The discussion classroom wasn't terribly full as he strolled through the door with his hoodie thrown over his dark brown curls and headphones, a pretty voice flowing through the ear pieces as he took his usual seat to the side of the room.

"...and we're back! Hope you all enjoyed this week's song recommendation. It's been a favorite of mine ever since my dad introduced it to me when I was a kid. An absolute road trip banger—"

Sunwoo's eyes flickered up to see that the TA for the discussion wasn't yet here, but he lowered the volume on his headset slightly in case.

"—kudos to all the songwriters out there. Writing relevant stuff that transcends time is hard, man. I can't even make meaningful conversation with my graduate student supervisor."

A small smile curled the corners of his lips upward. Just as he anticipated the segment on the host geeking out about her favorite oldies music picks, he heard instead—

"I can't even make meaningful conversation with my other grad student supervisors, you know?"

Wait a minute. Confusion flickered across Sunwoo's face as he checked and lifted one of his headphone ears. That can't be right…

Somebody sat down in the seat beside him, almost startling him because he had his back to the door. It was you, the pretty second-year who he had met on the first day of this discussion a few weeks ago. But he was peering at you now in a whole new light as a smile lingered on your face from your conversation with the class’s TA.

When you felt his eyes on you, you flashed him a bright grin. “Hey, Sunwoo.”

He cleared his throat, fumbling to turn his headphones off and follow your lead in taking out the materials needed for today’s discussion. “Oh, hey, Yn.” It occurred to him just how creepy he was probably being just then…just watching you. But the thoughts in his brain were flying around like mosquitoes around his head—had he been hearing things?

“What’d you think of the reading?” You asked him pleasantly.

The reading from the past week had been the first third of a novel called The Stranger, a version translated from its original written in French. Sunwoo sucked in a breath, grimacing, “It’s not my favorite,” he drawled. “I have no idea what the point of his character is, to be honest.”

You pursed your lips and nodded your head. “Yeah, he’s a little… flat,” you chuckled.

“Is this supposed to tie into the theory that professor was talking about last week?” He asked then, in an effort to actively shift his brain’s focus away from your awfully familiar voice and sayings, and to the present.

“Something about how he doesn’t fit societal standards. I think it’s existentialism and nihilism. Well, at least I think it is.”

Huh. Interesting. Sunwoo gave a little bob of his head, and this was just when the TA turned everyone’s attention to a class discussion about the novel. He definitely hadn’t thought of those terms specifically when reading, but at the same time, he did understand where you were getting that sentiment from. He just couldn’t articulate his view of literature quite as well as you could. That had made you somewhat intimidating to him in the beginning, besides your very cute smile, but he was hoping he could learn something from you nonetheless.

You weren’t even a literature major, he realized as he listened to you offer your thoughts to the group. It was cool, though—you were cool.

— ✶

The Songbird Station was a podcast, radio-esque show that Sunwoo had discovered over summer break, a few weeks ago. The podcast was hosted by an anonymous host who dubbed herself “DJ Dove.” She definitely didn’t mind talking about a few of her personal life experiences; it was easy to simply bar the names and identities. Sunwoo had binged all two seasons so far of the podcast, happily tuning in as a silent listener and admirer of hers for awhile, and he had always wondered where she went to school or who she was, but it hadn’t invaded his thoughts like this before.

Sunwoo laid in his bed the day after the literature discussion, his hands resting on his stomach and his expression turned up toward the violet-red LED-lit ceiling of his room. His phone sat on the edge of his nightstand as it played a playlist of songs that Dove had recommended to her listeners—or well, he wondered if he could safely assume that what he heard yesterday was correct, and that you were DJ Dove.

It would make sense, he thought. You were a sound and music production major, had great taste in music (from the brief conversations you struck up with him while in class), and you literally said the exact same thing that Dove had said over the podcast. It couldn’t have just been a coincidence. And now that he thought about it, your voice really did sound a lot like DJ Dove’s. There was a sort of friendly warmth to both of your voices, and—and—

Knock, knock— “Aye, Sunwoo! I'm going to Juyeon's place now. Are you sure you don't wanna come with?"

Oh, right. He had nearly forgotten that Eric had planned to head over to their new mutual friend's apartment tonight to watch a sports game. Juyeon was a friend of a friend of a friend—the connections ran long in their friend circle, he supposed. Sunwoo stole a peak at his phone screen for the time and his joints ached at the sight of 8:53 on the face. His face screwed up as he replied to his friend and roommate, “Nah, I think I'm still just gonna chill here tonight.”

He grabbed his phone fully off the nightstand this time and turned onto his side.

“Oh, okay. Don't burn the apartment down and don't steal my ramen!”

Sunwoo squished his face down into his pillow, raising his voice slightly since his words would probably be muffled, "I'm not going to steal your ramen!" This guy.

He heard Eric grumble something under his breath from the other side of the door, followed by the sound of footsteps moving farther away from his room. When he heard the front door close, he let out a breath and turned back to his phone. To his surprise, he had managed to absentmindedly navigate away from the playlist screen and to the Songbird Station homepage, filled with a collection of all of your links. One of these links was for listeners to submit song recommendations or ask questions, and most of the time, they were all anonymous with their own little nicknames.

He had never fully considered doing it… but that didn’t mean he hadn’t ever partially thought about it. He definitely imagined becoming one of Dove’s more frequent anonymous submitters and becoming friends with her—on a level that one could consider oneself friends between two anonymous users, at least.

But up until now, he hadn’t thought that he could do it. Well, because Dove was Dove; he was one of hundreds of listeners.

“But she’s Yn,” he thought aloud to himself, turning back onto his back to speak to the ceiling, as if the layer of plaster above his head could possibly give him a viable answer. “There’s probably a reason she doesn’t use her actual name,” he pondered further, expression contorted into deep contemplation. “This feels wrong!” He groaned.

There was at least one person he could count on to deal with his bullshit.

sunwoo’s phone: yes or no

tree rat: no

“Well, screw you, too,” Sunwoo huffed as he swiped out of his and Changmin’s text chain. Out of all the times Changmin said “no” randomly, it had to be this time.

It didn’t matter much anyway though. Sunwoo went back to the links page and clicked on the anonymous submissions. He was met with a customized greeting page from the hostess herself, as she thanked her listeners and asked what they’d like to contribute to the show.

Sunwoo moved to sit up against his headboard as he racked his brain for something to say. He had tons to say, but the first message had to be perfect, right?

“It’s fine,” he said out loud, thumbs flying over the keyboard to type out the first thing that came to mind. After all, it was completely anonymous, so it wasn’t like she would—or you would—even know it was him.

He probably read over his little paragraph about a hundred times before attempting to figure out an anonymous name to sign off with. He hugged his knee to his chest when he couldn’t come up with something cool, charming, or unique. Maybe he would stay completely unknown for now. Maybe he wouldn’t even have the courage to submit another message after this one anyway!—

"Rhapsody," he said aloud. Rhapsody was a cool word. Rhapsody anon? Was that who he would sign as?

He did the most logical course of action: look up the word. He asked the internet for its most basic definition, then somehow ended up in the rabbit hole of etymology of the word rhapsody. It described one who stitched verses or songs together—something of the sort. It sounded cool, at least.

It would have to do… and even if you—or DJ Dove—thought it was stupid, no one would know it was him.

Before he could psych himself out of it, Sunwoo pushed the submit button and launched his phone away from him onto the bed like it was explosive. There was something thrilling about anonymous submissions, but incredibly anxiety-inducing, as well. He could only hope that you would be pleased to read it.

— ✶

It was Wednesday when the next episode of the podcast dropped, and Sunwoo was swift to don his headphones on his way out the door of the apartment. The walk to campus was a good fifteen or so minutes, which would get him about a quarter of the way through the episode, but usually the line in the campus cafe was long, so he had plenty of time to listen.

“Welcome to Songbird Station! I’m your host, DJ Dove, and today, I went to my Groupon singing lesson and realized that I think my teacher is having an affair with her neighbor…?”

Sunwoo let out a snortish laugh, covering his mouth with his hoodie sleeve in slight embarrassment as he passed by somebody else going in the opposite direction. Usually, there would be anonymous submissions sprinkled throughout the episode, most of them having to be diverted to later episodes because they were song recommendations. Sunwoo wasn’t super optimistic about his chances of being featured in this episode, but a guy could dream, couldn’t he?

The sky was a pleasant shade of crystalline blue, even as the seasons shifted from summer to fall. There was a slight breeze wafting through the air that brought in the telltale autumnal chill.

"...and luckily the rest was history. My voice was completely dead and my throat is still a little sore, haha, so we'll do a couple more anonymous submissions and recommendations today! This is supposedly a radio show-esque podcast, after all. This one's from a new friend—Rhapsody Anon!"

Sunwoo nearly tripped over the flat sidewalk and sent a nervous smile to the other person waiting at the stoplight with him. Did you just say what he thought you said?

There came a soft laugh from you. "Ooh, like Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? Such a classic, by the way. Rhapsody says: Hi Dove! Hoping you're doing alright and that songwriting is going well. I'm a relatively new listener but a fan from first listen—awh, wait… that's kind of like love at first sight but for the voice version, isn't it?"

He reddened. The crosswalk turned green.

"Anyways, that's really sweet; thanks so much—there's a bit more of the message that I'll post on my story later so we can save time, but Rhapsody, thank you for tuning in and interacting with me. Your message sounded so heartfelt to me? I dunno," you chuckled and he swore he could hear the smile in your voice, "maybe I'm a little biased 'cause I love your song rec, too. Speaking of which, Rhapsody recommends Painkiller by Ruel! An immaculate choice, if I do say so myself…"

Sunwoo couldn't help but smile to himself at your warm reception of his anonymous submission. He wished he could have gotten your full reaction to his entire message, but he understood that you needed to account for all the other things you had planned.

Even so, an acknowledgement from you would have been enough. He hadn't thought it was possible, but he thought he just became even more attached to this DJ Dove persona.

EPISODE TWO: I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY.

three months later.

THE curtains in Sunwoo's room were yanked open, the sound of metal rings against the metal bar scratched at his eardrums and made him grimace. It definitely did not help the pounding in his cranium, and—wait, was he in jeans? There was a disgusting after taste in his mouth, something akin to alcohol, and when he lifted his hand to rub his eyes, he felt dried tear tracks on his skin.

Eric stood at the foot of his bed with a scowl and his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm mad at you."

Sunwoo smooshed his face into his pillow in a sorry attempt to hide his eyes from the blinding overcast sky outside. "What's new?" He babbled incoherently.

It seemed his friend and roommate was not pleased with his answer and moved to tower over Sunwoo right beside him. "You couldn't have waited ten minutes before barging in? I was so close to kissing her!"

"Huh? What the hell are you…" Sunwoo's voice trailed off as the events of last night were slowly coming back to him.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Ugh. He remembered making plans to go to some singles party with Changmin and Chanhee, and that Eric was bringing EC!Yn over to woo her or something… yeah, he got all that. So why did Sunwoo drink so much and why couldn't he…

The notification… the tweet…

Oh no.

The emotions from last night came rushing back to him like the tide to shore. Horror contorted his face as his brain raced to string pieces of last night together. He released a groan as he brought both hands up to his face. "Oh my god," he muttered into his palms.

The distinct feeling of devastation and disappointment sank into his gut. No wonder he had thrown all caution to the wind last night and gotten himself drunk off his face.

"How bad?" He asked.

Eric still had his arms crossed. "You cried on EC!Yn like a whale and asked why women were perfect and why you couldn't have this one girl." By the drone of Eric's voice, he hadn't been pleased or amused by last night's events. Whoops.

"I'm—"

"You are going to be forever alone, by the way."

Sunwoo dropped his hands from his face and leveled a scowl up at Eric. Now, that he remembered saying, too. Unfortunately. "Hey! I'm still tender from last night."

Eric's smile was sarcastic and he said nothing as he made his exit from Sunwoo's room and left the hungover man to fend for himself. Left to his own devices, Sunwoo pushed out a harsh exhale as he stared up at the ceiling.

He remembered receiving the notification from the Songbird Station Twitter account and excusing himself to go to the bathroom to hear your voice memo. And when he'd finally found an empty bathroom and played it back, he learned a devastating piece of information.

Guys, I went on a date… updates in the next episode. That was what you had said, essentially—you, Yn Ln, the girl Sunwoo had met in his literature course last quarter and whom he had figured out was the anonymous host of the podcast Songbird Station under the pseudonym DJ Dove.

And he had gotten drunk over the fact that you'd gone out on a date, and said date hadn't been him.

"Dude," he said out loud to himself.

He couldn't believe he had gotten so off his rocker by this news. It wasn't like he knew you or liked you or—well, maybe he had grown an affection for you over the span of time he listened to your podcast and interacted with you via his own pseudonym, Rhapsody Anonymous.

But he was just another fan to you, and you would never know his identity.

A guy could dream though, right?

A thought suddenly occurred to him as he rolled over to go through the copious amounts of notifications on his phone he had. There were lots of messages in his group chat with Chanhee and Changmin that he would deal with later, lots of social media notifications, emails, and…

Wednesday. Today was Wednesday.

Sunwoo cursed. You were definitely uploading the episode today then.

He bit his lip as he sorted through the notifications to find one about the podcast. Sure enough, there it was: I Went On A Date? was the title, and he pretended like that didn't make him want to play Lany's Valentine's Day on loop—

The bedroom door opened and Eric poked his head into the room. "I made hangover soup."

Sunwoo blinked in surprise. "Oh. Thanks, man."

"Yeah, don't mention it," Eric mumbled, shifting on his feet. "Seriously, don't mention it."

— ✶

For the next couple of days, Sunwoo left the notification at the top of his phone, pretending like it wasn’t there. It had worked for about five minutes, but the remainder of time he was stubborn, he allowed his imagination to get the better of him. Although he no longer needed to take a literature course, he found himself deeply considering the vague title you had provided. Well, what could you mean by that question mark at the end? Had it not gone well? There was no way it could have, since your tone didn’t really scream “OH MY GOD I WENT ON A DATE!!!” (not that Sunwoo had imagined what he would have acted like post-date with someone like you or anything…). He didn’t even know who you had gone on a date with, and that made his stomach churn.

The curiosity devoured him alive over the two days he managed to torture himself with his overthinking. No one knew he listened to the Songbird Station podcast, and he planned to keep it that way. It would be the absolute death of him if any of his friends found out.

By Saturday morning, Sunwoo had had enough of his own stubbornness and caved. He donned his headphones, grabbed his bag, and headed out the door to do some work in a cafe located on the Ave. There was one that his friend Jacob had recommended to the group awhile back, and Sunwoo hadn’t looked back since.

As he tuned into the episode, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, shivering against the cold, winter winds. February weather was a doozy, and a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate sounded so very sexy right this moment.

“Welcome to Songbird Station! I’m your host, DJ Dove, and you’re probably wondering what the title of this episode even means, or why I sent that weird, cryptic voice message the other night.”

The traffic light turned green, and Sunwoo began to cross the road, the coffee shop in sight. His hands were beginning to get clammy in his pockets.

“Don’t riot, but friends, it means exactly what it says—” As you exhaled out a breathy kind of laugh, Sunwoo inhaled sharply.

“Helpful,” he muttered under his breath as he pushed into the warmth of the coffee shop. He shook the cold out of his body before hopping into the line to order.

“ —I did actually land myself a date yesterday. Honestly, I’m not really much of a dater; I never really had time with it over the past years because I would, uh… well, I would rather stay in and do music, y’know?”

The corners of Sunwoo’s lips curled up into a smile. Maybe he had been nervous before about this episode’s topic of choice, but he should have had more faith in you. Rather than speak about the date the entire episode, you always managed to worm in a discussion about your passions, and that was the kind of talk that had first gotten Sunwoo hooked. There was something so attractive about hearing or witnessing a person gush about their passions and ambitions—the way their eyes lit up, their posture righted itself, how they smiled so big that one could hear it in their tone of voice.

He was happy that you went out on a date, because you deserved to meet someone who treated you as special as you were. You were a good person, and it wasn’t fair that he was being so salty about it, especially when he was too chicken to—

“Sunwoo?”

His soul practically fell out of his body. “Shit—” He swore, yanking his headphones down with eyes as wide as the earphones. He whirled around to greet you with a flushed face, red like the old Christmas decorations still hanging up from the crown moldings.

You were standing right behind him with a mildly amused look on your face, your lips pressed into a smile and eyes crinkled in absolute delight. You were similarly bundled up like he was to no doubt shield you from the cold on your way here. “Sorry I scared you! I probably should have, like, tapped your shoulder or something, huh?”

Sunwoo let out a nervous laugh and cupped the back of his neck, the skin there warm to the touch. “Oh, uh, no problem at all. I just kinda…”

“Get scared easy?” You offered.

He huffed with a sheepish sort of smile. “No, no that’s not it. I—I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.” Inwardly, he winced. The fact that he was listening to your voice in his ears, and you just happened to say his name at the same time and appear in the same exact coffee shop as him. Weren’t there fifteen of these places on the block? There was no way you just happened to choose this one at this moment.

You chuckled, playing along. “Ah, I see, I see. We haven’t seen each other since fall quarter though. How have you been?”

You and Sunwoo inched up with the line, so the two of you now stood side by side. Sunwoo was trying everything he could to calm the racing of his heart. Play it cool, dude. “I’ve been okay…ish,” he grimaced, re-thinking his answer. “You know winter quarter is always the worst.”

“For sure,” you replied. “It’s so cold and dreary—nobody wants to leave their apartments, especially me,” you joked.

Sunwoo was about to chime in on how he could totally relate to that, when you popped the question: “And then there’s Valentine’s Day. Crazy how it never seems to rain on Valentine’s Day, though, so people can go out. Did you do anything for it?”

Sirens commenced their screeching in his head. WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO! Don’t let her know how much of a loser you were! He coughed, reaching up to scratch his head. “Uh, nothing special in particular, if that’s what you mean. A couple of my friends and I just went to this singles party.” Would that give you the wrong idea? Probably not, right? Why was he so bad at this, he thought, wasn’t he supposed to be a communications major?

You inched up in line. “Oh, that’s cool. I think I went to one in freshman year at my old uni,” you said.

Before he could stop himself, he said, “I almost forgot you transferred this year.” He knew that one from the podcast when you talked about the struggles of being a transfer student and having to almost “redo” your entire first year experience, social-wise. But you had also told him that when you and he had worked together in your shared class last quarter; it was just that the two of you didn’t really talk much about your old university much after that.

“It’s okay,” you smiled, nudging his arm with yours as a gesture for him to order first. “Not many people remember.”

Sunwoo wanted to protest, maybe to reassure you that it wasn’t that easy to forget something like that, but he was forced to switch gears and order his hot beverage first before he could say anything else to you. After he said goodbye to five more dollars, he stepped aside and made his way over to the pick-up counter to wait for you and his drink.

When you were done, you sidled up beside him, hands tucked into the folds of your coat.

Come on, say something, his inner voice chided. “So, uh, how was your Valentine’s Day?”

He immediately regretted it. Out of everything he could have asked, he had to go with the one topic he really didn’t want to hear about. However, it had been one of the logical progressions of the conversation, and who knew? Perhaps it wouldn’t lead to him feeling like he’d been shot down with lightning? (Was he being a little dramatic? Yes. Did it matter? Not when no one was going to hear him, no.)

You let out a small laugh and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “It was okay,” you replied.

It was… it was okay? What was he supposed to do with that answer—

“I mean,” you continued with a smile that looked more like a grimace, “it was—fine! It was fine. Uhm…”

Sunwoo’s thoughts came to a slow, teetering stop. Worry began seeping into the cracks of his brain as new scenarios formed. “Hey, if you’re uncomfortable talking about it, then we don’t have to talk about it.” All of the nerves and envy from before was becoming something softer in concern for your response.

“No! No, it’s okay. I promise,” you reassured him. The look you gave him was earnest, and he felt the fist tucked into his pocket gradually relax a bit. “It’s just weird putting it into words, y’know? I kind of chickened out of talking to my friends about it, and even to—” You stopped yourself short, and he could see you backpedaling in your brain. “Anyways, it just felt weird? I think it would have been a really nice night if I actually saw him in that light. But at the same time, I kind of want to try and give it a chance. Does that make sense?”

He nodded, tension falling out of his shoulders. “It does. I mean, sometimes there’s just no spark, y’know?” He added. “I was just worried he did something to make you uncomfortable or something.”

“Oh, no, nothing like that. You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay, that’s good,” he murmured, licking his lips. “I’m just curious—” he piped up, “—and you don’t have to tell me, but who did you go out with?”

One of the baristas from behind the counter called your names, and the two of you both stepped forward. Sunwoo took a long stride to get there before you, and handed you your cup for you.

You murmured a “thanks” to him first before stirring in a packet of sugar. “Liu Yangyang. Do you know him?”

Did he? Yangyang was one of the people Sunwoo recognized from not only around campus, but as a person who made music online, too. Even if Yangyang was in the same year as him, Sunwoo always admired the man’s flow and way with words. It made so much sense that Yangyang would pursue you, someone equally talented and charismatic, especially if the two of you were the same major.

A tightening sensation creeped into Sunwoo’s chest as he marinated on the revelation further. If you couldn’t see someone like Yangyang in a romantic light, then where did that put himself?

As Sunwoo let his intrusive thoughts get the best of him, you finished preparing your coffee.

“I’ve gotta run now,” you told him with a soft-cornered grin. “It was nice seeing you, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo managed a smile back at you, head bobbing in some semblance of a nod, before you were exiting the shop. He stood there for a moment to gather his wits, his thoughts, and his dignity.

“Did that really just happen?” He muttered to himself. He took his coffee with him to find an empty table and retrieved his study materials from his bag. Technically, he didn’t even have to listen to the rest of the podcast, but… who was he kidding?

EPISODE THREE: HEART TO HEART

“YOU’RE coming with me to the practice rooms, right?” Ji Changmin trailed behind Sunwoo as the two of them shouldered into Sunwoo and Eric's shared apartment with their bags and leftovers from today's lunch. It had been about a week and a half since he had bumped into you at that café and he had been feeling over the interaction since.

Sunwoo popped open the refrigerator while his friend perched on one of the breakfast bar stools, his duffle bag dumped at his feet. "Uh, yeah. 'Course, hyung," he said, shifting some groceries from JC!Yn around to make space for his white plastic container.

A thought occurred to him, and he groaned. "But you're gonna have to go first—without me," he clarified. He grabbed the carton of orange juice out to pour himself a glass, facing his friend's curious look.

