smile-when-it-hurts-most

I will fight I will fight for you I always do until my heart Is black and blue

Life’s all about moments of impact and how they change our lives forever, but what if one day you can no longer remember any of them? That was the scenario I now found myself in. It was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives; I had just married my soulmate, in the perfect ceremony, surrounded by all our family and friends. But it just wasn’t meant to be. We had been driving to start our honeymoon when it happened, the night that changed our lives forever.

I had met the wonderful Freya at the age of 18; it was an instant connection, I knew this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It took me a while to ask, but a year later she made me the happiest person on the planet as she agreed to be my girlfriend. Three years later she made sure the smile on my face was staying forever by agreeing to become my wife. Four hundred and twenty-four days later she became Mrs Rashford, in her I had found the love of my life and my closest friend.

But that was all about to change.

A few hours ago, I was staring into the bright brown eyes of my wife; they showed so much happiness, love and excitement, but that was all taken away from her, from us. I was now staring at a woman who didn’t recognise me, who didn’t know how insanely in love with her I was, I was staring at a woman who thought I was her doctor.

The accident had caused her to lose her memory, most importantly the last five years we had spent together. She had forgotten everything; every kiss, every touch, every gift, every laugh, every memory. She had forgotten we were married. She didn’t remember me. She didn’t remember the life we had shared; to her, I was a random man standing at the end of her hospital bed.

And I will stay I will stay with you We’ll make it to the other side Like lovers do

The days became quieter which meant the weeks become longer, our normal routine had disappeared along with all our memories we had made in the house. It had been four months since the accident and Freya was still the same; in her mind, she was eighteen preparing herself for her future years, she didn’t realise she already had a successful future. Every day was different; some days we would argue and not speak, other days she would look through old photo albums, occasionally she would show emotion at the memories she was looking at but not remember them.

On the sixth month, I started showing her some of the memorable locations from our relationship. The first stop was my old house, the first time I laid eyes on my beautiful Freya. She had attended a New Year’s Eve party I was having, her tiny feet scurried across my living room floor making her way to the seat adjacent to myself. I remember the figure hugging jeans she was wearing, they bought out every curve. Her lips where enhanced by the red lipstick that covered every inch of her smile, it was the most beautiful smile I had ever laid my eyes on.

On the tenth month, I re-introduced her to my family. They adored her almost as much as I did, I had lost count the amount of tears my mother had shed because of the accident. Freya and she were best friends, if she was ever upset she would find comfort in my mother. She would always attend all my games with my brothers, even though she didn’t know what was going on she would still have a beaming smile on her face.

This accident didn’t just affect myself, but both our families and that was an emotion we struggled to deal with.

I’ll reach my hands out in the dark And wait for yours to interlock I’ll wait for you I’ll wait for you

On the twelfth month we started to struggle, it was unknown whether Freya’s memory would be returning and that troubled her. It caused various arguments between us and it was made worse by the fact I couldn’t help her.

“What happens if my memory doesn’t come back? What are we going to do?” one day she cried. That was the emotion she was stuck in; it didn’t matter what I said to her, I was always worried about what would happen to our relationship. I had to convince her that my love for her was forever and I wouldn’t be giving up on her.

“Your memory wasn’t the reason I fell in love with you” I softly smiled. “I didn’t just fall in love with the best of you like the way your eyes light up the room or the way your laugh makes me smile. I fell in love with all of you. I fell in love with your scars also the way you make sarcastic remarks, the way you cry about something from years ago and the way you sometimes get angry over the little things. I fell in love with the great in you and I fell in love with the bad you see in yourself but that is the great I see because I love every part of you, I fell in love with all of you and I will continue to fall in love with you every single day until it is my last with you.”

‘Cause I’m not givin’ up I’m not givin’ up, givin’ up No not yet Even when I’m down to my last breath Even when they say there’s nothin’ left So don’t give up on…

Fifteen months down the line and things were improving quickly, Freya hadn’t regained her memory yet but she was progressing. We had officially been dating for three months, it had been a wonderful three months. It took me back to when I first fell in love with Freya; every fresh emotion and new memory we had been creating reminded me of our previous first meeting.

On month twenty, a miracle happened. I’m not sure how but I was thankful, my beautiful Freya had been sent back to me. After months and months of different emotions, new memories, little arguments and lots of love, her memory finally came flooding back.

I’m not givin’ up I’m not givin’ up, givin’ up No not me Even when nobody else believes I’m not goin’ down that easily So don’t give up on me

After twenty-four long months, we were finally able to say our vows again. Even after all these years I still found myself staring at my beautiful bride with absolute adoration, I don’t know how but she looked even more beautiful in her wedding dress. A little tear fell down my cheek as I gazed lovingly into Freya’s eyes.

“I vow no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other. Every morning I wake up and I choose you, I choose us.”

And I will hold I’ll hold onto you No matter what this world’ll throw It wont shake me loose

"In my culture, death is not the end. it's more of a stepping off point. You reach out with both hands and Bast and Sekhmet, they lead you into a green veld where you can run forever."

Y/N was excited for her first girls holiday, she knew it was going to be the highlight of her year. She was fully ready for all the alcohol she was about to consume, it was going to be a holiday she didn’t forget quickly. She didn’t know if she was more excited to be spending it with her best friend or getting to show off her impressive dance moves.

The dance moves were obviously a clear winner.

