watched as he occasionally grabbed Lily’s hand and kissed it, or the way he reached over his girlfriend to shove Sirius’ shoulder, mischief glistening behind his glasses. You knew you were being a killjoy, your pain almost an imposition in their delightful conversation had they noticed, if they ever did, or let them notice, you bitterly thought. 

“Oh, darling,” Suddenly you had a handkerchief shoved to your nose. You frowned, but let your mother’s hand cradle your face back. “You almost stained your jumper,” Horrified, you noticed that your nose was bleeding, a common occurrence since the incident. 

“Sorry,” You mumbled, trying to look away from her eyes, slowly filling with worry. “Don’t know what happened there. Strange.”

“Good thing your mum has good reflexes,” your dad pointed, chuckling and blissfully unaware of the sudden tension in the room. “Growing up with you lot gave her reflexes of steel, she would’ve been a killer Seeker.”

“Let that go, honey,” Your mum added distractly, looking into your eyes, searching for… what? You were not sure, but her scrutiny made you nervous. “Are you okay?”

You inhaled deeply, suddenly feeling very warm. “Yes, I can take it, mum–” You made to raise your hand to take the handkerchief from her, her eyes falling on your hands.

“Are you cold?”

“What? No. I’m fine.”

“But you’re shaking.” She argued, and you found yourself slowly losing your patience at her questioning. “Are you sure you’re—”

“Can everyone stop asking me that? I said I’m fine.” You spat, shocking everyone into silence, even yourself. “Sorry, I… I’m sorry. That was uncalled for, I…Yes, I’m alright.”

Somewhere from the floor came a scoff and you felt dread recoiling around your ribcage. You lowered the handkerchief from your face to see James dryly chuckling at you, his hazel eyes holding a fire that was only reserved for… Horrified, you realized he was about to tell your parents everything. 

“James,” You whispered, pleading with your eyes to force him to take a step back. But your brother seemed done covering for you. “Please don’t.”

“James?” Your mother turned to him, who in return stood up from his spot on the floor, Lily reached out to pull him down again. “Is anyone going to fill me in as to what’s gotten into you both?”

He stared hard at you, then, “She was attacked.” 

And just as the words slipped past his lips, chaos ensued with your parents, neither of them expecting those words to leave James’ lips. The air was sucked out of your lungs, and you reached to press the heel of your hand to your sternum, as if that would help your lungs accept the air you desperately seeked. You were not sure where you got the strength, but you marched towards him, betrayal in your eyes. 

“You have no right,” You sneered, meeting his stormy gaze, he looked down at you, both your bodies pulsating with unresolved anger. “You promised!”

“I did not promise a damn thing to you. You’re my sister, and I cannot simply sit back and watch you fade away from us, can I?”

You scoffed. “It didn’t stop you before, hasn’t it?” He stepped back, as if your words alone had slapped him across his face. Your parents watched the scene with horror. “You’re my sister, you’re a liar. You made it very clear I am very much not your sister, James. In fact, I think you made it very clear to everyone that anyone can be accepted into your fucking marauders club except me.” 

“Wait, so this is why you’re so miffed with me? Because I didn’t let you in the Marauders?” James had the nerve to laugh, and you stared at him in shock. “You have officially lost the plot, grow up, I beg you.”

“James!”

“No, James,” You met him head on, storm in your eyes as you tried to find your words. “Contrary to what your ego-driven mind might think, not everyone wants to be part of your glorified freak show.” You said, not at all regretting the venom in your voice. “You left me. You… you don’t even try, you think that just because you fought for me, breaking Snape’s nose, everything would be forgiven?”

“Look at what he did to you!” He pointed, squirming a finger inside the neckline of your jumper, pulling down to show everyone the bandage in your shoulder. You slapped his hand away with anger, but he grabbed your hand and raised it for everyone to see. “You can barely function with these shakes, look, you can barely put on a necklace!”

“James, stop,” Came Remus’ stern voice from somewhere in the room. 

At this, your glossy eyes turned to Sirius, who, until that moment, had managed to sit back calmly and not let the whole ordeal get to him. He looked away as your betrayal was evident in your eyes.

“That wasn’t for you to tell, Sirius.” You said to him quietly, anger barely contained.

“Well, I, for one, am glad he told me. You could’ve gone the entire break hiding it from us had it not been for Sirius.”

“Like hiding it is such a hard task.” You snapped. “You barely notice my presence let alone a silly shake in my hands. I could’ve died that day and you wouldn’t have noticed at all, James.”

“You damn right could’ve bloody died! Go on, show them,” He stepped closer, and you barely registered his intention until it was too late. 

With the help of his reflexes, you were a beat too late to stop him from lifting the hem of your jumper, exposing some of the fully healed scars in your stomach, the biggest one cutting through your navel in a nasty gash. Your mother gasped and her eyes filled with tears immediately, your father stared in shock, despair evident in his eyes. You pushed James away with all the strength you could muster, accidentally pushing your mother in the process, and pulled your jumper back down. 

“You’re a complete, utter, dickhead, James.” You stared at him in shock, so did everyone in the room. “Fuck you, seriously, fuck you.”

“Darling,” Your mother stepped to you, but you were too mortified to even accept her hug. “How long… How did this…” She seemed desperate to find the right words to say, but a sob left her lips instead. You finally allowed the tears in your eyes to trail down your cheeks. “Why didn’t you say?”

“What would I even say?” You said desperately in between shallow breaths, your usually calm demeanor breaking. “That I was so depressed I riled him up so he could hurt me? That I didn’t even fight back? How was I supposed to explain that, mum? Tell me,” Before you could even process it, the feelings you had bottled up for months seemed to be done being held back in your chest. You chuckled humorlessly, “How would that conversation even go? That I’m so miserable, though I have no reason to be, that I walked towards the one person who would surely hurt me and enjoy it? This, exactly, is why I didn’t say. But here comes bloody James Potter who has to be everyone’s fucking hero! Are you happy now, James? Is this what you wanted? You wanted me to thank you in front of everyone that you saved my honor by hurting Snape? Well, there you go. Now leave me the fuck alone.”

