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❆ Summary: Headcanons for how Sam responds to you and your PTSD and how he helps you through it.
❆ Warnings: implied physical and verbal abuse (past), emotional distress, partially touch averse reader, nightmares, lots of comfort
❆ Word Count: 600
❆ Rating: Mature/15+
꧁ Read my rules and send in a request! ꧂
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:･ﾟ⛧ He'd be so sweet and tender with you. He's a ridiculously kind person regardless, but he does everything he can to make himself softer for you.
:･ﾟ⛧ No matter your size, he'd make himself smaller, crouching down or kneeling to keep your gaze whenever you lower your head, making sure to be aware of his steps and movements around you in the beginning, everything deliberate, no big surprises.
:･ﾟ⛧ He'd respect your personal space, but he'd make sure to reach out. Sitting close to you on couches and benches but not right up next to you, leaving not quite enough room for another person, very much on purpose.
:･ﾟ⛧ He'd always be careful about how he touched you. If you had issues with physical touch, he'd be sure not to touch you too much, hand on your shoulder, moving you out of the way of oncoming people, all that. He'd be sure to let you do that yourself, he'd know you preferred it
:･ﾟ⛧ But he wouldn't fully recluse. He'd slowly and obviously reach for your hands, always making sure you could see exactly what he was doing the whole time. He'd let his hand creep over to your knee with enough time for you to move if you wanted to. And the second you showed any signs of discomfort, he was immediately but cautiously pulling back, not away, but back.
:･ﾟ⛧ He'd make his voice so soft too. Never whispers, they made too much noise, but just a lowering of his usual tone, gentler. He'd explain things clearly and calmly without making you feel like a child or that you were stupid. He was the only one who did that.
:･ﾟ⛧ He would make you feel safe enough to unclench your fists, drop your shoulders, and take long breaths. No longer fearing they might be interupted by a sharp sound or a heavy fist.
:･ﾟ⛧ He'd let you take your time with touch. Happy to hold your hand for a few minutes until it felt wrong again, working up the duration each time until it didn't matter to you anymore. You got to the point where you'd sit and watch his thumb brush of the back of your hand, sometimes tracing patterns, content to just hold for as long as you needed.
:･ﾟ⛧ Whenever he and Dean got into arguments, he'd do his best to keep them away from you or at least be aware of his volume. He knew how much that triggered you, when you'd hole yourself away, hiding in your mind. He hated it, especially when he wouldn't be able to get you out for a few days.
:･ﾟ⛧ He'd always be there for you after nightmares. He'd hold you close, rock back and forth a little and tuck your head against his chest, fighting back the welling in his eyes when you claw at him or try to push him away, knowing you're still stuck in whatever terror you're trying to break free from.
:･ﾟ⛧ On hunts, he'd try to keep you safe. He'd do his best to convince you to stay home, the motel room, the bunker, even just waiting in Baby, but sometimes he knew you needed this, it was a way to regain control and help people in ways no one but Sam ever helped you.
:･ﾟ⛧ He'd be remarkably patient with you. Because you're worth waiting for.
Now remember, a lady rides sidesaddle, NOT astride. Your mother would be in hysterics at the very idea that a daughter of hers would ride a werewolf astride! Why, next you’ll be showing ankle…
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I really wanted a cool subtitle, but I couldn’t decide on one, so here are a few options...
“The bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get too…” ~1x05 “Missing”
“What’s so great about normal?” ~1x14 “Blind Date”
“It’s all just magic…” ~1x14 “Blind Date”
“The future is to be determined…” ~2x05 “The End of the World”
It’s such an interesting time to be reflecting back on 20 years ago today, when Roswell (of the OG variety) premiered on WB… a network that doesn’t even exist anymore. A few weeks ago I was looking through my livejournal archives, and I stumbled across my post from 10 years ago today. So I’d like to start by sharing that.
That was a decade ago now, and it sort of feels like nothing has changed, but at the same time everything has changed. I still look back on that day 20 years ago as one of the most formative days of my life. It put my on the path of my adult life and led me to where I am today. I’ll be forever grateful for that. No regrets.
But at the same time, in the last decade, I’ve lost some of those people that I was referring to above. It was incredibly painful and put me in a place where I questioned a lot of my life choices for a long time. I really had to battle through some dark times in the last 5 or so years, and it was rough. I’m incredibly grateful to be in a better place today.
And where am I today? Let’s start with happy. Also retrospective. I found some good quotes to reflect my headspace today as I reflect on this anniversary... More photos…
It’s been a little less than 10 months since Roswell, New Mexico (which we used to call the Roswell Reboot) premiered. I don’t think I was prepared for it, really. I certainly never thought that Roswell would ever get remade. I closed the door on that part of my life a long time ago.
When I heard that they were remaking it, I was a little angry at first, and skeptical that it would really go to series. But then it did. I think going in my main feeling was nervous energy. I think I wanted to like it, but I was afraid I was going to hate it.
I definitely didn’t expect the reimagining of the series to be so damn compelling for me.
In the end I’ll say that it’s really damn hard to compare the two shows because they’re so different, and I’m so different. OG Roswell was the perfect show for me when I was 18, just out of high school, depressed, lonely, and in need of a new beginning.
