Today is self-indulgent day! So I know mobile tumblr users cannot see the handy links and shortcuts I’ve made on my tumblr, but I have wondered if they have a direct link if they can get to it. So this is both an experiment and potentially a pinned post if it works!
Did you know I had a page for all my pokemon writings? :> It’s all submas related as anyone who follows me knows. Feel free to re-read some posts and ideas, or if you haven’t seen them maybe take a gander. (I still intend to wrestle myself into writing them for realsies!
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I finished my flower crown for the server event! This time I tried a few new things. First off, instead of just doing a collage of colors that represent the character, I decided to do a crown the character would wear. Roman my dear one, here is your golden crown :)
So I've read stuff in the "humans are space orcs" genre where things we see as perfectly normal (like water, mint, caffeine, and capsaicin) are considered deadly poisons to some aliens. Is that the case in the Space AU? On a scale from 1 to 1,000, how horrified were the others when the twins needed water to survive? I'm sure Roman wanted coffee, and Remus wanted spicy. 1/2
I will freely admit that part of starting this story was to lean into the "humans are space orcs", because I McFreaking love that genre, but as the story developed some of that fell off. SOME.
I haven't thought about water specifically no, but they aren't the only heavily water-based lifeform in the galaxy, so that's less of an orc thing and more of a "wait they put WHAT in their water to make it potable?!", since y'know, even our tap water goes through quite the process before it gets to us. (Barring of course some places that don't get even that 😔)
In some ways water is an anti-orc thing for humans, because without it we are dead in 3 days tops. So idk! I'll have to think on that one. Certainly the ease in which we swim around, our ability to float, our ability to recover from drowning, and things like that could put us squarely back in the realm of space-orc. So far as my story goes, there's not a lot of water planned, so now I'll have to come up with something lolol~
Okay so. So like. There is a lot of trauma in this group that is not obvious from the commission pics I've been getting. But (how to put this delicately oh let's be real I'm not even gonna try) Logan performs many experiments on Roman, many of which are designed to find out his needs, limits, stressors, weaknesses, etc. So the food/water survival is one of the first things Logan figures out on a chemical basis at least, as it's needed to keep the "specimen" alive.
(And for those that do not remember, Logan is being forced to do this with Patton as his collateral if he does not cooperate. He's very numb to it all by the time Roman is given over to him, and it's going to take him a bit to get over his reluctance to use his knowledge again. The poor jellyfish has trauma up one side and down the other. He's very fortunate Roman is stubborn and resilient.)
It's actually the same with Virgil's species. Roman 🤝Virgil space-orc solidarity. They have their weaknesses sure, but the things they can survive that freak the others out!
Case in point! The crowns! I'm going to use this as an excuse to yap about them a little.
Did you know you can survive explosive decompression in space for a little bit? Roman does! In an unlucky set of circumstances, he is caught in a decompression event, to the horror of everyone. I don't have the full thing planned out, but I do think it's some sort of fight, he doesn't see it coming but Remus does, which is why Remus is able to rescue him in the precious few seconds so that he survives the immediate issues.
This is the scale 1000 horror event. The others know that you don't survive that kind of thing for even a moment, and Roman did but he's extremely injured and you don't survive those kind of injuries.
Except humans do. One of the space-orc elements I am emphasizing is that most races survive by avoiding injury, as they are unable to recover from traumatic enough injuries. Humans though, if you survive the initial damage, have extremely amazing recovery abilities. So where everyone is already mourning the loss, Remus is pressing for help.
At that point, Logan is pressed to use his knowledge of the human body to fix everything he can and invent things for what he can't. (Even then he was paralyzed, unable to push through his own trauma about what he's done to Roman before, and Roman despite all his injuries reassures him, asks him to help.) Roman will ofc make a full recovery, but no one wants that sort of thing to happen again.
Which is where the crowns come in. They are actually technology, a communication/translation device set to hover just above their heads, because the twins are huge drama nerds and Roman was able to pick the design. 😋 Remus is picking up all sorts of neat engineering tricks with the kind of technology he now has access to, and he and THOMAS basically conspire and re-design the crowns to have a new feature.
When the system detects low enough oxygen/atmosphere, it will immediately deploy a protective film that provides oxygen and pressure around their heads. Their body suits are already space-suit worthy, so it seals off the exposed head and neck area, becoming basically a portable spacesuit. (The jacket and armor and stuff is style on top lol)
I got off track on the space-orc stuff lol~ So this is not humans, but I believe I've mentioned that Virgil's species evolved near impenetrable shell/skin due to their fear of pain and death. They are stuck on their own planet however (they are not particularly upset about this, a bit of race snobbery there), due to the fact that leaving the planet is the one thing found to kill them for "unknown" reasons.
They have conceded enough to create a ground port for visiting space ships to dock in, but it's quite rare as they are very proprietary about what they allow to export, and most traders don't find the trouble worth it. Janus of course sees this as an opportunity to have near exclusive access if he plays his cards right.
So the thing is, the ground port is safe for trade, because it was designed to be so. The rest of the world is basically a death trap for any off-world visitor, from the flora to the fauna and everything in between. Virgil, able to stroll around the countryside secure in the knowledge he can't be harmed by anything, doesn't really realize this when he offers to show Janus around.
Janus learns QUITE QUICKLY to stick to the safety of his ship and the port.
In terms of food, humans definitely can digest a wider variety of alien dishes than most other species. In general, it's "stick to your food and never touch anyone else's for fear of death". For humans, it's "hey can I try that?" Patton works with Logan to try and narrow down things that might hurt the humans so they can be avoided, but they are so curious to try all sorts of new things.
Patton definitely has a bit of food immunity himself, so he's always be aware that you can't serve just anything to anyone already. This gives him a chance to explore and experiment with new cuisine, expanding what people can and can't eat. And beyond that, it's not just CAN eat, it's also to make it taste GOOD. Little changes in the same dish can have a drastic difference on what each person thinks of it.