Had you been less blinded by your anger, you probably would’ve waited for anyone to speak, or at least apologize for the amount of curse words you managed to say in a span of 20 seconds, but you simply exhaled deeply and stormed off towards your room, where you surely would spend the rest of your days crying away in embarrassment. Your tears fell hot and fast as you slammed the door behind you and sat on your bed, ignoring the stinging sensation in your shoulder by your harsh movements. Your hands shook impossibly harder to the point of actual pain in your joints, and pressed your face to your hands as you cried hard. Your sobs loud enough to drown the chaos from downstairs, your own doing, you thought angrily. 

The door to your room opened, your brain was too shaken up and confused that when you opened your mouth to speak, a pained sob left your lips instead. Remus’ brows pinched with sadness as he walked to you, your disheveled hair, tear streaken cheeks and the dried trail of blood down your nose an exact mirror of your inner turmoil. He stepped closer and stretched his arms out, an open invitation in case you didn’t want to be touched, but you desperately needed something or someone to ground you before you could definitely reach a full blown breakdown. A breakdown days in the making.

“You’re okay,” He said as you stepped into his arms. He carefully caged you in, keeping you secure as you felt your chest shreding to pieces as you let out sob after sob. “No one is mad at you, we’re not, I promise you, not your mum, not your dad, no one. You’re okay.” He whispered, close to tears himself. 

Soon, you felt a hand rubbing your back carefully, then, Lily’s gentle voice spoke, “Take deep breaths, honey,” 

“I… I can’t,” You scraped out, voice raspy and worn out. “I…”

“Do it with me,” She instructed, and you pulled away from your hideaway to meet her gaze. Lily smiled sadly as she gently grabbed your hand and raised it to her own chest, where you felt her own heart beating, “Follow me, okay? You can.”

You inhaled and exhaled deeply, and she did it with you. As she busied you with breathing exercises, Remus walked to your bathroom to grab a cloth and damp it with warm water, when he walked back to your room, you seemed visibly calmer. He silently passed the cloth to Lily and sat beside you on the bed, she looked into your eyes and gently pressed it to your lips and under your nose, no-doubtedly cleaning the blood and snot off your face. None of you dared to speak, the only sound in the room the occasional hiccup leaving your lips, the fight leaving you tired and numb.

“I don’t know what crossed his mind to do that,” Began Lily, pointedly keeping her voice monotone to not spark another collapse from you. “That was very…”

“Barbaric?” Remus supplied, him not trying to keep his anger away from his tone. Lily frowned at him. 

“Unlike him.” She said, then turned to you. “What he said, what he did… That was very cruel.”

“Yeah, well… I seem to always bring out the cruelest parts of him.” You finally spoke, and she hushed you to not strain your voice more. 

“I think he’s very angry at himself, and he stupidly managed to show it in the worst way possible.” Remus pointed, the fight leaving his body as he gingerly placed a loose hair behind your ear. “It was very obvious to everyone that you were struggling but it passed right above him…”

“He didn’t need to make such a spectacle of himself though, and me. We could’ve talked it, if he had asked.”

Both Remus and Lily gave you a deadpan look. 

“Okay, maybe not at first but why is it always me the one that has to reach out? I’m tired of embarrassing myself seeking for his attention.” 

“You’re right,” The three of you looked up to find James standing at the threshold of your bedroom, a mix of feelings displayed in his face, regret being the most evident. “And I’m sorry.”

Lily looked at you, and you met her green eyes. She frowned, are you sure? Her eyes asked, and you nodded, grabbing the cloth from her hand. Both stood up and walked to leave, Lily ignoring the pleading look from her boyfriend as she closed the door behind her. The room fell eerily quiet as you stared at each other, assessing your stances. 

“I’m sorry.”

“So you’ve said,” You mumbled, looking down at the cloth in your hands. 

“I’m sorry,” He repeated, as he walked closer, you tensed immediately and something inside his chest cracked. “I shouldn’t have… I… It wasn’t my place.”

You closed your eyes, succumbing to the tears forming in your eyes and brought the cloth to clean your cheeks. 

“I told you to not say anything, James. Why didn’t you listen? I… I don’t want mum or dad to get in between our mess.”

“Our mess,” He echoed, sitting next to you on the bed when you showed no signs of backing away again. “I did make a mess of everything, didn’t I?”

“It has always been, I was just the only one willing to see it as that.”

James frowned. “That’s not true.” He exhaled deeply, searching for your eyes. “I… I know I haven’t been the best brother to you but, but I wouldn’t say it reached a point where you feel like you can’t tell me anything.” 

“James,” You chuckled dryly, not even trying to argue again but to get him to see where you were coming from. “You don’t even acknowledge me back at school, you practically pretend I don’t exist.”

“I’m sorry.”

“See, you keep saying that, but I don’t hear reasons why I should forgive you.” 

“You shouldn’t forgive me, angel. In fact, what happened downstairs is the least punishment imaginable you could throw at me.” His chest filled with hope when you chuckled wetly. “I just… When I saw you in that cot, bleeding out and barely conscious, I felt like a part of me was being torn away… I had never felt so helpless in my life, knowing you would be taken away from me that easily and that I never tried to reach out? It’s been eating me alive, especially when you have been so calm about it, now I know why,”

You looked away, embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to say that, I don’t know why I said it.”

“See, I think you did mean it. And it’s okay,” James scooted closer, his hand reached to yours in question, you placed it over his. He squeezed it four times, and you smiled despite the sadness in your heart. The mighty Potter duo, your own way of consoling each other when you were children. “Just, let me try again? Be a brother?”

“You never stopped being my brother, James, not to me.”

“To me neither, I’m still your brother, even if I haven’t shown it how you deserve it. But,” He paused, searching for your eyes, “Promise me that you’ll stop drifting away, that you’ll be in a distance where I can reach you.”

You swallowed, but nodded. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to have it get this bad, I just, I just wanted you to notice me.” Something inside you broke, and so did your voice. Thankfully, you were close enough for James to reach over and hug you gently. “I didn’t realize you wanted to talk to me, or… or get closer. I’m sorry, I’ll stay close. I promise.” You whispered, and reached out to squeeze his hand, four times. 

