Curious Thoughts...

Fic Status: Complete

Genre: Whump, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

TW: Depictions of Violence & Sexual Assault, Suicide Attempt

https://archiveofourown.org/works/79309951

Part 1 of this fic can be found HERE. Here is the next part of this story. I know that the injuries they have (especially Shane's) sound bad, but I promise things will get better to an extent. If you guys are familiar with my writing style you will know that the more heartbreaking my story is the happier I am as a writer. Anyways, here is part 2! Hope you like it. Also, my medical research for this was not extremely extensive, but I did do some research to be as medically accurate as possible.

David slumped back in the hard plastic chairs of the hospital waiting room. The sight of blood on the ice after Ilya’s fall was never something he ever wanted to see. But, he hoped that it looked worse than it actually was. Because of Ilya’s gear and the flurry of activity from the paramedics on the ambulance, David hadn’t been able to get a good enough look at his son to determine where it had come from. But, based on the hit and the pileup on the ice, he was hazarding it was in his lower body.

After what felt like days, but was probably only a few hours, David was accosted by a woman in teal scrubs and a white coat. She looked about as tired as David felt but her face gave no clues as to Ilya’s condition.

“Mr. Hollander? I’m Dr. Reyes, your next of kin, Ilya Rozanov is my patient.”

“David. Ilya is my son. What is his condition?” David stood up and shook the doctor’s offered hand.

“They brought Ilya in with injuries to his abdomen and his upper thigh. The upper thigh injury required minor surgery to repair. It’s the injury to his abdomen that we are currently more concerned about. The blunt force trauma he sustained in the collision on the ice caused a tear in his spleen. We were able to do a simple splenic embolization while we were repairing his thigh. It has caused the internal bleeding to stop, but we will continue to keep a close eye on him because there is a chance he could rebleed and require further surgery. We are currently getting him settled in the ICU with a blood transfusion to help the healing process for both injuries.” Dr. Reyes’ words surrounded David, some of them sticking in his mind while others floated right on past. The one thing he held onto was that Ilya seemed stable.

“So, he’s stable?” David held his breath, watching Dr. Reyes’ face for any changes, no matter how subtle.

“Yes, he is currently stable. But, he requires constant monitoring for complications, which is why we’ve taken him to the ICU.”

David cleared his throat. He knew he needed to call Yuna soon to give her an update, but he also knew his heart wouldn’t settle until his eyes were on his son. So, he looked at Dr. Reyes and asked the one thing he’d been anxious for since he’d arrived.

“Can I see him?”

Dr. Reyes gave a small smile and then nodded, “You can. We allow up to one family member per patient to stay through the night with them. If anyone else wishes to visit they will have to wait until visiting hours start up in the morning.”

David nodded and silently followed the woman as she led him past the doors he’d been barred from earlier. They went to a bay of elevators and then up to the third floor. David had to keep reminding himself to breathe. He kept clinging to the faint hope that “he is currently stable” gave him. If Ilya was stable that meant there wasn’t anything to worry about, right now. 

That small amount of hope left his body the minute his eyes fell on Ilya’s prone body surrounded by wires and tubes. He turned to the doctor, so many questions circling his brain as he took in Ilya and his setup. She gave him a stiff smile and motioned for David to follow her into the room.

“As I said earlier, we have him hooked up to some blood for a transfusion to help with healing and to replace blood he lost. We are also monitoring his heart and lung function. If his breathing changes that could indicate further complications with his spleen. Right now he is sedated. We don’t expect he will wake up before the morning. He’s under observation so if his status changes there will be someone nearby at all times to handle any situation that arises.” Dr. Reyes gently patted David’s shoulder as she left the room. 

The door closed, leaving a silence to fall over the small space. The only sound to break up the thick air came from the monitors for his vitals. This wasn’t the first time David had seen a loved one in the hospital, but it was the first time he’d stepped foot in the ICU. He felt his eyes burn with tears that were welling up behind his eyes. With a sigh, David folded himself into the hard plastic chair that sat near Ilya’s bedside. He reached for the young man’s hand, which had a pulse oximeter on one finger, but was otherwise bare of any equipment. His other hand had an IV attached to the back of it and another tube attached to his arm that was delivering the blood.

David leaned forward and swiped a few curls that had fallen across Ilya’s forehead, back. His fingers gently stroked the top of the man’s head in what he hoped was a comforting motion. He cleared his throat and sniffed before trying to speak.

“Well, it seems you’ve gotten yourself into quite the pickle haven’t you. Couldn’t just have a quiet evening against Toronto could you? You had to make things exciting.” David whispered, his eyes roaming over the plains of Ilya’s face.