Changmin's brows furrowed. "Wait, why not?"

It was a reasonable question, as it went against Sunwoo's normal pattern of behavior. Usually, Sunwoo would tag along with Changmin to the practice rooms at the back of the performing arts building. Changmin was a dance major, and with the highly anticipated winter dance showcase just around the corner, it was important that he got that practice in. Plus, with Eric out of town for an away game, Sunwoo was left alone in the apartment, which wasn't exactly his favorite thing. He would much rather go out and be around other people… unless there was something else occupying him.

Today, that certain occupation came in the form of your first live podcast session, something you were trying out. It was just going to be a live audio stream, so you could stay anonymous with your pseudonym, and answer people's submissions live. You had been advertising it for the past week, having excluded the weekly podcast in order to prepare for today.

Sunwoo was excited as you were and wanted to support you and be one of the people tuning in live. This was important to him, and he had even gone so far as to plan out his day.

"I just have something I need to turn in before the day ends," he said easily, shoulders lifting in a half-hearted shrug. He lifted the glass of orange juice to his mouth for a languid gulp.

Changmin made a teasing noise of disappointment. "Aye, you know if Chanhee were here he'd be on your ass, right?" He chuckled, the dimple of his smile pressing into his cheek.

Sunwoo pouted when he lowered the glass. "If Chanhee or JC!Yn were here, I wouldn't have admitted to procrastination. I have self-preservation skills."

"And you don't think I'd be on your ass?" Changmin gasped dramatically with a hand pressed to his chest.

With tongue in cheek, Sunwoo grinned amusedly. He shook his head, adjusting the hood pulled over him. "Hyung, you can't ding me for procrastination when you procrastinate religiously. Remember that one time you had to beg Professor Ka—"

"Yah! Nobody asked for specifics!"

Sunwoo's chuckle turned into nervous laughter as Changmin reached across the island with a claw-shaped hand. "Ah! No! You stay away—go practice!"

Changmin snickered. "Chicken."

Soon after, Changmin indeed took his leave to head over to the performing arts hall. Sunwoo drained the juice in his cup and refilled it before making a beeline for his bedroom.

The livestream was projected to last for an hour, about the length of a usual episode, but you did say the timing wasn't set in stone. Sunwoo set himself up at his desk, signing into the platform you always used. Over the past couple of months he was Rhapsody, he'd become one of your regulars, suggesting new and old songs from his music library, talking about his day or week or something the last podcast had reminded him of. He liked to think that the two of you were friends—parasocially.

A guy could dream, right?

He was on his phone when the waiting room faded and became a split screen: one half with a sketched sign that read "ON AIR: COMING TO YOU LIVE!" with a little dove in headphones, and the other half was a live chat feed that people who were tuned in could use. There was both a public and private feature, and Sunwoo kept his on the public chat, unafraid of what a bunch of other people behind anonymous names and screens could do to scare him.

"Oh! Woah, I think that worked," came your voice, loud and clear, through his laptop speakers.

He smiled to himself, reaching over to settle his fingers on his keyboard. A tingling feeling bubbled up inside him, starting from his toes and rocketing up through his chest. He could actually talk to you in real time today.

You clapped lightly on the other side, relief pouring through your voice. "Thank god. I'm supposed to be good with some computer programs, but this livestream feature is kind of new. How're we doing, everyone? It seems…" A couple clicks from your end, "... We've got some more people rolling in. I'll give it a couple minutes, but let me know who we've got here today! It's so cool seeing you guys live!"

Sunwoo was swift to type out a greeting message: Dovey hi!! He paired it with a little, hand-waving emoji.

The small gasp of delight from you had him giggling to himself. "Oh my god, Rhapsody! Hi, best friend, welcome in! We might actually be able to hold a conversation for once," you chuckled.

rhapsody anonymous: yeah fs haha

rhapsody anonymous: did u have a good week? it felt weird without an ep from u 🤧

"Oh! Yeah, haha, sorry about that—”

He rushed to type as you continued with answering his question: No no! Don’t worry, I don’t blame you or anything lol it’s just something I look forward to every week.

“...Ah,” you said after skimming over his message. “Understood—and aw, I’m glad it’s something you look forward to every week. That makes me really happy to hear… oh! It looks like the numbers are becoming a little stagnant, so I’m gonna get started. Hi, everyone! Welcome to the live edition of Songbird Station. I’m your host…”

— ✶

An hour later, Sunwoo ended up seated at the kitchen counter, drinking orange juice straight out of the nearly-depleted carton, while the livestream continued on. The whole experience had been one of a kind, and by the way you were able to seamlessly speak and engage with your audience for the entire time made Sunwoo feel warm and fuzzy. He was glad this was working out for you.

There was a gradual lull in conversation, however, and you were just wrapping up your last topic to bring your first livestream to an organic stop.

“...wanna thank you all for being here, of course. 57 people listening to my voice for over an hour is kind of crazy, but this was a lot of fun!...”

Sunwoo was just about to start typing up a message to you when his phone buzzed on the counter beside his laptop. He startled, fumbling with the device and grumbling under his breath until he saw who it was and picked up the call.

“Hyung?” He squeezed the phone between his ear and shoulder, attempting to finish his private message to you. I was wondering if I could…|

Changmin’s voice came out breathy and panting like he had just finished a run-through. “Hey, are you done with your assignment yet?”

I was wondering if I could hang back for…| “Huh?” Why couldn’t he multitask, for god’s sake? I was wondering if I could hang back for a minute? If it’s weird though, then it’s no problem…|

No, that wasn’t weird, right? Totally not. He pressed the 'enter' key, satisfied with the message.

“What were you saying?” Sunwoo asked and picked up the phone with his hand. His eyes flickered back to his laptop screen to find that you had sent him a private message back.

Changmin let out a grumbling sigh. “I was just thinking—”

“Uh oh,” Sunwoo joked.

He could hear his friend’s eye roll from here. “When you get here Kim Sunwoo…”

“Okay, okay, okay!” He chuckled as he read your message and silently punched the air in celebration. “What do you want? I was in the middle of something.”

“Rude! And I was calling you because I was thinking about you,” Changmin huffed. “Anyway, I was just going over some of the movement for Juyeon and my ‘Light a Flame’ duet, right? And I came up with this combo that would be perfect for three people—”

Sunwoo sucked in a breath. “Oh, nonono!”

“But!”

“No!” Sunwoo protested. “Hyung, you know that I don’t… y’know, I can’t dance up there with you and Juyeon hyung! That’s way too much pressure; you’re both so good at dance.” He pressed his finger against the edge of the counter and began mindlessly dragging it along the surface. There had originally been plans of Sunwoo joining Changmin and Juyeon’s dance partnership for this year’s winter showcase performance, but Sunwoo backed out. The winter showcase was far too large of an event for Sunwoo could even fathom participating in, let alone dancing with two of the best dancers he knew. There was just no way.

Changmin sighed from the other end. He’d heard this argument before and he’d argued against this argument plenty of times. “Okay, fine. See you in how long?”

Sunwoo placed his phone onto the counter again so he could tell you that he was still here and hadn’t just left you hanging. “Uh, give me like, thirty minutes.”

“Alright. I better see your ass here in thirty minutes, Sunwoo.”

“Yeah, I know. See ya, hyung.” He hung up then, shoulders sagging slightly from the conversation. It wasn’t like he had to participate in the winter showcase—he was no dance major, nor was he a dance minor. He technically hadn’t even decided on a minor, and had only been focusing on getting this degree finished. Whether or not he had chosen a minor yet was not his parents’ favorite discussion when they visited him, but… it would get done when he had the energy to. He didn’t want to bring up the idea of a dance minor—he saw what it did to Changmin and his parents’ relationship and—well, it was just better this way, for now.

Having finished with his phone call, Sunwoo returned his focus to you, where, god bless, you were still waiting for him in the livestream room.

rhapsody anonymous: omg i’m SO sorry!! >< a friend of mine just called and turns out i am awful at multitasking

“No worries,” you laughed. “I figured that was the case. Everything okay, Rhaps?”

The corners of his mouth curled up at the thoughtful ask. Even when the two of you had been classmates, you were new to the school, but still made him feel like the two of you had known each other for longer than simply a few weeks. It only made sense that you were the host of this podcast, the very thing that had been his source of comfort as of late.

rhapsody anon: yeah nothing really serious lol

rhapsody anon: i just have this friend who’s doing the winter showcase and i was supposed to go to the practice room with him

rhapsody anon: actually, i was going to dance and perform w him too but ig i kind of chickened out

He didn’t know why he was telling you all of this; this wasn’t even what he originally intended to talk to you about.

He heard you make a soft sound of understanding. You shifted in your seat. “I see… the winter showcase is a big event though, as I’ve heard from peers and friends. It's probably really intimidating to even perform in the pre-show, you know? Are you a dance student, by chance?”

rhapsody anon: i’m not, but i’ve taken the intro to hiphop course my freshman year and i usually dance for fun w my friend

rhapsody anon: i think i’ve just always been kind of insecure in my abilities to keep up w him?

“Is he a dance major?”

rhapsody anon: he is

Sunwoo leaned back from the laptop and took his hands off the keyboard. He settled his chin onto his folded arms as he listened to your reply.

“Well, I don’t think you should compare yourself to a dance major, right, Rhaps? I mean, it’s not fair to expect more from yourself when he’s clearly had more experience. And if you enjoy dancing, then I don’t see what the harm in trying to perform or even just being satisfied with private practice sessions is!” You paused for a second to gather your thoughts. “What I’m saying is… is that, I can understand where you might feel insecure, and that’s normal, y’know? And if you’re feeling a little unprepared for this year, there’s always future opportunities.”

Sunwoo peered up at his screen as if he could see you on the other side, speaking to him. He sat up to type out a response. Thanks for hearing me out, it’s nice to feel validated. Sorry this kind of took a downer tone haha it wasn’t my intention, I swear!

You giggled and he swore he was smiling a little too wide now. “No worries, really! I’m glad I could be of help, even if it’s to make sure that you know your feelings are valid. If I’m being honest, one of the few reasons why I even started this podcast thing was to kind of just put my experiences out there in search of validity.” You sighed, “I dunno. It’s a story for another time. I am curious, though, as to why you originally wanted to hang out with me after the others left.”

Oh, right. Sunwoo bit his lip.

rhapsody anonymous: this isn’t really a song rec, but ig it kind of is… i feel like superstar by taylor swift reminds me of u

He held his breath after he pressed the ‘enter’ key.

“Oh…” your voice was soft in surprise, and it made something like giddiness spike in his chest. “That’s really sweet, Rhaps. I… I’m not sure what to say, but thank you. Genuinely.”

rhapsody anonymous: u don’t have to say anything!! really haha ur work and ur words have touched a lot of people

“Even you?”

rhapsody anonymous: esp me

And even after you and he had said goodbye to one another and logged off; even after he was well out of the apartment and on his way to campus, that giddy feeling in his chest still hadn’t left him.

EPISODE FOUR: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! [AND WE’RE ALL IN PAIN]

DEAD week was not typically something Sunwoo had to worry about, as fortunate as that sounded. There were, obviously, classes that made his stomach queasy and made him feel like the world was crumbling into Hot Cheeto dust, but his classes this quarter had been merciful to say the least. The week before finals week was always something that could be visibly observed on campus: students either manifesting like zombies or zooming around to claim seats in the library; grades rising and falling like the housing market; and snacks and coffee being more commonly consumed than any other moment of the quarter.

It was always a hot pile of shit, no matter the student or major.

“Someone just needs to tell Ouyang to chill!”

“Uh-huh.”

“For sure.”

“—it’s not like we’re the root of all of his problems! I’m just trying to graduate!” Eric halted in the middle of the hallway, causing Sunwoo, whose face was nose-deep in his phone screen, to ram into the baseball player’s back.

“Ow!” He hissed, furiously rubbing the place at his forehead that had collided with the nape of Eric’s neck.

“You’re not paying attention,” said Eric, flatly. He turned to Jacob, who also wasn’t paying attention. “Hyung!”

Jacob’s head lifted from where he was busy smiling down at some orange cat video. “What? Nacho’s learning the periodic table—” He flipped his phone around to show Eric, his face immediately lighting up as he forgot about why he was even mad in the first place.

The three of them were currently in the front half of the performing arts building, heading inwards from the main hall to the backstage area where a couple of their friends were already hanging out. Sunwoo had bumped into Jacob and Eric on his way from one of the campus libraries, and with nothing else better to do (than to study), he tagged along to go find someone to bother. (Jacob and Eric were both STEM majors though, which was weird to Sunwoo since… well, shouldn’t they be bunkered up somewhere trying to survive this quarter’s dead week? Anyways…)

Sunwoo sighed and brushed past his two friends to venture deeper into the building. He could already hear somebody’s music blasting from the sound booth as they rehearsed onstage. Over the past several weeks, everyone had been busy preparing for the winter showcase happening at the end of finals week, right before spring break. Ever since Sunwoo’s talk with you over livestream, he had felt a little better about not joining Changmin and Juyeon on stage this year. Plus, from what he could tell when he watched them practice, they already looked pretty much perfect with just the two of them.

Though, there would always be a part of him that wished he really had the courage to go up there and show the audience what he was made of.

Sunwoo wandered into the main auditorium with his hands tucked into his pockets and the doors closing softly behind him. There was indeed a group practicing their number on the stage at the moment. He could even make out the shapes moving from behind the curtains in the wings as other tech members and dancers rushed to and fro to get to where they needed to. Somewhere in that mass of chaos were his friends.

A familiar voice had him lifting his head toward the sound booth. His eyes widened when he recognized you standing in the booth with Bang Chan, one of the more prominent sound and lighting directors working here at the performing arts center. However, it looked like you were leaving, your hands clumsily wrestling with the zipper on your bag while you continued your conversation with Chan, and while attempting to walk backwards out of the sound booth.

Oh my god, you were going to trip on something if he didn’t help—

Both Sunwoo and Chan pounced toward you as the thought occurred to both of them at the same time.

“Yn, careful!” Sunwoo yelled, as he dove for your phone.

Chan steadied you at the bicep, and you hugged your bag to your chest with a flustered grin. “Oops?”

Chan ruffled your hair as he let you go, nodding his hello to Sunwoo, then ducking back into the booth. You stepped out into the main room and shut the door behind you. “Thanks,” you said to him sheepishly, accepting your phone from him.

The two of you naturally fell into step with one another and Sunwoo let you lead him back out towards the main entrance again. “I didn’t know you worked behind the scenes here,” he told you, cupping the back of his head. If he racked his brain, he couldn’t recall hearing about it from your podcast either. “This is the second time I’ve seen you here,” he chuckled.

You stopped for a minute in the middle of the hallway to get a hold of your things. You had to hike your knee up to properly zip your backpack before hauling it over your shoulder. “Oh, that’s right! Just a couple days ago you were here with your friends, right?”

He gave a bashful sort of grin. He had been here a couple days ago when he came to bother Changmin, and ended up hanging out backstage while Hyunjae’s best friend hosted auditions for her play. It was then that he had seen you hustling about with the Lee Jihoon about lights. He’d been caught so off-guard by seeing you; it was a miracle he managed to even get Changmin to forget about that whole interaction. “Yeah, sorry I was kind of… weird. I didn’t expect you, that's all.”

“Lots of surprise run-ins with us, huh,” you teased, the side of your arm bumping with his as you walked.

Us.

“It’s nice to see you more often though.”

You nodded. “The feeling’s mutual, Sunwoo. Thanks for warning me earlier; I’m usually more careful with my stuff, especially when I’ve got special cargo.” As you said this, you reached back to pat your backpack affectionately.

Sunwoo lifted a brow, opening the door for you as the two of you stepped out into the lobby. “Oh? What kind of special cargo?”

The smile on your face widened. “It’s, uhm, a recording mic, actually! I’ve been coming by to intern around the tech side of things here, and Chan and Jihoon give me some tips about music production, too.” You trailed off, an idea taking hold in your head, and that wide beam from just seconds ago became this shy, little thing. “Hey… would you maybe be up to listening to something of mine? I mean, it’s kind of a weird request, but your music taste from first quarter was top notch—”

“Yes,” Sunwoo said, without even waiting for you to finish your rambling.

You paused, and he rejoiced in the pure delight on your face. “Really? That’s—this is great. Wait, I’m so excited! We’ll need to find a private place to listen, but—”

“Oh my gosh, Yn?”

Coming in from the front lobby doors was none other than Han Jisung, a fellow second-year whom Sunwoo was familiar with. He was bundled in a massive, puffy cream jacket with his head shoved into a beanie, and his nose was reddened from the cold. Jisung tucked the earbuds in his ears away into their case, waddling over to you both with the joy of a baby penguin. “And Sunwoo! Woah, it’s so cool to see you, man. What’s up?”

Sunwoo clasped his hand in his. “S’cool to see you, too, dude. Yn and I were just on our way out.”

Jisung moved over to you and pulled you in for an affectionate side hug. “Oh, well, that’s nice to hear,” he snickered, wagging his eyebrows at you while you sent him a pointed look.

Wonder what that was all about…

“Anyways,” continued Jisung, “I just came by to bother Channie-hyung. Is he in the box?”

You bobbed your head in affirmation. “Yup. There isn’t anyone else with him right now, so I’m sure there’ll be plenty of space for you to bug him.”

“Nice,” he grinned. As he walked away in the direction from which you and Sunwoo came, he sent a wave. “See you both around!”

“Bye!” Both you and Sunwoo called back before resuming your walk out the front entrance.

“So how do you—” The two of you laughed when you both started talking at the same time, saying the same thing. Sunwoo gestured toward you, insisting that you ask the question first. You did: “So how do you know Jisung?”

Sunwoo snorted at the memory. “I, uh, saw him in the hall once and smacked his ass, then asked for his number.”

You had to stop to double over in laughter, clutching your stomach while Sunwoo looked on in flustered amusement. Your face had heated up considerably, and you barely managed to follow him down the steps toward the bus stop. “You what?” You asked, once you could get out anything other than wheezes.

He chuckled, shrugging. “Okay, well, I actually know him from this music summer camp we both went to in high school. I didn’t realize he came to this uni until I saw him last year and… well, made my presence known to him.”

You clapped your hands together and collapsed onto the bus bench. “I was gonna say—that’s one hell of a hello.”

“It’s a true story,” he insisted.

“Oh, I believe you.”

The two of you shared a laugh for a moment and Sunwoo took a seat beside you, his knee bouncing up and down as you waited for the bus to come by. He nudged your shoulder with his. “So what about you then? How do you know Han?”

“Hm? Ah, I just know him ‘cause we share the same major-ish. I’m sound and music production, and he’s just a general music major,” you explained. “We also share a composition class, as well as a writing course. Did you know the guy is a fantastic poet?”

Sunwoo’s eyebrows arched upward. “I would not be surprised; the guy’s an ace.”

“Totally agree.” You fidgeted with your phone between your hands. “He was also one of my first friends here after I transferred. He’s kind of shy, but he’s one of the good eggs you can meet.”

A nod. He glanced over at you, his eyes breathing in the far away look on your face. “Yeah, he is. But hey, at least you got to befriend him then, hm? Maybe some things are just meant to be.”

You met his gaze and Sunwoo felt his heart stutter into a gallop. “Yeah,” you murmured, “I think so, too.”

— ✶

You and Sunwoo ended up in one of the booths of the restaurants on the Avenue. It was a cozy, little hole in the wall with soup that tasted like home and made your belly feel warm and content. You had set up shop at your table, your laptop with the audio file pulled up and your wired earbuds plugged in. You had to power all of your will into not showing Sunwoo how nervous you were for him to listen to this—your fingers shook slightly even as you passed him both of your earbuds.

In an attempt to pass off as cool, calm and totally collected, you brought your glass of water to your mouth to sip on. You'd thought to order food first, then let Sunwoo listen to the file.

"Let me know if you can't hear anything," you blurted out just before he put the buds in.

He paused, then smiled. "I got it," he assured you warmly.

Once the buds were fitted and the song started playing, you could only wait and watch to gauge his reaction.

At first, his eyes widened a smidge. Then he slowly began nodding to the beat, eyes falling closed as he soaked in the electric guitar chords mixed in that Jisung helped you out with. You watched him lean back in his seat… saw the smile bloom on his face, wide like a flower opening its petals to greet the brilliant sun.

And that beautiful smile… oh, he was so pretty when he smiled.

It was a couple minutes later that his eyelids finally fluttered open, and yet that smile on his face remained ingrained there. He passed you your earbuds as you awaited the verdict. "Girl, you've got pipes," he said with emphasis, his face screwed up in an expression one could only describe as appreciative. "Like—oh my god, I want that bridge tattooed on my forehead," he groaned and leaned forward to bury his face in his palms.

Your heart could fly, soar, literally ascend to fucking space! You smiled, big and wide, as you wrapped up the wire chords around three fingers. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Liked it?" He perked up, then melted to the table as he mumbled into his hoodie sleeve, "I could kis…" You didn't catch the end bit of his sentence as his voice dissipated into the fabric of his shirt.

"What'd you say?"

When he lifted his head, his cheekbones had flushed a shade of rose gold. He cupped the back of his neck with a nervous laugh, "Nothing! It was nothing. I just—I just love it, Yn. Really, I mean it. I'm not just saying that because we're friends—"

"Ah, so we're friends?" You jested, even as your heart skipped like a pebble across the surface of a lake.

Sunwoo blinked, lips pursed. "We're not friends?"

"No, I'm only kidding!" You said and leaned your cheek against your fist. "Your reaction was cute though."

You swore something shuddered across his face, but you didn't have much time to analyze it when you felt a presence make himself clear at the head of the table.

Yangyang appeared in a warm-looking jacket and scarf, his eyes flickering curiously between you and Sunwoo. You suddenly felt an anxious spike in your chest at the thought of what this might have looked like to him. That was, until he saw the laptop, of course. You saw the relief in his shoulders, the ease in which he smiled now. "Hey Yn-ie, didn't know you'd be here."

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sunwoo scratch his jawline, then scoot forward and offer his hand to Yangyang. "Hey, I'm Sunwoo. You're Yangyang, aren't you?"

Yangyang clasped Sunwoo's hand good naturedly with a typical gummy smile. "Yeah, that's me. It's nice to meet you."

"I was just showing him the project," you said next, drawing both of the boys' attention to you.

"Ah," your friend nodded. "How'd you like it, Sunwoo?"

Sunwoo lit up. "It was—incredible. I don't even know how to describe it, y'know? If it was on my Spotify, it'd probably be on my Wrapped."