“I hope you can forgive me for what happened downstairs, too… I don’t… I just got so angry at myself, and… and you, but I shouldn’t have aired your pain like that.” He spoke after a long silence, voice barely contained as he fought back his own sob, not because he didn’t want to cry, but to get his feelings known. “It’s okay if it takes a while, too, I just want you to know that I’m sorry, and I regret it… I do.” I regret everything I did, it’s the bit he didn’t say, but you heard it clear in the pain in his voice.

You nodded, feeling satisfied with the heart to heart, “It might take a while, but thank you.” You dropped your head on his shoulder, and closed your eyes, finally letting your body relax against your brother. 

Your brother, who was there, willingly, hugging you. It was a nice feeling to fall asleep to, you thought as you drifted off. James looked down as your head got heavier, and noticed in your parted lips that you had fallen asleep at some point of your shared silence. He smiled, and helped you get fully into the bed, carefully placing your belongings away. 

He made to leave, but you pulled him back, your voice heavy with sleep, “Stay?”

And James, even in his drowsy state, couldn’t fight back the happiness he felt in his heart. He nodded, though you couldn’t see him, and laid next to you, your hands clasped together as you both drifted away holding onto each other, very much like you did once upon a time when you were little. 

In your desk, messily thrown along with your things by James, was Pandora’s gift, and a note in neat handwriting that said: 

But James Potter, in all his dramatic glory, had gone entirely deaf. Arms flailing like a prophet warning of doom, he roared, “Family meeting!”

“No! No family meeting!” you yelped, lunging for his arm. You barely stifled a laugh as he flailed harder, like a fish trying to escape the net.

James spun around, courtroom-drama style, and gasped at you with the intensity of someone catching their child red-handed with a cursed artifact. “Fred Weasley? Our Fred Weasley? That Fred Weasley?”

“Yes, that Fred Weasley,” you groaned, dragging your hands down your face. “Merlin’s saggy balls, I regret telling you already.”

James slammed his hand on the counter for emphasis, pivoting toward the sitting room like a man possessed. “Lily!” he thundered, shaking the walls. “Lily, get in here! Your daughter’s lost her mind!”

“Dad, for Merlin’s sake!” You tried to grab him again, but James had started pacing now, looking like a wizard unjustly accused of crimes against decorum.

“Not in my house! Not under my roof!” He spun around, hazel eyes bulging with a level of betrayal that deserved an award. “Fred Weasley doesn’t know the meaning of curfew! Or- Merlin help us- a respectable bedtime! Do you think I’m letting that chaos into my family? After all I’ve sacrificed? For you?”

“James,” came Lily’s voice, calm but laced with amusement. She stood in the doorway, arms crossed and eyebrows raised, her lips twitching. “What are you yelling about this time?”

James turned to her, a man on the brink. “Fred Weasley! He asked her out! Our daughter! On a date! Alone! With no chaperone!”

Lily blinked, then turned to you with a grin brighter than a Patronus. “Oh!” she gasped, her eyes lighting up. “He finally asked?”

James froze mid-tirade, pointing an accusatory finger at his wife. “Finally? What do you mean, finally? Have you been... supporting this? Encouraging it?”

Lily shrugged, her grin widening as she pushed off the doorframe and sauntered into the kitchen. “He’s a lovely boy, James. Polite, clever, charming. He reminds me of someone I used to know.”

“Don’t you dare—” James began, his tone low and dangerous.

“You,” Lily finished brightly, jabbing him in the chest. “Fred’s just like you were. All mischief and charm. No wonder she likes him.”

James gawked at her like she’d suggested selling their house to a pack of trolls. “That’s exactly why she can’t date him! I was Fred Weasley, Lily! Do you know what I would’ve done if someone let me date their daughter?”

“You married her,” Lily said sweetly, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek, winking at you as it effectively stunned the red mess that was your father.

James froze, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air, completely derailed by Lily’s well-placed jab and affectionate kiss. He finally managed to sputter, “That’s- That’s completely different!”

“How, exactly?” Lily teased, raising an eyebrow as she crossed her arms again. “Because if I recall correctly, you were a menace, Potter. A charming menace, but a menace nonetheless. Fred’s cut from the same cloth, and you turned out all right.”

James spluttered, gesturing wildly at you. “Because this is my daughter! She’s not supposed to fall for charmers like Fred Weasley! I can’t just let this happen! Where’s the fatherly dignity in that?”

“Oh, James,” Lily sighed, patting his shoulder with exaggerated pity. “I hate to break it to you, but you lost your ‘fatherly dignity’ the day you wore those matching Christmas jumpers with Sirius.”

“That was solidarity!” James barked, his ears reddening as he straightened his posture in a futile attempt at reclaiming authority. “And anyway, this is different. I’m supposed to protect her! Shield her from the heartbreakers and mischief-makers of the world.”

“Fred’s not a heartbreaker, Dad,” you said, exasperated but amused. “He’s actually- dare I say- nice? And maybe even mature? A little bit?”

James looked like he might faint. “Mature?! You’re telling me Fred Weasley- the bloke who turned all the Quidditch goalposts into giant marshmallows- is mature?! What next? He’s taken up knitting?”

“Knitting would be a good look for him,” Lily quipped, clearly enjoying herself. “Very soothing hobby. He could knit you a jumper, James, to match that dignity you’ve misplaced.”

You couldn’t help but snort at the visual, and James threw his hands up, pacing the kitchen again. “I can’t believe this. I’m being outnumbered in my own home.”

“It’s called democracy- like the Americans,” Lily said, smirking as she leaned against the counter. “And right now, you’re the losing party.”

James stopped pacing to glare at her. “Fred acts like a damned American..” He mumbled before he raised his voice. “This is treason. Pure, unadulterated treason.”

“James,” Lily replied patiently, though her lips twitched with amusement. “You’ll survive.”