His focus was broken by the harsh vibration in his pocket indicating his phone was ringing. He pulled it from his pocket and took a deep breath at the sight of his wife’s contact.

“Yuna, what’s the story?” David answered, cutting to the chase, his eyes still watching every rise and fall of Ilya’s chest.

“David, it’s…” Her voice caught and a sob broke through, “He, um, Shane fractured his C5 and C6 vertebrae. They had to surgically fuse them to allow the injury to stabilize. They aren’t certain yet if he’ll be paralyzed or not.”

“Shit.” David cursed under his breath, looking at Ilya’s unconscious form, wondering how Ilya would take this news once he was awake.

“What about Ilya?” Yuna’s voice was wet with tears, but David could tell his wife was determined to focus on the things she could control.

“The nick to his upper thigh was minor and able to be surgically treated. He’ll have to probably do some PT for range of motion, but nothing serious. However, Kent’s hit tore his spleen which they were able to embolize in surgery, but he’s in the ICU for observation in case of complications that could lead to further bleeding.” David rubbed his free hand across his brow.

He couldn’t believe both of his sons were in the hospital in critical condition. Both were in separate cities, two hours apart. David wasn’t sure how he and Yuna were going to manage the recoveries for them both, but he hoped that soon enough, Shane would at least be healthy enough to travel. Then, they could have them both in Ottawa and under their direct care. Not for the first time, David wondered if this situation would end up outing his sons before they were ready. 

David realized he was still on the phone when Yuna finally responded, “How did we end up here?”

David gave a weak smile and swallowed, “Our son fell in love with another hockey player.”

“I think this is the first time I have ever said this, but I wish they didn’t play such a violent sport. How are we going to manage this, David? There’s no playbook here.”

“Yun, we will manage like we always do. Together. When visiting hours start up in a few hours I am sure a few of Ilya’s teammates will want to see him. And I am sure Pike is foaming at the mouth to see Shane. That will give us the opportunity to switch places. You drive here to be with Ilya while I drive to Montreal to be with Shane. And we keep doing that until one or both of them gets released.” 

David couldn’t believe he was the one coming up with a plan. That was usually his wife’s territory. But, he also found that it soothed the anxiety creeping into his chest. Knowing they had a firm gameplan for the days, maybe even weeks ahead, helped him to feel less small in the chaos of two critical injuries.

“They just have to do everything together. Always a fucking competition.” Yuna whispered and David gave a fond smile.

“Ilya told me once that he planned to always stand alongside Shane. That winning in hockey was only fun if Shane was doing it, too.” David paused and then continued, “Guess that applies to injuries as well.”

—

Just before seven the next morning, David is pulled from his fitful sleep by the sound of Ilya’s door opening. It must be a shift change because two nurses come into the room, one David recognized from the bed check in the middle of the night. He stretched his arms above his head and stood from the chair he’d awkwardly been scrunched into for hours. He glanced toward Ilya and saw that his head had moved at some point during the last few hours. Maybe he will wake up soon.

“Good morning, Mr. Hollander,” the nurse from last night smiled at David. Then, she turned to her companion and started reading off vitals and medical information.

“Any updates?” David asked, his eyes floating between Ilya and the nurses.

“His sedation has officially worn off, so he should be waking soon. He’ll probably still be extremely groggy, but his status has remained stable throughout the night. There hasn’t been any indication that he’s had a rebleed, so that’s good news,” the nurse from last night read off her tablet. “This is Ilya’s nurse for the next shift, Tanya.”

“Hi, Tanya. I’m David Hollander,” David smiled at the new nurse and put his hand out for her to shake. “You can just call me David. Sarah here is being much too formal.”

Tanya smiled at that, then she ducked her head with a little color on her cheeks. David shook his head ever so slightly. With another glance toward Ilya, he addressed the nurses once again.

“I want to go down to the cafeteria to get a coffee. If he wakes up before I get back will you let him know where I am?” David worried about Ilya waking up in a hospital alone. 

Tanya smiled brightly at him and enthusiastically nodded her head, “Sure, Mr., I mean, David. I’ll make sure Mr. Rozanov knows you’ve just stepped out.”

Just as David reached the door to leave though, a scratchy voice called out behind him. “Dad?”

David’s breath caught in his chest. Sure, he called Ilya son from the moment Shane had officially introduced him to them, but Ilya had always just called him David. He wondered if Ilya had simply said the word in a drugged state thinking his actual father was with him. But then he remembered that Shane said Ilya’s father was an awful man and that Ilya always called him “papa.”