There went your heart, goodness. You and Sunwoo locked eyes across the table, and you wished you could convey how much his words meant to you by just a look.

"Totally agree," Yangyang nodded. "My Yn-ie's got a gift and she knows how to use it." He gave your head a gentle pat, and heat rose to your cheeks from the bombardment of attention. It hit you subtly, an epiphany—

Yangyang cleared his throat then and returned his hand to his side. "Anyways, I'll leave you two to it. I'll talk to you later?" He asked you as he was already taking a step backward.

—the heat wasn't for him. It simply wasn't.

"Yeah! I'll shoot you a text later," you promised. You realized then that you had barely even spoken to Yangyang since your Valentine's Day date ended several weeks ago. There had just been a lot of mixed feelings churning around in your head that needed time to be sorted out. (And it was currently being resolved.) With a slight inward grimace, you turned your focus back to the guy you'd brought here in the first place.

Sunwoo slid your laptop over to your side of the table. "Soooo… you and Yangyang, huh?" He laughed, and you weren't certain, but it sounded a bit unsteady.

You played with the hem of your sweater sleeve. "I mean, kind of? Not really? We went on that date a while back, if you remember, but that's about it."

He leaned in. "Yeah, I remember."

"Yeah, and we also haven't had time to really properly talk since?" You winced. "I guess it's not really as bad as I make it sound. It's just that, we've pretty much known each other since primary school. He had just moved from Taiwan, and we were pretty good friends. And he would move back and forth between here and this one town in Germany, but we would always—" you made a vague gesture, "—find each other? Is that the word?"

You let out a breathy sort of laugh. "I'm sorry, I dunno why I'm telling you my history with this guy. It's stupid."

Sunwoo frowned and shook his head. "It's not stupid, Yn."

You inhaled, then chewed on your cheek. "It's just that I always feel like people don't really stick around, at least for me. But Yangyang… he's been one of the few constants in my life, and I'm really grateful for that."

"I'm sensing there's a 'but' with this."

You indulged him. "But I'm starting to think that maybe I can't really see him as that kind of constant, if that makes sense." Your brows furrowed in thought. The boat you were on rocked roughly with the waves, the water turbulent and unsteady, as if at any moment it could throw you off. But you were used to the rocking, and you weren't sure why you should be so used to it. Settling for Yangyang even though you were beginning to realize that he probably wasn't The One? That was like staying docked in a home port you'd grown used to when you yearned for the horizon.

You heard Sunwoo crack his knuckles, and perhaps there really was a certain sheen to his eyes then. "I don't want to put words in your mouth," he drawled carefully, "and I can't imagine how exactly you feel and I don't know your whole story. But it has to be hard when it feels like, I don't know, like people are moving on without you." The earnestness in his eyes made his dark brown eyes deeper and richer. "And maybe it's comfortable with Yangyang and you want to try with him because you know that you two will always somehow find each other again."

"You kind of put what I was thinking into coherent sentences there," you mused, the corners of your lips curling upward.

Sunwoo reflected your expression. "That's good to hear, because I was pretty sure I sounded arrogant."

You laughed then, shaking your head. "No, I appreciated that. And you got it right." Breathing a sigh, you saw a waiter coming by to drop off the food the two of you had ordered. "I think it's just taken me some time with myself and with—with other people to make me realize it."

He glanced up with thanks as the waiter passed you your meals, and you swore you saw his hand make a move to reach for yours across the table. But he stopped short, and instead, helped move your hot bowl of soup over to you. "You never know," he said sheepishly, "The One could be right under your nose."

— ✶

eric 🤨: dude where did u go??? cobie hyung and i looked up and u disappeared into thin air

eric 🤨: omg jisung said u went somewhere w a GIRL??? IS THIS THE GIRL U WERE GETTING ALL DRUNK AND SAD ABT 👀

sunwoo’s phone: YAH!!! OH MY GOD STFU

eric 🤨: no.

EPISODE FIVE: LOTS OF THINGS BLOOM IN SPRING

“SO her name is DJ Dove?”

Sunwoo made a face around his toothbrush as he spat the frothy white into the sink bowl. “For the millionth time, yes.” Through the mirror, Sunwoo watched Eric’s face as his roommate perched himself atop the kitchen counter and went quiet, his face pensive. After coming home to Eric’s confrontation, Sunwoo promised to explain it all in the morning to him.

It was unfortunately the morning, meaning Sunwoo had spent the past hour bringing Eric up to speed on his nonexistent love life. Fortunately, it was also a Wednesday morning, which meant you had just posted your newest episode of the podcast, and Sunwoo could force Eric to listen to it with him. A part of him was tense at the thought of no longer “gatekeeping” his little secret that he had kept for the past several months, but this was Eric, one of his best friends. Maybe this would lift a weight off of Sunwoo’s chest by finally telling someone.

“...I’m still in the thrall of dead week,” your voice blasted from the speaker of Sunwoo’s phone at high volume, “and it’s come to my attention that next quarter will probably be a lot for me. I guess this is me forewarning you all that I might be late with some episodes because I’ve got this new internship thing.”

Sunwoo dunked his face into the sink bowl as he splashed water over his lathered foam cleanser. “She’s talking about her internship at the performing arts center.”

“How do you—never mind, forget I asked.”

Sunwoo patted his face dry, then opened the medicine cabinet for all of the skincare products he used to start off the day.

“...It’s been awhile since I’ve recommended something myself, so today, do enjoy ‘gone too long’ by lullaboy with me.” The song began a few seconds after you queued it up, and the apartment was then filled with muted vocals and strings.

Sunwoo straightened. He and Eric went quiet for a while as they both let the song sink in. Sunwoo continued to slather sunscreen on his face and neck, and Eric had started up the stove to make a batch of ramen for the both of them.

A peculiar sensation draped itself over Sunwoo’s shoulders, a blanket of something that wasn’t quite calm and wasn’t quite jittery. He didn’t know how to pinpoint or label the weird tightness in his chest. The song was strangely intimate, as almost all the music Sunwoo listened to was, but when it came from another person, it was always a whole new level of intimate. Whenever someone recommended a song, it was a way to view a piece of them—perhaps not a large piece, but a piece nonetheless. If eyes were the windows to the soul, then music was the viewfinder.

Maybe he missed you. But that didn’t make sense—it… it couldn’t make sense. He saw you yesterday, and he was listening to you now. How could he miss you?

“She has good taste,” Eric murmured as the song faded out.

Sunwoo nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah. She does.”

“...Hopefully when you miss me you’ll play that song,” he heard you say in a lighthearted tone, even though he felt almost like the complete opposite. “On that note, Rhaps sent in a message asking about the dance showcase coming up! ‘Are you planning on going, and if so, any acts you’re looking forward to? Isn’t it crazy that we could be sitting next to each other and never even know?’ —”

Eric perked up, his head peering over his shoulder to look at Sunwoo as he came out of the bathroom to join Eric in the kitchen. “That’s you? Rhaps?”

“Rhapsody Anonymous,” Sunwoo corrected. “And don’t judge me!” He added with a pointed look, finger jabbing in Eric’s direction.

Eric shook his head with a giddy sort of grin. “I didn’t say anything.”

For a moment, the two boys went quiet with only your voice and the sounds of the stove keeping them company.

A thought occurred to Eric though, and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “Does it ever feel like lying?” He asked and gestured for Sunwoo to grab a couple of bowls from the cabinet.

Sunwoo walked over with the soup bowls, then leaned his hip against the counter next to Eric. “Does what feel like lying?”

“Hiding that you know it’s her.”

Well… Sunwoo idly scratched his jaw. “I guess I never thought about it like that,” he said. All this time, he’d figured it was probably better that he didn’t bring it up to you. After all, you used a pseudonym for a reason and didn’t show your face. Maybe this was just supposed to be your secret passion project that you used as a safe space. He didn’t want to burst your bubble by confronting you with that information. How would he even go about doing it? Oh hey, by the way, I’ve known that you’re this podcast host DJ Dove for a very long time? That probably had ‘awkward’ written all over it.

Eric passed him a pointed glance. “Something to think about then.”

— ✶

Finals week had come and gone, a hurricane of destruction in its own right. But when the storm passed, it gave way to the beautiful cherry blossoms blooming in the quad. As per university tradition, the quad was filled to the brim with students, staff, and tourists alike gathering to pose in the falling pink petals that marked the coming of Spring Break. This was no different for Sunwoo’s friend group who was dragged out to the event by none other than Choi Chanhee. In an effort to appease his friend in some aspect, Sunwoo had come dressed in something decently presentable: black cargo pants, blue denim jacket, and his face fitted in a pair of dark frames (that were definitely not just frames or missing the lenses…).

He shoved his hands into his pockets after taking a peak at the time on his watch. The group had been here for about ten minutes thus far, and half of them had already split off with their significant others to take their own rounds about the quad. They weren't the only ones—in fact, there were probably as many couples as there were people taking grad photos and cosplay photos.

And wait, someone had come in their wedding dress—nothing spelled out Sunwoo's singleness more potently than a couple getting married.

He took a panoramic glance and accidentally watched another couple go in for a kiss. He looked away with a slight frown, blowing a curl out of his eyes. "I hate this more than Valentine's Day," he grumbled.

From beside him, Kevin Moon sighed as he tested a shot with his camera and had to adjust the settings for the right exposure. "You're telling me." When he raised his camera up again, he immediately had to bring it back down with a deadpan expression, "At least on Valentine's Day, people won't photobomb you."

As the group's self-proclaimed Dad, Lee Sangyeon, summoned the attention of the boys who were present for a partial group photo. Sunwoo smiled for it, then returned to his frown. Chanhee had his camera held up as he attempted to take a selfie shot since he had been staking out this one tree trunk that a group of people had just left. Sunwoo had to admire the way Chanhee wordlessly swooped in like a vulture over a dead carcass.

"Aye, Kim Sunwoo," Chanhee exclaimed and beckoned Sunwoo over with a curl of his two fingers. Chanhee's head scanned the immediate area and his nose wrinkled when he realized he was missing someone. "Where did Changmin go? He was literally right… ah."

Chanhee's voice trailed off and a sly, little grin when he located the man in question. "Look."

Sunwoo followed Chanhee's gaze across the field to where he was sneaking up behind a familiar person. Sunwoo had met this girl twice, once when he and Changmin had gone looking for Jacob and the other when he went with Changmin to go see her for moral support. Both times, strangely, had been at the lab. Huh, did she even go home…?

But then Sunwoo observed the way Changmin and CM!Yn looked at each other. Though Sunwoo had seen Changmin's eyes light up before, this was a different sort of twinkle, something softer. There had always been a cloud hanging over Changmin when it came to this girl, always some kind of bittersweetness that held him back. It made a smile crawl onto his lips at the sight of Changmin so happy.

"Wah," Chanhee murmured in awe. "They really mended their relationship well, don't you think?"

Sunwoo pursed his lips with an indulgent nod. "Yeah, I'd think so."

His friend sighed. "Oh, well. Looks like it's just us two then."

Sunwoo stepped forward and took Chanhee's phone from him, swiftly changing it to the forward facing camera. Chanhee struck a few poses beneath the blush pink trees as he soaked in the golden hour sunlight streaking across the lawn. Eventually, Sunwoo turned the camera back around to take shots of both himself and Chanhee.

He adjusted the phone so that the selfie mode could capture both of them when he spotted Chanhee scuttling back over toward him with a pile of pink petals collected in his palms.

Sunwoo's eyes went wide and he leapt backward away from his grinning friend. "Hyung, come on, let's talk about this."

Chanhee cackled and inched forward still. His hair was the exact same color as the flowers cupped in his palms. "Sunwoo-ah," he sang, "I think your hair needs a bit of color."

"I just did my hair this morning!" He whined and pleaded desperately. The last thing he needed was to be plucking stray petals from his curls later tonight. When Chanhee still wouldn't quit, adrenaline began to pump through Sunwoo's veins in anticipation for what he needed to do next. "Chanhee hyung! We can be civil about this."

"Civility is overrated!"

Just as Chanhee pounced, Sunwoo swerved on the ball of his foot and made a mad dash toward the other side of the quad. Chanhee's giggles filled the late afternoon air like the twinkling of bells, and though it was probably an amusing sight for onlookers, Sunwoo was running for his life.

Sunwoo pumped his legs furiously as he weaved in between people standing and taking their pictures, screaming out apologies for photobombing them as he went. And when he nearly tripped over someone's dog, he managed to lock eyes with yours.

You. Oh my god, you were here.

He had little time to fully comprehend what he was about to do, but he made a beeline for you.

"Sunwoo, hey—oh!"

Sunwoo grabbed your shoulders and careened himself behind you, his face partially hidden behind yours. "I'm sorry, but—" he screeched, "—he's threatening to ruin my hair!"

Chanhee laughed as he stopped in front of you and Sunwoo. His pale cheeks were dusted with the color of the flowers in the air. "Ah, well, hello. This isn't very gentlemanly of you, Sunwoo. Who's this?" He threw Sunwoo a look over your shoulder.

Fuck. He hadn't thought this one through.

Sunwoo laughed sheepishly and let go of your shoulders to clasp the back of his neck. It was only then he realized you were wearing a delicate, pastel sundress with cherry blossoms littered in your own hair. A gentle breeze wafted by and through your skirt and brushed back a few strands of your hair too.

Pretty…

"This is," he stammered, snapping out of his daze, "Yn. Yn-ie, this is one of my close friends, Chanhee."

"It's nice to meet you," Chanhee said with a warm smile and slight bow of his head.

You gave a little wave. "Nice to meet you, too, despite the circumstances."

"I would wave back," Chanhee gestured with his hand of flowers, "but this is a nice pile, don't you think?"

To your credit, you played along. You laughed, "I totally agree. It definitely should not be wasted on giving me a wave. Though, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to get back at Sunwoo." You turned your head and cocked a brow at him, to which he smiled back boyishly.

Chanhee considered you again for a moment. "I like your style. I guess I'll just… leave you to it then," he drawled and sent Sunwoo very pointed glances with his eyes toward you. Something about the way Chanhee's eyes narrowed minutely made Sunwoo want to hide behind you again.

Chanhee whistled a merry tune as he went on his way, leaving you and Sunwoo to your own devices as he probably went to go find his next victim.

"I'm so sorry about that," Sunwoo lamented as soon as Chanhee was out of ear shot. "I did not mean to make you a human shield."

You chuckled. "It's okay, dude, really. Definitely didn't think I'd find anyone I knew in this mess, so it's nice seeing you out here."

Sunwoo gave you yet another once over and felt heat crawl up the column of his neck. "I—you look really pretty," he said, gesturing to your outfit.

"Oh, thank you," you chirped. "You clean up quite well yourself."

The two of you shared a smile then and for a second, Sunwoo's mouth went dry and no words leapt from his tongue. They all remained lodged in his throat where his heartbeat went pitter-patter.

He cleared his throat, breaking eye contact with you for a moment.

You made a vague nod toward one of the open benches lining the perimeter of the quad, an invitation. "Wanna come sit with me?"

"Do I?" Yes. The answer was yes.

When you and Sunwoo were seated side by side, centimeters separating your arms and legs from touching the other, his heart still had not settled. The adrenaline, in fact, also had her to dissipate. With wide eyes, he soaked everything in.

"Did you go to the winter showcase on Friday night?" He blurted, turning to you.

You met his gaze. "I did. It was such a cool experience, especially since it was my first time. Did you?"

He nodded, locking his lips. "I did, yeah," he murmured. "I had a couple friends performing, so we all went to cheer them on. It's always a really great time though; I'm glad you got to go."

"Oh, that's nice. I always find dancers so impressive," you said with a wistful gleam in your eyes. "Do you dance?"

He found himself fidgeting with Chanhee's phone that he still held onto in his lap. "A little," he admitted bashfully. "I took an intro to hip-hop class last year, and I sometimes dance with my friends. Just—not in public," he said.

For a second, something flickered across your face. But he must have been dreaming because it was gone as quickly as it came.

"So music and dance? You're a multi-talented threat, Sunwoo."

"Aw, not really," he giggled. He wanted to hide his burning face in the collar of his jacket, but there was something about you that also made him unafraid to show you this side of him. Actually, you made this side of him come out. He wasn't usually so terribly shy, always tumbling over his words and doing diction cartwheels… communications major, his ass. "What about you? You're literally a musical genius. You should be on my Spotify Wrapped, Yn."

This time, he could relish in making you flustered. "Aye, you can't say that and expect me not to wanna…" You lost your own words, biting your tongue.

He didn't know what got into him, but he leaned forward closer to you. "Expect you not to what?" He asked lowly, teasingly.

Your breath hitched in your throat, and he swore his own rapidly-beating organ was going to come flying out of his chest.

"Expect me not to—steal your glasses!" With a high-pitched squeal, you snatched the lensless frames from right off his nose.

Sunwoo gasped in scandal, diving to grab them back, but you had already stood up from the bench. "Yah! Those were expensive frames!"

Your face lit up as you donned them. "You'll have to take it off my face then!"

"Bet!" And he lurched after you as you took off into the setting sun.

Your voices echoed across the quad: "Jisuuuuuung! Jisung, save me!"

"Jisung can't save you when he's scared of me!"

EPISODE SIX: AND THE MUSES ARE OFF!

"IT'S not a date!"

"It's a date!"

"It's not a date!" Sunwoo stopped abruptly in the middle of his living room where he had been wearing a hole in the wood floors from pacing. He whirled on his sock-clad heels to face his sofa of judges, Changmin and Chanhee. Eric was out with his girlfriend watching the newest action movie that had come out over Spring Break. "She would say if it was a date, right?"

Chanhee smacked his palm against his forehead with a puff of air. Changmin, however, leaned back on the couch with a ponderous look on his face and rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. "She probably would. She seems like she has more balls than you."

"Hey!"

Changmin grinned. "Just saying." He then leaned down to pick up his duffle bag sitting at his feet. "I've gotta run now, but let me know how it goes."

Sunwoo leveled a scowl at him as he passed by to go to the door. "I hope CM!Yn trips you in the practice room."

"Into her arms!" He hollered back, which was swiftly followed by the front door slamming shut.

While Changmin was headed out to meet CM!Yn at the practice room for her first time returning to dance after three years, Sunwoo and Chanhee were left to prepare Sunwoo for today's agenda. Yesterday, you and he had traded numbers, to which you had immediately asked if he'd wanted to hang out with you some more over Spring Break. The answer had been as easy as counting to three.

Now the only problem was to not freak out over it.

"You're picking up lunch, aren't you?" Chanhee asked as he shoved Sunwoo into the bathroom.

Sunwoo nodded shallowly and picked up his round brush and blow-dryer. "Mhm. I'm meeting her at the performing arts building, and we're gonna take the metro up to Lake Anchor. Ever been up there?"

Chanhee fixed the collar of Sunwoo's white button-up, then snatched the brush and blowdryer out of his hands to do it for him. "Nope. Heard it's nice up there though."

"Yeah," Sunwoo muttered, nearly dropping the serum bottle in his hands. "She said her friend Sieun recommended it."

"Ah."

It wouldn't have felt like a date as much if Sunwoo hadn't searched up Lake Anchor when you'd texted him about it last night. The place was gorgeous, a certified calendar-worthy landscape with purple mountain majesties in the back and shores lined with emerald green hills and willow trees. It didn't help that the Reddit pages all deemed it a "couple's picnic spot you can't miss." Oh, he wasn't going to miss it, all right.

Thirty minutes later, he found himself outside the doors to the performing arts center where you said you were currently taking a tech lesson from Bang Chan. He had a paper bag of snacks and sandwiches from the local convenience store in one hand and the other tucked away into his pocket.

He wondered if he could go in and see you, but he'd already texted you he was waiting outside, and you'd replied you were on your way out.

Just as he was about to go sit on one of the benches, one of the doors at the entrance opened. You emerged out into the late spring morning with the breeze in your hair, a tote bag slung over one shoulder, and a ukulele case hanging from the other. You smiled wide at him and waved.

Sunwoo's lips parted into a grin. "Hi. I got us snacks," he said and lifted the brown bag in his hand.

"Sunwoo, you didn't have to," you pursed your lips fondly, adjusting your bag straps.

"I wanted to." The two of you fell into step in the direction of the closest metro station. It would be a short walk from here into the university Avenue, and down a block to the station. Everything was conveniently placed in the name of accessibility. "Plus, I didn't really eat breakfast," he admitted.

"Me neither." You cupped half your face with your palm. "Aish. I always forget I have, like, yogurt in the fridge, y'know?"

Sunwoo chuckled. "Yeah, I get that. My roommate and I always forget that we have groceries in the fridge because we always see the ramen packets on the counter instead. How was the lesson with Chan?"

The two of you stopped at the intersection to wait for the light. You hugged your ukulele to your chest. "It was good! He's always really helpful and knowledgeable—and patient," you mused. "I hope you don't mind me bringing my uke along though. I thought it would be a nice form of entertainment once we got up to the lake."

"I'm not entertaining enough for you," he gasped melodramatically, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout.

You laughed, and the sound made him break his pout and smile. "I thought I would be the entertaining one for once. D'you know how to play?"

The crosswalk sign turned on for you, and you both made your way across.

"I know some guitar," Sunwoo answered, "but just the basics. They teach you a bit at summer music camp." As he walked by your side, he felt his hand brush against the back of yours. "My hyung—Jacob—he plays guitar pretty well. He's good at singing, too, like you."

He caught your smile from the corner of his eye.

"He did it to woo his girlfriend," he jested, sticking his tongue in his cheek when he remembered how JC!Yn brought him and Haknyeon up to speed last quarter about her love life antics.

You chuckled. "That's a shame you know the trick," you said with an impish twinkle in your eyes, "because that was exactly my plan."

Sunwoo came to a screeching halt in the middle of the walkway, and when you realized he was still staring wide-eyed at the sidewalk, you let out a laugh and went back to drag him along to the station.

— ✶

The view was something out of a magazine, the kind that took one's breath away. You and Sunwoo had claimed the shade beneath a willow tree and settled down across from each other with the brown paper bag flattened out to display the feast he had purchased. There were other small groups of people around, as well, all of whom seemed to have the same ideas as you two as they soaked up sun, read books and napped in the shade, and picnicked along the grassy shoreline. There was even a small booth a mile down the bank that rented out swan-shaped paddle boats and canoes for people to take out onto the water.

You and Sunwoo had pretty much demolished all of the goodies he brought with him. The conversation had been flowing, simple and organic, and you felt at peace—that was the best way to describe it. Maybe it was the location, the circumstance, the company, or all three.