One of the reasons Patton is so good at this is of course his passive precognition. He just has a gut feeling as to what people can or can't eat, and what they will enjoy, at a method of preparing it that is better. He doesn't eat things that will hurt him for the same reason.
Another popular trope in these kind of stories is the fighting ring, and how humans are able to rip through other species with ease. Just because I threw Roman into a lab didn't mean I forgot about that!
Remus single-handed is the source of those rumors about humanity. He had desperation, anger, and an 'any means necessary' attitude that left a big impression behind. He was the "spare", the one the kidnappers kept to throw into the betting rings hoping to double their profits on this new species. One for research, one for entertainment.
They did not expect Remus to be so vicious. They did not expect Remus to ignore the volts of electricity surrounding the arena that kept the other participants contained. They did not expect to have found the unstoppable objects. Remus was going to escape and find his brother no matter what.
So yeah, some of the humans are space orcs are that yes, they are resilient, have pretty dang impressive healing capabilities, can ingest a wide variety of things that are poison to other species, but really a lot of it is also that they are a new species and widely unknown. It's much easier to fear the unknown, after all. If you don't know where to hit a human to stop it from moving, how terrible would it be to break one of their legs, only for the human to not stop walking on it anyway.
Hello! The image of Remus looking longingly at pasta made me think of something. So, how does the food situation work? Like, what do the boys eat? Are there things they can all eat? How did the ones who are less well-travelled learn what is or is not safe for them in space? Does Remus get space spaghetti? Please give him space spaghetti.
I nearly busted a rib when Roach showed me that pic, I love it dearly 🤭
Ah I'm so happy to get an ask about my space babies<3, thank you very much! Give me an excuse to world build a bit more ehehehehe~
In the way of space stories, I am handwaving some realism and relying on the idea that there would be all different sorts of advanced technology in a society that had multiple species across the galaxy, at a level that allows for space travel between stars, and a centralized federation built to keep peace between the races.
That said, what I think happens with food is that there is manufactured food, which can be catered to various species nutrient needs, but is rather bland and boring to eat (a majority of what space travelers eat however, as it's cheap and easiest to have on board a multi-species ship), and there is food native to everyone's home system.
For most ships that space travel, it's more economic to just have a central food synthesizer that can provide food for any species of crew you might have. Like cars, ships are manufactured with maximum profit in mind. You can of course spend extra to have proper food preparation stations installed for certain cuisines, especially if you are a single race or only have a small variety of races on board, but stocking that kind of system is also more expensive than the generic synthesized food processor. Some of the draw of joining an established crew is they DO splurge on the good stuff, and individuals or smaller crews just getting by have to put up with lesser food.
Space stations that are trade hubs generally have a variety of food places where you can get "local" cuisines. Basically, restaurants that cater to both specific species and tourists or curiosity seekers. It's less processed than what you generally would buy for a space ship, since that has to last for a long journey but the space stations can replenish their stock much more regularly. Expensive pleasure ships (aka owned by rich people who travel for fun rather than necessity or profit) also splurge on this kind of food.
Janus, when he first started out, suffered through the poor man's food, but as soon as his budget allowed, he immediately expanded to better foodstuff to his tastes. It was the one vanity he enjoyed, other than improving his ship over time. Since he was also a solo trader, any profit he made was solely his to enjoy, and he got very good at it.
When he seriously started to consider courting Virgil, he looked into expanding the landing ship's food prep to accommodate for that (not the main ship, because he never imagined Virgil would be able to get to it), but it was something he'd have to design himself or commission, since no one in the federated space had ever bothered with the cuisine of a planet-bound species. He unfortunately never got that far as shit went down and Virgil got kidnapped, presumed dead.
After the rescue and gaining way more crew members than he expected, Janus did have to expand the food prep system to accommodate them all, and he didn't skimp on it either. It's partially a matter of pride, and partially because he cares for the first time ever for other people. However there is no "local" food for the earthlings, since Earth is not known or incorporated into the federation yet (unknown planet ripe for raiders to kidnap people from).
So for a while they are stuck on the synthesized foods. Logan helps figure out and program it to their nutritional needs, but there is definitely a lot of trial and error going on. Remus is happy to be the guinea pig, which is way more comfortable for Roman and Logan both, but Logan insists on being as careful as possible before introducing new foods to either of them. Much testing before they are allowed to ingest it.
(When a new species is integrated into the Federation, part of the process is determining what is and is not poisonous to the species from the known list of such things. It's not perfect, and there is definitely a bit of "try at your own risk" going on, but they are only liable for what is on the "official" list of safe foods. Such new oddities are a huge draw for space station restaurants, who want to encourage the new suckers--species to travel around, so they rush to set up trade and food reproduction.)
I do think Patton (who feels a bit useless in terms of his role on the ship (this is not true, but it is how he feels)) ends up taking over managing food for the crew. He starts out with finding alien cuisine that a)doesn't poison anyone on the ship and b)that people like. Remus is perfectly pleased to try any old thing, while Roman is a bit pickier, but both are definitely grateful to have some variety. (This is about the time of the pasta lament, and let's be real Roman is in his own room mooning over pictures of pasta as well. They miss real food 😭)
Eventually in the story, they head back to Earth. I won't get into all the details, but they do end up making it a regular destination to visit for some downtime (maybe a couple times a year or such). So they DO get their pasta!
Patton (and Logan probably) petition to start a sort of space garden to have fresh food available, since they are able and willing to take care of it. Janus agrees, as he and Virgil benefit from it as well, and he expands the ship to have an appropriate space for it. (THOMAS is delighted by his new responsibility as well, and monitors it dutifully.)
And as he is want to do, Patton DOES experiment with food. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. I fully believe before they made it back to Earth, he DID attempt to create space!pasta for the twins. While it wasn't the same, Roman was definitely touched by the gesture, and Remus ends up liking it even more than Earth pasta (though he's happy to have both when he can).