The two friends had promised that the holiday wouldn’t be about boys, that being something she didn’t mind at all. But she didn’t expect to fall in love, something she had never experienced before. It was an emotion she was scared off, it was an emotion she never had to deal with.

Until she went to Ibiza and met him.

Erling Haaland was a superstar footballer, looking forward to his summer break with his friends. It had been a successful season for the Norwegian, he had only just arrived in Dortmund but he was already relishing the opportunity. His only thought was on football, whether it was; playing it in front of the yellow wall, scoring against an opposing team or playing FIFA with his mates at home.

That all changed when he met her.

He would have never thought that his first night on the island would involve him meeting a girl, but she wasn’t just any ordinary girl. She was a girl with; piercing blue eyes, bright blonde hair and curves in all the right places.

But he had one issue, she wasn’t interested in him.

And that annoyed him. That annoyed him more than loosing or not scoring a goal, something he thought would never be topped. He couldn’t help but want to know who the blonde was, they had only seen each other for a second but that was enough to get Erling hooked.

Y/N on the other hand didn’t want anything to do with the Norwegian, she had barely noticed the brief meeting they had just had. But she only had one person to blame for the situation she was now in; her best friend Y/BF/N had called the group over for a chat, little did she know the connection she would make with one of them.

And that was the reason why Y/N disliked the name Eric; because if Y/BF/N had never introduced herself to the boys, she would have never met Eric and Y/N would have never met Erling.

Only slightly was she beginning to regret this holiday.

She promised herself that for the rest of the vacation she would walk around with a pout on her lips, she managed to do that until day two. The day her life changed forever, the day she finally decided to let the boy speak to her.

And she surprisingly didn’t regret it once it happened.

Erling didn’t know how to approach Y/N; he was used to girls falling at his feet, he knew if he wanted this to be successful he was going to have to work for it. He knew he was going to have to challenge his efforts he put into football, into this girl. But he wasn’t annoyed about that; for some reason, unknown to him, he was looking forward to it.

And that excited him. He had never felt this feeling before, he was generally used to his excitement surrounding the beautiful game. But this was a different country, with a fresh challenge standing in his way. He didn’t know what he wanted the outcome to be, he only knew he had to get through the first test.

Like normal, he passed that with flying colours.

Not only had he managed a conversation with Y/N, but he had also bagged himself a date. He wasn’t sure how he accomplished that one, but he knew he had to step up his game and he had the perfect plan. Luckily for Erling he was one step ahead of his target; his best friend Erik happened to be getting close with Y/BF/N, this meant that he had easy access to finding out information about her, a way to hopefully impress her on their date.

Game. Set. Match.

Unfortunately for him, Y/N was also smart. She had noticed all the time Erling was spending with her best friend, she knew something was funny. Typically, Y/BF/N told her everything. Which meant that when she got to her date, she knew how the conversation was going to happen. She waited up until he dropped her off at her apartment and that was when she broke the news, she didn’t expect the reaction she got.

A kiss.

But not like a normal goodbye kiss; this was passionate, fast, sloppy kiss. This was a relieved kiss. This was Erling taking a leap of faith to capture the girls heart, it was something he didn’t know he was capable off.

He was thankful it paid off.

After that night, Erling and Y/N spent every second of every single day together. When they were due to fly back to their respected countries, their goodbye rivalled that of a romantic movie. They both promised to keep in contact, hoping one day they would soon reunite.

Y/N zoned back into reality, her vision becoming much clearer when she realised where she was. Off all the days to dream, she picked this one. She never got nervous, but today was a new day. She was in a different experience feeling a fresh sensation, it was a defining day in her short but exciting life.

But she was still feeling uneasy.

She had been thinking about this moment ever since she found out it was happening, that being a mealy three days ago. Everything was moving so quick, but it was a situation she didn’t mind being in. She never thought five months ago she would be in the position she was now facing.

That being Erling’s front room, or that’s where she thought she was.

Three days ago, Y/N received a phone call from a random number. She soon found out the voices on the end of the phone belonged to Erling’s parents, they had come up with a quite brilliant but crazy plan. Their son’s birthday was coming up and they knew he only wanted one gift, to see her.

Y/N was hoping he was happy to see her, they had been in constant contact since the holiday. It was something that surprised her; although she hated to admit it, she was nervous that he wouldn’t keep in contact with her.

It now felt weird if they didn’t share a FaceTime call every night.

Y/N felt her heart beat speeding up as she heard Erling’s voice coming down the stairs, that voice was so familiar to her even if she was covered in wrapping paper. She was eagerly excited to see his face, she was praying for a wonderful reaction.

She soon felt the paper slowly tearing from her body, her nerves rising with every tear. She was soon face-to-face with those hazel eyes she got used to staring at, she couldn’t help but smile at his reaction.

Erling couldn’t hide his grin as he stared at his present, it was the best gift he had ever received. He slowly moved his way towards her, instantly connecting their lips. The kiss was slow but loving; it was something that he wished he could repeat daily. He knew that he would treasure this moment for the rest of his life.

“I can’t believe you’re here, I’m so excited to see you!” Erling smiled, a smile he knew wasn’t leaving his face for a long time.

Y/N gazed at him with adoration, he still stared at her in the same way from when they first met. She was happy that she took the advice of Y/BF/N, or else this moment wouldn’t be happening.

Before vs After Adoption