At that moment, Harry wandered into the kitchen, his face set in curious confusion as he surveyed the scene. He held a plate of leftover treacle tart, chewing leisurely. “What’s with all the shouting, then?” He asked, his tone disinterested but his eyes sparkling with intrigue.

James immediately pounced, pointing an accusatory finger at you. “Your sister has decided to go on a date with Fred Weasley, Harry! Fred Weasley! What do you have to say about that?”

Harry blinked at him, clearly trying to piece together the situation. Then his gaze slid to you, and his smirk grew as he swallowed a bite of tart. “Fred, huh?” he said, his tone dripping with amusement. “Nice. Bold choice. Never a dull moment with a Weasley.”

“Bold-? Harry!” James looked genuinely wounded. “This is a betrayal! Your own sister-"

“Is an adult,” Harry interrupted, shrugging. “And you’re acting like she’s run off to marry Voldemort’s ghost.”

“Don’t give him ideas,” you muttered under your breath, earning a snort from Harry.

“Not helping, Harry!” James barked, looking thoroughly frazzled now. He pointed at you again. “Fine! Go on your date! But I’m watching him. One toe out of line, and-”

“And what?” you challenged, grinning now as Lily watched on, clearly entertained. “You’ll duel him? Turn him into a marshmallow like his Quidditch goalposts?”

James opened his mouth, floundering for a retort, but Lily stepped in, tugging him gently away from the center of the chaos. “Come on, love,” she cooed soothingly. “Why don’t we sit down, have a cuppa, and let the kids handle their own lives for once?”

James sighed, finally deflating. “Fine,” he grumbled, shooting you one last suspicious look. “But mark my words- an eye for an eye! Harry, date his younger sister!”

Harry froze, the bite of treacle tart halfway to his mouth as the words sunk in. His eyes darted between you, Lily, and James, clearly trying to figure out if this was his moment to fess up or quietly Disapparate.

“What?” James demanded, noticing Harry’s hesitation. “What’s with that face? Don’t tell me you’ve already thought about it!”

Lily covered her mouth, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. You, on the other hand, burst out laughing immediately, doubling over as the image of James putting two and two together hit you.

“Why are you laughing?” James barked, looking between the two of you like he was missing the punchline to a joke everyone else got. “What’s so funny? Harry, explain yourself!”

Harry, clearly seeing no way out, sighed and placed his plate of treacle tart on the counter. “Dad,” he started, bracing himself, “I’m already dating Ginny.”

James froze. Completely, utterly froze. His jaw hung slack, his hands hovering mid-air like a malfunctioning automaton.

“You’re what?” He whispered, his voice teetering on the edge of shock and betrayal.

You howled with laughter, tears forming in your eyes. “Oh, Merlin, this is priceless!” You gasped. “Dad, your face- your face!"

“James, breathe,” Lily advised through her own laughter, leaning against the counter for support. “You’re going to give yourself a stroke.”

James finally snapped out of his trance, his eyes narrowing into sharp points of indignation. “Ginny?! Ginny Weasley?! First her with Fred, and now you- how long has this been going on?”

Harry scratched the back of his neck, clearly trying to make himself look smaller. “A while.”

“A while?" James repeated, his voice cracking. “Define ‘a while.’ A few days? Weeks?”

Harry hesitated. “Since... fifth year?”

“Fifth year?!" James bellowed, looking like he might explode. “That’s years! Years, Harry! And you didn’t think to tell me?!”

“What was I supposed to say?” Harry shot back, clearly frustrated now. “‘Hey, Dad, by the way, I’m snogging Ron’s little sister’? That would’ve gone over well.”

“Well, it’s certainly better than me finding out like this!” James cried, gesturing wildly at nothing in particular. “My own son! Betraying me! I raised you better than this, Harry!”

Lily wiped her eyes, still chuckling. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic, James. They’re clearly happy, and Ginny’s a wonderful girl. You love her.”

“That’s not the point, Lily!” James snapped, his hands flying to his hair. “It’s- this is-!Fred! Ginny! My children and their Weasleys! What’s next? Ron’s going to marry into the family, too?”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Well... technically, Hermione-"

“No! They got her too!?" James cut him off, throwing his hands in the air. “Don’t even tell me! I won’t survive it! This is it- this is how I go. Betrayed by my own family and buried in a sea of Weasleys.”

You leaned against the counter, wheezing with laughter. “Dad, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Ridiculous?” James turned to you, his face a picture of righteous indignation. “You don’t understand. I fought a war for this family- for this! And now my legacy is going to be a house full of Weasleys!”

“Sounds cozy,” Lily teased, patting his arm. “You’ll come around, James. You always do.”

James groaned, sinking into a chair as if all the fight had been drained out of him. “Fine,” he muttered, waving a hand dismissively. “Fine. Date your Weasleys. Marry them. Name your kids Fred and Ginny Jr. for all I care.”

You patted his shoulder, grinning. “Love you, Dad.”

He shot you a glare but muttered, “Love you, too. But don’t think for one second I’m not watching Fred like a hawk.”

“And Ginny?” Harry asked, daring to push his luck.

James pointed a warning finger at him. “You, young man, are on thin bloody ice."

Lily hushed James as she patted his back, leading him out of the kitchen. He continued to blabber on, muttering something along the lines of;

“Is this my fault?”

“Merlin, does Molly know?”

“What’d you break?” He tries again, moving his scolding gaze over the top of his book to you, watching as you pull out your laptop without pausing to look even slightly abashed. 

“The mirror in the hallway.” You reply as though he had asked what the weather was like outside. 

“Isn’t that like…bad luck?” He asks, though he hardly had the question out before James was scoffing at him. 

“Please, that’s a myth. I’ve broken so many mirrors in my life and I’m great.” 

“I’d hate to know how you paid for that in another life, Prongs.” Remus mumbles before turning his attention back to his book. 

“I’ll just order a new one.” You explain, causing James to start patting his pockets. 

“Shit, I left my wallet in the car, bug.” 

“S’okay; I’m just gonna put it on Reg’s card.”

Remus’ book falls back into his lap, again. “How are you going to get Regulus’ card?”