Whew! That was probably way more than you meant, but I had fun :) Thank you again for the ask!
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in the afternoon i was falling asleep while reading. never fell asleep, but definitely nearly nodded off several times.
gained migraine/tension headache/whatever the fuck the icepick in the head and neck is, and now it's 130am and i cannot sleep bc lying down hurts like a mofo (i mean as does sitting up but like you know what i mean)
considering it probably wont go away at this point so im kinda resigned to a migraine on my day off. hu. zzah.
Prompt: "It won't be my fault if you get hurt. Remember that."
Sasi Server Prompt Party Ficlet!
Characters: Remus, Janus
Pairing: Implied Dukeceit
Warning: Minor description of injury by glass, some speculation on further injury per Remus
~*~*~*~*~
"It won't be my fault if you get hurt. Remember that," Janus intoned without looking up from the book he was reading.
Remus paid him no mind, carefully balancing on one foot on the back of the couch as he stretched as high as he could. He was still a couple of inches too short from being able to place the end of the garland where he wanted. Nothing a little leap of faith couldn't fix!
To be fair, he did nail the placement of the festive decor. Also to be fair, the loud clatter and his yelps of pain were clearly his own fault.
Remus lay in the wreckage of the coffee table that had snapped quite in half when the full weight of a grown man had landed on it. The shattered glass top was leaving deep gouges in his back, and he wondered idly if any of it would get ground into the carpet to be a surprise for the next unsuspecting pair of bare feet that came through here.
A familiar bowler hat leaned into view, Janus's concern hidden under the thin veneer of boredom. Silly of him to try that. He had to know Remus wouldn't stand for half-assed repression bullshit.
"I did warn you," Janus said, eyeing Remus among the wreckage. "And now we have to replace furniture. You know I find that to be a tedious chore."
"If you sit on my chest, do you think the glass will get pushed into my heart?" Remus mused.
Janus sighed down at him. "There are better places to sit."
Remus immediately brightened. "Like my face!" He made grabby hands toward Janus, along with big pleading eyes.
"And risk bruising my knees? You know me better than that," Janus tutted. He did deign to reach out a hand and grab one of Remus's, tugging it lightly to help lift Remus out of his pile of pain. "Come on darling, let's get you cleaned up."
"Aw boo." Remus's grimace was only mostly at the idea of getting clean and not at the white-hot pain down his back. "Wouldn't it be funnier if I ran out into the dork side and gave them a scare?" He let himself be shuffled down the hallway toward the bathroom. "I bet daddy Patty would straight up faint!"
"Hilarious," Janus drawled. He paused for a moment just outside the door. Without looking at Remus, he took one of Remus's hand in his. "Don't do that again?" he asked quietly.
Remus would never do anything as sappy as melt at the pleading tone. But he would admit to feeling as mushy as an overripe peach if pressed. "Sure thing, snakey."
Y'ello! Unfortunately, The Space One (at this point I'm very tempted to leave that the title for the lols) is mostly a huge document full of endless notes about the stories and characters, alas.
The good news is that it's one of the personal projects I am determined to write, however long it takes me!
The bad news is I'm very slow to write. oTL
If you like, you can read the first draft chapter I did post on tungles here, if you have not already done so! I also am thinking of posting another lore dump if I can get my notes organized any time soon. Either way, thank you for your interest!
Back once more with the last (but not least) addition to The Space One AU!! Roman is here once more but he and Remus get to be the main characters for once <3 The universe may try to take them apart but they'll find and help each other no matter what !!!! the doomed siblings !!!!!!!!!!!! im hate them !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /j
You can see everything from the AU here (as well as the beautiful Rinnie art for this au (Part 1) (Part 2) that im so not normal about)
+ a little extra out of context Remus because he's so silly <3
Prompt: A gentle “you don’t look well ..” trailing off into a “woah, hey, hey-“ as they lurch forward to steady, or perhaps catch, a most definitely sick character.
Sasi Server Prompt Party Ficlet!
Characters: Virgil, Thomas
Pairing: None
Warning: Off screen character death, on screen character death, blood, panic
Note: This is basically a scene from a fic I have not yet written. No happy ending in the plunnie, alas.
~*~*~*~*~
Virgil fled, leaving behind red footprints as he scrambled to get away away away from the thing that had killed Remus, killed them all. Tears dripped out of his wide eyes, but he could not let them cloud his vision, could not let anything slow him down, not when he could still hear the sound of flesh being ripped apart, bones breaking under a crushing grip, the final gurgle dying in a throat drowning in blood.
He tried to rise up again, met the same resistance as the last time that had prevented all of them from reaching Thomas when this whole thing had begun. Now, though, he had nothing to lose (had already lost everyone), he had to see Thomas, he had to know what happened, and he pressed harder and harder until something shattered, and he rose into reality with a nauseating jerk.
Stumbling to his hands and knees, he panted and sobbed, limbs shaking so hard he nearly face planted into the ground. The only thing that kept him upright was the desperate need to get to Thomas, to make sure he was okay (how could he be okay when the others were dead).
A noise nearby made him snap his head up, scrambling backwards as he took in his surroundings. Windows were shattered, glass scattered across the carpet in glittering piles. The blinds were half pulled off the wall, swaying a bit in the warm breeze coming from outside. Everything smelled of smoke, and Virgil could make out the distinct flicking light of fire coming from the neighboring apartment.
There was blood on the floor. Too much. What had happened?
A pained moan had Virgil staggering to his feet. "Thomas?" he called hoarsely. He could barely speak around the grief suffocating him, but he had to find his center. "Thomas?!" he cried again, more desperately. Please, please let Thomas be okay.
