Let's go to a buffet.

I just wanted to write this down, so that I can remember it later. Because today I went to the gym again (I went yesterday) and cycled, even though my legs were dead. I didn’t give it 100%, but at least I went! I felt super happy about that. 

Then, I went grocery shopping and got a bunch of ingredients for a salad of salads. It was primo healthpig. I roasted carrots and broccoli, cooked some chickpeas with curry sauce, roasted some sweet potatoes, and mixed in with kale, mustard greens, red onions, tomato, cucumber, and some trader joe’s turkey meatballs. 

Feelings: First and foremost, I feel stressed. The state testing madness is getting to be A LOT and I’m sick of it. I don’t like teaching boring test shit, I don’t like making a group of good kids sit through boring test bullshit, I don’t like being the person in charge of organizing the boring test shit for others... It drains my soul to have people ask me questions about a test that’s entire existence upsets me on a moral level. Why are we making kids sit through hours of standardized testing? Why am I being asked to teach to a test that measures NOTHING? It grosses me out to be the vehicle of torture. blegh. Plus, ALL of my prep periods are now full of actual prep. I barely ate lunch today which is very unlike me. (lol)

I also feel a little let down with myself-- I was going to do laundry, and I have not. I just stayed on the sofa. I’m not as tired today as I thought I would be after the gym, and I’m sitting here thinking like, did I really work out hard if I’m not sore? I know that’s all my brain, but I’m feeling the pressure. I took a selfie to see if I drew my eyebrows on evenly (loll- I did not) and it was not a flattering photo. 

Victories: Today, despite the crazy test prep schedule, my classes went well! At least, my 10th grade classes did. My second period class regularly fills me with an intense amount of joy. They are THE BEST. Today, the lesson was not great. As we were going through the Do Now, I realized that without reviewing the previous day, finishing the worksheet wouldn’t make sense. So, we had to trash the plan and try something on the fly. While I was setting up/ buying time, we reviewed the structure of a counterclaim paragraph. We wrote the order on the board and I asked if anyone would be willing to do a dramatic reading while I quickly set up the new slideshow. E suggested that R take us “to Jamaican church” (Both students are of Jamaican heritage). At first, R was enthusiastic, but then when he was standing in front of everyone, he got a little nervous. E came up to support, and the two of them read the notes as if they were in Jamaican church, even holding a fake bible.  Some of the other Jamaican American students got in on the routine and everyone was laughing (but not in a make fun of them way, in an omg this is hilarious way) and enjoying the moment. What I love about them is that they allow each other to be silly or vulnerable, but no one turns it into bullying or negativity. I said, “No phones, no filming, let’s just enjoy this,” and most of them listened (R’s best friend filmed under the desk without me knowing ><). There are always volunteers in that class, always students who are willing to step outside their comfort zone. They make mistakes because they know it’s ok and I love being in that space with them. My current goal is to get my 4th period class to that level by March. 

Other victories: 

I did dishes

I ate healthy-ish. 

I took out recycling (been waiting on that for a week). 

I started a new podcast called “Pleasing Terrors.” It’s like, ghost stories meets true crime. V. cool. 

There are 5 gudetamas displayed in my living room.