you would have liked to claim that the rest of the train ride to the Capitol went smoothly, but you were only capable of lying to a certain extent. the trip was relatively short—just less than a day, with a departure in the afternoon and an arrival at the Capitol in the following morning—and yet the time seemed to stretch on in a long verse of broken lyrics and instruments that were tuned just as poorly as they had been the first time around. the screeching of a violin was strangely akin to the ringing in your ears that seemed to have attached itself to you, trailing close behind you like some sort of terminal illness. kick and thrash all you would, but agony had its claws wedged deep into your flesh. it lapped at your blood as though it was liquid gold.

first came the nightmares. they were crafted with pure disorient and scattered thoughts, every message cryptic, every face blurry. however, the emotions overwhelmed you all the same. it was not terror, no; terror was sharp, piercing. the emotions you were left with in the wake of your unfortunate dreams was quiet, creeping, like the wisps of it danced along the ridges of your mind and yet never fully captured you—just let the risk linger in your conscience. it was enough to affect, but never to be a reason to break. it chipped lightly at your strength, but never quite shattered it. you were left rickety; a dock all too worn facing crashing waves; a hollow tree against hurricanes summoned by a higher being with no intent but to destroy.

you awoke with a dry throat and a scream threatening to crawl its way up and past your lips. it never did. you were silent still, mouth sewn shut by the deft hand that was foregone time. rip and pluck at them as much as your soul did, their only function was to keep your mouth shut in the face of despair and pull into a smile in the face of a camera lens. though your sheets were slightly damp with sweat and you felt sticky with what was either the beading of your distress on your flesh or the splattering of blood long disregarded, you were unsure. in the blanket of darkness, all felt the same on your numbed skin. even the freshest of fragrances were tainted by the sickening scent of copper. no noise of distress left you, however, lest you wake the other inhabitants of the railroad vehicle.

instead, you simply sank back down into the cold embrace of your bedding, letting the scent of linen and salty tears, stubbornly unshed, lull you back into restless sleep.

it was hell; nothing short of a cruel preparation, torturous anticipation of what was to come. was it like this for the rest of them? did the twenty-three other souls bound to death toss and turn like their limbs were escaping death before it preyed upon them and still—miraculously, exceedingly—conquer? you were entirely unsure. every breath was an inquiry, exhales billowing out into the frigid atmosphere that was fear and becoming visible clouds as if to remind you that even they were ephemeral. everything was. no flower of nature went without wilting, no wound permanent (if it was fatal, however, the entire being decomposed along with it).

anything made from life would give its own up inevitably; rejoin the mass of which it was cut from. nothing living stayed. to be anything at all was a curse in itself: mortality. even the brightest of stars burst when their time was up. it haunted you in everything—every chirp of birds, every flutter of wings, the light of the sun as it rose and chased away the umbra that had invaded the train. it came again. day, it was. another repeat of dawn and dusk that had dictated just about everything since it began, a line of shifts that called for no breaks, greeting you yet again (though you were coming to realize that every hello could really be goodbye).

there was a knock on your door—brief and incredibly lacking in ceremony—and the sound of Eld's voice rang dully through the firmness of the barrier of the threshold. "hey, up you get now. the early bird gets the worm."

a small pause. "no, like, seriously. I think five more minutes and Miche will have cleared out the breakfast foods."

you snorted, the image being conjured up easily in your head—for how reserved and intimidating Miche could seem at first glance, he was quite the quaint man. he could back scrambled eggs like no other, you had to give him that. "yeah, yeah, I'm coming. I'll make it in four and see if there's any crumbs left for me to lick off the floor."

you heard a chuckle and the sound of retreating footsteps against firm ground, and then he was gone, the echo of him lingering in the air alongside the constant whirring of the train—though the lingering feel of your fellow mentor's (if you could even be called a mentor anymore, having been shot back nearly a decade position-wise) presence was far less empty and mechanical in its noise. throwing your legs over the edge of the bed, you shot your own reflection a momentary glance, taking a brief moment to smooth your hair down, each strand sticking up like all of the tossing and turning the night contained had led them to attempt escape. unfortunately, the tufts were equally bound to you as you were to the arena—an existence that loomed over you, both physically and figuratively—that the train was steadily approaching. everything was tethered to something; death, life, love. one did not exist without a ball and chain at their ankle no matter how light it felt.

you paid little mind to your appearance, knowing your stylist was to have all that in order along with your outfit before you arrived at the Capitol. it was a small rebellion you granted yourself just this once—prancing around the train looking half your best, looking like nothing to be cast on television and watched fight for her life like it was sport.

you never quite understood getting pretty before the Hunger Games. mastering a personality you could resonate with, but a face was something that could not be maintained when covered in blood if it had been artificial. the tones of high-end lipstick displayed an entirely separate image from the ruby red of death. both were crimson. both stained your face. yet somehow, one spoke of class and the other screamed nothing but brutality. it was funny how displays could alter the perception of one—how something so parallel never quite touched no matter how close. red on red. faces, all so human and divided solely by the fact that some are born to kill and others to bet on them like racehorses. reason? coordinates on a map developed long ago by men who were too eager for power to consider anything but discarding humanity at the first call of greed.

the floor was cold against the pads of your feet, but the sensation was only brief, as you wasted little time in slipping on the outfit that had been set out in the night previous by your stylist.