Another pained noise had Virgil spinning around, dashing as quick as his shaking legs would carry him up the stairs. A trail of red lead him straight to Thomas's bedroom, the door partially ajar. Virgil didn't hesitate as he pushed his way inside.
And there was Thomas. He was clutching his arm to his chest, blood running between his fingers from some wound Virgil couldn't quite make out. It stained his shirt so so red.
"Oh," Virgil breathed, something beyond terror gripping him. Everything around him seemed to crystallize, spots of light dancing in his vision as the world becoming muffled from the ringing in his ears. "You…you don't look so good."
"Virge?" Thomas said weakly. He was panting heavily, eyes unfocused as they darted unseeingly over Virgil's face. His head lolled on his shoulder, as if it was too heavy for him to lift. Still, he tried to pick himself off the floor.
"Thomas!" Virgil cried again, reaching out as Thomas pitched forward sharply. "Woah, hey hey," he said, catching Thomas in his arms. Thomas's skin was so cold against his. "It's"—he swallowed a sob, know it was a lie even as he said it—"it's gonna be okay, right Thomas? Let's get that bandaged up?"
"Virgil," Thomas whimpered. Virgil lowered them both to the ground, clutching Thomas as tight as he could. "I'm scared." It came out as a whisper, so low Virgil almost missed it.
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Thomas looked up as his peripheral vision caught movement by the stairs. He blinked as he saw Patton walk down the hall toward the door. It wasn't completely unusual for a side to pop up when he wasn't having a mental breakdown friendly self-reflection, but they didn't usually ignore him.
"Pat?" he called out. Maybe he'd imagined it?
But no, Patton popped his head in the kitchen, giving Thomas a wave. "Hiya Thomas! I'm just gonna pop out for a minute. There's a bake sale going on at the middle school, and those snicker doodles have my name written all over them!"
"Wait, what? Going out? What do you mean Patt—" Thomas said in alarm, sitting up on the couch, but it was too late.
With a last, "See ya later kiddo! I'll save you a brownie!" Patton was out the door. Thomas blinked in shock.
"Wait, he can do that?"
—
The park was a good choice, Thomas decided. He'd been cooped up in his apartment for too many days in a row, and had finally forced himself into decent enough clothes and out the door. He hadn't had a destination in mind, and his feet had taken him to the local park. Now he was sitting on a shaded bench, enjoying the morning breeze as he felt the world start to heat up around him. It wouldn't be nice for long, what with Florida weather and all, but for now he was content.
He heard a commotion pick up, excited voices rising and falling in the distance. The group had been at whatever it was they were doing for a while. It didn't bother Thomas, though now he was curious at the rise in noise. He twisted a bit in his seat so he could see across the grass where the group was huddled. Some sort of performance, it seemed. That was fun. Thomas considered going over and seeing what group it was, when a flash of white caught his eye. Was that—?
Turning around fully, Thomas stared. Yeah, that was Roman in the center of a group of people, one hand on his chest as he performed some sort of soliloquy. His audience was listening intently. As in, perceiving Roman.
Maybe it was just someone who looked like Roman? Even as he thought it, though, Roman caught sight of him.
"Greetings, Thomas!" he called with a big wave. He turned back to his group to exchange a few words, before jogging over to where Thomas was still sitting frozen.
"Come here often?" Thomas joked weakly. What was happening?
"Every first Wednesday of the month!" Roman replied jovially. "Shakespeare in the park! It's such an invigorating way to get the creative juices pumping."
"Every…" Thomas trailed off weakly.
"It's good to see you out and about," Roman continued on, oblivious to Thomas's distress. "Why, I feared you'd turn as pale as Virgil if you didn't get some sun soon! Well, ta for now, I must get back to my adoring audience!"
So saying, Roman spun on his heel, marching back to the group with wide open arms.
Perhaps, Thomas thought weakly as he staggered his way back home, he'd gotten heat stroke after all.
—
A voice hollering was Thomas's only warning.
"Heads up, coming through!"
To his credit, Thomas didn't even hesitate to throw himself backward out of the path of a skateboarder jumping down a short flight of steps and onto the concrete in front of him. He clutched at his chest from the surprise, even as he felt a little pang of envy at the ease at which the boarder continued on their merry way, zipping around a corner in the direction of a nearby skate park. It looks so fun. It also reminded Thomas he wasn't getting any younger. Some things just weren't meant to be.
He caught the sound of more wheels on pavement, and didn't bother moving from his spot slightly to the side as a couple more skateboarders came down the same way their companion did, one of them grinding briefly on the rail before he landed with a clatter. Unlike the others, however, this one swung back around, stopping a few feet away.
"Hey Thomas," Virgil said with a little wave.
"Hi Virgil," Thomas parroted automatically, staring at his most anxious side standing so relaxed with one foot on his skateboard. He did have a helmet on, which oddly enough reassured Thomas that he wasn't straight up hallucinating this whole scenario. "How are you so good at skateboarding?"
Virgil hunched his shoulders a bit in a shrug. "I practice, Thomas, jeeze. Way to make a guy feel like he's doing something wrong."
"No!" Thomas protested, flailing a hand in panic. "That's not what I meant! Just, uh, when did you find the time I guess?"
"I have a life outside of you, ya know," Virgil said with an eyeroll.
"You literally don't though," Thomas said, beyond baffled and right into befuddled at this point.
Before Virgil could respond, a voice interrupted. "Hey Virge, you coming, man?" One of the other skateboarders had backtracked, and was beckoning Virgil to follow.
"I gotta go. Be careful at dinner tonight; Pat found some weird veggie and is trying to figure out how to cook it. I don't fully trust him not to poison us." Virgil kicked off with far more grace than Thomas though someone who looked like him could possess, rolling easily away. When he caught up to his buddy, they knocked arms briefly, then disappeared around the corner.
Thomas stared at his hands quietly. "Yeah, no, I feel really anxious about dinner right now. So that's still working at least." He sighed. Later sounded like the perfect time to think about this. Much, much later.