You picked up your ukulele from where it laid in its case by your side. "Any suggestions?" You queried, taking the instrument out and checking that it was in tune.

Sunwoo brushed his hands of crumbs and braced his palms on the grass behind him. It was the visual of him in that white shirt, his sleeves rolled up and collarbone exposed, jawline clean and sharp as he gazed out at the view that made your heart race again. "Hmm," he hummed, "what did you first learn on it?"

"I think I taught myself Lemonade by Jeremy Passion," you said to him and scoured your brain for the right chords. You strummed a G-flat minor, and when it sounded about right, you shifted to B, until you managed to jog your memory of all four chords.

He watched you with softened eyes, his knees pulled up to his chest now as he leaned his cheek onto the tops of his knees. "That's a good song," he murmured.

"Do you know the lyrics?"

He chuckled, shaking his head and flicking his wrist. "Oh, no, no. I don't sing."

"Doesn't sound like you can't," you quipped back with a teasing tilt in your smile. You swayed a little as you played the tune over and over again. "A little shy, are we?"

You could see the smile peeking from his lips even when he tried to hide it in his arms. "I don't sing a lot."

"If I sang the first verse, would you join me in the chorus?" You offered as a compromise. You wouldn't push after this if he still refused, but there was a part of you that felt like you needed to hear this beautiful man sing for you.

He balked for a second, toeing at the dirt. Then, "Okay. I'll join in at the chorus."

A smile bloomed on your face. "Excellent."

You were a little shaky going in yourself. Though you had definitely practiced this song more times than you could count, performing it for someone else was always like playing it for the first time. And you wanted Sunwoo to enjoy it, and to be impressed by you. You wanted to do well for him and to be able to encourage him.

As he said he would, you heard him join in at the chorus—softly, at first, until he was the main vocal and you could bolster him with the harmony.

His eyes met yours, all smiles, as the song continued on. The ending verse… dear god, you could fall over from pure giddiness at the way he nailed the runs and you could do a little showing off with your strumming. Shivers, just plain shivers.

"She's exactly what… I need," he crooned, fingers playing absentmindedly with a strand of grass.

You let the vibrations of the strings linger in the spring air for a moment. It was like the two of you were encased in this bubble all by yourselves; and it was beautiful. It was perfect.

"I knew you could sing," you said to him. "I just had a feeling."

He hung his head, but the smile on his face could not be suppressed. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For encouraging me," he shook his head. "Believing in me."

You pursed your lips together thoughtfully and you wished you could pick his brain without risking total invasion. "Do people not believe in you often?" You asked quietly, shifting to move yourself around the pile of rolled-up trash and to sit next to him.

He followed your lead, scooting himself next to you until you were no longer opposite, but adjacent. "Not people, just me, I think."

"Ah." You could empathize.

He gave a shallow nod. "Do you ever get scared of making a mistake so you don't—I dunno—go for it? And then you end up thinking that maybe not taking that risk was the mistake?"

You set your ukulele down in the case beside you and mirrored his position, arms looped around your legs. "I do. All the time actually, and it's a scary feeling."

"Yeah," he exhaled. "Sometimes I wish I had just gone into music, full-on. I mean, a communication major is useful and all, but there are times when I wonder where I would have been if I had nurtured that passion."

His words resonated within you. There was a reason why you transferred to this university and decided to leave your original plan behind. You had gone into college with an intent to major in Computer Science, but less than a year in, it had become abundantly clear to you how unhappy you were. Leaving wasn't just a choice, it had been a need.

You turned to look at Sunwoo and you felt your chest tug toward him. You bumped his leg with your knee. "You still have time," you said. "It's not too late to still see where that goes."

But you knew the conflict that warred in his head; you knew it all too well because you had experienced it firsthand. It was much more complicated than simply chasing after one's dreams. There was obligations, expectations, fears, and physical obstacles that made the situation more complex than it seemed at first glance. You didn't know his family situation, didn't know the whole story of why he hadn't taken his summer music camp experiences and translated it into his current college career.

You didn't know it all… but you wanted to. You wanted to know everything about him.

"You said you don't have a minor figured out yet, right?" You asked suddenly, an idea coming to you.

He hummed. "Yeah."

"Well, why don't you choose music as your minor?" When he didn't answer right away, you added, "You obviously don't have to decide right this second—it's just something to think about."

(It seemed he had a lot he needed to think about lately.)

Sunwoo rose up and leaned back onto his palms again. When he turned to look at you, a sense of calm had come over him this time. "I really appreciate you."

You broke into a smile. "I appreciate you, too."

"No, really," he laughed, then bit his lip. "I'm sorry for screwing the mood—"

"You're not! Really," you insisted. "I don't mind. I like having meaningful conversations with people who mean a lot to me."

He didn't even have to say anything, because there was this look, one you simply could not ignore. It made your stomach feel like it was swarmed with butterflies and that you were walking on air. It was like watching him smile while listening to the song you wrote, like walking out of the performing arts center to see him waiting for you. He didn't have to say anything because you knew—you had to. There simply could not be any other explanation, right?

EPISODE SEVEN: WHAT IF SOULS FEEL FAMILIAR FOR A REASON?

YOU had been keeping a secret.

"So what you're saying is that you know that he knows, but he doesn't know that you know that he knows?"

You nodded, arms crossed. "Yeah, pretty much."

Jisung made a face and rested his temple against his palm. "My brain hurts."

From where she was perched on a stool, Park Sieun reached over and patted Jisung's nest of hair. "It is a little confusing. Why don't you just confront him about it?"

"I don't know," you huffed and fell back against the wall. The three of you were holed up in one of the private studios on campus. There weren't many buildings opened since it was still Spring Break, but many of the performing arts facilities were. Jisung had offered for you and Sieun to meet him in the room he had snagged and had been currently occupying in order to bust out as much creative energy as possible. (Newsflash, it was not going well, hence, yours and Sieun's invitations.) Studio rooms were pretty much soundproof, so they were good for those in the music programs who wanted a private space to practice or record things.

You had just brought them up to speed on your latest outing with a certain Kim Sunwoo up to Lake Anchor, as Sieun had so graciously suggested to you the other day. After your outing, however, you'd come to one very solid conclusion.

Well, and there was the matter of The Anonymous Situation.

Just this morning, you had opened your inbox to find another submission from one of your regular anonymous listeners whom you affectionately nicknamed Rhaps. Rhapsody Anonymous had begun to pop up in your inbox just last quarter, and it wasn't until recently that you figured out who it was. At first, it seemed completely implausible for Sunwoo to be the face behind the name, because there was no way out of a whole internet of people that he had managed to stumble across your podcast.

To make matters more complex, you had an inkling that he also knew that you were the host of Songbird Station. He had sent you something along the lines of: "Hey Dovey! I stumbled across this song recently that I haven't heard in awhile. It's called Lemonade, and I realize that I've only actually heard the ukulele vers. LOL anyways, I hope you're not too busy this Spring Break and that you've had time to relax. I've always wondered though… have you ever met someone who feels familiar to you? Not like in a 'I've reunited with you after five years' kind of familiar, but like… something more like kindred spirits……"

The whole message had the same amount of sweetness he always used to contact and interact with you, but the recommendation of the song Lemonade simply could not be a mere coincidence. You just couldn't accept that.

You had pondered this for a long time—the possibility of confronting him about his anonymous persona. And of course, there were several things that held you back from doing so. "I mean," you began, pushing off from the wall to slowly pace the little room available, "I don't want to scare him, y'know? Like I'm sure there's a reason why he goes by a pseudonym like I do, and I don't want to burst that bubble.

"Plus," you continued, "what if I'm just thinking about this all wrong? What if I've read the signs completely out of proportion and he's not actually Rhapsody Anonymous? That would just be embarrassing."

You stopped in front of your friends with your hands positioned on your hips and your head quirked to the side in thought.

"Would it really be so bad if you brought it up, like, even subtly?" Sieun asked you, her pink-tinted lips pursed slightly.

Jisung piped up, too, "Yeah, Sunwoo's a pretty cool guy. And based on what I've seen between the two of you and what you've told us, I don't think he would laugh at you or anything."

"I don't think he would laugh at me either," you confessed. "It's just kinda scary."

The two murmured their agreement. Though Sieun was your trio's only extrovert, you actually had no idea how you'd come to be decently close friends with these two. You chalked it up to all frequenting similar social circles. The music program was always a good way to make friends, and you were glad that it had yet to fail you, even in college.

Sieun made a vague gesture with her hand. "I think you should try, though. I'm sure you'll find a way to slide it in," she chuckled.

Jisung snorted. "I have never seen that man so flustered in his life."

"Yeah, he has to be whipped for you, Yn-ie."

A cough from the boy in the room. "Not like you're any more whipped than he is."

"Han Jisung!" You reprimanded, heat swarming to your cheeks.

He broke into a boyish grin, eyes wide and alight like a chipmunk. "What? Don't give me the government name; you know it's true!"

Even Sieun was laughing behind her oh-so delicately placed hand. "He's got a point."

You sighed, wrinkling your nose. "I came for support, not a call out."

"Are those not the same things—AH, I'M SORRY DON'T WHACK ME—!"

— ✶

There was a place on the Avenue with the best lime soda, as Sunwoo had claimed, when the two of you coordinated to get lunch together. Because you had chosen the place of your last hangout, you'd insisted that he chose a place this time. By his texts, he had seemed pleasantly surprised to be hanging out again so soon, and while your nerves were high in anticipation for the coming conversation, you also couldn't wait to spend time with him some more.

You met outside the storefront of a Vietnamese restaurant that you'd only seen in passing, and had yet to try. You glanced up from your phone just as Sunwoo came up from down the road toward you, dressed in jeans and a bomber jacket.

"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting," he said as he swung the door open for you.

You and he ducked inside. "It's no worries," you assured him. "Hope you're not sick of me just yet."

You saw that boyish grin of his as he caught your eyes and signaled the waiter for a table for two. "Never."

When the two of you were seated, your eyes greedily took in the options laid out on the menu. There were just far too many appetizing items—maybe you should have scouted out the menu beforehand.

"Any favorites?" You queried from over the rim of your menu.

Sunwoo was slinging his shoulder bag over his head as you asked this. "Oh, uh, I've been hooked on their shrimp banh xeo ever since my friend Haknyeon introduced me to it. It's like a Vietnamese crepe with stir fried vegetables and a protein. But I think in general, everything is pretty good here."

You hummed. "Mmh, sounds good. And you said the lime soda is really good, too?"

He nodded his head vigorously. "Yes, for sure. That stuff is addicting."

You took his word for it, and soon, the two of you had finished ordering your lunch for the day. A part of you wished you didn't have to disturb the pleasantness of this one-on-one lunch date (was this a date?) with Sunwoo by bringing up the podcast, but what if by clearing the air, it would make your relationship stronger? (Or, it could end in a fiery, hot pile of shit!)

Either way, you would try to get to it as organically as possible.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something." Yes, because this is totally organic, Yn… You grabbed your cup of lime soda and played absentmindedly with the straw.

You gauged his reaction carefully. He perked up. "You—you wanted to talk to me about something?" He parroted, pointing his finger back at himself. "That's not usually good."

"Sorry, no, it's not bad!" You promised. On the way here, you had come up with about a dozen ways to go about this, but at the end of the day, there would only be a yes or no answer. "Do you, by chance, happen to listen to podcasts?"

There was that flicker of recognition over his face, and for a second, he reminded you of something like a puppy with how wide his eyes were. "Uhh," he drawled, scratching his head and feigning nonchalance, "I mean, sometimes. Like casually."

"This might sound weird—"

"Uh-huh."

"—but are you Rhapsody Anonymous?"

If sweat could be animated, that was what you imagined to be dripping down the side of Sunwoo’s face at this moment. He seemed to be figuring out a way to reply. “Would you believe me if I asked you what a Rhapsody Anonymous is?”

“No, not really.”

“What’s a podcast?”

You huffed. “Sunwoo—”

“Okay,” he relented, slumping over slightly. He seemed nervous, in a way, eyes looking anywhere but you, twirling his straw between his thumb and index finger, his foot tapping furiously against the linoleum floor. “I’m sorry! I didn’t really want to bring up the podcast to you because I thought that you enjoyed the anonymity, y’know?” He told you with an apologetic wince. “And I really liked listening to the show, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to interact with you anonymously, as well, and over time, I thought we’d kinda become friends.”

He peered up at you nervously, and guilt wormed its way into the trenches of your gut. From what it seemed, he must have really thought that you would react negatively to him knowing your podcast-hosting side show.

“We are friends,” you finally said and scooped a lock of hair out of your face. “I’m not like, mad, or anything; it was more of me trying to figure out why you felt so familiar to me. And I’m really honored that you liked my podcast enough to want to interact with me there. It means a lot.”

With your small smile, Sunwoo’s posture flooded with relief. “So you’re not mad that I figured out your identity?”

“Definitely not,” you shook your head. “If anything, I’m relieved. I’ve been wondering about your identity for a while now.”

The corners of Sunwoo’s mouth lifted. “That’s… that’s cool. This is really cool,” he said. He let out a sigh, leaning back to slump in his chair with a dramatic expression of anguish on his face. “You have no idea how much it’s been eating me up inside, Dovey! Like how do you balance your two identities? It takes so much energy for me to make sure I keep them separate.”

“I can tell; you weren’t exactly the most inconspicuous,” you teased.

He sat up. “What do you—”

“Well, you kind of told me things in person that you’ve told to me on anonymous, and vice versa.” You recalled to him the two main instances that gave him away to you. It was amusing to see the way he grew increasingly more flustered as you kept talking about it, but you realized that this was probably incredibly painful for him to hear.

Sunwoo had his head in his hands by the time you were done. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

He shifted slightly so that his cheek rested against one palm. “And to think that I was being all slick and secretive,” he pouted, scrunching up his nose. “You know, I always thought about being friends with you in real life. That one time that I told you about that one Taylor Swift song that reminded me of you?”

“Superstar?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” He meditated on that thought while sipping his drink. “It just felt right. Like you were far away but also right there in my ear. Does that make sense?”

You knew what the song was about; you could recite the lyrics by heart, and the fact that he associated that song with you… It sent your heart a-flutter. “It does.”

He jolted up so suddenly you nearly fell out of your seat with him. “Not that I’m desperately in love with you or anything,” he added quickly, the words tumbling out of his mouth as fast as he mentally skimmed through the lyrics again and again. His cheeks were tinged with pink, and you were sure that your neck looked as hot as it felt.

You pretended your heart didn’t drop to the pit of your stomach when he said that. You laughed along with him, though you weren’t sure why it sounded like it did. “Oh, right, right. I didn’t think that; don’t worry.” All the butterflies in your stomach drooped.

Sunwoo scrambled to find the right words. “I just mean that I always felt like some average Joe, and you were…” He gestured to you helplessly, “you.”

Your heart couldn’t help but give a sharp pang at that.

“And how could I ever be anything more to you than just another listener in your stats, y’know?”

You never thought that you would have ever given off that kind of vibe toward listeners, or come to mean that much to any members of your audience. It had seemed simply impossible for you to ever become large enough to evoke that kind of feeling in people—a popstar to their fans. You folded your arms over the table and leaned toward him. “Sunwoo, you were never just another listener. You made yourself known to me and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone.”

He slowly met your eyes, and you sat up straighter, reaching toward the paper straw wrapper to fidget with. “I originally started this podcast because I needed a place to talk. After feeling like people were always moving on without me, I was trying to search for validation, and I found that in podcasting. I figured that maybe… if I was feeling these things, then there had to be someone out there who was feeling them, too.

“And the song recommendation and music talk was always a nice bonus,” you added. “I had people send in anonymous submissions, but never as frequently as you did, and it made me feel like I was reaching somebody. Not just a random hit every so often, but somebody.”

Sunwoo’s eyes shone in the artificial lighting inside the restaurant, and outside your little bubble, you barely registered the noises around you. It was just you and Sunwoo in this moment in time and space. He swallowed. “You’re really cool, you know that?”

You grabbed your cup of lime soda and softly knocked it against his. “That’s all you, superstar.”

— ✶

Lunch had progressed much smoother after you had confronted Sunwoo, to say the least. You were convinced, however, that you had to meet this Haknyeon character he kept telling you about. He was the one to recommend the Vietnamese restaurant, and he was going to be your new favorite person. (Sorry, Sunwoo.)

When both you and Sunwoo had finished up with lunch, you didn’t want to cut your time with him short and asked him if he’d ever been up to the Farmer’s Market north of the Ave.

“There’s a Farmer’s Market over there?” His mouth gaped as he let you lead him a couple blocks north.

You grinned, tipping your head up to the sky to soak in the last bits of sunlight before it was about to be blanketed over by gray clouds. “Yeah! It’s really neat. They’ve got one going every week, I think.”

The walk up was an easy one as it was a straight shot from the restaurant to the intersection where white picket fences were set up to barricade the street for vendors to set up in. Pop-up tents of different colors and sizes lined either side of the street as people milled about going from vendor to vendor. This had been one of the few gems you’d found when you transferred here, and though you didn’t often visit, you tried to buy at least a couple things to support the local businesses. The fruit here tasted much better than the ones in-stores, anyway.

You and Sunwoo slipped past the fences and into the throng of people, and you watched his face light up in awe as he took in the sights and smells. There were people selling beaded bracelets and art, farmers tossing blueberries into kids’ mouths… it was a lively slice of community here.

“Wow, this is incredible,” he said, but suddenly stopped short. “Oh my god, they’re selling melon pops, Yn-ie!” He pointed out a stand a little further down the way that he had peered over a few heads for. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him. “Come on! I’ll treat you to one.”

It wasn’t like you were going to refuse him.

Within another few minutes, you and Sunwoo had both acquired one melon popsicle each. It was adorable to see him bouncing along on the balls of his feet like a kid on Christmas morning as he lapped up the light green juice dripping down the side of the frozen treat.

“—look how pretty those sunflowers are!” He gasped at one of the stands to your left selling bundles of different flowers.

An idea popped into your head, and you scurried over to the booth and traded a two dollar bill for one of the baby sunflowers. You whirled around to where Sunwoo stood and waited for you. “Stand still,” you said while reaching up to tuck the flower behind his ear.

Before he could comprehend what was happening, you pulled out your phone and snapped a quick picture of him.

Sunwoo’s eyes had gone wide, his cheekbones the same color as the roses in the bundles behind you. “What… just happened,” he asked, blinking, then came over to poke your shoulder to get your attention. He peered over at your phone screen to see that you were setting the photo you took as his new contact photo. He let out a hum, “Wow.”

“It’s cute.” You let him see the picture.

He narrowed his eyes at the screen before finally giving it a nod of approval. “Okay, good enough.”

You scoffed, lightly hitting his arm with the back of your hand. “Good enough? I think it’s perfect.” You finished off the rest of your melon pop and tossed the stick in a nearby trash bin.

(If you’d looked up from your phone at that moment, you would have seen the utter bliss on Sunwoo’s face after hearing you compliment a picture of him and calling it “perfect.” To him, absolutely nothing could ruin this day, this moment, this year for him—!)

One raindrop fell onto your phone screen, followed by another, and another, and ano--

(He should not have spoken so soon.)

“It’s raining,” you observed dumbly, reaching a palm out to feel the pitter-patter of the sky’s tears on your skin. Others around you were beginning to notice, too, either huddling under their nearest tent or the overhangs of establishments lined on the sidewalk.

You figured somebody must have pissed the weather off because the rain only began to drum harder against the world.

"Well, shit," you laughed and patted Sunwoo on the back of his shoulder to move him toward the side of the road. "Let's find shelter!"

The two of you joined the crowd as you scrambled past the tents and up onto the sidewalks. Some people simply went into the shops themselves, but you and Sunwoo took a moment to stare out at the once-clear sky. Strange how springtime weather worked.

Sunwoo finished off his popsicle and found a trash bin to toss the stick into. He ran a hand through his dampened locks, then dragged that same palm down his face. "D'you like a little rain, dove?"

The nickname caught you off-guard for a second, but not as badly as seeing the soft-cornered smile on his face.

You cleared your throat. "I don't mind it. How about you?"

He made a frown at the sky as if he could reprimand nature for crashing the date—wait, this wasn't a date, was it? "It would have been nice if the weather report was accurate for once, but a little walk in the rain never hurt anybody."

You voiced your agreement. The next course of action you both decided on was making the long trek home in the rain together. You tried to stay out of the shower as best as you could, but there definitely weren't enough overhangs to get you home completely dry.

At one of the intersections, Sunwoo looked over at you through his dripping wet bangs. "You don't have a jacket."

On instinct, you glanced down at your bare arms, only clad in a T-shirt. "Oh, I guess I don't," you mused.

"Here—" he shouldered off the black bomber jacket and draped it over your shoulders.

"Sunwoo, I can't—"

"Yes, you can," he laughed and shook his head out. The light turned green to cross, and he wrapped an arm around you to keep you steady along the rain-slicked street.

The jacket and arm around you were both warm, but you had a feeling that even without the jacket, his arm would have been more than enough.

When you'd made it to your apartment complex and bursted into the front lobby, you and Sunwoo practically stood in your own self-made puddles. You took the jacket off from around your shoulders and shook it out; it was a shoddy attempt to get the water out, but at least the material was semi-waterproof on the outside.

"Here you…" Your throat went dry as you made to hand his jacket back to him and zeroed in on the way his wet, white T-shirt stuck flush against his skin. There was no other way to describe it but as see through, and there was no way in hell you were going to be able to erase that defined stomach from your mind. "...Go."

You coughed as you looked away, and he accepted his jacket back with a low "Thanks."

When he zipped his jacket up, you nodded toward the elevator. "Do you wanna come up and dry off before you go out? You can totally borrow my umbrella if you want, too."

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. My apartment's not far, I swear."

"Ah, alright. Get home safe then." You paused, then added, "Text me once you get back?"

Sunwoo flashed you a smile, and man, if you could engrave that smile, the wet hair, into your brain… "Promise. I'll see you soon, superstar."

He reached over and ruffled your hair, then ducked out of your apartment into the rain. Just before he was out of your sight, he turned back and waved at you through the front windows.

You let out an exhale once he had disappeared. A fuzzy feeling lingered in your chest, your smile never leaving your face. You were so far gone.