"there she is," Ness said as you stepped into the common area. taking in your surroundings, it was all of the simple furnishing you were used to, save for the addition of a heady amount of food on the table. fortunately for you and your nourishment, there was definitely enough to suffice.

Eld greeted you with a short nod as well as your name spoken through a small grin. it faltered a bit at the edges, but it was genuine through rose-coloured lenses. he shot a narrow eyed look at Miche before speaking, "nearly thought you'd be too late to bargain a serving."

huffing softly in exasperated amusement, you padded over and began loading various amounts of breakfast food onto your plate. in the background, Eld continued to give Miche pointed looks every time he reached for another piece of bread. they were similar in the aspect of carrying a calm, authoritative air about them, but it was safe to say Miche was far more laid-back than Eld. you supposed since Miche had the ability to smell danger before he saw it, he had less of a need to be as tightly wound as your other companion. the contrast was a welcome one, however; it was rather refreshing to see a bit of authenticity when you lived in a community full of blank, generic faces and splintered hands. the rhythmic noises of chopping wood and passing footsteps did little to stimulate the brain of one who needed it to survive—to distract from the memories that lingered in the creaking of old floorboards and the fluttering of curtains in passing breezes.

you felt two fingers gently tap your shoulder, jolting you out of your thoughts. turning around (as well as ignoring Miche's comment—something along the lines of you'd best sharpen those reflexes), you met the eye of your stylist, Pieck Finger. she was a particularly mellow woman, her tired looking appearance a spitting reflection of her demeanour, but she had a habit of sneaking up on you. a bit unsettling, really.

"miss," she greeted. you plastered on your best smile, polite and small, waiting for her to follow up with whatever reasoning she had for giving you a small heart attack so early in the morning.

"we arrive at the Capitol in a few short hours, and I have realized I am in need of your wrist measurements. may I?" she held up a dainty measuring tape. a quaint woman, she was.

when you nodded, she measured you right then and there, trying to accomplish eating one-handed. this sort of hustle and bustle was something you had appreciated leaving in the past, if not the fighting for your own throat. ironically, you were doomed to facing both yet again. you ignored the partially amused, partially pitying looks from your peers, taking a jerky bite of toast (held by your left hand, mind you) instead of retaliating. that was simply what you did—busy yourself; find it in you to gaze at the stars rather than the domain in flames encircling you.

"how fashionable," Miche commented, the footsteps of Pieck gradually fading as she exited to the other cars on the train.

you had an urge to toss your crusts straight at that nose of his. instead, you smiled wryly and said, "as always."

the atmosphere was bustling, tributes and stylists alike swarming the area of the carriages as all prepared for the tribute parade. the twenty-four of you were to be displayed like racehorses, specimens to be scrutinized and bet on under the proposition that a prettier face was more eager to be stained with blood. keep your mane trimmed and your hooves in check just for now and all will be well. keep it restrained until the time comes. have spirit in taking that of others; be soulless for everything else. pathetic, really. the naivety of Capitol citizens would lead only to the loss of their money as well as more lives.

however, this year was different. this year, you were not a batch of bumbling teenagers having lost to the career districts from the moment your name was plucked from the masses. everybody here had seen you in action, seen what each of you looked like doused in crimson and strung by the noose of grief. their bets were based on less than a smile this time; they had real, painfully true evidence of who could do what. brutality was what you relied on now, not the opposite. you were unsure how to authentically display either.

you glanced around, the material of your extravagant garments shifting with every twist of spine. as much as you thought the prodigality of it all was foolish, you had to admit that Pieck was good at what she did. the principle was flawed, but it really was impressive. you could see past justice and recognize talent even if begrudgingly. your dress was no ordinary fabric, every bit of material designed to look like branches crawled along your flesh and enveloped you, decorations meant to resemble various forest elements (moss, leaves, silver pearls along the cut of eyeliner you could only assume was intended to mimic the glint of an axe) adorning the rest of you. the attire of Miche was similar, albeit a bit tweaked to accommodate for masculinity. actually, you began to wonder where he had wandered off to. perhaps he was making a change to his hair. again. how arduous could a middle part be?