—
Seeing the handwritten sign for the Italian restaurant was an absolute stroke of luck for Thomas. He was starving, and the first shop he sees is this? Definitely a sign from the heavens! Sure it looked like it had just opened or something, what with the lack of advertising and all, but hey, beggers can't be choosers.
Beggers also shouldn't judge a book by its cover, he reminded himself as he smiled politely at the scary-looking man behind the counter. Said man looked surprised to have a customer. Well, Thomas was happy to support local businesses too. They needed all the help they could get against the soul-sucking big-chain restaurants!
"Hi! Uh, table for one, please?" he said pleasantly.
"You want a what?" the host parroted back.
Thomas could feel his nerves creeping. Maybe he should have just found a Domino's or something. But no, no, he would not let his social awkwardness get in the way of what might be a really good new pizza spot!
"I'd like to sit down to order?" he tried again. Maybe it was the guy's first day?
"…Right. This way," the man said, lumbering to his feet and gesturing further into the restaurant. It was empty, which again didn't surprise Thomas, but did sadden him. If they were any good, maybe he'd try and promote them on his channel or something. Nothing official, just drop a good word or something.
He was seated at a small table with a mismatched chair, handed a flimsy paper menu, and told to "Wait a moment" with barely a pause to breathe. The host then walked into the backroom without a further word, leaving Thomas studying the little menu curiously. He thought he heard something like "Hey boss" come from the back room, though it could have been "candy floss" or something.
A moment later though he was forced to pay attention as a familiar bowler hat exited the back room. For his part, Janus merely blinked a moment, before turning back to the lumbering man behind him. "Never mind, Marco. Serve the man, why don't you?"
Thomas was struck by the fact that something was somehow very very wrong with this picture. And it wasn't just that another one of his sides was out wandering the world without him either.
Janus delicately snagged the back of a nearby chair, spinning it around so he could settle at Thomas's table.
"I certainly expected to see you here today," he said, resting his chin on his hand as he observed Thomas curiously.
"I could say the same thing?" Thomas said uncertainly. "Uh, can I ask why you're here and not, like"—he paused, looking up at the hulking man waiting patiently to take his order—"at home?" It was the best he could do without sounding crazy.
"Of course you can, darling," Janus said magnanimously.
Thomas waited. Then sighed. "Why are you here and not at home," he intoned flatly.
"Oh Thomas, you're so funny!" Janus gushed mockingly. He waved a hand at Marco imperiously. "Get him a pepperoni pizza, won't you love? There we go."
Marco nodded and trudged off without a word. Thomas could feel sweat running down his back. Yeah, maybe this had been a terrible idea.
"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have some business to attend to," Janus said, standing back up and adjusting his gloves. "Do give us a good rating on yelp." So saying, he sashayed away into the back.
Thomas very nearly up and bolted then and there, but was honestly more frightened of what would happen if he did. He was also mortified to realize, once his pizza had been served, that it absolutely was the best freaking pizza he'd ever had.
Also he was never coming back here again, jesus.
—
The leg Thomas was clinging to didn't falter as it dragged him across the floor.
"Please! At least put on some pants!" he begged desperately.
"Booty shorts are my national anthem," Remus said gaily, "And you better believe I'm singing at the top of my lungs!"
"A shirt? A handkerchief? Nipple pasties? Anything at all would be an improvement at this point!"
"It cramps my style. Anyway, the other strippers at the club love it when I drop in unannounced! I have to do it for my adoring audience!" So saying, Remus twisted his foot just so, causing Thomas to lose his grip on the tall leather boots. "Ta! Don't wait up for me, Thomathy!"
Thomas lay on the floor feeling absolutely defeated. Why had he thought that would go any other way? "I thought the whole point of stripping was that you had something to take off."
—
Thomas stepped into the library, breathing a delighted sigh as the coolness of the air conditioning washed over him. This was just what he needed to get the creative juices flowing and get some good editing time in. He'd normally do this in a coffee shop, but they had been rather overcrowded lately, what with it being a holiday week. No matter, he could return to his normal haunt once the tourism died down. For now, the peace and chill of the library would do him just fine.
He made his way passed the front desk, ducking his head in an awkward nod when the librarian behind it looked up and caught his eye, before making his way to the back tables tucked away behind a few of the tall stacks. Lucky for him, there was only one person occupying the little getaway.
Unlucky for him, he recognized the person.
"Hi Logan…" he sighed. He really should be used to this by now, but somehow it was always a shock to his system to see his sides out in the wild.
Logan barely looked up from his book. "Salutations, Thomas."
Thomas shifted on his feet for a moment, before nodding in determination and taking a seat at Logan's table.
For his part, Logan lowered his book with a raised eyebrow. "Can I help you?" he asked crisply.
"Why are you here?" Thomas blurted out, any hope of broaching the topic gracefully yeeted right out the window.
"I had thought to research on the published history surrounding psychosis and other mental health issues, with an eye to compare the outdated material and how our understanding has grown over the last two decades." Logan gave a happy little smile. "It's fascinating the shift that has happened, though of course there is still a long way to go before we reach even an acceptable baseline standard for information surrounding such a topic."
Thomas gaped a little, distracted from his original intention. "Why are you reading that?"
"How else do you think I have the information needed to assist you, Thomas," Logan chided. "I must constantly learn to keep up with your crisis of the week."
Thomas wanted to be offended, but the comment did remind him that his question hadn't been answered satisfactorily. "No, that's great and all, but I meant why are you and the others outside? I swear I've seen you guys all around town lately, and it's kind of freaking me out!"
Logan tutted lightly. "Where did you think we went when we were not assisting you?"
"I don't know, in my head? My imagination? The mind palace??"
