Searching for the Last Vestiges of the Old Internet

the cool thing about this app is you’re never the craziest one here

New tumblr feature idea: leaderboards.

INTRODUCING

The most basic, intractable fact about mental illnesses is that you simply cannot willpower your way out of them. The only exceptions to this rule are the ones I have, which continue to disable me due to lack of determination and other grave personal flaws

Manowar having a better transliteration of the Iliad than a Yale educated scholar makes a lot of sense actually.

candy before beer youre in the clear. beer before candy hurricane sandy

A juvenile bug isn't called a larva until it reaches the surface. While it's still underground it's called a margma

Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

No no no, see, a puppet obtains power at the expense of agency, a doll obtains meaning at the expense of agency, and a plushie obtains unconditional love at the expense of agency. The thing currently mauling you was already powerful and self-actualized when I brought it under my sway, so when you beg me to 'call off my puppet' you should really be saying plushie instead. Try again, m'kay?

okay maybe ai image generators aren’t so bad if they’re racist and sexist 🤔

if this is the biggest issue in your life then you can choke on your privilege for all I care

if this is your biggest issue in your life we should kiss and get married

racism and sexism isn’t an issue for me ever

then I have nothing to teach you. Leave my dojo

Oh no, the machine programmed to recognize patterns is recognizing patterns, how dreadful.

in the tradition of outcast (2014), dragon blade (2015), and the great wall (2016), we need a movie set in the 1630s where a disillusioned member of the embroidered uniform guard and a profit-driven jianghu mercenary flee the corrupt and crumbling ming dynasty and somehow end up in the equally corrupt city of cologne, where they become key players in the fight against the sinister forces of cardinal richelieu and eventually secure the peace of westphalia and the end of the thirty years’ war. this is a million dollar idea i’m telling you

i really do love this concept. the protagonist is like i’m sick of dealing with wei zhongxian’s shit, i’m gonna go someplace where people are holy and don’t even know how to act like this (the impression of europe he got from the jesuit missionary he had a tactical lunch with once), and so he travels 5000 miles and as soon as he stops to catch his breath he runs into cardinal fucking richelieu, the european wei zhongxian

the kind of autism that makes you confucian

confucius had this

#LITERALLY though#all of the personal stuff in the analects is like#yeah he got really weird about straightening his mat before he sat#and he would always want his meat sliced really really thin#and he would get so absorbed in studying that he would forget to eat and sleep#and made an entire philosophy dedicated to understanding social roles and ritual propriety#which could mean anything! (@apricops)