This was that girl, by the way... out in the world having Roswell adventures when she was 19-21.
Roswell, New Mexico is the perfect show for me at 38, during a career and life transition, when I really need some inspiration and something to make me feel again after years of heartbreak. Not to mention a distraction from work because I have some serious workaholic tendencies.
Still, when I really truly love a story like Roswell, I often say that I wish that I could experience watching it for the first time all over again. Because the reaction and response is so pure and exciting the first time through. And it is truly impossible to have that experience a second time.
Except in a lot of ways, even though they're so different, that's sort of what Roswell, New Mexico feels like. Maybe it's more of the feelings around the show than the content of the show itself. Except for the pilot, which is generally the same story with a few tweaks and changes. But it's also the relationship and shipping Max and Liz. Because even though the characters are very different, their relationship is very reflective of the original show. And my God, even 20 years and a new cast hasn’t changed the fact that the way Max Evans looks at Liz make me feel all sorts of feels (pun intended).
Or maybe it's just my amazement at how thoroughly Liz Ortecho won me over in the first act of the new show, between the fight she had in her when she mistakenly thought that a racist cop was pulling her over to check that she was legal for ICE, and how that fire melted away when she saw Max's face. Her relationship with her dad, and the way she adorably danced around the cafe to Counting Crows while cleaning. Dryly cutting down Trump and the wall and its impact on her life in her first extended conversation with Max.
But a little while later, when this happened? That's when I knew I was in trouble.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mGoijeCkLSs
So it feels like history repeating itself. Like deja vu. Like I have unfinished business with this story. The past has come back around again. And it is strange… so similar, yet so different. And I'm loving every moment of it.
To close it out, I'll use an OG quote…
“We try to live responsible, logical lives. But we can't tell our hearts how to feel. Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we wanted to go. And sometimes our hearts can be the sweetest, gentlest things we have. Sometimes our hearts can make us feel miserable, angry, excited, and confused, all at once. But at least my heart is open. And I'm writing again. I'm feeling. I'm breathing.”
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Participants: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester
Requirements: All observers should be over the age of sixteen and come to the study with an open mind
Let's put this theory to the test, shall we?
Castiel -
Cas gets even more unimaginably clingy. Once he experiences touch with you, how kind and gentle and perfect it can be, he craves it. In every setting. But when it comes to sex, he's a hell of a lot worse. He can hold your hand and stand ridiculously close to you in public, that's fine, sweet even, but when he gives you that look that you know means trouble, that's when it gets complicated. You can't count the number of times you've fucked in broom closet or bathroom stall. He doesn't really like quickies, he prefers to take his time and show you how he worships you through his touch, but when he always wants to feel every part of you and more, behind the back of an abandonded gas station is the only option some days. He sees his relationship with Sam and Dean to be extremely close and trusted, so he doesn't quite understand that he can't just haul you into his lap in the back of the Impala, despite his sound reasoning that if you're just sitting there for hours on end, you may as well enjoy yourselves. Dean might get on board with the idea, but that's a story for another day. Whenever you do have enough time to properly feel each other, his face is always pressed up against the side of yours or in the crook of your neck when he's been needy. When he feels that pull for you deep inside his vessel, he has to be as close to you as possible. He usually needs to look into your eyes, but when he's desperate for you, he just needs to feel as much of your skin against his as he possibly can.
Dean -
Dean is such a subby little thing. He goes one of two ways when he's desperate. Either he gets whiny, pressing up against you, playing with your hands when you're near him, leaving messy, wet kisses all over your neck and blabbering nonsense at you just so your pretty eyes will look at him- or he's a brat. He'll sass you any chance he gets, disobeying you in every small way he can, arguing with you over dumb shit just for the sake of it. He'll ask you why he has to pick up the towel he left on the floor, what difference it makes, why can't you just do it, everything he knows will piss you off. Just to work you up enough to slam him against a wall when you get back to your room. Enough to get you to use that tone that sounds like you hate him despite it being the exact opposite. Enough to get you to force him to beg and whine and cry for you to touch him, even for you to just let him rut pathetically against your foot, humping your leg like a fucking dog. When he needs you, he needs you. He needs you to fuck all the worthless thoughts out of his pretty little head and use him like your own personal stress-relief toy, and he fucking melts under your touch.
Sam -
When Sam gets needy, he craves you. It's animal, carnal, all-consuming and insanely hot. His desire is pure and raw and only for you. Nothing else will satisfy him. He just needs to slide into you, to come home. He'll bury himself inside you, all the way to the hilt, and just still for a moment. It's overwhelming like this, your wet heat wrapped around him, the feeling of your body pressed up against his, your sounds filling his ears like a sinful symphony. And when he moves, it's with everything he has and is. No shallow thrusts, no rocking of his hips, he's pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in, making sure you both feel everything humanly possible. There are those few times where he'll let you take over, the days when he needs to get lost underneath you, but more often than not, what he really needs is to know he's enough for you. To know he can make you feel every pleasure in the world with nothing but his own body. After all, he'll always be the little kid trying to prove himself, no matter how many times you tell him he's more than enough. Which isn't always a bad thing.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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