"That is clearly absurd. The mind palace was merely an experiment of Roman's that has long since dematerialized," Logan said derisively. There was a quiet buzz, and he pulled a phone out of his pocket. "Ah, my apologies, it's time for me to head to my tutoring session. It is really quite refreshing being able to guide the youth of today in the pursuit of knowledge," he said brightly, scooping up the pile of books from the table as he stood up. "I hope you have a pleasant evening," he added, nodding at Thomas as he walked away.
Thomas sat at the table staring into space for quite a while after that. Finally he sighed. Yeah, no, this might as well be happening. The sooner he accepted it as his new reality, the less stressed he'd be. Virgil would appreciate not having as much work at least.
—
Nico made his way up the steps to Thomas's door, nearly fumbling the drinks tray he was carrying as he dug in his pocket for his keys. It had been a special day when Thomas had offered the spare set to him, stuttering and flushed and oh so charmingly telling Nico that he was welcome any time. Nico made sure to treat the honor with extra care, knowing how nervous the other man was about safety. Three months was quite the record for him not misplacing his keys, and he was kind of proud of that fact. Thomas really did bring out the best in him.
It turned out, however, that he didn't need his keys at all. He only absently noticed the sound of music getting closer when a terrible cry went up from inside the apartment.
"ICE CREAM MAN!"
There was a thunder of footsteps, and Nico wisely stepped to the side just before the front door burst open, and six familiar faces—in that they were all one face—dashed by him and down the street where a white van was just pulling around the corner.
Nico blinked in bewilderment for just a moment, before he leaned around the open door to peer inside. Thomas himself was hurrying down the hallway, tucking his wallet into his pocket with one hand and running a hand through his messy hair with the other. Thomas caught sight of him and stopped so suddenly he rocked back on his heels.
"AAAaoh, uh, hi Nico! Didn't know you were coming over today?"
Nico couldn't help the smile at Thomas's little show of nerves. "It was kinda a last minute decision. I just wanted to see you. And I brought coffee?" He held up the tray of two drinks, condensation sliding down the sides enticingly.
"Ooooh, yes, you are the best!" Thomas said eagerly, reaching out with both hands to make grabby motions.
Nico laughed. "I see this is all I needed to charm the alluring Mr. Sanders!" He handed the iced coffee over to his boyfriend, who immediately took a long, satisfied sip of it.
"I would sell myself to One Direction for a cold drink on a day like this," Thomas said with a sigh, clutching the cup to his face.
"Maybe I should have brought more?"
"Huh? Why?"
Nico gestured down the street. "You had company?"
"Huh?" Thomas looked confused for a moment, before his eyes widened in realization. "Oh shoot! Sorry Nico, I'm a bit all over the place. I'll be right back I promise thank you for the coffee I love you~" Every word came out faster than the last as he rushed by Nico and took off down the street, the last word echoing in the hot summer air.
Nico shook his head with a grin. He had no idea why there were six men who looked identical to Thomas hanging around the apartment, but he was kind of looking forward to the story behind it. Stepping inside, he closed the door firmly. No need to waste any more air conditioning than they already had after all.
Thomas looked up as his peripheral vision caught movement by the stairs. He blinked as he saw Patton walk down the hall toward the door. It wasn't completely unusual for a side to pop up when he wasn't having a mental breakdown friendly self-reflection, but they didn't usually ignore him.
"Pat?" he called out. Maybe he'd imagined it?
But no, Patton popped his head in the kitchen, giving Thomas a wave. "Hiya Thomas! I'm just gonna pop out for a minute. There's a bake sale going on at the middle school, and those snicker doodles have my name written all over them!"
"Wait, what? Going out? What do you mean Patt—" Thomas said in alarm, sitting up on the couch, but it was too late.
With a last, "See ya later kiddo! I'll save you a brownie!" Patton was out the door. Thomas blinked in shock.
"Wait, he can do that?"
—
The park was a good choice, Thomas decided. He'd been cooped up in his apartment for too many days in a row, and had finally forced himself into decent enough clothes and out the door. He hadn't had a destination in mind, and his feet had taken him to the local park. Now he was sitting on a shaded bench, enjoying the morning breeze as he felt the world start to heat up around him. It wouldn't be nice for long, what with Florida weather and all, but for now he was content.
He heard a commotion pick up, excited voices rising and falling in the distance. The group had been at whatever it was they were doing for a while. It didn't bother Thomas, though now he was curious at the rise in noise. He twisted a bit in his seat so he could see across the grass where the group was huddled. Some sort of performance, it seemed. That was fun. Thomas considered going over and seeing what group it was, when a flash of white caught his eye. Was that—?
Turning around fully, Thomas stared. Yeah, that was Roman in the center of a group of people, one hand on his chest as he performed some sort of soliloquy. His audience was listening intently. As in, perceiving Roman.
Maybe it was just someone who looked like Roman? Even as he thought it, though, Roman caught sight of him.
"Greetings, Thomas!" he called with a big wave. He turned back to his group to exchange a few words, before jogging over to where Thomas was still sitting frozen.
"Come here often?" Thomas joked weakly. What was happening?
"Every first Wednesday of the month!" Roman replied jovially. "Shakespeare in the park! It's such an invigorating way to get the creative juices pumping."
"Every…" Thomas trailed off weakly.
"It's good to see you out and about," Roman continued on, oblivious to Thomas's distress. "Why, I feared you'd turn as pale as Virgil if you didn't get some sun soon! Well, ta for now, I must get back to my adoring audience!"
So saying, Roman spun on his heel, marching back to the group with wide open arms.
Perhaps, Thomas thought weakly as he staggered his way back home, he'd gotten heat stroke after all.
—
A voice hollering was Thomas's only warning.
"Heads up, coming through!"
To his credit, Thomas didn't even hesitate to throw himself backward out of the path of a skateboarder jumping down a short flight of steps and onto the concrete in front of him. He clutched at his chest from the surprise, even as he felt a little pang of envy at the ease at which the boarder continued on their merry way, zipping around a corner in the direction of a nearby skate park. It looks so fun. It also reminded Thomas he wasn't getting any younger. Some things just weren't meant to be.