you busied yourself with people watching for a short period, but gazing upon the tributes proved to be more unnerving than standing fruitlessly. everyone just looked like a casket waiting to be filled (not that figures such as you got them anyway). decay had already begun under the flesh of angry veterans, and you were no exception, for the parasites had started feasting on you for a while now. maybe it had sprouted long ago—possibly even before your first kill. maybe you had been consumed from the inside out by the spirit you shoved down the first time you had seen disdain in your father's ey- unrelated. instead of dwelling on temporary vessels and long mourning to be done, you picked up a few sugar cubes from a nearby stand and fed them to the horses that would be leading the carriage of district seven. a faint scoff came from behind you, quiet but unmistakable.

turning around, you caught sight of a recognizable silhouette. though he was close, you may have lost him in the hustle and bustle had it not been for the noise. his clothes were black, nearly creating the vision that he was a shadow moving among the lineup, dark and swift for the journey down to the back of the queue. Levi Ackerman stood there in all of his disdainful glory. you met his gaze, a brow raising when you realized that little slip of annoyance had been directed toward you.

he kept silent. mildly irritated and a bit creeped out by his unwavering stare, you broke the silence, "a greeting would be nice. you know the word hello or do you just…" you gestured with your free hand to the approximate location of his eyes.

a short huff from his nose. "forgive me for not vibrating with joy as we're led to the abattoir." his voice was dry; plain. like this was a dust mote to be swept away come tomorrow.

"I doubt that attitude helps anything even once we're thrown to the wolves," you retorted. plucking a sugar cube from your other hand, you held it between your index and thumb, bringing it up into his straight line of vision. "occupy those bared teeth of yours. you could use a bit of this, maybe."

he scoffed when you flicked it at him, dodging it with an unimpressed look on his face. "I do just fine without that artificial shit. stick to feeding horses."

the corner of your lip tugged up just slightly. "fine." after a moment, you shook off the flecks of sugar from your hand and held it out to him. when he looked at you like you had just sprouted another head and simultaneously asked him to tap dance for a crowd, you rolled your eyes. then, with a more companionable tone than your body language suggested, you introduced yourself.

"yeah, I know your name, and you know mine. skip the haughty introductions."

hand still held out, you took a long breath. "I'm just being nice. come on; for now, all of us are comrades. shake my hand before it's stained with blood."

something in his eyes flickered at that, subtle but hard to miss when viewed by the likes of you. slowly, he reached out, hand clasping yours and giving a firm shake before letting go. it was brief, and perhaps he pulled back like the contact made his palms burn, but a victory nonetheless. you almost felt proud of yourself—you may have actually smiled had the dread not weighed down the corners of your mouth. you managed only a few mimics of a smirk, and that was all.

"…Levi." with that, he gave a clipped noise from his throat (the intent was unclear—acknowledgement? disgust? it was hard to decipher) and turned on his heels. he stalked over to his respective carriage, leaving you stood there with your sugar cubes and impending doom. you kept feeding the horses as you waited for Miche to return.

horses. Ness would enjoy this part. oh, yeah. Ness. you tried not to think of he and Eld too much after getting off the train and parting with them. you had heard the solemn undertones in their farewells, their see you later's plagued with doubt no matter how much they tried to mask it with conviction.

Miche soon joined your side with a grumble about the hair products his stylist lathered him in, the two of you climbing into your respective spots, being ushered in there before he could even finish his sentence.

"taking your sweet time, were you?"

he snorted. "Capitol likes pretty guys."

you responded with only a reluctantly amused snigger, quickly distracted by the task of balancing yourself once the horses began to pull you along. the sunlight cast over you as abruptly as the cheering did, the shouting from great masses of Capitol citizens invading your senses. the consistent clattering of hooves against ground was all but drowned out as you progressed, wind brushing past you, the whipping of it adding to the abundance of different noise in your ears. the people around you passed in a blur, all faceless shapes and arrogance. despite the nausea beginning to prod at your insides, you kept a straight face. you did not wave or smile or shine like one may have expected you to, instead keeping quiet and stone faced as the rest of the betrayed tributes did. the scoff of Levi echoed like it had etched itself into your mind, ingrained into the record of thoughts that seemed to play on repeat with each passing moment. shaking it off, you glanced up minutely to the balcony supporting President Fritz and waited for it to end.

for now, you could be all charisma and smiles; be the pristine little tribute that this world had raised you to be—the dull hammer of fate hacking at your sharp edges until they were worn enough to hide when you were not in the arena. however, like a dog to the bell, your blood would burn hot the moment the territory demanded embrace. for now, you could be good. you could repent to the God he thought he was. your claws would unsheathe when the rest of the weapons did.

a/n: sorry thjs took so long anf wasnt wven a long chapter… I do prefer doing this length of chapters though because long chapters can feel like a lot of yap. anyway. levi was met!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! also, side note, I almost always post my works on ao3 before I post them on tumblr, so if you keep up with me there you get VIP access :3 love u lots, thanks for reading, mwah

“Hey! Don’t go too far!” 