You spare him a quick glance before your eyes are once again illuminated by the blue light of your computer screen. “I don’t need his card, I have the details memorised.”

Unfortunately for Remus, that explained nothing. “You- how…does he know about this?”

This time, it was your turn to scoff. “Of course he knows.”

“And he hasn’t changed it?” He asks rhetorically. “Why on earth would he let you memorise his card details?”

“That’s easy.” You insist with a supercilious smile. “I’m his favourite Potter.”

Remus’ eyes bounce over to your brother - Regulus’ real life boyfriend - expecting a protest or even a pout, only to find him watching you scroll on your laptop.

“Prongs?”

“What?” James shrugs. “It’s true.”

Remus hadn’t a moment to call the two of you strange little freaks before Sirius walked into the room. 

“Hey, what was that bang earlier?” He asks as he sidles up behind the sofa you’re currently sitting on, leaning on his elbows to peer at your laptop screen from over your shoulder. 

“The hallway mirror; I’m going to order a new one.” You explain. Sirius, for his part, simply nods; havoc a common occurrence with the two of you.

“Put it on Reg’s card; I have it memorised.”

“Oh for Christ’s-” But before Remus could finish saying the Lord’s name in vain, the front door opened as Regulus and Barty walked in with some groceries. 

“Oh! I-” Regulus starts, though his eyes narrow when he undoubtedly sniffs out trouble in the form of the two Potter’s and his own brother. “What’d you guys do?”

“We broke the mirror upstairs, Reg.” You pout, bottom lip jutting out as you give him your best puppy dog look. Regulus actually tsks sympathetically at you. “We’re just about to order a new one.”

“That’s fine. Put it on my card.” He offers, going to release the bags in his hands in favour of pulling out his wallet.

“Don’t bother,” Remus says sardonically, “apparently she’s got it memorised.” 

“That’s my girl.” Regulus says with a wink, hardly sparing his brother nor his boyfriend a glance as he walks past the sofa and presses a kiss to your cheek as he makes for the kitchen. 

“Excuse you?” Barty protests. “Treasure here is my girl.”

“She’s my future sister-in-law and I found her first.” Regulus argues. “That makes her more mine than yours.”

“Yeah, uhm, maybe let's not start this conversation again?” James requests as he turns to look at the two men over the back of the sofa. Regulus and Barty return his glare as you flick your brother's leg reproachfully. “Because she was mine first and we share most of the same DNA. She’s literally my other half.” 

Remus’ snort of laughter almost made him miss Regulus’ muttering “more like your better half.”

“What was that?” James asks as he theatrically tilts his head and cups his ear, looking far too pleased at the prospect of his boyfriend having a go at him. 

“He said she’s your better half!” Barty clarifies happily, grateful for any opportunity to take the piss at the expense of his best friend’s boyfriend. 

“See?” You murmur to Remus as the argument rages on behind you, shooting him a wink. “Favourite Potter.”

Cute, and completely incorrect. Especially when you stepped into the entryway and saw a pair of black chelsea boots sitting beside your mother's trainers.

"Oh no."

Cedric didn't even have a chance to panic before Sirius was bellowing through the entire house.

"THE SNOGGERS HAVE ARRIVED!"

Cedric's eyes grew wide, but you just laughed and grabbed him by the hand, pulling him right into the den of lions.

Sirius stood in your kitchen in an ugly christmas sweater and plaid pajama pants, your mother's floral apron on his waist and brandishing a ladle in his hand like a sword.

"Did you miss me?" He grinned, accepting your hug with open arms before turning and giving Cedric one as well.

"Did they invite all of you over?" Cedric clung to your side, hand clutching your own as you interrogated your uncle.

"We've been betting on this since second year, darling. There's no way we were missing Cedric's first visit."

His grin is evil, but it only gets worse when another voice joins in.

"Especially since you two already earned me ten galleons," Marlene Mckinnon appears in the kitchen with a flourish, and Remus trails behind her.

"I knew it was going to happen at Hogwarts, I shouldn't have let Sirius sway me," he shoots a glare to the grinning man, but it's too soft to mean anything.

"You were betting too?" Cedric asks incredulously, looking between the three surprise guests.

"Of course we were! You have so much to learn about this family."

You roll your eyes, finally being told the location of your parents, and make your way into the living room.

The house has been decorated without you, and you move under strings of fairy lights, enchanted mistletoe, and jingle bells that played themselves.

"There's our girl! We missed you, bug!" You hear your father before you see him, and soon he's got you trapped in a bear hug, lifting you off the ground with his face smashed into your hair.

"Honey, you're going to suffocate her," your mother chides, pulling you into a much softer embrace. "And Cedric, of course. We're so glad to finally meet you."

Your boyfriend welcomed the affection, even as his eyes stayed locked on your father, who was giving his best scary-dad impression.

"Mr.Potter," Cedric greeted politely, offering a handshake.

James can't keep the charade up for long, and he bursts into laughter, practically tackling Cedric.

"No need to be scared, we're big fans."

You turn to your mother to make a quip about his dramatics, only to have your jaw drop upon catching sight of the tree.

It reached all the way to the ceiling, rainbow lights and sparkling ornaments all around it. But what caught your eye was the top of the tree. Where your golden star usually sat, there was now a polaroid secured to the tip.

"You cannot be serious," you deadpan, taking a few steps to get a closer look.

When you've turned around, Cedric is burning red in the face, and your parents have smug grins on their faces.

"Harry sent us the picture, we just had to display it for dear Cedric's visit!"

"Mummmm," you whined like a child, disbelief and embarrassment all over your face at the knowledge of your entire family gathering around a photo of you and Cedric snogging like characters in a romance novel.

"Marlene enchanted it to sing if you touch it, here.."

"No!" You cry out, looking to escape anymore embarrassment.

Luckily, your father gets called into the kitchen as mashed potato master, and your mother allows the two of you to finally set your things down, pulling wrapped presents out of your bag and setting them down under the mortifying evergreen.

You thought dinner would be better.

