Magmatron

I can’t figure out how to live properly. I’m so incredibly lonely when I’m by myself. I love being around people and just being in the company of others, regardless of what we’re doing. However, as soon as I’m home and by myself, I’m just in a giant pit of despair. Its crippling, like I don’t do anything. I just sit in my computer chair, aimlessly watching youtube videos, but never finishing them, just seeing the first couple minutes and then losing interest. I also don’t have any drive to do any of my hobbies either. I kinda just sit there feeling lost and worthless. On the flipside, if I fill all my spare time with friends then I get stressed out because I don’t get anything done around the house (cleaning/groceries/laundry, etc). Fuck...I just started crying writing this. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I just came to the realization that I might actually need help, but gawd I don’t want to see a therapist. I feel like thats admitting I can’t figure it out on my own, like I’ve failed as a human being. My pride will be my undoing.