David slowly turned to see Ilya’s eyes lazily looking toward him. He felt the tears stream down his cheeks before he could stop them. Within seconds his need for coffee was all but forgotten. Instead, he crossed the room in a couple of steps. His right hand wrapped around Ilya’s within seconds while his other hand cradled the man’s cheek.

“I’m here. I’m right here, son. You’re okay.” David’s words came through softly, much like he used to do with Shane when he’d wake from nightmares as a child. 

“Wh-what happened? I just remember Kent coming for the puck and then nothing,” Ilya’s voice was rough from lack of use, his slavic accent extremely thick. So much so that David had to take an extra second to process what he’d said.

“You took Kent’s stick to your abdomen which caused a tear in your spleen. Then, when you all collided and fell to the ice your leg made contact with Bood’s blade and got sliced. Both injuries were quickly repaired in surgery last night and now you’re just being monitored for further complications.” David explained, slowly and softly. He made sure his eyes never left Ilya’s.

Ilya nodded, his eyes half lidded. David was certain the young man was going to fall back asleep within minutes. But, before he succumbed completely, Ilya opened his eyes once more and looked around as if searching for someone.

“Does Shane know?” Ilya’s eyes kept sweeping the room, he appeared to be getting a bit more agitated as he also scrambled to sit up, but the pain in his abdomen prevented him within seconds.

David put a hand out to calm him. “Shh, Ilya relax. You don’t want to pull your stitches.”

“He’s gotta be going out of his mind with worry.” Ilya muttered, still focused on Shane. 

David’s heart ached as he tried to come up with the right words to say. But he wasn’t sure how to break the news to Ilya that his boyfriend was also injured. Just as he was about to open his mouth to speak, his phone started to ring. One quick glance at it told him it was Yuna. He breathed a sigh of relief. As he answered the call, the nurses took their leave mentioning that the doctor would be making her rounds soon. David nodded to them in acknowledgement.

“Yuna. Good morning.” David answered his phone, rubbing his hand down his face hoping to wipe away the exhaustion.

“Is Yuna with Shane? Are they coming soon?” Ilya asked.

David looked at Yuna, silently begging her to supply him with the words he didn’t know how to speak. She motioned for him to put the phone up to Ilya’s face so she could talk to him directly. David handed his phone over to the young man.

Ilya looked at Yuna, with short lived relief, and then scrunched his brows together. “Yuna, where are you?”

“Hey, sweetie. I’m in Montreal.” Just as she said that some machine behind her started to beep frantically and she quickly hung up.

Ilya looked down at the now blackened phone and then back up at David. His eyes were filled with worry. 

“Why is Yuna in Montreal at a hospital?” Ilya’s voice, though exhausted, was firm and demanding.

David rubbed his face once more. He still had no idea how to break the news to him about Shane, especially considering he didn’t have the most up-to-date information. Once again as he was about to speak the phone lit up with another call from Yuna. Ilya immediately answered it. As soon as Yuna’s face reappeared, he started demanding answers.

“Yuna. What is going on? Why does David look like he’s constipated and heartbroken all at once?” Ilya’s eyes were frantic.

“Ilya, I need you to take a deep breath and don’t over react. First and foremost I need you to know that Shane is stable. He’s okay, for now.”

Ilya cut her off, “For now? What happened? Where is Shane?”

“Shane took a clean check from Varkov in the second period last night. But instead of his side or his chest hitting the boards in a weird twist of fate he hit the boards head first. It caused a cervical spine fracture. They had to surgically fuse the injury to stabilize his neck,” Yuna paused to take a breath.

“He broke his neck? So he is…” Ilya stopped as if he couldn’t say the words out loud.

“Right now they don’t think it will cause paralysis, but they can’t be sure because of swelling in his spinal column at the injury site.”

“But he’ll never play again,” Ilya sighed, his face falling. He knew as well as Yuna and David that injuries like that were not good indicators of a continued career.

“If he does have a chance of it he’d be unable to play for at least a year,” Yuna explained, her voice soft and gentle.

David watched as tears pushed their way out of Ilya’s eyes and streamed down his face. “Is he awake?”

Yuna shook her head, “They have him in a medically induced coma so he can heal. His injuries require that he be on a ventilator.”

Ilya handed the phone back to David and got a determined look on his face. Before David could stop him, Ilya tried to get out of the bed. David put his phone down on the little table nearby before using his full weight to keep Ilya in his bed.

“Ilya, you have to stay in bed. Your injuries are still healing. Do you want to make it worse?” 