Instead, Harry took it upon himself to recount every embarrassing thing you've ever done, Sirius pulled out pictures of you at two years old in a snitch costume, and Marlene proposed a toast that the two of you could stay 'hot and devoted for eternity.'

You're thankful for your mother, who is the gentle calm in the chaos of the table.

Until she turns to Cedric, a particular gleam in her eye.

"So, Cedric. What exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"

The inhabitants of the table all lean in at that, and you gasped, horrified. "Mum!"

Cedric took it in stride, swallowing his last bit before meeting your mother's eyes. "Respect her, support her. Hopefully one day marry her."

The room went dead silent.

Sirius dropped a roll. Remus spit out his drink. Marlene let out the loudest squeal you'd ever heard.

You shot a terrified look over to your father, whose eyes were huge behind his glasses.

"Bloody hell," he choked out.

Voices all started at once, and you hid your face behind a napkin while Cedric laughed hysterically.

After a sweet dessert and far too many more embarrassing stories, you and Cedric were curled up in a loveseat by the fire. It was finally quiet in the Potter house. Marlene was on the floor painting Harry's nails, Remus was sipping a cup of tea in the corner, and your mother was upstairs doing some last minute gift wrapping.

You could hear Sirius and your father talking while they cleaned dishes, and you rested your head against Cedric's chest, heart fuzzy and full with the comfort of your home.

"Your family's brilliant." Cedric tells you from where his head is nuzzled in your hair.

"They're lunatics."

"They're loud and messy and full of love. I didn't realize how much I wanted something like this."

You soften, looking up at him. "Good, because you've already got a place on the tree. That means you're stuck with us."

"You promise?"

"This is a life sentence, Diggory," you jest, before pulling him down into a sweet kiss.

A camera flash goes off, and you turn in shock to find your father already inspecting the photograph.

The small things were piling up. Sirius talking in a low voice as he let you beat him in wizard’s chess. His hand resting on your lower back when you walked together. The way you grabbed his arm when you were laughing.

And it helped that you weren’t the best at hiding it. He saw you holding hands under the table. He noticed the games of footsie. And to top it off, he saw a kiss in Hogsmeade while he was in Spintwitches. You had left James to pay for the broom polish and thought you’d sneak in a kiss before James left the shop; you didn’t account for the large display window out front. 

So, James wasn’t stupid. He knew you and Sirius were dating, and avoiding telling him. He had made hardly-veiled threats to some guys before, and it was likely that he wouldn’t approve of his best friend and his little sister. That was a stereotypical no-no. But, for some reason, James wasn’t upset by it. Somehow he knew that Sirius would treat you right and you both seemed happy, and if things ended, it’d be mutual and you’d be able to tolerate being around each other. 

James waited for a while before doing anything. You’d have to tell him eventually, right? 

But you don’t. Weeks passed since James figured it out and you’re still sneaking around with Sirius. If James was a bit more dense, maybe he wouldn’t know. But he did know and he needed you and Sirius to know that he knows and is okay with it so you could just exist in public. 

He came up with a plan. He’d hint at knowing. He’d hint at being okay with it. 

His first attempt was after curfew. James had seen you and Sirius make eye contact and then look away smiling several times that evening. You stood up and asked your friend if she wanted anything from the kitchens.

“Oi! Grab me something?” James called across the common room.

“Only got two hands, James.”

“Fine. Padfoot, go with her.” 

Sirius looked at James with a confused expression. “What?”

“Go with Y/N to the kitchens. She needs more hands.”

You shifted uncomfortably by the portrait hole. 

“Why can’t you go?” Sirius asked.

“‘M comfortable. Just go, will you?” 

“Fine,” Sirius said lightly, pushing himself up off the couch. 

As soon as you and Sirius were out of the common room, you grabbed his hand. Peter gave James a weird look but didn’t ask him why he sent Sirius with you. He didn’t think it was worth his energy. 

But when you returned, having taken longer than necessary, James had gone up to his dorm. So you and Sirius sat near each other on the couch and ate the snacks you had grabbed. 

“Why would he send you with me and not wait for his food?” you asked.

“Dunno, but I’m not complaining.”

---

Nothing came from that. James was still suffering through you and Sirius pretending that you weren’t something. He needed to try something else. 

The Hufflepuffs provided the perfect situation, or so James thought. The badgers beat Slytherin during the weekend’s quidditch match, meaning their common room was transformed into party central. You had gone down to their common room with your friends and James went down with his a little bit later. Fashionably late, as they called it. 

Your friend group was sitting around with drinks in your hands, laughing. A few Hufflepuffs were sitting with you, but James wasn’t sure if any were flirting with you. Not that you’d reciprocate it. You had a Sirius. And James was sure that Sirius was watching you from across the common room with his own drink in his hand. 

“Sirius, do me a favor?” James asked, slowly taking a sip from his own cup and scanning the common room.

“Depends.” 

James tipped his cup in your direction. “Go ask Y/N to dance.” 

Sirius froze mid-sip. It took everything in him to not choke or spit out his drink. After a painful cough, he asked, “What?” 

“None of those boys are going to ask her. I know she likes dancing and she’s been sitting since we got here. Go make her night.” 

“I… You sure?” 

“I’ll owe you.”

“Al-alright.” 

Sirius crossed the room and extended his hand to you. James watched with bated breath as you tentatively took his hand and then shot a worried glance towards James. No doubt Sirius told you that James sent him over there. But James was right about something: you loved to dance, so you weren’t going to turn down your secret boyfriend asking you to. 

James hid a knowing smile behind his cup as you and Sirius danced together with a touch too much of space between you. To him, it was clear that you were trying to make it appear like you were just friends dancing. You couldn’t dance like a couple when James was there. Not when it was James who told you to dance together. 

“You’re a nice big brother,” Peter said. “Making sure that someone asks her to dance.”

James shrugged. “No one has the balls to ask her, apparently.”

One of the Hufflepuff boys had asked you though. You turned him down in the most polite way you could – you weren’t going to dance with a boy who wasn’t your boyfriend. Said Hufflepuff was being told by his friends that “no one can say no to a dance with Sirius.” 