EPISODE EIGHT: SWERVE LIKE A CHICKEN

ALTHOUGH Spring Break had swept through the university faster than it came, Sunwoo could still say he felt like he was riding on Cloud 9. The beginning of the quarter was easily a more relaxed part of the term, but Spring quarter itself was a whole other nightmare in itself. Everyone around him was beginning to wake up from their break-dazed slumbers to clamber their asses back into uncomfortable lecture chairs and study rooms.

It was the first Tuesday back from Spring Break when he found out you were going to be in a practice room alone for a while, working on a new project. This intel had been courtesy of one Han Jisung, who had been texting Sunwoo off and on about a track he had been mixing with Chan.

han !!: yeah just left cuz my brain was feelin super fried 🤣 dunno how ynies still there

sunwoo's phone: oh fr?? she's still over there?

han !!: yuh bro that's what i just said

han !!: r u gonna do anything abt it 👀😳

sunwoo's phone: i have no clue what ur talking abt

han !!: okay bye chicken

sunwoo's phone: u did not just call me chicken.

han !!: 🐓🐓🐓

Sunwoo walked out of his room and stood in the middle of the apartment, staring blankly at the back of Eric's head. His roommate was seated on the couch setting up a movie, and when he sensed someone was staring at him, he began to say, "Baby!—wait a minute."

Eric made a face. "Never mind, it's just you."

Sunwoo scoffed and flopped onto the opposite end of the couch. "Rude! Before EC!Yn, I used to be your one and only."

"That's actually so incorrect—"

"Do you boys ever not cat-fight?" EC!Yn mused as she came out from the bathroom and found a seat between Eric and Sunwoo. Eric instantly curled an arm around her and pulled her into his side.

Sunwoo considered this with a frown. Why was he so single? "You're lucky I tolerate your boyfriend, EC!Yn," said Sunwoo as he folded his arms over his chest and sunk into the shadows of his hoodie.

"I'm glad you've come to like me more than your own best friend," she drawled in jest. "What's got you in the dumps, my friend?"

Eric perked up, pressing the play button on the TV remote to start the movie. "Oh yeah! You were in such a good mood this morning."

A grumble from the lump of hoodie. "It's nothing."

A moment of silence passed. Then, "He misses Yn."

"I think so, too."

"Do you think if we texted her to text him, he would at least smile?"

"Oh, I think I found her Instagram the other day—"

Sunwoo peered out of his hoodie with narrowed eyes. "I can hear you guys, you know that, right?"

Both Eric and his partner shot him impish grins, delighted that their very obvious conversation brought him out of silence. The thought forced a smile onto Sunwoo's face anyway. Eric's baseball game had been canceled today because the team who they were going up against this week had internal problems (something about an affair between coaches and players—it was complicated). Thus, Eric had decided to fill his afternoon with an impromptu movie session with his girlfriend. Sunwoo was invited by roommate obligation.

There were definitely more productive things that Sunwoo could have been doing (finding a minor, finding a job, finding the answers to his cognitive psych homework, etcetera), but watching… Wait, what were they even watching?

EC!Yn reached over and nudged his shoulder with her knuckles. "Hey, Earth to Kim Sunwoo."

He shook out of his daze. "Huh? Oh, sorry." He sighed, pulling out his phone. "Jisung just told me that Yn's at the practice room working still."

"Still?"

"Yeah," he bobbed his head. "They've been there ever since they finished their composition class this morning."

Eric lowered the volume on the TV. "Dude, you should go keep her company."

Sunwoo's eyes shot open as he began mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. "I don’t wanna bother her; she probably doesn’t wanna be bothered if she’s been working for so long.” The thought had crossed his mind to head over to the practice rooms right now and sit in for a session, but he had shut his own idea down almost immediately. Would you appreciate him going to bug you or would you mind him just going to sit with you and enjoy your presence?

“I was thinking the exact opposite,” said EC!Yn, “I mean, whenever Eric comes over unannounced to come sit with me at the dorm, I appreciate it all the time.”

Eric cooed. “Aw, you do?”

Sunwoo blinked and was suddenly glad he was staring down at his phone and not the couple on the couch next to him. But he glanced up to catch EC!Yn’s eyes. “Do you really think she wouldn’t mind?”

When Eric tucked his face into her neck, she idly scratched his head. “Oh, definitely. I think it’ll be a nice surprise, considering she probably feels the same about you, based on what you’ve already told us.”

“You’re right!” Sunwoo shot up off the couch, but halted. “Wait, she what?”

Eric snorted. “She said that Yn probably feels the same about you, which, if I’m being honest, I can’t believe—”

Sunwoo dashed into his room to grab his wallet and keys. “Nobody asked you!”

— ✶

Coffee. You liked coffee, right?

Sunwoo couldn't quite think straight with the giddy anticipation bubbling in his stomach and up his chest as he balanced twin cups of iced americano in his hands. Taking the bus to the School of Music would have been less effort on his legs, but waiting for it simply did not sit with the amount of energy currently carrying him down the street and up the stairs and across the quad like a madman.

People were probably eyeing him weirdly, but he was trying to come up with things to say to you. Preferably, these things were smooth and not strange fragments that weren't properly strung together. He wanted to look put together, to sound put together.

He was probably going to look frazzled, though, from half-running a mile uphill, but that was okay—he was excited to see you.

The School of Music stood right across from the School of Art building, the twin towers looming above the quad stairs. With school back in session, there were plenty of people milling about the entrance, and somebody graciously opened the door for Sunwoo so he didn't have to awkwardly balance his coffees and risk spilling them to get inside. He hadn't often visited this building, but he had been in here before to visit friends and upperclassmen. Though the architecture was grander, it still had the homey feeling of a high school band room, some place music students could call home.

Sunwoo navigated himself toward the practice rooms in the back hallways, murmuring "excuse me"s and apologies as he sidestepped string bassists and bassoons and snare drums. (He could've sworn there was a whole drum kit in one of these; it was strange seeing someone carrying around a single snare… huh.)

He reached the corridor to turn right into the practice hall when he froze, diving back behind the wall.

"—wait, Yangyang—"

Something in him sunk deep into the pit of his stomach, an anchor to the sea floor. He watched you launch out of your practice room and into Yangyang's arms, both of you hugging each other closely. He had his arms wrapped around you and his cheek against the crown of your head.

Sunwoo couldn't hear what you were saying to each other—if you were saying anything at all.

And you didn't let go. Not yet, at least.

When you did finally let go, the two of you were beaming at each other. It was near impossible to make out what kind of emotion was there from so far away, but Sunwoo couldn't look anymore when Yangyang leaned in towards you—

Sunwoo pressed himself against the wall he was peering around.

Oh.

He struggled to swallow; there was a large lump sitting in his throat that he had to wrestle down.

Disappointment—yeah, that was disappointment.

Before you or Yangyang could come down this way, Sunwoo retraced his steps from where he came until he was back outside. He sucked in a breath, mind abuzz.

He set down the cups of iced coffee, now perspiring, on a ledge nearby, so he could pull out his phone.

It rang twice. "Yo."

"Are you practicing right now?" Sunwoo asked, leaning his body against the railing. His free hand held his face as his brain replayed the events he had just witnessed. Did that mean what he thought he meant? You were totally allowed to see other people—the two of you weren't exclusive—but goddamn, did that hurt to think about.

Was he too late? Had he chickened out so long that you decided to move on, or was he never in the running in the first place?

He heard a bit of shuffling from the other side, then a sigh from Changmin. "Now I'm not. What's up?"

"I'm coming over."

A pause. "...Okay, see you soon."

EPISODE NINE: [YELLS.]

THERE was something different in the air and you could taste it. Not literally, of course, but you figured your paranoia had manifested strong enough within you to be able to sniff these kinds of things out. "These things" referred to the slight difference in the way you interacted with Sunwoo, or rather, how Sunwoo interacted with you.

You turned your phone off again, having checked it for what felt like the fifth time in the past two minutes. Usually, he replied relatively fast, but for the past week or so, he'd been a little more delayed. He didn't text dry, which was a relief, but there was something off about it. You couldn't articulate it too well—it was just a gut feeling.

"Oy, phone away, Yn," Sieun ordered, snapping her fingers and holding her hand out across the table.

You sent her a look, but reluctantly handed your phone over to her. "But—"

"No buts!" She tutted. She hid your phone within the confines of her purse before promptly returning to the warm bowl of biang biang noodles in front of her. "The more you check your phone, the sadder of a sap you look."

"Thanks," you deadpanned, but followed her lead and picked up your chopsticks to eat your food.

The two of you were seated in, arguably, the best Chinese restaurant on the Avenue. It had become a fast favorite of yours when you first transferred, saved for the long days and weeks when you needed something like spice to make you feel anything other than sad. Sieun had suggested coming down here for dinner rather than staying in and eating another round of instant ramen. It was something she knew would cheer you up easily, and so far, it was only half working.

You reached for your water, only to realize it was practically empty.

As if she could read your mind, the waitress taking care of your table appeared at your side and filled your water up for you.

"Oh, thank you!" Your eyes glanced over at her name tag—HN!Yn—and met her kind eyes.

"Of course. Anything else I can get you two?" She asked cheerily, swiftly filling up Sieun's cup, as well, with practiced grace. "Food's good?"

Both you and Sieun nodded your heads vigorously, especially since both of your mouths were now full and you couldn't speak. She seemed to get the idea and hustled over to a nearby table to tend to them. How waiters and waitresses always knew when you had food in your mouth, you could never figure out. It was always absolutely awful timing, but you supposed the skill was akin to Starbucks workers butchering name spellings.

When you finally swallowed your bite, you chased it with a gulp of water. "I don't think I did anything wrong," you said to your friend, pushing around the saucy rice in your bowl with the tips of your chopsticks.

Sieun covered her mouth. "I don't think so either," she replied, eyebrows furrowed. "Maybe he's just busy? It could be that he got a job or something, or school work is piling up."

You frowned. You thought he would have let you know he was going to be a bit busier, but at the same time, he didn't owe you anything. You just worried about him and hoped he wasn't overworking himself. It didn't help that you missed hanging out with him; it didn't feel like it used to between you just last week.

From behind you, you heard the door to the restaurant open and close with a loud smack! The door to the restaurant was awfully loud when it closed, unless it was carefully done. Something about the angle at which it was constructed, or something like that.

Sieun's brows flew up. "Speak of the devil," she muttered with her food pushed into her cheek.

"Hm?" You hummed and twisted around in your seat to see who she was referring to.

Oh. Well, she definitely wasn't wrong, per se.

Coming in through the door himself was Kim Sunwoo, as well as a few of his own friends, you guessed. You recognized one of them as Ji Changmin, one of the dancers from the winter showcase. Besides those two, there were four others, too—three other boys and a girl. You didn't recognize any of them, but you saw the way your waitress greeted them and squeezed one of the boys' hands.

You and Sunwoo made eye contact, and you shot him a small smile, lifting your fingers in a wave.

He seemed surprised to see you, and you didn't fault him for that. His wave was slight and smile shy, but you couldn't figure out why he ducked his head and didn't come by and say hi.

They're being seated for dinner, Yn. It's okay. Chill a little.

You turned back in your seat to face Sieun and your food again.

"Hey, cheer up, girl." Sieun's smile was sympathetic as she caught your attention. You hadn't even noticed how your posture noticeably slumped after that interaction—if one could even call it that. "Don't let this ruin your dinner, okay?"

You sighed out of your nose, testing your chopsticks over the rim of your bowl. "You're right. I don't know, Eun. It feels like we regressed? Is he avoiding me? Am I overthinking this?"

"I'm not sure, hon," she told you. "It'll be okay, though. I promise. Are you ready for the check?"

You nodded, reaching for your napkin to wipe your mouth.

Sieun lifted her hand and caught your waitress's attention, then made a motion for the bill. HN!Yn was quick to bring it over and set the little black tray with the receipt onto the edge of your table. In her hands she held a small device to input your method of payment.

"Are we splitting the bill today, ladies?" She asked you, eyes flickering between you both.

"Yeah, evenly split would be great, please," you told her.

Sieun leaned over to peer at the receipt as you reached into your bag to grab your card. Her face contorted into confusion, and she ran her finger over a line as if reading over it again carefully. "Oh, uhm, excuse me. It says we get a discount—not that I'm complaining! But…"

HN!Yn smiled. "Ah, you're friends with Sunwoo, right? That's what he told me, at least. I always give my partner and his friends my Friends & Family discount, so don't worry about it. I appreciate your integrity though."

You and Sieun exchanged wide-eyed glances, blinking, then turned to peer over at where Sunwoo's friend group sat. One of the boys sitting next to him whacked his arm to get his attention, nodding toward your table.

Sunwoo looked up.

Your head tilted to the side and you mouthed a "thank you?" to him, unsure of why he went out of his way to help you out.

He only nodded before ducking his head again. Huh. You'd have to thank him properly later.

HN!Yn was quick to help you and Sieun box your meals and finish paying. Before long, you tucked your arm around Sieun's to push out into the cool evening—not without glancing back at Sunwoo's table first.

— ✶

"She looks sad. Why is she sad?" Sunwoo sulked, lying atop his folded arms on the table and staring at you through the space between Haknyeon and JC!Yn.

You were the last person he thought he'd see when he and his friends walked into Haknyeon's favorite Chinese restaurant. You and your friend were pretty much wrapping up dinner when they'd come in, and he was quite literally startled by your presence. He'd been walking around on eggshells, he felt, all because of this stupid situation he'd forced himself into.

It was stupid. Yeah… it was stupid.

Changmin delivered a light whack to the back of Sunwoo's head. "You're dumb."

Sunwoo sat up and cupped the back of his head, leveling a glare at his friend. "Hello?"

"He's not exactly wrong," said Chanhee from the other side of him as he texted someone on his phone.

Sunwoo pressed his lips together and looked across the table from him at JC!Yn in a silent cry for help. The woman could only lift her shoulders half-heartedly. That meant that she agreed with them… great.

Eric snapped his wooden chopsticks apart and began using either stick to smooth the other for splinters. "We're saying you're dumb because you're doing this to yourself and to her unnecessarily."

Sunwoo huffed. "That's because you guys weren't there to see it happen! They're totally together—or at least, close." It still felt awful to think about. It felt like there was a hole in his chest left empty after considering the possibility that he was too late. He didn't want to get hurt.

"You can still talk to her like you used to, Sunwoo-ah," Haknyeon chimed in. "Even if they were—and I'm not saying they are—together, there's still a healthy amount of space where you can dwell as her friend."

HN!Yn appeared at the head of the table with a tray of water, and everyone pitched in to pass the cups down. "Thanks, guys," she said, tucking the tray under her arm. "Are you guys ready to order?" The question was directed towards the rest of the table, but Sunwoo saw the way her eyes lingered on Haknyeon and how Haknyeon's smile shifted to something that Sunwoo was sure was only for her.

It made him feel strange again.

The group, as usual, trusted Haknyeon's choices in dishes and let him take the reins in deciding what they ate tonight. Once HN!Yn had headed off into the kitchen to deliver their order, conversation resumed swiftly.

"I think you're just scared, Sunwoo," JC!Yn said to him over the rim of her glass of water.

Murmurs of agreement resounded from all around the table. Sunwoo's jaw fell open. "I—I am not scared. What would I be scared of?"

"The truth! Oooh," Eric pursed his lips and wiggled his fingers in Sunwoo's direction.

Sunwoo promptly smacked Eric's hand away.

"If you weren't scared of the truth," said Haknyeon, as he propped his elbows onto the table, "you would have gone up to her in that hallway."

"Didn't she tell you that she didn't see Yangyang that way anyways?" Chanhee chimed in. He was still going at it texting whoever it was on his phone.

"But she also said she wanted to give it a second chance," Sunwoo corrected.

Changmin scratched behind his ear and grabbed sauce trays from the end of the table to pass down to everyone else. "That was before she started hanging out with you some more. What is your point?"

They all made excellent points, he thought. That afternoon he'd seen you and Yangyang, he'd gone to meet Changmin in one of the dance practice rooms. After that, he'd gone home to yell into his pillow until his throat burned. Eric had muttered something about Sunwoo being dramatic and summoned JC!Yn over to the apartment to deal with him.

Sunwoo had just been bummed. He didn't even know if bummed was a strong enough word.

"I'm just scared of getting hurt, I guess," he finally admitted, meekly.

The table quieted to allow him room to speak his mind, and even Chanhee put his phone away to give him his full attention now. It wasn't often Sunwoo wore his heart on his sleeve like this, and it wasn't easy either. For anyone. Admitting to his fears in the middle of a Chinese restaurant while five of one's friends listened in was intimidating, but it was comforting to know that these friends he kept would find a way to support him. Even if he was being stupid, their tough love was out of desire to look out for him.

When he was done, Changmin clasped a warm hand on his shoulder and his dimple pressed into his cheek. "Sunwoo-yah, I think that you second guess yourself too much and you know that. You're self aware enough to know that you make the mistake of not going for what or who you want."

Sunwoo stared at an impurity in the table. What Changmin was saying hit the nail on the head—it was what happened with the dance showcase, too, and now he was about to let it ruin a friendship he had with a person he cared very much about.

"My advice," Changmin continued, "is to talk to her about what you saw and clarify it. I know it's… I know it's scary thinking you're gonna get hurt again, but I think you'll feel a lot better afterward."

EPISODE TEN: SUPERSTAR, I'M NOT TOO FAR

your phone: hey thanks for the fnf discount last night! sorry i didn't thank u properly before, but yeah, really appreciate it :')

sunshine (sunwoo): it was no problem, dw abt it!

your phone: btw is everything okay? u seem a bit distant lately and i wanted to make sure u were doing alright

sunshine (sunwoo): ah yeah, im sorry :( there's just been some things on my mind

You shot Sunwoo a quick text back to let him know you were here if he wanted anyone to talk to. His text had just come in after you'd sent him a reply in the early evening.

"Yn-ah. Still on your phone, I see?"

You jolted and shoved your device into the pocket of your jeans, smiling sheepishly as Lee Jihoon power-walked into the backstage area with a pen behind his ear and a clipboard in hand. "Hi, Jihoon!" You squeaked.

He lifted his eyebrows at you, motioning for you to come follow him. Since everyone was back from Spring Break, the work for the play being performed was kicked into high gear. Jihoon was a graduate student at the university and a director of the stage here; adding the fact that he majored in the same thing you did also made him one of your favorite mentors ever. The back hallways were bustling with costumes, props and other assorted technicians while most of the actors were either in the main backstage area or onstage proper with the play director, HJ!Yn.

You followed swiftly after him and weaved through the people littered about the corridors. "I finished synching the panel back here with the projector in the box," you told him, "though, it's weird that it was ever undone in the first place." You frowned. There had been a lot of strange things happening in the theater lately.

Jihoon gave you a curt nod and set you up in front of one of the house lights panels located in the hallway leading right out to the audience. He pointed at it with the back of his pen. "Yeah, some funky shit's been happening around here," he sighed. "You were here the other night when the speakers were acting weird, right?"

You nodded and let him guide you through navigating this backup panel. "I was. You and Chan seemed really stressed."

"We were," he said, adjusting his cap. "We really do need some more funding to update our equipment—careful, that knob is really sensitive. Good, nice work."

Once you and Jihoon had successfully finished with this panel, you lingered in the hallway for a moment. Normally, you would switch back and forth between shadowing either Chan or Jihoon, and tonight was with the latter. He was going through a couple forms on his clipboard—he must have been reading through them while working tonight.

"You seem distracted tonight, Yn-ie," he said. "Is everything okay?"

Despite being one of the busiest and hardest workers here, Jihoon was also one of the most observant, still. You leaned against the wall next to him, toeing at the floor. "Boys are stupid, right?"

Without hesitation or looking up from his clipboard, he replied, "As a boy, I can confirm."

That made you sputter out a laugh, and you saw him glance up and flash you a smile. When you couldn't find something else to say, he went forth. "I don't know the whole situation, and you don't have to tell me anything. But we guys are a little—" he made a gesture with his hands and wrinkled his nose, "—blind. You probably know that already, but dudes are dumbasses, and sometimes when feelings get in the way, they want to run for the hills.

"But if you think he's worth it, then reach out and be forward with him. And if he cares about you, he'll reach out and be honest," he finished. He let you settle with that thought, let it marinate in your brain to give you something to think about. (As if you didn't have a lot to think about already.)

You pressed your lips together with a slow nod. "Thanks Jihoon."

"Anytime, Yn-ie." He nodded back toward the direction you both had come from. "Let's go back that way, yeah? We've got some more housekeeping to take care of."

— ✶

Sunwoo was in trouble.

"...I thought I'd recommend a song that's been on my mind. I've actually been listening to quite a few Taylor Swift songs recently, especially since she's re-recording all her albums! So here's 'Superstar' from Fearless, Taylor's Version."

He had put your most recent podcast episode on full volume while he made himself dinner. It had been a long day today, and so his automatic thought was to listen to you. But now that he was getting into the meat of the episode, he was quickly coming to realize how much trouble he was in. You were playing the song, and it was a direct call out to him to wake the fuck up.

As the song faded to a close, your voice came back on.

"Actually, I was recommended the song by someone I know," you said in the mellow tone you'd been in for the entire episode so far. "I guess I'm just confused and I was wondering if they really meant what they said."

Sunwoo nearly dropped the egg in his hand onto the kitchen floor. Guilt swirled around in the bubbles of the soup in the pot and he frowned down at the rich, creamy liquid.

He sighed, tapping the egg against the counter and cracking its innards into the pot. "Of course, I really meant it," he said as if you could hear him. He wished he had the guts to tell you everything that was going on in his head… As his soup boiled away, he leaned against the empty counter to wait, cradling his head in his hands, groaning. "You're being unfair, Sunwoo."

"...This one's from Peony! They say: almost didn't realize Rhaps Anon wasn't in the last episode until the very end when we hadn't gotten a rec from them. Hope they're doing okay!" Ah, so you weren't the only one who noticed his brief absence. Your sigh filled the apartment, though, he heard the way you tried to force some kind of cheeriness into it. "Yeah, I hope they're doing okay too. But Rhaps'll be back! Let's all wish them well. Fighting!—"

Oh, man. Now he felt even worse.

He really needed to talk to you. Oh god, he really needed to talk to you. If not to confess, then to clear the air and assure you that all was okay on his end. He was just being a coward, and he knew that well enough now.

When his dinner had finished, Sunwoo turned the flame off and headed for his phone on the opposite counter. He lowered the volume as he went in and pulled up his text thread with you.

sunwoo's phone: hey,, i know ur probs busy w the play this week, but is there a possibility for me to see you sometime soon? i wanted to talk to u abt something

He gnawed on his bottom lip as he awaited your answer, until he realized you were probably working. That made him drop his phone and return to his dinner—maybe he just needed to not look, so his anxiety wasn't so high—

His phone buzzed and he bolted back over.

superstar 💫: i think i'll prob have some time saturday morning

EPISODE ELEVEN: [SOMEONE'S LOOKING OUT FOR YOU, LOSERS.]

