✩ M𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐠 ✩

But no matter how much I say that or how often I explain that to someone nobody cares..

I could just die and nobody cares.. Nobody notices it.. Why can’t I just die? It’s not easy to kill myself.. I already tried that a month ago or somewhen..

But I really can’t do it anymore and just want to die.. I want to cut myself so deeply and to punish myself.. I want to punish myself for not being good enough for anyone..

Like idk why but you drink and everything is funny or I just get kinda sleepy lol

Todays pictures when I spended time with my father ^^

Why can’t I just die..? I want nothing else than to leave this fucking place.. I want to die.. to hurt myself.. because I deserve it so much.. because I hate myself so much.. because I deserve to get punished..

Todays sunset was so amazing 🤩

I can’t do this anymore.. That’s what I thought very much but still continue and survive in this shitty life I have right now..

Why am I continuing? For what? I‘m don’t have to do anything for anyone.. I don’t owe anything to anyone.. Why am I continuing then?

Am I doing this to not leave the ones who are still there and important to me? Just for my family? For them that they won’t be alone..?

Or am I doing this for my father who lives alone now? Am I staying alive for him that he won’t be completely lonely?

Maybe I‘m just afraid that if I leave this world that my parents hate each other.. and give each other the guilt for that.. I don’t want that to happen..

But I don’t owe anyone anything, right? Why am I thinking about the others then if it’s my life? If I can decide what to do with it..

Why didn’t I just left already? Why am I not dead already..? If I already wished that for so long.. If I already tried so much but it wasn’t enough..

Happy Easter! 🐰🐣