You swam out onto the expanding sea, ignoring your mother’s half-hearted call, knowing that she trusted you enough to not get lost in the ocean.

You were at a small beach next to the cottage your family owned and sometimes camped at during the summer. The beach opened up to an expanse of blue that you loved, so you always spent your time swimming in the shore. 

That day, there was a growing fog, but that didn’t deter you from swimming at the beach anyway. You quickly kicked your legs as much as you could for an eleven year old —travelling far, far into the cold ocean. After a while, your legs tired, and you stopped and trod. You looked around you and saw virtually nothing but the blue of the ocean and the gray sky contrasting with each other.

You looked down, and you could only see your thighs through the water. The rest of your legs disappeared inside the blackness of the ocean. You could’ve sworn the shore was right there. The waves pushed you lightly and bobbed you up and down.

You panicked. Where were you? Were you going to drown? What if you got tired and couldn’t swim anymore? You spun around frantically trying to remember which direction the shore was.

You had to calm down. Spinning around in circles wasn’t going to help anything. You closed your eyes and breathed in and out. Settled yourself. 

When you opened them back up, you saw two brown eyes staring at you, right up close. 

You yelped and fell back, just as the boy in front of you did the same, startled by your sudden sound.

He looked about your age, comparing him to how the boys your age looked. Most notable of all, he had pink hair. And a little bit of brown on the sides, too.

“Woah!” he said, eyes wide and full of wonder. “Are you a human?”

“Umm… yes?” You answer, eyeing his unusual hair, still wary of the random boy that popped up in the middle of the sea.

“Wow! That’s cool!” He said again, clearly not registering the suspicion on your face. “Two legs, right? Are they unstable when you walk? Can you go on land?”

Pelted by the sudden but obvious questions, you couldn’t help but get confused. Why was there a boy out here? And why was he asking questions about being a human?

“Uh– no, they’re not that unstable… and yeah, we can go on land…”

“So cool!” the boy repeated, not knowing much more vocabulary. 

“Wait– how are you here?” You asked, “And how is your hair pink? Your parents let you dye it?”

He laughed brightly. “No! I was actually born with it! Crazy, right?!” He looked at you again with those curious brown eyes, full of energy. “And I’m here because you’re here. I think I saw something moving around here, and it turns out it was you. A human at that!”

Huh? What was he talking about? Why was he still going on about the human stuff? Was he… not one?

“How did you see me?” you asked, still confused.

The boy grins. “From the water, of course!”

“The water?” Now you were probably more confused than before.

He rambles on. “I live there! Wow, I’ve never seen a human before. My dad said that they didn’t really go out too far where we lived, but here you are! But then again, I guess I did swim pretty far away. I’ve only ever seen fishtails in my life, so I was like, super surprised when I saw something that looked like fingers but not quite, and–”

You started to put two and two together. A boy, talking about people like you as some foreign creature. And a boy who also appeared out of nowhere from within the water. Was he a—

You cut him off. “Fishtails?” 

He laughed. “Yeah, fishtails! I’m a merman!”

“A merman?! They exist?!” You blurt out. 

“Humans exist?!” He says back.

You both look at each other, with the same dumbfounded expression on your faces. And then he laughs. Just a little. A nose exhale. And soon, both of you were laughing out loud in the sea, marveling at each other’s existence.

“Have you seen the Little Mermaid?!” You asked, still laughing.

“No! Have you seen Legs on the Sand?!” He excitedly shares back.

“What?”

“What?!”

You both smile at each other, the wonder of discovering a myth in both your worlds amazing to your young minds. 

Your legs, still treading, cramped up a little, reminding you of your situation. You grimace and look at him, wondering if he knew how to get back.

“Uh,” you start, suddenly realizing you never got his name. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you know how to get back to the shore? I kinda got lost, and that’s how I ended up here in the first place,” you explained.

The pink-haired boy blinks twice and suddenly perks up, having found the answer to your request.

He points to your left.

“I’d say follow where the waves are heading. The fog is heavy today, but I’m pretty sure there’s land over there.”

You look towards the direction he was pointing, feeling unsure. Nevertheless, you trusted him.

“Thanks,” you smiled at him. “What’s your name?”

“Yuji Itadori! Merman from the ocean! What’s yours?”

“(name). Uh, human from the…land I guess? Nice meeting you!”

As you started to kick your legs up to swim in the direction Yuji pointed you at, you felt his hand grab your wrist. 

“Wait– don’t go yet!” You turned around, looking at him in his brown eyes. 

“We should see each other again!” he smiled. It seemed like he never stopped smiling. “It’s my first time seeing a human, I don’t want it to be my last too!”

You nodded, silently agreeing with him. You also wanted to see more mermaids or mermen, especially after figuring out they were real.

