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bouncing back to what i used to be !!!!!!

its hard to dream of you these days ...somehow its like i cant remember your face .

anxiety kicking in sounds better now ... i mean i have become habitual to this state over the course of time ... but obviously not immune ...there are days when i just want to act like one normal human ....a confident woman .....its been a while since i went to any gathering wholeheartedly ...and the fact that bothers me the most is that no one will ever feel my absence ...may be i am not likable enough or maybe i m just outdated

idk if i should block him or spam him with all the things this lil brain of mine is unable to carry anymore ...

i can not put this feeling into words ...but yes my heart is tearing apart

you ever accidentally fuck with someone for 2 years ?

my thoughts are heavily stained by his ever haunting memories ...

there must be a purpose of my life apart from dissociating and missing you .....

how to just disappear ?

after a very long time i am trying to write something and its surely not going to justify my inner turmoil ..its been a while since i am feeling this urge to just leave everyone behind and disappear for good .. not because that is the only way out but mainly because i want to feel more alive and less dependent ... it would be much better if nobody could ever find me or reach me even if they want to ..may be that way only i can deal with the things my way without expecting anything from anyone ... its so pathetic of me running back to the very person who left me with this unresolvable sickness ..this unfillable void ..this bone breaking pain and what not !!!!!

I pray I can convince myself to fall out of love with him before I grow psychotic, over-exhausted, too irresistible, highly unstable, and more vulnerable, and indeed happier before it is too late, sadly, now it’s too late I am already on the verge of craziness punching on the gate of soundness visualizing myself continuing a life of a reasonable character, haunted by his magnetism, I’m about to say goodbye to this seesawing sensibility.