James, Remus and Peter ended up in a party game that held their complete attention. You and Sirius took advantage of that to dance closer together. At some point, you got pulled into a conversation. Sirius stayed with you, arm around your shoulders. James had sent him your way and he wasn't going to leave. You had all of his attention. So much so that he didn’t notice when James, Remus and Peter left the party, leaving you to walk back to Gryffindor Tower together. 

Over the next few days, James felt certain that you’d cave and tell him that you were dating. Hell, he would’ve accepted a lie along the lines of “When you had him dance with me… something changed.” Alas, you were still sitting on opposite sides of the common room, sharing fleeting glances. James sending Sirius to be around you wasn’t working. Maybe something would click if he tried talking to you? 

After the next Gryffindor quidditch practice, James asked you to help clean up some of the equipment he left on the pitch. You cleaned up in silence. You wanted to get it over with so that you could shower and finish your homework before going to meet Sirius in the Astronomy Tower later. 

“You know you don’t need to hide anything from me, right?” James asked when it was just you and him in the locker room. “Like you can tell me anything.”

“I guess,” you said flatly. 

There was a moment of silence.

“Like you could tell me if you have a boyfriend.”

You could feel your face heat up, but you kept moving to not seem suspicious.

“Doesn’t matter who it is,” James continued. “I know I’ve… said things to some blokes in the past, but, erm, not anymore.”

“Alright. Cool,” you said. 

“Cause I know you can take care of yourself. You’re smart. And if some idiot breaks your heart and you want me to, I’ll break his face, no matter who it is. But just to warm them up. Because once you’re ready, I know you’ll murder them yourself.”

You laughed and looked over at James. 

“I think I got the message. You’ll be a big brother when I want you to. Um, thanks.”

The two of you started to walk back to the tower. James was really hoping that you’d tell him now that you were dating Sirius. You said you got the message. You got about halfway back before James said anything.

“So, do you have a secret boyfriend?” 

Your heart skipped a beat in your chest. There was no way that James could know about you and Sirius. You’d been so careful. 

“No,” you lied. “Not that it’d be any of your business if I did.”

“I just want to know what’s going on in your life. That a bad thing?” James asked, attempting to sound nonchalant. 

“When you’re being weird? Yes.”

James dropped it for the rest of the walk to the tower, and then you disappeared up to your dorm as quickly as you could. You’d tell Sirius all about your conversation with James when you got to the Astronomy Tower. While you were both so sure that there was no way that James could have caught on, you agreed to downplay the relationship even more. 

James talking to you had the opposite effect of what he had hoped to achieve. James had said it doesn’t matter who you date. But you know that what James says and what he means can often be very different things, and with Sirius, you’d rather play it safe. 

James realized quickly that he made no progress with you. Next up was talking to Sirius. 

“You know you’re my best mate, right?” James asked as the two boys walked back to Gryffindor Tower after detention together. 

“Erm, yeah? And you too. You’re my brother.” 

James nodded. “Brothers, yeah. I’d trust you with my life. Trust you with Y/N’s life. You wouldn’t do anything that’d put our brotherhood in harm’s way.” 

Sirius stiffened as they started to climb some stairs. He’d trust Sirius with your life? What about your heart? But wouldn’t that put their brotherhood on the line? Because that was why he was dating you in secret, to prevent James from freaking out. Sirius cleared his throat.

“You two are some of the best people in my life. I’d rather die than lose you.” Nothing but truth came out of Sirius’ mouth.

A rare moment of awkward silence settled between the boys. James wasn’t ready to drop it with Sirius yet. He felt that he could get the curly haired boy to crack. 

“You know what I’ve noticed?”

“Hmm?”

“You haven’t flirted with anyone recently. What’s up with that?”

“What? I have too!” He had flirted. Just, with you when James wasn’t within earshot. Or sight. 

“Have you? Usually you tell me who you’re working on.” 

“Godric, do I need to report to you about every girl who tickles my fancy?” 

James didn’t like Sirius saying that you “tickle his fancy” but he assumed it was to throw him off. Sirius was putting up walls. There was no way that he wasn’t serious about you. Like he said, he’d rather die than lose you and James. 

“Hey, didn’t mean it like that. Jus’ stating my observation.” 

James sighed. That would be it for the night. Negative progress. He wished it wouldn’t be weird to straight up ask if Sirius fancied you, and that Sirius wouldn’t feel the need to lie if he did ask. 

---

James was getting tired. He just wanted you and Sirius to admit that you were dating to his face so you could all get on with your lives. You and Sirius had taken sneaking around to a whole new level. Handholding is an absolute minimum. Glances across the room are rare. Conversations are kept short. 

James was beginning to lose his mind. Had he somehow broken you two up with his asking questions? No. How could his support tear you apart? 

He swore he saw Sirius’ foot resting against yours as you just happened to be working homework at the same table in the common room. Remus and one of your friends were also at the table. He hadn’t broken you up; he simply drove you deeper into hiding. 

Saturday came and brought a Gryffindor quidditch win with it. James had taken a bludger to the side. It only bruised so Madam Pomfrey told him to tough it out. That meant he was lounging on the couch with a firewhiskey that various students would top off for him when they passed by. And that meant no one was watching how much he was drinking. 

Except you. You noticed when he slipped from tipsy into drunk territory, and that was the moment you decided to stand close to Sirius. He looked down at you like you were the most precious thing on earth. You had a hushed conversation, both of you leaning against the wall and laughing now and then. 

“Siriussss,” James slurred from the couch. He sat up slightly, wincing at the pain in his side. “Y/N!”

You hadn’t really heard Sirius’ name from your brother, but you heard yours. You took a step back from Sirius and looked at James. 

“What’d you need?” you asked nicely. 

He was drunk and essentially couch-bound. You’d get him something if he needed it.

“You ‘n’ ‘im.”

“Excuse me?” Sirius asked, stepping towards the couch and crouching down to be at James’ level. “What do you need us to do?”

James hummed and took a swig of his whiskey. “Jus’ kiss already.”

“What?” you gasped, face tinging pink.

