Mass Effecting Me

she's left alone. the normandy is gone, has been gone since the end of the war. MIA. she buries herself in work, because there's always so much work to do. earth can't rebuild itself on its own. the scientists working on the relay can't repair it on their own. people must be managed, resources must be managed. one group of refugees receiving food means another goes without. she doesn't want to be in charge of this. she drinks. she skips her medication. she jumps at every noise, lashes out at people for what seems to be no reason. if she's not working, she's isolating herself at home. sometimes she brings home to work with her, alcohol on her breath. her head is perpetually on a swivel, scanning every room before she enters it. she watches people's hands instead of their eyes. she always sits facing entryways, back to a wall. she always carries a gun. she flinches at shadows nobody else can see. she incurs infringement after infringement and reprimand after reprimand, and the closer she gets to losing her job, her only source of stability, the worse off she gets. she becomes paranoid. she resists therapy.

she's placed on leave. whether it will become a full medical discharge is yet to be determined. she might be able to come back if she really commits to seeing her VA-assigned mental health team of psychologists and therapists.

soon after the decision is made, shepard is found in a crashed car with a blood alcohol level of 0.35% and a handgun in the glove compartment. it isn't clear where she was going or what she was intending to do. in the hospital again, she won't talk. she was resistant before they sedated her - screaming about how they're coming to get her. it's clear she needs serious intervention, and intervention arrives in the form of the one who had made her.

miranda was never a caretaker, and lacks bedside manner. she does, however, arrange for rehab, and after that, a home somewhere quiet and remote. a team of approved doctors who can do the dirty work. frequent and personal check-ins by dr. frankenstein herself. she's a firm hand, not permissive, and perfectly willing to medicate an unwilling shepard. despite this, they become close friends, and with her help shepard claws out a life where she has more good days than bad. she goes on runs with her neighbor. she gets to know the people in her community. she stays on her meds, and she counts the days she's been sober. eventually, she can go back to work, and she slowly starts to feel like herself again.