#sad things

Because of my stupid possibly now EX boyfriend. He went back to drinking behind my back. Was sneaky about it. He played it off like he was just sick. Has been missing days of work on an off. but NO.

Started after he had a 2 hr meetup with his sister April 27th after she had a vision she might die soon and wanted him to know where all her valuables were and all their parents stuff was but then didn't actually give him anything in the here and now. sent him home empty handed. and unbeknownst to me he then walked to a liquor store and bought a bunch of vodka and has been drinking since. he just got back his health insurance and just has been stable in work and life was was supposed to be saving up to get his drivers license and his own vehicle. ARGGHHHGHGTHGFHGFHFGHGFHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! threw it all away jsut because of one visit with his sister!!!!!!!! life job relationship sobriety everything!

Then he wanted to get help. Called a detox center. They sent an uber to pick him up. It was supposed to be a local place. I literally had to drag him out of the house and into the uber because he kept falling down. The uber driver INSISTED I go with him. I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN IN THAT CAR.

I didn't know it was going all the way to Worcester. I don't have a smartphone.... No way to uber back. and it was getting late. past the last trains. nowhere near anything. I am so pissed off. So sad. Had a nervous breakdown

(May 1st is the anniversary of my mothers death, whom I was very close to and miss everyday, but whose last six months of life was so traumatic to me because she was living with me in hospice as her kidneys and entire body shut down and with dementia ... a chaotic kind as if she was possessed by a demon that would only let her true self surface once in a rare while to say a sentence or 2... but I DON'T DRINK ABOUT IT)

.... finally one of the nurses took pity on me and ordered one from her phone and I gave her $50 for it (which was the cost of the ride, she had some kind of discount).

and he was saying I was stressing him out! That I spend too much time and money on my dolls! and my dog! That I should spend it on housework instead! That I work him to death doing handyman/house repair! EXCUSE ME BUT THATS THE DEAL. YOU ARE LIVING WITH ME RENT FREE YOU BUM YOU FIX THE HOUSE AND PAY FOR FOOD AND WASH DISHES, I PAY THE UTILTY AND REAL ESTATE AND CAR BILLS. We share other basic cleaning duties. But I can't do carpentry. Or drywall. He used to support me now he's tearing me apart and I'm done. DONE.

And by used to..... I mean only last month! For my birthday he bought me the little husky family Calico Critters I'd been eying in Newbury Comics but never bought because I think they're overpriced. and he says he has no time for his hobbies.... well whats playing the bass for 4 hrs every night sir? What's plunking down $350 for a new (used) one, another $25 for a shoulder strap for it, another $100 to restring your oldest one, plus all HIS collectables?

I had to take care of my parents. 2020 onward has been pure hell. I still have paperwork I'm filling out for them on a monthly basis, it never ends. Mom died in 2022, Dad in 2025. But. Its like they KEEP dying. Its insane. (For instance there's still stuff locked up in a trust I wasn't aware I need to go to court and pay a lawyer to get it out of trust and no one even knows WHAT court! awesome!)

I don't have to take care of ... I don't even want to call him my boyfriend right now. Whatever he is. Guy formerly known as my boyfriend. He's making it clear he's never going to get his act together. He's had so much therapy, so many people try to help him, and nothing ever permanently changes, he goes right back to being self destructive.