“You and Pads, you’d be cuuute together,” James said before putting a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “You could legally be my brother if you play your cards right.” 

“James,” Sirius breathed incredulously. “That’s your sister.”

“I knoooow.”

“I-I don’t like her like that. I can’t kiss her.”

“We can’t kiss,” you agreed. 

Both your and Sirius’ faces were getting redder by the second.

“He’s basically my brother.”

“It’d be gross. It’s ridiculous.”

“Please, never suggest that again.”

“Sirius, I think he needs to be cut off.”

“Y/N, I fully agree,” Sirius said, taking the cup from James’ hand and giving it to you. “Alright, come on, James. Up you get.”

Sirius attempted to get James to stand up. James, drunk and injured, was more like jelly than a person as Sirius hoisted him up. 

“I’m taking him up to our dorm…” 

“And you’ll kiss when you come back down,” James said like it was a confirmed statement. 

“Not going to happen. That’s your sister, mate. I’m not kissing her.”

“But you already are,” James said, somehow becoming more limp in Sirius’ grip. 

Sirius almost dropped him. Did James know? But if he already knew, why hadn’t he said anything and why was he just now suggesting that you kiss and saying you’d be cute together? If he knew, he’d be saying that you are cute together. Or murdering him for touching her. 

It took Sirius longer than he expected to get James up the stairs, into their dorm and then into his bed. James kept rambling about how Sirius and Y/N would actually make a good couple, you just need to give it a chance, and trust him, because he’s James Potter, knower of love and well acquainted with both of them. 

“Get some sleep. Drink water,” Sirius instructed James. “Do not leave this room.”

When Sirius reappeared in the common room, you were talking with your friends, your face still bright pink. You made eye contact with Sirius across the room, but you didn’t go to him. Now that James had announced that he wanted you and Sirius together, you couldn’t be snuggled up to him. That would all but confirm it for the rest of the house, and that would lead to someone telling James and the end of your relationship. Although, you would have to tell James eventually, you decided to push it off; you’d have to talk to Sirius about it in more depth later anyways. 

The next few days, James doesn’t mention the idea of you and Sirius dating. He had other things on his mind. He also thought that maybe one of you would tell him that drunk him was right. You were cute together and you know that because you’re already dating. One of you had to tell him. Sooner or later. It would happen. James was sure of it. 

By Wednesday, he was no longer sure of it. 

“Remus, I need advice,” James said, finding him in their dorm. 

“Yes, doing your homework before the day it’s due reduces stress.”

“Not what I need advice on.” James sat down on Remus’ bed. “I know something. Like ninety five percent sure. And I’m fine with it. I think it’s nice. But, here’s the issue: the people involved don’t know that I know, and I think they think I’ll freak out if I do find out. So how do I tell them I know? Without straight up saying I know, because of that five percent. And if I am wrong, that would be far, far worse than pretending I don’t know while I do know.” 

“You know but they don’t know you know. And they aren’t telling you because you can be a drama king. Understandable.” Remus paused. “You could hint at it.”

“I’ve been bloody trying! They’re being… lovably dense right now.”

Remus chuckled and turned his body toward James. 

“Keep hinting at it, and hope to the heavens they come to their senses and tell you. Erm, do you think I know about it?”

“There’s a good chance about it. Since I’m the issue. Can’t see why they’d keep it from you, unless it’s a secret from everyone to ensure that it doesn’t get back to me.”

“Right. And you’re not going ask me if I know about what you know about?”

“Because if I tell you and end up being wrong without them telling me, the awkwardness will happen.”

“Like you can’t handle awkwardness?”

“Not on that level. Just… trust me.”

“Then you’re hoping to the heavens on this one, Prongs. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

---

It was more than a week later. Remus had Prefect duties. Peter was getting help on his Charms’ homework from Marlene in the common room. James was supposed to have detention. You followed Sirius up to the boys’ dorm. It had been a while since you’d been able to have the room to yourselves. It was certainly warmer and more comfortable than the Astronomy Tower, and it offered more privacy than some other places you’d made out with Sirius. And it was larger than a broom closet. 

You were giggling as Sirius pulled you into a bearhug and fell backwards onto his bed. He kissed your neck from behind you, causing more giggles. You turned your body around to straddle his lap and grabbed his face, moving his lips from your neck to your lips. His hands were feeling every inch of your body. 

While that was happening, James was heading back to the tower. Professor Slughorn had forgotten about James’ detention and sent him away, saying that the walk down to his office was punishment enough, apparently. James wasn’t complaining. He waved to Peter in the common room and headed up to his dorm to get his own homework. He had some assignments he could get done. When he tried to turn the knob, it didn’t move. Who locked their door? 

“Alohamora,” James whispered and the lock clicked. 

You and Sirius didn’t hear the door unlocking, but you heard it open. You pulled back from Sirius and froze. James was casually strolling into the dorm, completely unphased by the sight of you sitting in Sirius’ lap with his hands up your shirt. 

“Oh, hey, Sirius. Y/N. Carry on. Just grabbing some things,” James said with utter nonchalance. 

You and Sirius were unable to move. The shock of James coming into the room and not caring was mind blowing. He was about to close the door behind him when you managed to get yourself off of Sirius and to the door.

“Wait!” you called, despite James literally only being two steps away.

“Yes?”

“About… that…”

“You don’t need to stop on my account. I just needed my stuff.”

“I thought, erm, we thought you had detention?”

“I did too. Sluggy forgot.”

You shifted your weight from one foot to the other. “And about what you just saw?”

“A sock or tie on the knob will suffice next time.”

Sirius coughed from inside the dorm, having gotten off his bed to listen to what you and James were saying.

“If you break her heart, I will break your face, Sirius,” James said with a smile. 

“But my face is fine, like now?” Sirius asked through the door. 

“I figured it out a while ago. Tried to get you to tell me that you were dating,” James said. “And I meant everything I’ve said to you two. I’ll go angry big brother only if you want me to. And I trust you, Sirius.” James turned to go down the stairs but only got three more steps. “One more thing, don’t be stupid. I’m too young to be an uncle.”