YOU asked Sunwoo if he'd like to tag along with you as you did some grocery shopping before rehearsal on Saturday morning. His answer had been automatic, and you both agreed to meet each other at the bus stop to ride down to the larger supermarket down the hill together. Even as you stood at the corner of your street waiting for him beneath the overhang, you were trying to come up with possible things he was going to say to you. You had figured, when he’d texted you Wednesday night, that perhaps the best way to go about this would be to make this casual. Hence, why you were forcing yourself to go grocery shopping a day earlier than you usually did.

Casual, in this case, called for “you don’t have stare me in the eyes the entire time,” and to be frank, you were a little too nervous for that kind of setting anyway.

You tugged the edges of your cardigan over you as you heard your name being called from the opposing street. Sunwoo was bounding his way over to you with his arm raised in greeting. You returned the gesture with a soft smile. “Hey.”

He stopped by you, shoving his hands into the pockets of his gray jacket. “Hi,” he said, licking his lips. “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.”

The bus slowed to a halt in front of your stop, and the two of you retrieved your transportation cards to board. “You say that like I wouldn’t have agreed,” you chuckled and tapped your card, Sunwoo following suit.

The two of you managed to find a pair of empty seats near the second half of the vehicle where the exit was for an easy departure when you reached the foot of the hill. But for now, you tucked your bag onto your lap and settled into the window seat, while Sunwoo occupied the one next to you.

You turned your head to gaze out the window and watch the world blur by as you did. The Avenue streets were a tad narrower than most around the university, so the bus traveled as efficiently as it could from stop to stop before turning the block to make its descent. It was technically still morning, and though it was spring, the sky had decided to blanket the sunshine with gray clouds to form an atmosphere that reminded you distinctly of the past winter quarter. Except, instead of thin, empty branches, the streets and walkways were encased in darkening green leaves and falling pink petals, a nod to the short-lived cherry blossom season. From the corner of your eye, you saw Sunwoo’s foot start to tap against the ground like Thumper the Rabbit, and you wondered for the millionth time what was going on in that pretty head of his.

“I don’t really understand,” you found yourself saying—his head swiveled—and you turned to look at him, “did I do something wrong?”

Sunwoo stammered, "What? No, it wasn't you! It wasn't your fault at all—I was just—" he sighed, grimacing to himself. "I was just being stupid. And I know that sounds super vague, but the short answer is that I was being stupid and scared and insecure."

Your brows furrowed and you felt the bus come to a gentle stop at the foot of the hill. "Scared and insecure? What's going on; is everything okay?"

You both got up to make a quick exit off the bus and began making the short walk from the bus station into the outdoor shopping center.

There was a jittery bounce to Sunwoo's steps as well as a tension in his shoulders. "Last week," he began, "Jisung told me that he'd just left you at the practice room and that you were probably going to be there awhile."

You nodded, grabbing a basket at the front of the grocery store. That rang a bell for sure. It had been a very long day in the practice room, so you weren't quite sure what direction this was going in yet.

"Well, I wanted to go surprise you and come hang out with you. You know, like, to keep you company." He started scouring the opposite shelf to you in the dried foods aisle, his eyes nervously darting from the BUY ONE, GET ONE pasta noodles deal signs, to your person. "And when I got there, I saw you and Yangyang."

Me and Yangyang…? Oh, me and Yangyang.

It was like a lightbulb went off in your head, and you stopped pretending to look at the overpriced vermicelli noodles on the shelf behind you.

"And you guys were hugging and close and stuff—and by all means! I—I have no problem with that, of course," he added quickly, "I mean, you guys are really close… friends? And I just saw him lean toward you and left because I… I got the message." The latter portion was delivered in a defeated tone as he looked on toward you helplessly and sorrowfully. It was how Sieun described you Tuesday night when you'd seen Sunwoo at the restaurant: a sad sap.

You both stopped moving down the aisle to face each other. In the white, fluorescent supermarket lights, his hair hung in his eyes like his head in embarrassment. You were going to let him finish.

He cupped the back of his head, suddenly feeling so bare before you despite not being physically naked at all. "I thought some space might distinguish or extinguish my feelings for you," he continued, nose wrinkling and lip curling in a wince. "Clearly it didn't help, and I think overall, I realized I wasn't being fair to you—as a friend. And that I was also being the biggest fucking loser ever."

Wait, you were still reeling from the mentions about feelings—

Before you could even address the aforementioned, you had to make something clear first. You felt the corners of your lips lift. "Sunwoo, me and Yangyang really are just friends." At the confused, puppy-dog look in his eyes, you explained further, "That day, Yangyang came by and I made it clear to him that I just saw him as a friend. I felt really awful for feeling like I'd led him on and was going to lose his friendship."

Sunwoo's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, and he struggled to come up with the response he wanted. "So… so when he was leaning in toward you…"

"He leaned in and flicked my nose, then almost gave me a nosebleed," you chuckled. You'd given him a very appropriate flick to the forehead after that.

His eyes widened at that. "Well shit. Are you okay?" He asked, and you saw his smile slowly begin to make its appearance, the sun peeking through an overcast sky.

"Yeah, perfectly fine," you dismissed with a flick of your hand. "Especially now. But yeah, we're just friends."

There was a surge of relief in his tense shoulders. "Oh, okay."

He trailed after you as you continued to make your way down this aisle in particular to pick up the things that were on your shopping list.

At one point, he coughed, handing you the jar of red peppers you were reaching for. "So no hard feelings, right? I promise it will be totally back to normal!"

"Normal, as in back to before?"

He nodded eagerly. "Yeah! To be honest, Dovey, I was just kind of scared that I had lost my chance after waiting so long. I don't know. And I realized that I was just scared to face that fact."

You gauged his reaction and your own heart thundered in your chest. "Scared to face the fact that you'd lost your chance with me?"

"Well, yeah. I—" He stopped and froze like a deer in headlights. And in any other circumstance, you would have been laughing, but he seemed so distraught by what he just admitted to that you tried hard to suppress your amusement. Tried. "I just said that aloud, huh."

Nodding, you grinned fondly. "You did."

He smiled, cute and flustered, cheeks tinted pink. "You're always too easy a person to talk to," he muttered.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I would've said something sooner…" He began.

Something jumped to attention in your brain. Oh no. "Was I giving you mixed signals?" You pursed your lips like you'd just gotten into something sour. "'Cause I swore I thought my attraction to you was clear. And, like, the thing where I totally began rethinking my thoughts about Yangyang when you came into the picture—"

"Wow, so Changmin was right?" Sunwoo made a face, holding his hand against his forehead. "That's crazy."

"Crazy good or…?"

He chuckled, and you couldn't help but admire the twinkle in his eyes as he did. "Crazy so good."

"I don't think people actually say that."

He whined, "Yah, you can't already be clowning me. Not when I just confessed that I like you."

That made you sober up, but you couldn't say the same for your heart rate. Man, your BPM alone could probably power a bullet train… "I like you, too. I hope that's clear."

There you two stood in the middle of the dried foods aisle with twin smiles glowing on your faces, soft and shared. You didn't know what the BOGO pasta was doing, but it was definitely adding to the atmosphere. You had intended for running errands to distract you from whatever Sunwoo had wanted to talk to you about, but clearly that was not the case—it would have never worked like that. You would be damned to have missed something like this. Not with him.

Perhaps he had made a mistake—he was now apologizing and clarifying and trying. You could hear Jihoon's words of wisdom ring loud and clear in your head. There was something perfectly fine about how this turned out.

"No more mixed signals?"

"No more mixed signals," he agreed.

— ✶

The remainder of your errand run with Sunwoo had gone smoothly, and soon, you were both seated side by side once more on the bus up to the University District. Sunwoo had gotten a couple things for his fridge, too, and so you both sat with your grocery bags by each other and your fingers grazing the other. Ever since you had clarified your position with Sunwoo a little over an hour ago, you had been feeling much lighter, your heart skipping for a different reason. You were back to feeling the giddy excitement you always had around him, and especially since you knew he saw you in exactly the same way.

The two of you shared a laugh as you stepped off the bus and onto your block, grocery bags in hand.

“—I’m being completely serious! Apparently I was just snot-nosed wailing into her shirt about being single and forever alone,” Sunwoo guffawed, grinning wide at you as you both stopped to the side of the walkway. “And Eric was pissed, oh my god.”

“I mean, you just kiss-blocked him; kind of understandable,” you mused.

Sunwoo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Aye, I know. He’s a good guy though. Total loser, but a good loser. He made me hangover soup the next day.”

You let out a laugh, walking slowly with him down toward the entrance of your apartment complex. "That was sweet of him."

He snorted, "A little out of character, but yeah."

"You know," you piped up, "when I was applying and eventually interviewing for the position with Chan and Jihoon, I had no idea what either of them looked like. So I accidentally—woah, shi—"

Somebody coming down the sidewalk toward you crashed into your shoulder and sent you careening toward the sidewalk. Sunwoo swore as you let out a squeak—his arm looping around your waist and hauling you against him to steady you.

He lifted his head in the direction of the person with a glower on his face. "Hey! Dude, watch where you're going!"

"Thanks," you said sheepishly.

He turned to fix you with a smile, and you saw the moment he realized the position you were both in: you pressed firmly up against the side of his body, his arm wrapped around you, your faces so close to one another… He released his hold on you, neck burning as he cupped the back of it. "Heh, yeah. It's no problem. People should just really watch where they're going."

You coughed and nodded your head. "Yeah, for sure."

The pair of you were now in front of your apartment complex once more, reluctant to say goodbye. You wondered if he would ask to spend more time with you, but you had a feeling that he wouldn't want to intrude on your time any longer. It wasn't like he was intruding to you, but it was just a feeling you had about him. He wanted to respect your time.

And, well, you both had groceries to put away.

"So I'll uh, talk to you soon then?" You asked him, holding your grocery bags in front of you.

He peered at you through his lashes. "Definitely."

"This morning turned out way better than I thought it would, to be honest."

"Yeah no, same here," he echoed. "I'm just glad you actually gave me another chance."

You reached over and gave his shoulder a playful punch. "How could I not? I've always believed in you."

That seemed to ignite something inside of him. He jutted his bottom lip out and whined, "Oh my god, you can't just say that! You're so—wah."

You giggled, watching him squirm like he was being jolted by electricity. "Hey man, sometimes you've gotta be straightforward."

"Yeah, I know." He sobered slightly and took a step forward. Your heart clambered around in your chest and rattled your ribcage. There was this look in his eyes that made you glance at his lips—his perfect, plush, pink lips.

You held still, held your whole fucking breath, as he turned his head and kissed your cheek. It was feather-light, barely there, and yet, all the heat in your body seemed to rush to that single spot in a millisecond.

When he pulled away, his voice was soft. "How's that for straightforward?"

EPISODE TWELVE: ONE LOVE SONG CAN'T CONVEY HOW I FEEL FOR YOU, SO HERE'S TWENTY—

SUNWOO imagined that he looked as cartoonish as any man in love could. There had to be hearts in eyes, hearts around his head, hearts on a glittery pink trail that carried him everywhere he went. He giggled to himself as he fished his house keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door to let himself in.

"Oh my god. We've properly lost him."

With a loud, war-like AHHH!, Sunwoo yelped and nearly dropped his groceries, struggling to hold the bags to his chest as he pressed himself against the back of the front door. His apartment filled with high-pitched cackles of delight.

Though his heart was going through about a million cartwheels a second, he managed to force the fear from his eyes as embarrassment flooded his system. He flared his nostrils, frowning and tipping his head against the door. "I hate you guys!"

"You should hate Eric for giving JC!Yn your apartment key," Changmin wheezed, slapping his hands together and rolling around on the living room carpet as he pointed and laughed at Sunwoo's absolute misery. "You should've seen your face!"

Chanhee was on the couch with his legs curled up into his chest as he had his phone out, recording the entire thing. "This one's going in the drunk Sunwoo folder."

"Yah, I'm not even drunk!"

Chanhee shrugged. "It's become your general meme folder now. We should probably rename it."

Sunwoo whipped his head toward JC!Yn, who was seated on the opposite end of the couch with an amused smile on her face. "Noona! Are you just gonna let them bully me like this?"

Her smile widened. "Sorry, Sunwoo, but we didn't think you would miss us completely when you came in."

He let out a loud groan, fragging himself over to the kitchen so he could set the grocery bags on the counter and begin to unload them. "What're you guys doing here anyways? Isn't it Saturday morning? Where's Kei?" He asked, unloading a carton of juice from the bag and slotting it into the fridge.

Kei was JC!Yn's roommate, and the two girls always went on a grocery shopping date every Saturday morning with Changmin and Chanhee. They often made Changmin drive since he had the biggest car, and grocery shopping was an exclusive event that only the four of them were allowed to partake in. Eric, Sunwoo, and even Jacob had expressed distaste at that elitism. One of these days, they were bound to let someone else join… right?

But regardless, that always meant that Saturday mornings were occupied for them. So why were three-quarters of the group currently invading Sunwoo's apartment?

Changmin sat up from his place on the floor and fixed Sunwoo with a grin that made him nervous. "We dropped her off at their place, and we did go shopping this morning, but you'll never guess the curious thing we witnessed while we were there." His giggles sent a doom-like shiver down Sunwoo's spine.

Then it clicked.

Sunwoo abruptly stopped taking dried noodle packages out of the grocery bag. "You're kidding."

A snort from Chanhee. "Oh, you wish."

Sunwoo bashed his head against his sweater-covered palms. "No."

"Yes!" Changmin shrieked.

"I didn't know you guys went to that supermarket!" Sunwoo wailed, throwing his head back toward the ceiling. "You guys saw us?"

JC!Yn rested her chin against her arm as she leaned over the back of the couch to face him. "We heard you, too. I'm glad you decided to own up to your chicken-ness. See? Wasn't so scary after all."

Well, he couldn't exactly agree with that. But he also couldn't disagree with it. He'd been so scared he was about to lose your friendship then for being so insecure for no reason. A simple clarifying question could have saved the both of you so much strife. But the conversation also reaped rewards: your mutual confessions.

He sulked and didn't say anything.

"It was cute though, Sunwoo-ah," said Chanhee with a teasing lilt to his smile.

"And also," Changmin cut in, "what do you mean 'so Changmin was right? That's crazy?!'"

Sunwoo snorted. "Now that, I have nothing to say to."

"So what's the deal now?" JC!Yn asked. "Are you two dating now or…?"

Oh. Another long pause, then— "Oh my god, you didn't ask her out?"

"Hey! Listen!" Sunwoo yelled in an attempt to defend himself.

"We're listening." Chanhee folded his arms over his chest with a less than impressed look on his face. He scoffed. "I can't believe you pull."

"Shut up!"

"He hasn't even asked her out yet—how can he pull?" Changmin quipped back with frenzied gesticulations.

Sunwoo groaned as he flopped over the counter. He couldn't believe he was having such a good morning, and now he was being berated once more for his stupidity. How could he not ask you out? It was right there! The opportunity had presented itself a multitude of times, and yet, why was he still here, dateless?

Then there came the thought of how to go about this. There was a part of him who thought that just asking you was probably fine. But the other part remembered how much he liked you—so texting was simply not an option. It had to have some pizzazz, a bit of oomph, to it.

"We can see the gears turning in your head, Sunwoo," said JC!Yn. "What's on your mind, bub?"

Sunwoo looked up from where he had smattered himself onto the kitchen counter like a pancake. "I have no rizz."

Chanhee coughed. "Well, that's not news."

Sunwoo sent him a scowl. "How should I ask her out? I kind of want it to be special, you know?"

"Hmm." JC!Yn pursed her lips, tapping her chin in thought. "The other day, I was talking to Sangyeon about music or something or other, and he showed me the playlist he'd made his girlfriend—"

"His fake girlfriend," Changmin corrected with a little smirk.

She rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure Lee Sangyeon is not sad enough to make fake playlists for his fake girlfriend." It was a known inside joke amongst the friend group that Sangyeon had a "secret girlfriend" stashed away somewhere. A few of them liked to joke that she either didn't actually exist or that he kept her locked in his laundry machine or something. Mostly, though, they just wanted to know if he actually was single or not. What was the point of keeping her a secret anyway?

The slight change in victim brought Sunwoo's mood up. "What about the playlist, noona?"

She blinked, turning her attention back to her original train of thought. "Oh, right. What if you made her one of those cute, romantic playlists?"

The four of them exchanged glances with one another. It was a silent form of communication, one that had one uniform thought running through the wire.

— ✶

You'd received a text from Sunwoo about thirty minutes ago asking if he could stop by your apartment to drop off something of yours. Apparently, in the madness of the checkout aisle at the grocery store, he had accidentally "stolen" one of your cans of chicken noodle soup.

You hadn't bought chicken noodle soup though.

This was why you now anxiously awaited his arrival for the real reason he wanted to stop by. You had literally just seen him about an hour or two ago, but you'd be lying if you said you were happy at the prospect of seeing him again so soon. Your cheek still seared from his kiss.

As if he could read your thoughts, you heard a loud series of knocks at the door.

"Coming!" You called, hustling over from your living space area and over to the door.

After peeking through the peephole, you definitely saw Sunwoo, but what he was holding was nowhere near the likeness of a can of chicken noodle soup.

In a hurry, you ripped the door open, lips parted at the bundle of bright colored blooms in his hands. Sunflowers and carnations and lilies and roses—

He peered out sheepishly from behind the bouquet with his other hand occupied by his open phone. "Hi," he peeped.

"Hey," you exhaled, a grin fighting its way onto your face.

"If I made you a playlist, would you go out with me?"

You blinked, heartbeat rocketing into high gear. "Sunwoo," you started with a disbelieving laugh, "you don't have to—"

His thumb lowered onto a button on his phone. "Whoopsies, already did it."

Right on cue, you heard your phone buzz from your pocket. Curious, you withdrew it and opened the text message from him with a link to a Spotify playlist entitled: "One love song can't convey how I feel for you, so here's twenty."

You could have melted into a puddle of ooey-gooey goodness. "Sunwoo," you lamented, smiling way too wide now.

He beamed back at you. "What do you say?"

You shook your head, throwing your arms around him as he laughed and hugged you back. "You're so cute. Yes, I'll go out with you."

He gave you a little, warm squeeze. "Oh, thank god. I thought I was gonna die from anticipation."

You laughed and smiled into his shoulder. When you pulled away, your hand gently reached for the side of his face. "What if I kissed you right now?"

His eyes widened a smidge. "What if you wha--"

You cut him off and pressed your lips to his briefly, then pulled back.

"Wait, wait. Come back here," he murmured, chasing after you and crushing his mouth against yours. And it was perfect. Everything was perfect. The feel of his lips, the smell of his cologne, the firmness of his shoulders beneath your grip and the perfect pressure as you both sealed the deal with a kiss.

The two of you pulled away at the same time with labored breaths, foreheads meshed together as you caught your breath.

"You're not gonna turn this into a podcast episode, are you?" He asked, voice low and raspy, yet laced in a playful tonic.

You teased him right back. "As long as it doesn't end poorly."

He chuckled, and you could feel the vibrations of his laugh against your lips. "Then I guess I'll just have to make it the best date ever."

"Don't worry," you said with a cheeky hand on his chest, "I believe in you."

With a laugh, he grazed his lips over yours again. "Thanks, superstar."

a/n: hihi!! thanks so much for reading <3 if you enjoyed, i would deeply appreciate a comment, reblog, or an ask to tell me what u thought about it! much love, onto kevin's !!

“Y/N-ah!” A boy you have grown too familiar with over the years calls out to you while you were exiting the stuffy classroom filled with unknown faces.

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Sunwoo, have you not gotten tired of me? Can’t last a few hours without me?”

“Yah! I’m only here because you owe me.”

Kim Sunwoo—the reason why you have not known peace since… forever. You got to know him back in grade school where you shared the unfortunate fate of being classmates throughout the years. The shy boy was consistently your seatmate which forced you two to interact. What became casual seatmates turned into best friends that would stick together for every break time.

Somehow, you and Sunwoo have stuck together like glue since then. As the years went by, you have been present for every soccer tournament while he has been present for every competition. And somehow, you found yourselves in high school still joined at the hip. Your friendship has contradicted the popular belief of “losing your grade school friends when you enter high school.” You wish you knew how your friendship continued to survive in college waters.

“I owe you? Doesn’t the favor I asked from you make up for the one you asked from me then?” You frown as you walk with him.

Sunwoo nudges you and says, “That is not what we agreed on.”

“You are literally going off on your own terms, be for real.”

“C’mon Y/N! Don’t you love your best friend of 12 years?”

You give him a side-eye. “I cannot believe you are trying to play that card right now.”

“I always play that card.” Sunwoo shrugs, smirking as he walks with you. “I mean, I wouldn’t like to play the old crush card.”

You gasp at his statement and smack him. “I told you that in secret, you little shit!”

“See! So treat me now!”

Since you two grew up together, it was inevitable for you to harbor some form of infatuation towards the one boy you found yourself sticking with. It was an embarrassing period in your life considering how weird it is to think of Sunwoo under that light now. Thankfully, you got over that crush once you found yourself getting into K-Pop idols and streamers.

“You are so frustrating, Sunwoo.” You rest your back on the wall. “Can’t I just treat you another day? I do not have enough money to buy us both food.”

Sunwoo takes his spot beside you as he stares at the closed door opposite you two. “Fine! But don’t forget.”

“You always seem to make it a point to remind me.” You roll your eyes as he nudges you once more.

“Hey, I’m just trying to get back what I was promised. I mean, do you know the lengths I had to go to somehow get Ja–”

You place your hand on his mouth before he could say more. “Yah, Kim Sunwoo! You cannot be saying that shit out loud,” you whisper in the last sentence.

He grabs your hand and pushes it off his face. “I’m just saying! I’m not trying to spill your secret for everyone to hear. Do you have no faith in me?”

“You’re really asking me that?” You furrow your eyebrows.

“... Point taken.” Sunwoo gives a sheepish smile. “But it was hard to make it all work! You should be glad that I’m good friends with your little publication team.”

Before you could comment, you notice the door swing open as university students make their way out. You pushed your iPad down into your bag as you stood beside Sunwoo. 