“Sure, but where should we meet..?” You trail off. You were still in the middle of the ocean, the fog covering up any sort of landmark that could serve as a checkpoint for your meeting spot with Yuji. 

Luckily, he had already thought of a solution. “Just swim until you can’t anymore! I’ll definitely see you and come right over!”

Not reassuring, but still a plan. You smile back at him, and he lets go of your wrist, getting what he wanted.

“I’ll see you around, Yuji!”

“You too, (name)!”

And so was your very first meeting with Yuji, the merman.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

The next year, you begged your mom to take you back to the oceanside cottage. Taken aback by how enthusiastic you were, she agreed. 

You rushed over to the beach once you got there, quickly changing into your swimsuit and zipping away from the cottage before your parents could stop you from going out alone.

You faced the ocean, where you met your unusual friend and felt a pang of uncertainty. You haven’t visited Yuji in around a year. Would he even remember you? What if he never came looking?

The sky was clear, with no sign of anything that could dim your eyesight. You couldn’t have swum that far when you were nine, so you were fairly certain that you wouldn’t get lost in the ocean. 

Taking a deep breath, you dove in. And swam. Pulling from the memories of the past year, you were pretty sure you just swam straight ahead from the shore when you found Yuji. 

You continued swimming out, sometimes checking if the beach was at an okay-enough distance where you could still see it. 

After some time, you stopped and trod. You looked around yourself, then down into the ocean, anxiety nibbling at your edges. There was no sign of life anywhere. What if that one time you saw him was the first and last? And you swam all the way here for nothing?

Intrusive thoughts swarmed your mind, threatening to drown you in the metaphorical water. 

Then, suddenly, you heard a splash of water coming from in front of you. You looked up and saw a flash of pink before you got tackled by the hyper boy. You yelped as he laughed as you both splashed into the water. 

“You came back!” Yuji exclaims, overjoyed at the sight of you.

“You remember me?” You say, smiling back.

He lets go of you, and you both float up to the surface.

“Of course I do! I’ve always been hanging around this area to see if you would come back!”

“Really?” You stammer, suddenly feeling guilty. You were only around this cottage during the summer. Was he here waiting for you during the entire year?

“I couldn’t pass up the chance that my favorite human would come back and see me, right?!”

You gulp and look at him, his energy blinding. You seemed dull around him. 

“Favorite? I can’t be your favorite…”

He blinks at you. “Well. I don’t know any other humans. So you’re my favorite!”

You avert your eyes. “Thanks… I guess you’re my favorite merperson too.”

He grins as bright as the sun overhead.

Year after year, you continue to visit Yuji on the shore. Your parents were already tired of returning to this cottage every year, but you didn’t mind, as it was an excuse to see him.

He teaches you about merman culture, and in turn, you tell him about human culture. The food, the clothes, and the technology. You had cars, airplanes, and whatnot.

Yuji tells you about how they use currents and maybe the occasional dolphin as transportation. He becomes amazed by the wide selection of food you have and makes it his life goal to try a pizza one day.

He teaches you how to properly swim, and it surprisingly helped a lot even if you didn’t have a tail replacing your legs. Wanting to not tire you all the time, Yuji personally took it upon himself to find a nice spot, and he did. A small place hidden behind a large rock, where you could sit and talk while Yuji waded in the water.

You, personally, thought Yuji had so much energy and really couldn’t believe that he was always this excited to see you. You seemed dull around him. 

What you loved most about him was that he never let you go quiet in a conversation and always made a point to ask you questions so that it wasn’t just a one-sided dialogue of him just talking and talking. You always felt that he genuinely cared, which warmed your heart to the bone.

You both grew up alongside each other. Learned new things and learned new feelings. You couldn’t deny that you liked him a little. He was your little secret, one that you kept from all your friends. No one would believe you if you said you were friends with a merperson.

So you never mentioned it to anybody. He was something only for you to enjoy, to pine in secret. A reason for you to count down the days to go to your family cottage.

However, a part of you still feels sad. 

He was a merman, and you were a human. You were from two separate worlds. How could you ever date?

So you kept that little crush deep inside your heart, focusing on enjoying the limited time you could have.

Despite being older, Yuji always kept that same energy you loved. You were scared you would get too boring for him, a concern you always had since you two had regularly started to see each other.

One summer, you were packing as usual for your yearly trip to the cottage. 

When you were finished, you went to the kitchen, trying to find a bite of food while your mom was there washing the dishes.

“Oh, yeah, (name,) I wanted to tell you that this year will be the last year we’ll be going to our cottage.” Your mom says casually, as if not dropping the biggest bombshell ever.

At first, you don’t even register her words. Just stood there, looking at her. 

Then it sinks in. “What..? Why?” 

