Tw: SH/self hamboning
It is fucking INSANE how quickly and easily being around my entire immediate family (mom/brother/sister(/dad too but he’s dead)) immediately sends me back to that space I was in when I was 16 and dicing myself so deeply I tried to tape myself back together with bandaids.
Like I feel like when I’m having a “good” streak (no thoughts of taking a perma-vacation to sleep with the fish or feeling down in the dumps all the time) it’s so difficult for me to remember or formulate what it was like being in such a bad space. Like it feels like I’m trying to recall something I never really knew, like it was just a foggy cloud with a vague shape
But then my family comes back together or they visit or we go on vacation or whatever, and suddenly I’m not a person anymore. The fig just disappears like it was never there in the first place and I can see every sharp edge hiding behind it. It’s practically calling for me to jump in.

