“Yah, Changmin!” Sunwoo calls out as he raises his hand. As you tiptoe, you notice the boy who you have grown to love and hate all throughout high school. Once he catches sight of you two, he smiles and makes his way to you.

“Yay! You guys did wait for me,” Changmin says as he quickly stores his glasses away.

“Of course we did. You would scold us if we didn’t,” you say as you roll your eyes.

Sunwoo laughs. “Nice one, Y/N.” He gives you a high-five.

“Hey! You would get mad if I didn’t wait for you.” Changmin shakes his head as he latches onto your arm.

You chuckle and say, “Yeah, I would.”

Ji Changmin—what could you say about this one? Despite the chaos he brings to your world, he seems to be the one person you could handle in big doses. You love Sunwoo but the guy will not get off your ass.

Thanks to Sunwoo, you met Changmin in high school. When Sunwoo decided to look into other extra-curricular activities, he found himself falling in love with dance. And dance brought him to Changmin. The two shared a love for dancing as they found themselves on the dance team representing your school. With all the times Sunwoo and Changmin got along, Sunwoo felt it was only best to bring you and Changmin together.

It is funny to remember how you two first met. At first, you thought you and Changmin would just be friendly—only interacting if Sunwoo planned something among you three.

At first, you did not feel particularly happy about hanging out with Changmin. When you say this, you can only imagine the way people would react. Everyone seemed to love him just at first glance. You though… you were terrified of the guy. Maybe it is because there were not enough instances for you to get to know each other. It did not help that he was two years above you.

Sunwoo seemed to be the glue to keep your friend group of three together. However, it was only when you first joined your high school’s publication team that you got to see Changmin without Sunwoo. It came as a surprise to you then—seeing one of the best dancers in your high school do something that is not dance (minus studying, of course).

At first, you two were awkward as you worked without Sunwoo there to be his usual self. However, the more instances you worked one-on-one with Changmin, the more you realized that there is nothing to be afraid of. With his photos and your writings, you two became an unstoppable team in the publication.

You could remember when Sunwoo first noticed the change in dynamics between you and Changmin. What started off as jigsaw puzzle pieces that did not fit together turned into peas in a pod. Though you never expected that Changmin’s bantering with you could be worse than Sunwoo’s.

“Changmin, you never hold onto me,” Sunwoo says as he glares at you two.

“Because every time I do, you run away from me,” Changmin throws back as he shakes his head. “And Y/N never gets sick of me from holding onto them.”

The three of you started to walk side-by-side. “Where’s Chanhee?” Changmin asks.

“He said to meet him in the ramen place across the athletics building,” you answer as you try to fish out your phone from your pocket. You look down at your phone and send a message to Chanhee as your two friends talk.

y/n: we are on the way xP nyuging 🐧: okie! i got us a table already nyuging 🐧: don’t forget we need to work on the small businesses coverage after y/n: yessir! i’m free after we eat nyuging 🐧: are u fr? man, i have lit class right after the interviews nyuging 🐧: with mr. choi 😭 y/n: NOOOOOOOOO who tf am i gonna stay with nyuging 🐧: not my problem xP nyuging 🐧: you could actually stay with mr. bae 💗😍 y/n: STFUUUU

You groan over Chanhee’s message. “Why?” Changmin looks over at you.

“Chanhee can’t stay with me after we finish up the interviews, and I have to wait for my meeting around 5 PM.”

Changmin sighs and says, “Sucks to be you.”

“Nice one, Changmin.” Sunwoo laughs as he high-fives Changmin.

“Yah! Changmin, you don’t want to stay with me?”

“I have other important things to handle.”

You glare at Changmin and shrug his hand off your arm. “I’m not offering to drive you around anymore. Get used to walking.”

“Yah, I’m just joking!” He jokes around and attempts to grab onto your arm once more.

Sunwoo whines. “Why don’t you bother to ask me?”

“Because I know you’re going to use that time to bother me about how I still owe you.” All he could do was giggle.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you because I know you can’t survive without me.” Changmin smiles as he brings you closer to his side.

You side-eye the boy who manages to rile you up even more than Sunwoo can (maybe it is because you are used to Sunwoo’s antics). “You are so annoying.”

“Yah! Keep that shit up and I’m actually going to ditch you.”

“HEY! Don’t say that! Please, you know I’m never going to get any work done if I’m left alone.”

Changmin scoffs. “Exactly. That is why you need me.” You roll your eyes over his words.

It seems to always be like this with Changmin—sometimes warm, oftentimes cold to you. You did not mind the dynamic you had with him. If anything, it felt perfect since you learned to see how he shows his appreciation towards you without outright saying it. Regardless of the banter, you always find yourself being more sentimental with him compared to your other friends.

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” As you whip your head in the direction of where the sound came from, you see the guy of your dreams. Jacob Bae—the unattainable 5th-year in your publication.

The first time you met Jacob was when you got accepted into your university’s publication. Being the only fresh recruit in the Features staff, your editor, Moon Kevin, decided it would be best to get you acquainted with the small crew. Jacob was a senior when you first got to meet him.

Despite usually being terrified of those who were a few years older than you, there was something about him that made you feel at ease. Whether it was his smile or his soft-spoken tone, you always found yourself smiling over the thought of him. Although you never got the opportunity to work with him, you can only hope it would change this year considering your staff was short on manpower.

Your mouth goes dry as you freeze in your place. “Oh my god.”

“Oh no, please act cool,” Sunwoo mumbles as Jacob makes his way to you three.

Changmin nudges him and says, “You know they will not act cool.” Before more words could be shared, Jacob arrives in front of you with that soft smile that never fails to make your insides all mushy.

“Hey, Y/N!” The way he says your name almost has your knees go weak.

A beat of silence passes. You did not know what to say to the senior you had the biggest crush on. It is only when Changmin nudges you that snaps you out of your trance.

“Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you. W-where are you headed?” You squeak out as you give an awkward smile.

“I’m headed to meet with Kevin. I have an article to cram so he’s going to make some edits while I write.”

You gasp and say, “Oh god, good luck. I feel like I’d be too pressured to write anything.”

“Thankfully I’m used to it.” Jacob takes a look at Sunwoo and Changmin. “Hi, I’m Jacob. I’m on the same staff as Y/N.”

Once he puts his hand out, Sunwoo immediately grabs and shakes it. “It’s nice to meet you, Jacob hyung. I’m Sunwoo. I’m also friends with Kevin hyung.”

“Ah, you’re Sunwoo! Yes, Kevin has mentioned you.” Jacob gives a sheepish smile before he takes a look at Changmin. “And you are, Changmin?”

Changmin’s eyes go wide, shocked at Jacob knowing his name. “Yes, that’s me. How did you know?”

Jacob chuckles. “I know it because I have some friends from the Sports staff who cover a lot of stories about the dance troupe that you and Sunwoo are part of. Also, I’ve heard Y/N and Chanhee talk about you.”

Changmin smiles at you and pretends to hold his heart. “You talk about me? Awe, you two really cannot live without me.” You only elbow his side so that he could stop embarrassing you in front of Jacob.

“Anyway, it’s so nice to see you again.” You smile once more at him.

Jacob giggles and says, “Good luck with your coverage of small businesses. I wish I could’ve worked on that with you. I’ll see you later at the meeting?” You only nod to which he smiles.

“Bye Y/N!” And with that, Jacob walked away from you, leaving you with a heart so mushy.

“You seriously need to get better at making your feelings less obvious,” Changmin breaks the mood which only has you elbow him once more.

“You were literally embarrassing me in front of him!” You quietly exclaim as you three continue to walk to the restaurant.

Changmin hugs you and puts his whole weight on you, making your pace slower. “I’m just flattered that you think about me all the time.”

“You know damn well that Chanhee and I are complaining about you.”

Sunwoo laughs and says, “I can’t believe I’m the safe one here.”

“Yah, you are in no way safe. Tell him, Y/N.” Changmin attempts to argue as he stops hugging you (though his arm remains linked with yours).

You sigh and say, “Sadly, he is. I’m used to Sunwoo’s antics and I don’t spend as much time as I used to with Mr. Popular. You, however… I am getting sick of you. Chanhee is too.” Changmin gasps at your words.

“Yeah, I’m ditching you.”

“Changmin, I’m just joking! Please don’t leave me alone.”

It is 2:23 PM. You were with Chanhee as you were wrapping up your interview with the owner of the restaurant, Mr. Lim. The small business has a cozy feel whose dishes focus on the fusion of Korean and Filipino food.

“Thank you so much for letting me interview you!” You and Chanhee bow down to Mr. Lim.

He only shakes his head and hands out a small bag of thin butter cookies. “Please, it’s my pleasure. I look forward to reading that article! Enjoy these lengua de gato.”

“Ah, thank you so much!” Chanhee smiles. “We’ll make sure to visit you again, Mr. Lim!”

As you bid your farewells, you two made your way out of the restaurant. You and Chanhee walked while looking down at the notes and pictures taken.

“How are your pictures?” You ask as you peer over Chanhee’s shoulder to look at the viewfinder.

Chanhee lets out a hum as he scrolls through the photos he took. “I just need to do some minimal edits, but everything looks pretty good. Is your recording good?”

You nod at him as you play a snippet of the recording to him. “It sounds clear. I just hope that it doesn’t get corrupted like last time.”

“God, I remember when your recording got corrupted—in your first coverage too!”

You groan as you quickly stash away your phone and notes. “Don’t even remind me! I felt so bad because you were working with me too. Do you even know how embarrassed I was?”

“Of course I did. I could literally see the anxiety ooze from you when you were still a first-year student.”

You met your third devil, Choi Chanhee, in the publication. Although he is part of the Photos staff, you had the opportunity to work closely with him during your very first coverage for the university’s paper.

You remember it clear as day—you were tasked to cover the rise of artificial intelligence programs, specifically on the benefits and harm of these in the academe. He accompanied you to your interview with one of the professors since he was tasked to take pictures. However, your recording got corrupted and you were left with minimal notes. That is when you first learned the importance of taking note of everything.

Chanhee has been the nicest one out of the three devils you know. So far, you were always paired with him for all of your coverages. With so much time being spent together, you formally introduced him to your two best friends who seem to bully him in the same way they do with you. It helped that he is in the same batch as Changmin. Now, your friend group has expanded to four.

“I swear, I remember how much I cried to Kevin that day because I felt so bad,” you admit as you shake your head at the memory.

You two continue to walk until you finally arrive at Morning Roasters—the cafe you seem to frequent with Chanhee. He introduced you to this cafe when you had to cram an article on drag queens who studied at your university for June. 

“Why don’t you find a table and I’ll get our drinks?” Chanhee asks as he grabs his wallet. You nod and take a look around the packed cafe. It seemed as if every table was taken. However, when your eyes land on a familiar boy who was focused on his laptop, you could only smile.

“Changmin-ah!” You exclaim as you make your way to him.

When he looks up from his work, he rolls his eyes at the sight of you. “See, I told you I would stay with you.”

You take a seat beside him and lean your head on his shoulder. “Thanks. You know I wouldn’t have gotten any work done if I was left alone.”

He only hums as he continues to type away. “How was the interview? Did it go well?”

“Yeah, the owner is really nice. He gave us a bag of cookies,” you say as you place it on the table.

“Mr. Lim is nice. We should really eat there one day.”

Changmin stops typing and grabs the bag of cookies. As he attempts to open it, you elbow his side which he yelps at. “You’re not even going to ask if you can have some?” You scold him as you lift your head up from his shoulder.

“Can I have?”

You only roll your eyes. “Whatever, go.”

“The only reason he does that is because you react that way,” Chanhee says as he appears in front of you two with a cup of iced matcha for you and peach iced tea for himself.

“That’s true,” Changmin says before he finally grabs himself a cookie. As he takes a bite of it, he lets out a small moan at the taste. “Hey, you need to try this.”

Curious over Changmin’s reaction, you and Chanhee grab yourselves a piece and take a bite. “Oh shit, that’s good,” You say as you take one more bite of the milk cookie.

Chanhee takes a look at the time. “Oh shit, I need to go! I’ll see you in the meeting later!”

Before you and Changmin could say bye, Chanhee was already out of the cafe.

“Well, time to get to work,” Changmin says as you open your laptop.

As you peer over at Changmin’s screen, you notice that his screen was opened to a site you have not seen in a while.

“Oh my god, is that our high school publication?”

Changmin hums and says, “Yeah, I was just looking at some of my old photos. It’s crazy because I look at them and I feel a part of myself cringe. Like, why is it so bad?”

You laugh as you open the document that had your draft. “You would think that being accepted into your high school’s publication meant that you were a good writer or photographer. I feel like I have learned so much more now than I did then.”

The reality is that you only continue to learn—to grow in the work that you do. While growth may never be linear, it is a journey. Although Changmin found himself giving up on photography, you never let yourself give up on writing. But you two understood that he only wanted to invest more time into another hobby turned passion. 

For a moment, it is silent between you two. As you continue to type away, you notice that Changmin is still looking at his old articles. When you take a look at his face, you see that he is deep in thought.

“Hey, what’s up?” You ask which breaks him out of his trance.

“Sorry, I was just… thinking.”

“You want to share?”

For a moment, Changmin does not reply. It is usual for him to not want to share his sentiments. You never held it against him, but there are times when you wished he would feel safer to open up to you. You remember how easy it is for him to hide what he is going through.

“I… I was just thinking about how I managed to balance dance, the publication, and my studies back in high school. Now, I feel like I barely have time to keep up with dance or my work.” You only hum at his words.

“I think I just miss photography but not to the point where I would join the publication again. I don’t have the time anymore, but I do miss it, you know?” Changmin asks to which you nod.

“Yeah. I never realized how much time I had back in high school. Now, I feel like I’m drowning in… everything, really. I can only imagine it seems harder for you because you have the thesis to worry about.”

Changmin groans and says, “Oh god, why did you have to remind me!” He rubs his eyes. “I am literally suffering from this alone! At least I don’t need to deal with crap groupmates.”

You only laugh as you type away. “Well, you could still do some free-lancing while you’re working as a preschool teacher.”

“That is if I graduate on time,” Changmin purses his lips as he finally exits his old articles and looks at his thesis.

You nudge his shoulder. “Hey, I believe you can. And if you can’t, you’ll be fine. It’s normal.”

Changmin takes a good look at you as you continue to add some new information to your draft. “Yeah. Thanks, Y/N.” You only smile at him before you two decide to go back to work.

It is 7:32 PM. You were exhausted from your meeting with the Features staff and some people from the Photos staff (though it was still nice to see Jacob). Kevin spent a lot of the time going through what story pitches could be pursued for the rest of the first semester. Your brain felt exhausted from it all. However, there was something good that came from the meeting.

“Y/N, you will be working with Jacob on the coverage of K-Pop student idols here at our university.” You immediately look up at Kevin whose eyes are still focused on the iPad. “You two will also work on drinking culture amongst students and hustle org work lifestyle. Chanhee will be your assigned Photos staffer, as always.”

Your eyes land on Chanhee who has a small smile as he looks down at his camera. For a moment, you are scared to look at Jacob.

“Me? Really?”

Kevin hums as he finally looks up from his iPad. “Yeah. Since we’re short-staffed, I thought it would be good to just have some more collaboration articles to streamline all the work.”

You take this chance to look over at Jacob who seemed to be looking at you already, that godforsaken smile on his face. Your heart does somersaults at the idea of him looking at you without even noticing.

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your daze and finally give Kevin a nod. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

He smiles at you and says, “Well, that settles it. Jacob and Y/N will work on those three pitches while Seungcheol and Yunjin on the beauty standards and Halloween culture coverages. Lastly, Chaeyeon will work on the polyamory pitch.”

As everyone agrees with the assigned pitches, Chanhee nudges you. “Jacob hasn’t stopped looking at you.” Once he whispers those words, you feel your eyes drift over to Jacob who still had his eyes set on you.

You had no idea how you managed to get through that meeting without freaking out over that new piece of information. It sounded weird when you phrase it that way, but you are no better than a high schooler in love whenever you were thinking about him.

“That meeting felt a little too long,” Chanhee groans as he stretches his back.

You two were seated by the benches near the athletics center, admiring the starry sky. “I know. Kevin is stressed though so I can understand that he really wants to fix everything.”

With your staff smaller than last year, the Features staff could only pursue a few pitches. For Kevin, he cares about the well-being of each member which is why it made sense for him to have a meeting to ensure everyone was alright with their assigned workload.

“At least you’re gonna work with Mr. Bae,” Chanhee teases you which makes you elbow his side.

“Chanhee! Be quiet.”

Chanhee whines. “Oh come on! Don’t you want to talk about it?”

“I do but not here!”

“You’re so boring.” You only glare at him for a moment before you tilt your head back and close your eyes.

For a moment, you wanted to let yourself rest. It is until you feel someone tap your shoulder. “Chanhee, can’t you just–”

“Hi, Y/N.” Your eyes snap open as you see Jacob looking over you.

You quickly sit up straight and say, “Ah, Jacob! It’s so nice to see you.”

“Yeah. Are you waiting for Sunwoo and Changmin?”

Chanhee nods. “Yeah, I think they’re just wrapping up.”

Jacob hums for a moment as he looks at the athletics center that is still lit up. “I’m also waiting for my friend. I don’t know if you guys know him but it’s Juyeon.”

“Of course, we know Juyeon hyung. He’s just as good as Changmin when it comes to dance,” Chanhee answers.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Kevin, Juyeon, some other friends, and I are supposed to be catching dinner. What about you guys?”

“Same here.” You scratch your arm. “But also because I’m going to be dropping them off at their place.”

“Oh, you drive? That’s cool.” You nod as you look down at your lap, shy over Jacob’s words.

Chanhee scoots further away from you. “Jacob hyung, do you want to take a seat?”

“Oh, thank you!” He says as he quickly moves to take a seat beside you. You feel yourself hold your breath over the distance between you two. You hated that you felt this way about this guy. 

“Y/N-ah.” You look up from your lap and look over at the guy beside you. “I don’t think I ever got to tell you this but I’m excited to work with you. I’ve seen your articles from last year and they’re really good.”

You cannot help the smile (or blush) that creeps up on your face. “Please, I am so honored to work with you. I mean, I’ve seen your byline how many times on articles I really loved reading.”

Jacob softly nudges your shoulder. “I’m glad that we’ll have our bylines beside each other.”

As a writer, you felt yourself die inside. You have heard poets speak of love in a way you could never utter. Yet, hearing Jacob say a phrase just as simple as that had you reimagining what love should be.

For a moment, you do not know what to say. Your eyes remain on him as he continues to look at students finally making their way out of the athletics center. You notice Chanhee peering over and mouthing the words “Bitch, say something.”

Before you could say anything, you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N! Chanhee!” You whip your head to see Sunwoo running up to you guys with Changmin following behind.

“You would not–oh? Jacob hyung? It’s so nice to see you,” Sunwoo says as he tongues his cheek.

Changmin’s eyes widened at the sight of you and Jacob seated side-by-side. “Ah, Jacob hyung! Hello again.”

“Hi again. I’m just waiting for Juyeon actually.”

“Oh, he was just with us,” Changmin says as he looks back only to see Juyeon running to you four.

Juyeon pants and says, “Sorry! I just had to handle something real quick.”

Jacob gets off the bench and stands beside him. “First off, this is Juyeon. Juyeon, this is Chanhee and Y/N. They’re both from the school’s newspaper also.”

Juyeon’s eyes go wide. “Oh, you’re Y/N! Jacob hyung has mention–” Jacob quickly elbows him before he could say more to which he yelps. You feel your eyes go wide at the information.

“Ow! Jacob hyung, you didn’t need to hit me,” Juyeon complains as he rubs his side.

“Anyway, it’s nice to see you guys. Y/N, I’ll see you soon,” Jacob gives his signature smile before he walks off with Juyeon.

For a moment, you stay seated on the bench as Changmin, Chanhee, and Sunwoo look at each other.

“Did Juyeon just say… what I think he just said?” Sunwoo finally speaks out.

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm. “Did you hear him?! Jacob has talked about you!”

You cannot help but smile at the events that just played out. “Ah, look at that smile,” Changmin says as he shakes his head.

Sunwoo chuckles as he grabs your arm. “C’mon, let’s talk about what happened over dinner.”

It has been a few days since you first got paired with Jacob. You still cannot believe that the only reason that you finally get to work with him is that Sunwoo somehow spilled your secret to the one person you only hoped would never find out.

“What do you mean you told him?! Are you serious?!” You reacted as you stood up from your seat with your hands planted on the table.

“In my defense, Kevin hyung somehow connected the dots and would not believe me every time I denied it,” Sunwoo says as he raises his hands in defense.

After a long day, your friend group found themselves in Changmin and Chanhee’s place with boxes of Chinese takeout in each person’s hands. While you were talking about the events that transpired during the meeting, you noticed guilt prominent on Sunwoo’s face.

“Sunwoo! I only asked you to invite Kevin and Jacob to Eric’s next party, whenever that may be,” You groan as you find yourself collapsing back into your seat.

You feel someone bring your head to their shoulder as they rub on your arm. “You had one job. How could you have possibly fucked it up?” Chanhee asks as he shakes his head.

“Oh c’mon! I really tried to convince Kevin to bring Jacob to Eric’s Halloween party. I think it’s because he knows I don’t know Jacob at all. And he knows I’m best friends with you! Won’t you cut me some slack?” Sunwoo pouts as he tries to reach out for your hand.

You only scowl at him and cross your arms. “I am never asking you to be a wingman for me. I should’ve just gone to Changmin or Chanhee for this.”

“There’s no way Kevin didn’t connect the dots earlier with how you act around his best friend,” Changmin jokes after he takes a slurp of his black bean noodles.

You frown at him as you raise your head from Chanhee’s shoulder. “Be so for real right now. There’s no way he noticed because it’s not like I interact with him enough for Kevin to even see if I have a crush on him.” You nudge Chanhee which causes him to choke on his noodles. “Back me up here.”

“Are you kidding me?” Chanhee coughs out before he wipes his mouth. “I was literally eating.”

“Just back me up!”

He rolls his eyes. “Sure, I guess.”

Changmin smiles at Chanhee’s words. “See! Clearly, Kevin noticed.”

“Chanhee just said he agrees with me!”

“I really don’t. I just want to eat my noodles,” Chanhee says, which causes you to smack his arm.

You groan and say, “You all suck. Even Eric is nicer to me and we barely interact.”

“Yeah, but you love us.” Changmin winks at you. “You can’t survive without us three.”

You only scowl since he was pointing out the truth.