He caught the sound of more wheels on pavement, and didn't bother moving from his spot slightly to the side as a couple more skateboarders came down the same way their companion did, one of them grinding briefly on the rail before he landed with a clatter. Unlike the others, however, this one swung back around, stopping a few feet away.
"Hey Thomas," Virgil said with a little wave.
"Hi Virgil," Thomas parroted automatically, staring at his most anxious side standing so relaxed with one foot on his skateboard. He did have a helmet on, which oddly enough reassured Thomas that he wasn't straight up hallucinating this whole scenario. "How are you so good at skateboarding?"
Virgil hunched his shoulders a bit in a shrug. "I practice, Thomas, jeeze. Way to make a guy feel like he's doing something wrong."
"No!" Thomas protested, flailing a hand in panic. "That's not what I meant! Just, uh, when did you find the time I guess?"
"I have a life outside of you, ya know," Virgil said with an eyeroll.
"You literally don't though," Thomas said, beyond baffled and right into befuddled at this point.
Before Virgil could respond, a voice interrupted. "Hey Virge, you coming, man?" One of the other skateboarders had backtracked, and was beckoning Virgil to follow.
"I gotta go. Be careful at dinner tonight; Pat found some weird veggie and is trying to figure out how to cook it. I don't fully trust him not to poison us." Virgil kicked off with far more grace than Thomas though someone who looked like him could possess, rolling easily away. When he caught up to his buddy, they knocked arms briefly, then disappeared around the corner.
Thomas stared at his hands quietly. "Yeah, no, I feel really anxious about dinner right now. So that's still working at least." He sighed. Later sounded like the perfect time to think about this. Much, much later.
—
Seeing the handwritten sign for the Italian restaurant was an absolute stroke of luck for Thomas. He was starving, and the first shop he sees is this? Definitely a sign from the heavens! Sure it looked like it had just opened or something, what with the lack of advertising and all, but hey, beggers can't be choosers.
Beggers also shouldn't judge a book by its cover, he reminded himself as he smiled politely at the scary-looking man behind the counter. Said man looked surprised to have a customer. Well, Thomas was happy to support local businesses too. They needed all the help they could get against the soul-sucking big-chain restaurants!
"Hi! Uh, table for one, please?" he said pleasantly.
"You want a what?" the host parroted back.
Thomas could feel his nerves creeping. Maybe he should have just found a Domino's or something. But no, no, he would not let his social awkwardness get in the way of what might be a really good new pizza spot!
"I'd like to sit down to order?" he tried again. Maybe it was the guy's first day?
"…Right. This way," the man said, lumbering to his feet and gesturing further into the restaurant. It was empty, which again didn't surprise Thomas, but did sadden him. If they were any good, maybe he'd try and promote them on his channel or something. Nothing official, just drop a good word or something.
He was seated at a small table with a mismatched chair, handed a flimsy paper menu, and told to "Wait a moment" with barely a pause to breathe. The host then walked into the backroom without a further word, leaving Thomas studying the little menu curiously. He thought he heard something like "Hey boss" come from the back room, though it could have been "candy floss" or something.
A moment later though he was forced to pay attention as a familiar bowler hat exited the back room. For his part, Janus merely blinked a moment, before turning back to the lumbering man behind him. "Never mind, Marco. Serve the man, why don't you?"
Thomas was struck by the fact that something was somehow very very wrong with this picture. And it wasn't just that another one of his sides was out wandering the world without him either.
Janus delicately snagged the back of a nearby chair, spinning it around so he could settle at Thomas's table.
"I certainly expected to see you here today," he said, resting his chin on his hand as he observed Thomas curiously.
"I could say the same thing?" Thomas said uncertainly. "Uh, can I ask why you're here and not, like"—he paused, looking up at the hulking man waiting patiently to take his order—"at home?" It was the best he could do without sounding crazy.
"Of course you can, darling," Janus said magnanimously.
Thomas waited. Then sighed. "Why are you here and not at home," he intoned flatly.
"Oh Thomas, you're so funny!" Janus gushed mockingly. He waved a hand at Marco imperiously. "Get him a pepperoni pizza, won't you love? There we go."
Marco nodded and trudged off without a word. Thomas could feel sweat running down his back. Yeah, maybe this had been a terrible idea.
"Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have some business to attend to," Janus said, standing back up and adjusting his gloves. "Do give us a good rating on yelp." So saying, he sashayed away into the back.
Thomas very nearly up and bolted then and there, but was honestly more frightened of what would happen if he did. He was also mortified to realize, once his pizza had been served, that it absolutely was the best freaking pizza he'd ever had.
Also he was never coming back here again, jesus.
—
The leg Thomas was clinging to didn't falter as it dragged him across the floor.
"Please! At least put on some pants!" he begged desperately.
"Booty shorts are my national anthem," Remus said gaily, "And you better believe I'm singing at the top of my lungs!"
"A shirt? A handkerchief? Nipple pasties? Anything at all would be an improvement at this point!"
"It cramps my style. Anyway, the other strippers at the club love it when I drop in unannounced! I have to do it for my adoring audience!" So saying, Remus twisted his foot just so, causing Thomas to lose his grip on the tall leather boots. "Ta! Don't wait up for me, Thomathy!"
Thomas lay on the floor feeling absolutely defeated. Why had he thought that would go any other way? "I thought the whole point of stripping was that you had something to take off."
—
Thomas stepped into the library, breathing a delighted sigh as the coolness of the air conditioning washed over him. This was just what he needed to get the creative juices flowing and get some good editing time in. He'd normally do this in a coffee shop, but they had been rather overcrowded lately, what with it being a holiday week. No matter, he could return to his normal haunt once the tourism died down. For now, the peace and chill of the library would do him just fine.
