There's sheep in the boiler room

FREE HIM

Every single note and comment is comedy gold and I'm wheezing from laughing so hard

atheist quarterback throws a hail darwin

agnostic quarterback throws a hail maybe

hey I’m sorry about your boyfriend. yeah no, he was only in the movie long enough to deliver some crucial exposition and then die. also? this part is embarrassing but he was killed by the gorilla. honestly you kind of had to be there, it’s not as weird as it sounds. I’m sorry though. I know I promised that nobody was going to get killed by the gorilla and that’s like, the very first thing that happened, so I get why you’re mad.

hey I’m sorry about Bruce Campbell. yeah no, he was only in the movie long enough to deliver some crucial exposition and then die. also? this part is embarrassing but he was killed by the gorilla from Congo (1995). honestly you kind of had to be there, it’s not as weird as it sounds. I’m sorry though. I know I promised that nobody was going to get killed by the gorilla from Congo (1995) and that’s like, the very first thing that happened, so I get why you’re mad.

this post doesn't specifically describe any character in King Kong (2005), but it has the vibe of something that version of Carl Denham would say

when i say i like hiking, i don’t mean “eight mile backpacking trip with special gear and an emergency beacon” sort of hiking, i mean a three mile loop to go look at pretty things and then a huge brunch after.

this is in no way a slam on hardcore hiking, it’s very fun, but i mostly just need to lower people’s expectations when i say hiking is a hobby of mine

"No no, that's ranger hiking. I like hobbit hiking."

#you gotta be more specific man#Hobbits are specifically famous for two Really Long Walks

Long Walks Georgs were outliers adn should not have been counted

trying to sleep but i just remembered those tweets by lauren faust when she discovered what the equestria girls toys looked like and it upset her so much that she drew herself as the hulk. obsessed

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her