“I have to go to Shane. He needs me to be there when he wakes up.” Ilya’s eyes were swimming with tears again.

“Ilya, you heard Yuna. He’s in a coma. More than likely he won’t wake up for days, maybe even weeks. Let’s focus on getting you healed first. Okay?” David’s words were loving, but left no room for argument.

So as I took a break from my current Hollanov fic idea for mental health reasons, I started to write another idea. This one is going to be a doozy, but the fun part is it is from David Hollander’s perspective. Let me know what you think! I’ll be uploading it to AO3 once I complete it and come up with a title.

David Hollander had always known he wanted to be a father. Growing up with an older brother, David watched as his parents seemed to get more and more distant the older he and Chris got. By the time he was playing hockey at McGill he’d stopped looking in the stands for any sign of his parents.

Because of this, he’d vowed he’d never let his children feel as though they weren’t loved or even wanted. Nothing he did would ever be more important than his children. When he met Yuna he knew they were perfectly matched not just because of their love for hockey but also their mutual desire to have as many kids as they could. They’d hoped for 3 but would settle for any amount they’d be allowed.

So, naturally, when they found out after Shane was born that he would be their only, he poured his love and devotion into his son. Where Yuna was intense and highly motivated, David was kind and soft spoken. He became the steady rock Shane would turn to anytime he struggled with his friends or did poorly in school. And if he messed up at hockey he would first go to Yuna for the pragmatic approach, and then David for the emotional one.

Between himself and his wife, David knew Shane never lacked love, attention, or support. The day of Shane’s draft David saw the devastation and disappointment in his son’s eyes at coming in second. Meanwhile, all Yuna saw was the mask Shane put up for the world: stoic excitement to be picked by his favorite team. It was the first time, but certainly far from the last, David felt he and his wife were seeing different pages of Shane’s rulebook.

Over the years, David saw Shane’s stoic media side more and more even in the privacy of family gatherings. But, if he looked hard enough there were cracks where his son’s true emotions and personality would leak through before he locked it up tight. That’s how he discovered his son might be gay. The subtle moments where Shane would get defensive about meeting women or talking about life outside of hockey in general.

What David suspected, and was later confirmed, was Shane actually did have a life outside of hockey, but he wasn’t comfortable talking about it. About a year before David walked in on Shane and Ilya in the cottage, he had a three day weekend and had wanted to spend some quality alone time with his son in Montreal. Shane excitedly accepted. He even mentioned having his dad fix a few things around his apartment that he hadn’t been able to get fixed before Montreal had been in their playoffs run. David loved feeling like he could still be of some use to his son, despite the fact that at 25, Shane no longer came to his dad for advice or comfort. He desperately hoped that this long weekend would change that. Shane had been extremely tense and distant lately, and David had hoped to figure out why.

One of the things Shane had asked David to fix was the cabinet under his bathroom sink. It had gotten misaligned and instead of closing snugly next to the matching door, it overlapped and didn’t close completely. David stared at the broken item, alone in Shane’s apartment on a Friday morning due to Shane being at practice. He questioned what could’ve happened to have caused this. But, after a few moments of wondering, David figured it must have happened during one of the times Shane had his teammates over for a hangout. David had met Hayden and J.J. and knew them to be the equivalent of what David had always thought having a son would be like: loud, rambunctious, and destructive.

It was when he took off the cabinet door that he found things he knew Shane must’ve forgotten were there, or else he wouldn’t have let his father anywhere near it. Under the sink was a box of condoms, not the craziest thing, but next to that were a stock of at least 4 or 5 bottles of lube. And next to that was a few sticks of a deodorant brand that Shane did not wear. David smiled to himself and shook his head. That itself was the confirmation he’d needed for his suspicions that Shane was gay. Despite wanting to question Shane about it, by the time his son returned home, David could tell the young man was exhausted and probably wouldn’t react well to such questions. So, instead, David pocketed it into his thoughts and promised himself he would ask questions another time.

After Shane introduced David and Yuna to Ilya Rozanov, officially, David felt his heart growing even more than he ever thought possible. He now had two sons in his life. Two young men to love and cherish and provide for. Over time, David learned that despite his bigger than life personality, Ilya loved doing quiet activities like puzzles and board games. Ilya Rozanov became the missing link in their family that made David finally feel like their lives were complete.

So, naturally, by the time Ilya Rozanov became the captain of the Ottawa Centaurs, David made sure the young man always had someone in the stands for every home game. Shane worried that people would notice and it would start questions neither he nor Ilya wanted to answer, but David just waved it away. He wasn’t the most recognizable member of the Hollander family and often ran under the radar even in the face of the press. So, David became Ilya’s family in the crowd and always took the man out for ice cream after his games, win or lose.