Your mother looks up at you. “Well, we’ve already been going there for so many years now, and your father and I both sold it already. Don’t you think we’ve spent our time there well enough?”

You stare at her, eyes wide as you try to process her words.

Your last time at the cottage. Your last time seeing Yuji.

The cottage really wasn’t too important for you, but he was. You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, someone that you looked forward to every summer, slugging through the school year waiting for it to end.

“Oh,” you mutter. Your mom smiles at you, pleased that you didn’t make any protest. 

You make your way back into your room. You knew it was pointless to beg your parents to stay at the cottage. And yes, they were right. The cottage had served its purpose for your family, and it was a nice way to get a little extra cash back. It’s rational. It’s reasonable.

However, you didn’t want to lose it, purely out of your own selfish desire of not getting to see Yuji again.

You breathe in, trying to hold back your irrational tears from falling. 

Guess you’d just have to make this one a lot more memorable with him.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

As your parents pulled into the driveway of the cottage, you stared solemnly out the window, contemplating on how to explain your situation to Yuji. It felt like pain to leave him, after all those years of friendship you had. He was the most special secret you ever kept, and now because of a decision you had no say in, you would have to lose him.

Once you unpacked and got changed, you headed over to the beach as always. Your parents were already used to you spending hours at a time at the beach, so they never worried or questioned. You always came back, after all.

You saw Yuji again, and he was always there, always waiting for you. You felt guilty for leaving him. Every time you looked at him, your heart pangs. Just a little. As if the tiny crush you hid inside there throbbed.

He noticed your hesitance, the guilty look on your face. Of course he did; he always paid attention to you no matter what. Since the day you first met. 

“(name), why aren’t you looking at me?” he asks, clearly worried. 

The question only makes you divert your gaze even further. You didn’t want to spill the truth to him just yet.

“Nothing, actually it’s just…”

You take a deep breath. 

But your voice failed you; the words stuck in the back of your throat. 

“I-I’ll tell you on my last day,” you sputter out, your mouth subconsciously hiding the truth.

He nods and doesn’t push it any further. He was just so understanding. It really did make you want to ugly cry at the world for not being able to have him. He continues the conversation, a year’s worth of memories to catch up on and share. You smile. He smiles back.

On the last day, you walked into the cold water, the warmth of the summer sun contrasting it nicely. You looked around you, taking in everything as it was your last time.

You swim towards the spot he found for you two all those years ago. Today would be your last day with it, however. 

You sat on the rock, thinking about how you would deliver the truth while you were waiting for Yuji. You wanted to be blunt and straightforward and not waste anyone’s time. But you were scared of hurting his feelings, of making it feel like you never cared at all. You cared. You cared a little too much.

Lost in your thoughts, the splash of his head popping out from the water pulled you back in. He smiled at you with those warm brown eyes again.

“Hey, (name)! What’s up!”

You smiled weakly, returning his enthusiastic greeting with your listless one. He immediately gauges your mood and drops to a more serious demeanor. You loved that about him. How he could light up your day but always know when you were sad to comfort you or drop to a more serious tone whenever the conversation called for it. It felt so refreshing after being around so many people who never understood your emotions, thinking that you were being rude for being tired all the time and not putting effort into your responses.

He understood you like no other human did, and maybe that was because he wasn’t. And you would have to leave him today.

You take a deep breath in. 

“Today will be the last time I’m here.”

Silence stretched between the two of you, Yuji letting the words sink in.

“You’re…not coming back next year? Or at all?” he says tentatively. 

You nod solemnly, not finding it in you to talk.

“Oh,” he says, after a bit. Just oh.

The only thing both of you could hear was the waves crashing onto the rocks.

“I’m sorry.”

“No,” he replies almost instantly, finally looking at you again. “Don’t apologize, please! I just…” 

He exhales. “Why?”

At least you can give an answer to that question. 

“My parents sold the cottage that we stay in during each trip and said that I already had my fun here. Said it was boring to go back each year again and again.” 

He nodded, pretending to understand even if he didn’t. Even he couldn’t hide the sorrow on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” you say again, hoping that it fixes the wounds you just caused. 

He doesn’t reply. Why should he? Tears were beginning to form, burning the back of your eyes.

You felt a hand grab yours. His hand. It took you by surprise, but you didn’t want to look at him, even if he was holding your hand. 

Then, he yanked you into the water. Hard.

You yelped, the coldness of the water shocking you as you splashed into the sea with him. He laughed as he helped you up above the water. 

“Yuji, what’s this about?” You say, finally looking at him for answers.

“Well,” he smiled. “If this is gonna be my last time seeing you, I want to at least show you something.” 

His gaze dropped to his own chest, and you can see his face pale just a little. “Shoot! I forgot it!” He panicked. It was your turn to subtly laugh at him. 