He made his way passed the front desk, ducking his head in an awkward nod when the librarian behind it looked up and caught his eye, before making his way to the back tables tucked away behind a few of the tall stacks. Lucky for him, there was only one person occupying the little getaway.
Unlucky for him, he recognized the person.
"Hi Logan…" he sighed. He really should be used to this by now, but somehow it was always a shock to his system to see his sides out in the wild.
Logan barely looked up from his book. "Salutations, Thomas."
Thomas shifted on his feet for a moment, before nodding in determination and taking a seat at Logan's table.
For his part, Logan lowered his book with a raised eyebrow. "Can I help you?" he asked crisply.
"Why are you here?" Thomas blurted out, any hope of broaching the topic gracefully yeeted right out the window.
"I had thought to research on the published history surrounding psychosis and other mental health issues, with an eye to compare the outdated material and how our understanding has grown over the last two decades." Logan gave a happy little smile. "It's fascinating the shift that has happened, though of course there is still a long way to go before we reach even an acceptable baseline standard for information surrounding such a topic."
Thomas gaped a little, distracted from his original intention. "Why are you reading that?"
"How else do you think I have the information needed to assist you, Thomas," Logan chided. "I must constantly learn to keep up with your crisis of the week."
Thomas wanted to be offended, but the comment did remind him that his question hadn't been answered satisfactorily. "No, that's great and all, but I meant why are you and the others outside? I swear I've seen you guys all around town lately, and it's kind of freaking me out!"
Logan tutted lightly. "Where did you think we went when we were not assisting you?"
"I don't know, in my head? My imagination? The mind palace??"
"That is clearly absurd. The mind palace was merely an experiment of Roman's that has long since dematerialized," Logan said derisively. There was a quiet buzz, and he pulled a phone out of his pocket. "Ah, my apologies, it's time for me to head to my tutoring session. It is really quite refreshing being able to guide the youth of today in the pursuit of knowledge," he said brightly, scooping up the pile of books from the table as he stood up. "I hope you have a pleasant evening," he added, nodding at Thomas as he walked away.
Thomas sat at the table staring into space for quite a while after that. Finally he sighed. Yeah, no, this might as well be happening. The sooner he accepted it as his new reality, the less stressed he'd be. Virgil would appreciate not having as much work at least.
—
Nico made his way up the steps to Thomas's door, nearly fumbling the drinks tray he was carrying as he dug in his pocket for his keys. It had been a special day when Thomas had offered the spare set to him, stuttering and flushed and oh so charmingly telling Nico that he was welcome any time. Nico made sure to treat the honor with extra care, knowing how nervous the other man was about safety. Three months was quite the record for him not misplacing his keys, and he was kind of proud of that fact. Thomas really did bring out the best in him.
It turned out, however, that he didn't need his keys at all. He only absently noticed the sound of music getting closer when a terrible cry went up from inside the apartment.
"ICE CREAM MAN!"
There was a thunder of footsteps, and Nico wisely stepped to the side just before the front door burst open, and six familiar faces—in that they were all one face—dashed by him and down the street where a white van was just pulling around the corner.
Nico blinked in bewilderment for just a moment, before he leaned around the open door to peer inside. Thomas himself was hurrying down the hallway, tucking his wallet into his pocket with one hand and running a hand through his messy hair with the other. Thomas caught sight of him and stopped so suddenly he rocked back on his heels.
"AAAaoh, uh, hi Nico! Didn't know you were coming over today?"
Nico couldn't help the smile at Thomas's little show of nerves. "It was kinda a last minute decision. I just wanted to see you. And I brought coffee?" He held up the tray of two drinks, condensation sliding down the sides enticingly.
"Ooooh, yes, you are the best!" Thomas said eagerly, reaching out with both hands to make grabby motions.
Nico laughed. "I see this is all I needed to charm the alluring Mr. Sanders!" He handed the iced coffee over to his boyfriend, who immediately took a long, satisfied sip of it.
"I would sell myself to One Direction for a cold drink on a day like this," Thomas said with a sigh, clutching the cup to his face.
"Maybe I should have brought more?"
"Huh? Why?"
Nico gestured down the street. "You had company?"
"Huh?" Thomas looked confused for a moment, before his eyes widened in realization. "Oh shoot! Sorry Nico, I'm a bit all over the place. I'll be right back I promise thank you for the coffee I love you~" Every word came out faster than the last as he rushed by Nico and took off down the street, the last word echoing in the hot summer air.
Nico shook his head with a grin. He had no idea why there were six men who looked identical to Thomas hanging around the apartment, but he was kind of looking forward to the story behind it. Stepping inside, he closed the door firmly. No need to waste any more air conditioning than they already had after all.
i've been INFECTED by the intruality worms HEEEELPPPP !!!!!11!!1!1!
i dont know WHAT it is about them, but my mind will randomly become obsessed with them for a month and then move on... so it's intruality month i guess !!11!!
inspired by a comic i saw on pinterest that seems to be from @/stosin_hlam on Twitter? couldn't find the exact pic but I believe it's their ocs
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One of the things in the book that made me roll my eyes quite a bit, coupled with Andy Weir's "this isn't political" stance, was his conviction that heterosexual men stranded on a suicide mission with no further contact with other humans...wouldn't end up in sexual situations with each other. Wouldn't have "relationship" friction that a "man and a woman" would on the mission.
It's so tone deaf on every account I just...I wonder sometimes lol.
Ignoring the fact that self-styled straight men have sex with men and still consider themselves straight, there's also just the fact that I think scientists on a suicide mission to save the world can PROBABLY compartmentalize their interpersonal issues of ANY nature, sexual or otherwise, for the few months needed to find a solution.
And if they can't, then no amount of men would have made that mission succeed.
/In reference to book!Stratt insisting all the candidates for the hail mary mission should have been straight heterosexual men, I forget the exact quote.