David loved getting to double up on the number of hockey games he could attend each season. And during those rare moments when both Shane and Ilya had home games on the same night, Yuna would travel to Montreal for Shane while David remained in Ottawa for Ilya. That was how they ended up being separated on that fateful night. Hockey was notoriously a violent sport, in fact, Ilya was almost always injured in some way because of how aggressively he was trained during his early days in Russia. However, it was extremely rare that Shane was ever hurt on the ice due to his cautious, strategic game play. Therefore, on that one night in late November of 2020, David and Yuna found themselves in the most insane moment of their lives.

During the second period of the Montreal vs. Boston game, Yuna texted David to inform him that Varkov had aggressively shoved Shane into the boards and he’d hit his neck incorrectly causing him to crumple to the ice, unconscious. She told him she was in the ambulance with Shane on her way to Montreal general and would inform him once she knew more. David had replied with well wishes for their son, and told her that he would wait until Ilya’s game was over, tell the Russian what had happened, and then they would both travel to Montreal together.

Unfortunately, moments later, David’s body ran cold as he watched, in slow motion, as Dallas Kent crossed the line and hit Ilya with a dirty check to the waist with his stick. The resulting collision caused Ilya’s feet to get caught up in his right winger who’d been trailing just to the side of them for the last few seconds of game play. David watched as both Centaurs fell to the ice, but when the dust settled and the gameplay stopped, Ilya was still crumpled on the ice, not moving. His winger, Boodram got up, but was still just sitting there a few feet from his captain, on his knees. David immediately stood up and rushed to the floor level of the arena.

He approached the home team bench and asked the young player at the end to capture Coach Wiebe’s attention. Wiebe was focused on the medics who had now rushed to the ice to deal with Ilya’s injuries. As they moved his body from the ice to a backboard, David felt his mouth fill up with bile at the stark redness against the pale crystal clear surface. Ilya was bleeding.

David ran a hand through his hair and anxiously held his hand in front of his mouth, his eyes wide and quickly tracking the medics as they moved Ilya off the ice. David rushed around to the entrance to the tunnel and stopped the medics before they could take Ilya out of the arena. He was desperate to be allowed to go with his other son, but he couldn’t remember who Ilya’s emergency contact was.

Coach Wiebe sensing the urgency glanced at his tablet and swiped through what he figured was Ilya’s file as the medics started to transport him down the tunnel and away from David.

He looked up at David and asked him, “Are you David Hollander?” David’s breath left his body as he nodded frantically and then ran after the stretcher.

The paramedics allowed him onto the rig with Ilya. Once he was sitting down with the still unconscious man, David grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it tight. He didn’t let his hand relinquish any of his grip for the whole rushed ride to the Ottawa hospital. He used his free hand to pull his phone from his pocket. He saw that Yuna had texted him an update.

Yuna

Shane was rushed into surgery. They mentioned something about his collar bone. I asked the doctor about his neck and he looked grim as he said they’d have to do some imaging to be sure.

Yuna

Wish I knew more. Let me know when you are headed here so I can tell you where to meet me.

David

Bad news. Kent blindsided Ilya with a dirty hit moments ago. In the ambulance with him headed to the hospital here. He’s unconscious.

David

There was blood on the ice, Yun…I’m not sure where he got nicked, but it seems to be in his groin area.

Yuna

Shit. Well I guess it is divide and conquer tonight then. I’ll keep you updated. You keep me updated.

David

We are agreed that if either of them wake up we wait to tell them anything about the other until you and I can get a story straight

Yuna

You want me to draft a statement? lol

Yuna

Sorry, was that in bad taste. I’m just trying not to lose my mind with all the worst case scenarios.

David

Not in poor taste. It made me smile. Ilya would laugh if he were awake right now.

David

We’ve arrived at the hospital. Doctors rushed him past a set of doors I can’t go beyond. But, luckily our son made me his emergency contact so they’ll be able to tell me stuff.

Yuna

He did? That sweet boy. I wonder why he didn’t tell us he’d done that?

Yuna

All things considered, it makes sense. Now that he and Shane are publicly friends it would make sense a player with no family would put down his friend’s family.

David

Yeah. It just took me by surprise. And then relief washed over me.

David

I know he has his friend Sveta but she’s in Boston. So it’s good that on a night like tonight I am able to get direct information about him.

Yuna

Yes. I am going to do my best to preserve my phone battery. I will check in with you when I know more.

David

Same here. Send Shane all my love.

Yuna