“Wait here! I’ll be back in five—no, three!” He hurriedly swam away, leaving you in the dust and pretty confused.

After two minutes and fifty-three seconds, Yuji returns, breathless but with a necklace with a tiny bottle as the sole decoration for it. 

Before you could ask what it was, he undid the cork of the small bottle and handed it to you.

“Drink,” he pants, still out of breath.

You take the bottle out of his hands while eyeing him suspiciously. “Uhh, what even is it?”

“It’s a potion to breathe underwater. Drink it.” 

You eye the contents of the bottle. There was about 5 mL of clear liquid inside the bottle. Deciding to trust Yuji that it won’t automatically kill you, you swallow it down. It didn’t taste like anything, but it still made a nasty impression on your lungs.

“Blegh,” you cough out, handing the bottle back to Yuji. “What now?” 

“Follow me!” 

He dives into the water, tail flicking upwards and propelling his body forward. You didn’t want to get left behind nor lose sight of where he was going, so you rushed in afterwards, your legs kicking as hard as they could. You held your breath as instinct, but soon after realized that the potion had worked, and you really were breathing underwater. It felt just as normal as breathing in regular air.

Before you even realized that you lost sight of him, Yuji appeared right next to you, having swum back to check on you. 

“Gosh, humans really are slow underwater,” he says, grabbing your arm and dragging you along faster than what your legs could kick.

“My legs were made for walking, not swimming,” you retort back playfully. “And you’re not even a good comparison—didn’t you win mermaid track and field?”

“It’s called tide and glide, actually. And it rhymes, so it’s automatically better than your sport for it.”

You roll your eyes. Banter like this wasn’t too out of the ordinary for both of you.

Your stomach drops suddenly, reminding you that this was the last time you could banter with him again. Really? At a time like this?

You decided to focus on Yuji’s arm around yours, dragging you through the sea, his body exuding warmth. Yuji pointed at structures, showing off the architecture that really was as pretty as he described it to be. Long, stable arches that resemble the ones you saw in pictures stood towering above the coral, vines of seaweed decorating the pillar. Schools of colorful fish you have never even seen before swim in the vicinity. You two were deep in the ocean. He showed you around his own world, wanting to at least give you a view before you left. 

Finally, Yuji stops right before a ruin. You could see the once majestic pillars crumbling away from forgetfulness, the cracks in the stone never filled in by negligence. You wonder why Yuji brought you here. He detaches himself from you and floats in front of you so that you two are now face to face.

“(name), I know this sounds super, super sudden and weird, but,” he pauses. “Since this is your last day, I guess I have to do it…” 

“Do what?” you ask. 

He clears his throat. He obviously felt just as awkward as the situation he brought the two of you in, a hint of red creeping up on his cheeks. 

“So, in my mind, when the time came, I would bring you underwater and show you everything and what the merfolk world looked like, blah blah blah,” he rambles on. “But, I didn’t know that the time would come so soon, so I never really planned what I would do fully, and now it’s awkward because I don’t know how to transition from idea A to idea B, so really this whole time I’ve been basically winging it, and—”

You cut him off and put your hands on his shoulders. “Yuji, slow down. What are you talking about?” 

“Can I kiss you?”

You stop breathing momentarily, his question throwing you off. Very off. Even if it was a quiet desire you buried within yourself for years.

You can see his face flood with panic when you don’t respond, and he starts rambling again as he does when he gets nervous.

“Of course—well, if you want to—Oh my gosh, (name), I’m so sorry if you don’t like me—I—sorry, I’m just super lame, but I always kinda maybe wanted to kiss you a little, but—”

His words get muffled by your mouth as you move forward, cup his cheeks inside your hands, and kiss him, shutting him up before he self-destructs again. 

Although he was initially surprised at first, he leaned into the kiss, putting his hands on your waist to pull you an inch closer, his whole body buzzing, as if his cells knew that yes, this was the right person. 

Your heartbeat was thudding in your ears, going so fast, but all you could think of was his lips between yours. 

When you both pulled away, breathless, you looked at him again. Really took him in.

And Yuji, red in the cheeks, flashed you the brightest smile you had ever seen from him.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

When you both returned to your usual hangout spot, cheeks flushed, you knew it was time for your goodbye. 

Even if you wanted to cry, wanted to hold onto him until the ocean dried up, and wanted to beg no one in particular to stay in the water for one more minute, you couldn’t. You weren’t a child anymore. 

“We’ll see each other again one day, yeah?” Yuji whispered as you hugged him tight. You weren’t sure if he was being serious, but dear god, you hoped that he would be right. That you really could feel him around your arms, feel his lips within yours again.

You left the beach, not daring to look back. If you did, you would’ve seen his hand waving goodbye to you as the sun set.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Three decades later, when you have your own house, your own job, and your own car, living a rather steady life, you remember something strange from your young adult years.

