magpie

one day i'll go to new york. but only for research purposes to improve my fanfics

sometimes i have a dream that reveals such a humiliating desire i have that i genuinely lose a bit of respect for myself

peter parker would pull a push door

yea and then he’d yank that shit clean off by accident. dumbass

I often complain about my life but one thing I am grateful for is that I've almost never been shot at with a cannon. That happened all the time in the old days and it seems like it sucked a lot

arts degrees r so funny because you go in class and theyre like What Is A Poem? we dont know for sure... and then moral of the story is we don't know what a poem is. and then the worst part of it is that theyre right

let us never forget that kumail lost bc he got nutshotted and i think that's beautiful

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.

Don't be shackled by the idea that going out can only be done with a group of friends, learn to feel comfortable going alone [remembers that encouraging consumerism isn't progressive] into the deep dark woods

sometimes an american will be talking to you and they start throwing around numbers like 70 or 90 when talking about the weather and you just have to smile and nod

having a body made of meat sucks ass

hey don't cry. on december 3, 1926, agatha christie went missing for eleven days and because the uk police didn't know what to do they recruited sir arthur conan doyle, creator of master detective sherlock holmes, but all he did was conduct a séance to try and contact her distressed spirit

This is the only correction i will accept

if you go looking for doom and gloom all you will see is doom and gloom. if you go looking for reduced items at the grocery store you may find a littol treat