Of course, years of pouring yourself into academic success and hard work dulled some of the old memories, but you still couldn’t shake off the feeling of missing something. It was just in your grasp, but you couldn’t reach for it, since you didn’t know what it was.

The answer came to you in a dream. 

An oceanside cottage. A beach. The cold water and a boy with pink hair he said he was born with. A small corner between two rocks that hid the two of you. A fishtail. His laugh, your tears. The majestic white pillars and the colorful corals and fish straight out of books swimming around the two of you. The ruins and the kiss you shared underwater.

It was all coming back to you. What was his name now? Where was he? Would he remember you?

You woke up after the dream on a Saturday morning, determined to find answers. 

Looking through your old camera roll filled with pictures from back when your parents still took photos of you, a cottage that looked familiar kept on appearing every summer. You saw a photo of you on the exact beach that appeared in your dreams, and it clicked. 

You got up, changed, and set your GPS for the address of the old cottage resort in old pictures. Luckily, the picture came with the location attached to it. 

During the drive, you wondered about the cottage or the beach. A lot can change in thirty years. Maybe the cottage got demolished or renovated. Maybe that small area got bought out, and it turned into a huge apartment complex. Or maybe it stayed the same, the owners still using it each year. 

Thankfully, the cottage was still there, as was the resort. 

As you parked your car along the edge of each property, you took the whole scene in, nostalgia hitting you everywhere you looked. The cottage you visited every year felt more used, proof that the people your parents sold it to really did take the cottage to their advantage. 

But the building wasn’t your focus. 

You walked around the gravel route, trying to remember where the beach that you had always visited was. Where was the boy that you remember yourself loving but couldn’t remember his name or face? 

You stopped. A clearing that felt strangely too familiar presented itself in front of you. The sky was cloudy. You remembered sunnier days and maybe cleaner waters and a prettier beach. 

But you trusted your gut, not your eyes. 

You dipped your toe in the tide, the cold water greeting you. It felt almost like a welcome. Welcome back, it said. We haven’t felt you for a long time. But we remember.

You walked deeper into the water until your feet could no longer reach the ground. So, you swam. You spotted a bundle of rocks together and decided to swim to them. A checkpoint. 

You swam over to the rocks, which were in fact the hangout spot that you and the boy had agreed upon. Now, the stone had eroded, leaving it softer to sit on but shorter and weaker. It wouldn’t hide the two of you anymore. 

It was peaceful. Hidden away from society was this tiny sanctuary. The waves were gentle, and the sun was lowering into a burst of color for those with the appreciation to stop and see. 

But no matter how pinterest-worthy the scene looked, it felt like it was missing something. 

The bright laugh. His toothy smile. And the pink hair. 

You sighed. The sun was only continuing to lower, and you didn’t even know what you were waiting for. Maybe your dream was imagining the boy, and it only brought you here to relive your childhood. Who was born with pink hair? 

By now, your body had completely dried from swimming, and you were reluctant to go back in the water.

Closing your eyes and gritting your teeth, you put both your legs inside the water, preparing to hop off, just as—

“(name)?” 

The sudden call of your name startled you, and you gasped, slipped, and plunged completely into the water. 

But before you could float up yourself, strong hands grabbed your waist and lifted you out of the water. 

And the one holding you was a man—not a boy anymore—with pink hair and brown eyes and a few scars on his face.

Waves of memories suddenly flooded through your brain, like a broken dam. The talks, the secret crush, the jokes, everything. 

“Yuji?” you asked, voice shaking. 

It takes a lot for a man like Yuji to cry. He’d endured hardships, a full-blown war, and a demon living inside of him, but this, having you in his arms again, even he couldn’t stop—didn’t want to stop—the tears that filled his eyes.

“You’re back,” he says, voice filled with the longing he hid for decades.

And you, the human he randomly met when he was still a child, when he was naive and helpless. The human that left him but promised she’d return. Left him wishing that he was a human so he could be together with her at all times.

Here she was, in his arms.

“I’m back.”

a/n: (giggles into the air) yuji itadori... heh...took supa long to do this DON'T LOOK AT ME. please stop ragebaiting me mai.

"legs on the sand" at the start.. i tried to make up a good movie name for something that would be as popular as the little mermaid, but in mermaid culture, so it would be about humans..? idk

i headcanon that breathing in water would be EXACTLY the same as breathing air (i actually spent a lot of time thinking about this when i was 5) like, the potion would just help your lungs only extract the oxygen from the water... but then the water would turn into just hydrogen and... oh wait that's not a good explanation. whatever.

bro proofreading this now why did i lock in so hard for the end (timeskip thing) that was written so well and the rest... erm.... yeah idk. it's kinda ass please don't beat me up for it and pelt me with crayons

this was so long that when i tried to make it into the small text it lagged and crashed. BRUH