Now that you know that Kevin is aware of your silly crush on Jacob, you have been on edge. You were afraid that he might have told Jacob since it seemed like something he would want to mention. That is why you were with Changmin as you anxiously waited for the arrival of the one 5th-year student who seemed to make you hyperaware of your own actions.

“I’m so scared.”

“You’ll be fine.”

You groan as you keep staring at the door. Currently, you and Changmin were at the university’s outdoor area with enough picnic tables for a hundred students. Although you two had your laptops out, only one was clearly focused on their work (clearly, it was not you).

“Changmin!” You exclaim as you finally reach out to the guy beside you, gripping his arm. “Do you think Kevin told him?”

Changmin rips his eyes away from his thesis document and gives you a good look. “Yes.” Once you let out a whine, he only laughs as his eyes set back on the unfinished document. “You will be fine! All you need to do is act natural… if you can.” As he mutters those last words, you smack his arm.

“Oh god, what if he just ditches on the meeting?”

“You are seriously overthinking this.”

“I mean, I would ditch a meeting if I found out someone younger had a crazy crush on me.”

Changmin looks at you and gives you a frown. “Are you really that unprofessional? Do you really think Jacob hyung would be that unprofessional?”

“No, but he could still surprise me,” you say as you look at your opened document that showed your possible list of interviewees for the K-Pop idol students coverage.

Changmin scoffs and says, “Yeah, just give him the benefit of the doubt. Also, I could never imagine anyone younger having a crush on you—let alone anyone liking you that way.”

You gasp and shove Changmin to the side. “Ji Changmin! How could you say that!”

“What? It’s true though!” You only frown at his words and look back at your document.

“Yah, leave now. I hate talking to you.”

“I’m just joking!” He hugs you. “Those who don’t think of you as someone crush-worthy are just blind.” You only hum as you continue to type away. “Though, it would still be weird to even imagine it.”

“Yah!” You shove his arms away as he only laughs.

You sigh as you look at him and back to your document. “I can’t believe I have put up with you for 5 years.”

“Yeah, remember when you used to like Sunwoo?” You shove him once more which only has him erupt into giggles.

“What? It’s just funny to think about,” Changmin admits, which makes you roll your eyes.

“You used to like Sunwoo?” Both yours and Changmin’s heads whip up to see a confused Jacob.

Your lips part open. “J-jacob! We didn’t notice you got here.”

Jacob chuckles as he scratches the back of his head. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. It’s just that while walking to you two, I overheard that part of the conversation.” He then takes a seat across from you two.

“Oh.” You scratch your arm. “It’s nothing like that. It was just a small crush then because we grew up together. But when I look back at it, it’s just so silly! Like, me liking Sunwoo? So weird, am I right?” You elbow Changmin which only has him yelp. “Right, Changmin?” As you look at him, you give him a smile that only says “Say something.”

“Y-yeah, it was a weak moment for them. It’s something the group laughs about because they got over it so quickly,” He says as he smiles at the guy older than him.

Jacob laughs as he takes out his laptop and says, “I get it. Sometimes, it gets hard to really tell whether you like a friend because you see them as a potential partner or you like what’s familiar.”

For a moment, you process his words. “Yeah… that’s exactly it.” You nod.

Jacob is right. When it comes to liking a friend, the reason behind it tends to get confusing—the line between a potential partner and just someone familiar tends to get blurred. When you looked back at your strong and short-lived crush on Sunwoo, you realized that you never got a good understanding of whether those feelings were as genuine as you thought they would be.

He hums as he opens his laptop to the document you share with him. “Anyway, it’s nice to see you. Also you, Changmin.”

“Yeah.” Changmin closes his laptop and puts it in his bag. “I’ll head out since I’ve got a meeting to attend to.”

“Oh, I see! It was still nice to see you,” Jacob says with a smile so precious; you wish you could capture it.

Changmin smiles back at him before giving you one final look. “Just call me when you’re done, okay?” You nod at him to which he gives you a squeeze on the shoulder and a wink.

With that, he left your table. You watched him walk away with a little bounce on his feet. As you look back at the person in front of you, you realize that you are now alone with Jacob.

“Are you ready to work?” As soon as you nod, he gives you that all-knowing smile that speaks a thousand comforting words. 

It is 6:38 PM when Sunwoo decides to barge into your room. It has been three days since you had your meeting with Jacob. Other than work, not much happened (though you still keep replaying his smile in your head). You are lying down on your bed with Changmin as you watch Lee Youngji’s No Prepare with Bibi.

“Let’s go to Mingyu’s party!” You and Changmin pay no attention to him as you continue to watch the video.

Sunwoo groans as he flops down on your bed and says, “C’mon! We haven’t partied in ages. Don’t you guys miss it?”

“No,” Changmin scoffs, which makes him smack Changmin’s leg.

“Y/N? Don’t you want to drink?” He looks at you with glassy eyes and a pout. You only flip him off which makes him whine. “Ah, c’mon! Chanhee said he’d go if you two would. Why don’t you guys want to drink?”

You start to groan and pause the video. “Sunwoo, can’t I watch my girlfriend Bibi in peace with Changmin?”

“No.”

“Sunwoo, I would love to but…” You tap your iPad screen to look at the time. “... I have to study for my test tomorrow. I cannot risk getting a hangover.”

“Then just don’t drink a lot!”

“You know that’s impossible,” Changmin mutters, which makes you smack his arm. “I’m just pointing out the obvious!”

You sit up and say, “Yeah, well… ugh, you’re right. I actually can’t go.”

“Oh, come on! What if we watch over you?” Sunwoo attempts to convince you.

You turn your head to look at Changmin who was already staring at you. “What do you think?”

“Why do you only ask Changmin?”

“Because I know I can’t trust you to watch over me.” You look back once more at Changmin who was deep in thought.

“Fine.” Changmin sighs as he sits up. “I’ll take care of Y/N.”

“Ah, thank you, Changmin!” Sunwoo exclaims as he hugs him.

“Yah, get your hands off me!”

The four of you arrived at Mingyu’s friend group’s shared house at 8:34 PM. The place was filled with students of different years; some you recognized while others were a mystery.

Since the three boys always hung out at your place, they already had some pieces of clothing stored in the corner of your room. All four of you were dressed up in casual clothing adorned with different accessories.

“Okay, we all have to agree that we're leaving together. That means no one is left behind nor does anyone just decide to leave early without our knowledge,” Chanhee says as he points at you and Sunwoo.

You sigh and nod. “We leave at 12:30 AM. And no Sunwoo, we aren’t leaving later than that.” Sunwoo only pouts. “I actually have a class to attend that I cannot cut.”

“Yeah, yeah. C’mon, let’s go!” He exclaims as he drags Chanhee into the house.

You frown as the two disappear from your sight. Changmin links arms with you which makes you look at him. “You’ll take care of me, right?” He only smiles and drags you into the house.

As the two of you were walking, he would greet people he would recognize. It was only when you finally reached the kitchen area that you were pushed to sit down on one of the stools. You watch his back as he mixes up a drink for you.

“Y/N, I’m going to limit you to drinking like… three drinks maybe,” Changmin says as he finally turns to look at you with two red cups in his hands.

As he hands you his mixed concoction, you sniff it. “What is this?”

“Something fruity… like you.” You only roll your eyes as you finally take a sip.

The tanginess of orange and the sweetness of strawberries filled your mouth. “Woah, it tastes like fruit punch. When did you learn to make this one?”

“I’ve made this for you before.” Changmin takes a sip from his cup. “I think you were just too drunk to remember it.”

You frown at him as you take another sip. “I have no idea why I’m here. Man, I should be studying for my test.”

“To be fair, you made me study with you before we started watching Youngji’s video.” Changmin looks through the snack table and grabs some chips for him to munch on. “And you seem to know your shit pretty well. You’ll be fine.”

“That’s true,” You say as you down your drink.

“You finished your drink already?!”

You give a guilty smile as you hand your cup to Changmin. “It was good.”

“Y/N, you’re supposed to drink slowly! You’ll get drunk if you drink way too fast.”

“No way, that shit tastes like juice.”

Changmin groans and says, “Y/N, that has like how many different alcoholic drinks in that cup. There’s like tequila, vodka, and other shit.”

You gasp as he finds something to put in your cup. “Jesus, Changmin! I thought you were going to take care of me.”

“Yeah, but I thought I could trust you enough to at least handle it yourself also. God, drink some water.” Changmin hands you a cup now full of water.

Once you down the cup, you throw the cup away.

“Yo, Changmin!” You hear someone call out your best friend’s name. Changmin sighs as he looks at you.

“You can go to that, I’ll be fine here,” You say with a smile.

“Remember, only three drinks, okay?” Once you nod, Changmin pats your head and makes his way out of the kitchen.

You sat alone as you looked over the snacks in front of you. You were not the type of person to mope around, and you did not want to force your friends to keep you company. With people coming in and out of the kitchen, you decide to grab your phone and look through Twitter to pass the time.

That is until you hear someone call out your name. “Y/N!” When you look up, you are surprised to see Kevin making his way toward you. It is only when he gets closer that you notice the cute 5th-year student trailing behind him.

“Oh! Kevin… and Jacob? It’s so nice to see you here,” you say as you quickly put your phone away. It is not that you did not expect to see Kevin and Jacob—scratch that, it is exactly that. You were not expecting to see your editor and your crush at a party where you were left to your own devices.

“Hey! Why is my favorite writer all alone?” Kevin asks with a pout.

Jacob makes his way to the stool beside you and takes a seat. “Hi,” he says with that familiar smile that still gives you butterflies.

“Ah, I came here with Chanhee, Changmin, and Sunwoo. They just have other friends they’re talking to so it’s fine,” you say as you scratch your arm.

Kevin grabs some fries and pops them into his mouth. “Damn, well don’t you worry. Both Jacob and I are here to keep our favorite 2nd-year some company.”

The best thing about Jacob and Kevin is that they never once made you feel excluded. In the work you do and all social gatherings that the members of the publication are invited to, they always seem to look out for you. Although you may not know the people they were planning to meet at this party, they still chose to stay with you.

“But first, let’s take some shots!” Kevin exclaims which only has Jacob groan.

“Kevin, the last time you did shots you were blackout drunk. Do you not have class tomorrow?”

“I actually do not! My professor decided to cancel class so I am free to drink!” Kevin smiles as he looks through the selection of liquors. “Will you drink with me, Y/N? Since Jacob is the designated driver.”

For a moment, you look back and forth between Jacob and Kevin. You knew that you would be in big trouble if you drank too much. That is why Changmin could not get mad at you if you drank in moderation.

“Yeah, fuck it. I’m not a lightweight.”

What turned into one shot turned into four shots and two cups (you think) of Jacob’s specialty cocktails. If you were not feeling the buzz then, you were definitely feeling it now. It helped that the alcohol was giving you enough confidence to talk to Jacob freely.

“Damn Y/N, you really know how to handle your liquor,” Kevin points out as he takes a sip from his drink prepared by Jacob.

“Jacob, you know how to prepare drinks for someone who does not usually attend parties,” you say with a small giggle following.

He smiles as he takes a sip from his cup of apple juice and says, “I think I could look into bartending if my degree in Korean Language and Literature fails to get me a job.”

“Hey! I still think you could look into singing,” Kevin says as he nudges Jacob.

You feel your eyes widen at the new piece of information. “You sing?” As you start to notice Jacob’s cheeks get tinted pink, you cannot help but hear your heartbeat in your ears.

“Yeah.” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “I’ve been doing it since high school.”

“You write and sing? Jesus, you got everything,” you say as you eat some chips.

“And he’s pretty good at basketball.” You gasp at this newfound information. “That’s what I’m saying!”

Jacob rolls his eyes as he playfully shoves Kevin. “I don’t have everything. I barely know how to dance.”

“Okay, but you could learn!” Kevin bounces his shoulders up and down. “I believe you could be an idol if you wanted.”

“You could have been a perfect interviewee for the K-Pop idol students coverage we’re doing.”

Jacob laughs at what you say and shakes his head. “Yeah, but I like what I do now.”

Kevin sighs as he wraps his arm around Jacob’s shoulder. “You are too humble for this world. You’re like an angel—not everyone will be blessed to have witnessed you.”

“That’s actually… so true. Wait, you kind of cooked with that,” you say which only has Kevin laugh.

“Right? God, I am such a writer.”

Before you could say anymore, you feel someone grab onto your shoulder. When you look behind you, you see Changmin with a disappointed look. “How much did you have?”

You take a moment to process his words which only makes him grab onto your face. “Y/N.” He scolds as he feels how hot your cheeks are from the alcohol.

“I swear, I’m okay,” You say as you clutch his hands that rested on your cheeks.

“How much did you drink?”

“C’mon, Changmin. I swear–”

“How much?”

You sigh as you move your hands back down to your lap. “Like… 2 more drinks.”

“In the time I was gone?!”

“Hey, Y/N said they were fine, right?” Kevin attempts to step in.

You nod which makes Changmin finally let go of your face. “Yeah, I’m okay. I swear.”

He only sighs as he sets his hands on his hips. “You sure?” Once you nod, he finally lets it go.

“Sorry, it’s just that I was in charge of taking care of Y/N but Juyeon and some other people from the dance team called for me. Hi again, Kevin and Jacob hyung.” He smiles at the two.

Jacob smiles and says, “It’s fine, you’re only looking out for them.”

Before more could be said, you hear someone call out your names. “Y/N-ah! Changmin-ah! Come here!”

As you look to where the sound came from, you can see a tipsy Sunwoo waving his arms at you from the living room. “Bring Jacob hyung and Kevin hyung too.”

“Is… he okay?” Jacob asks as he stands up straight.

You get off your stool and say, “I don’t know.”

Before you decide to leave the kitchen, you reach out for Changmin’s hand and drag him out. The four of you make your way past the busy crowd until you finally see Sunwoo, Chanhee, Juyeon, and some other people you did not recognize. At the coffee table, you see different cups and bottles. Yet, there is one particular cup that catches your eye—one filled with whatever you can imagine.

“We’re testing each other’s loyalty.” As soon as Chanhee says that, Changmin groans.

“Are you serious?”

Sunwoo smiles as he wraps his arm around Changmin’s shoulders. “It’ll be fun! Kevin, Jacob, Juyeon, and Hyunjae are in one team while we are in the other!”

“Wait, but I can’t drink. I’m driving,” Jacob says, which only has Kevin laughing.

“Don’t worry, you’ll just be the last.”

In the loyalty game, you are split into two teams. If your team loses playing rock, paper, or scissors, you all have to drink one shared cup of whatever alcohol concoction the other team made. The real test of loyalty lies in how much your team is willing to drink before forcing the last person in line to drink the rest.

Whenever you four played this game, there was always a shithead (usually Sunwoo) who would drink as little as possible so that the remaining members would drink more. You could not get mad at Sunwoo for usually doing such; it sounds like something you would do too. However, with you having a test tomorrow, you really did not want to risk anything.

“Are we really doing this?” You ask as Sunwoo pushes you and Changmin to his side.

Sunwoo only nods as both he and Chanhee have their hands out. “C’mon, we need to decide the order.”

While the other team was busy deciding their order, you four were playing amongst themselves. Despite what you wanted, the universe had its own plans—the order was Chanhee, Sunwoo, Changmin, and lastly, you.

“Oh, c’mon! Sunwoo, your ass better drink,” you exclaim as you groan.

“Has your order been decided?” Hyunjae, someone you only met right before the game, asks which has you four falling in line.

The other team was ordered by Kevin, Juyeon, Hyunjae, and Jacob. As everyone let out their hums of approval, the game began. You were not paying attention to how the game was playing out as you were up in your thoughts. It is only until you come face-to-face with Jacob’s angelic face (though you do not miss that he had his hand out).

“W-what? You guys lost?!” You exclaimed as you looked at the three devils you always seem to be teamed with.

Sunwoo scratches the back of his head and says, “I believe in you?”

“Your tone makes it sound like you don’t!”

“If it helps, you have a good chance of beating me. I usually suck at these,” Jacob says with a smile.

Somehow, you allow yourself to be fooled by that smile. You block out every sound as you continue to be entranced by his features. That is why when you play the game, you do not realize that you played paper while he played scissors.

Jacob’s team cheered as they grabbed onto him. As the opposing team cheered, your team was left disappointed. You all looked back and forth between each other and the singular cup that rested on the table.

“Bottoms up!” Kevin exclaims which has Chanhee pick up the cup.

He gives you three a good look before he takes a big gulp of the drink. With only ¼ of the drink left, he hands it to Sunwoo who only has a sly smirk on his face.

“Sunwoo, don’t you dare.”

Somehow, the universe made sure to give you one shithead that you would have to endure for the rest of your life. It had to be a shithead that you could never imagine life without. Why did that shithead have to be Sunwoo?

Sunwoo only took a small sip from the cup and handed it to Changmin, earning laughs from the opposing team. Although you could hear Chanhee scolding him, it clearly did not matter to him. You and Changmin give a good look at each other.

“Hey, I can handle it,” You say as you try to tug on his arm.

You do not know how many drinks Changmin already had, but you knew that your friend could not handle his alcohol as much as you could. Still, he chose to ignore your protests as he looked back at everyone.

He tipped the cup back and downed more than he could clearly handle. “Wow, Changmin-ah!” The others cheered. You were only left with barely a dribble of alcohol as he finally handed you the cup. Although everyone was happy with how much he drank, you were worried.

“Changmin, you are so strong,” Kevin says as he pats his shoulders.

You notice the way Changmin wobbles in place. “Ah, come on,” you say as you force him and yourself to take a seat on the couch.

“You didn’t have to drink that much,” you scolded him as you signal Chanhee to get some water for the both of you while the others seemed off in their own worlds.

“It’s fine. I didn’t want you to drink too much because you have a test tomorrow,” he says as he leans his head on your shoulder.

Changmin would always spend his time looking out for you even if you did not ask. It has always been like that since you first became friends with him. Somehow, you were always under the care of your best friend. 

You sigh as you rub your hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, but you could have left a little for me. I know you are worse with alcohol than I am.”

Chanhee arrives with two cups of water. “C’mon, drink up.”

You grab your cup and quickly drink it up before setting it down on the table. You grab Changmin’s cup from Chanhee and try to nudge the boy beside you.

“Hey, you need to drink some water,” you say, which makes Changmin finally grab the cup and finish as much as he can.

You nudged him once more to finish the whole cup of water to which he listened. “Good. You need to drink water after how much you’ve drank.”

Chanhee sighs at the sight of his two friends who were sprawled on the couch and said, “Sunwoo, I think it’s time we go.”

“W-what? Why?” Sunwoo whines as he takes a seat beside his drunk friends.

“I’m tipsy and your friend here is fucking drunk,” you say as you point to Changmin whose head was on your shoulder and eyes were getting droopy.

Sunwoo frowns for a moment. “Fine, let’s go.” He attempts to stand up with the help of Chanhee.

“Hey.” You nudge as you whisper to Changmin. “Let’s go home, okay?”

He looks up and stares into your eyes for a moment. And suddenly he erupts into giggles.

“Y/N-ah, your face is so funny.”

You roll your eyes at what he says and nudge him off your shoulder. As he whines, you help him off the couch. His arm wraps around your shoulder as he slouches beside you.

“Hey, let me help,” Jacob says as he helps hold up Changmin.

“Ah, thank you.”

The three of you slowly make your way out of the house and see Sunwoo and Chanhee standing by the sidewalk. You only notice that Kevin followed as soon as he spoke. “Hey, do you and your friends need a ride back to your place?”

“Oh, you don’t have to! We were just going to get an Uber,” you attempt to reassure them.

Jacob shakes his head and says, “No, it’s fine! I think it would be safer for you also.”

You bite your lip as you look at Chanhee. All he does is give you a shrug as he continues to nurse Sunwoo. As soon as you sigh, you decide to give in to your editor’s offer.

“Thank you, Kevin and Jacob. I’m sorry about this. Please let Chanhee and I pay you back for this.”

“It’s fine! It’s nice to see you and your friends,” Jacob says with a smile.

As your group makes its way to Jacob’s car, you notice that his car is big enough to carry at most eight people. Sunwoo and Chahee got in the third row of the car, you and Changmin got in the second row, and Kevin sat in the shotgun. Once Jacob turned on the ignition, you told him the address of Changmin and Chanhee’s place.

The ride was mostly quiet with the occasional grunts from Sunwoo. Changmin was fast asleep on your shoulder as you stared out the window.

Usually, the roles would have been reserved—Changmin would spend most of his time taking care of your drunk ass. Yet, to see him go to such lengths to make sure you do not miss your test warms your heart.

It is 11:35 AM. You were on your way back to Changmin and Chanhee’s place to check up on the three boys. Thankfully, your test was not too hard. You knew that if you studied a little harder, you could have aced it.

As soon as you arrived at their place, you knocked on the door only to be greeted by Chanhee who was pretty alive. “Hey, how are they?” You ask as you step in and remove your shoes to put aside.

“Sunwoo is fine. Changmin, however, is dying. I think he’s just been in bed,” he says as he closes the door behind you.

You quickly make your way to Changmin’s room and open the door to only see him still in bed with squinted eyes. As you pout at the sight, you quietly make your way to the bed and sit down beside him. Due to the sudden action, his eyes snap open which has you show him a guilty smile.

“Hey, Changmin-ah.” You set your hand on his leg and lightly rub it up and down. “Are you okay?”

It takes a moment for him to process your words. As soon as he lets out a groan, you only chuckle.

“I got you something.” You look through your bag and pull out a bottle of hangover cure before dropping it to the floor. “I know you usually drink this before drinking, but I think it would still help you now.”

Changmin only hums one more as his eyes start to get droopy. 

“C’mon, drink this before you go back to sleep,” You say as you scoot closer to him.

You helped him sit up straight and opened the bottle for him. Although Changmin grabbed it, you helped make sure he would finish it before placing it on the bedside table. He started to lie back down on the bed, dragging you along.

“Hey.” You try to move only for him to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle his face into your neck. “Changmin, I–”

Changmin only shushes you. For a moment, you two remain like that. He always seems to cling to you whenever he can. In your time knowing him, you have always noticed that he likes physical touch more than your other two friends. It never bothered you. If anything, it felt nice to know that there would always be someone who would want to cling to you—if he needed to do so, you always found yourself allowing it.

“Changmin-ah, we have practice,” Sunwoo says as he enters the room to see you two cozied up.

As he takes in the sight, he only frowns. “Is he still dead?”

You frown back and whisper, “You guys have dance practice? We should have never gone out drinking, the fuck.”

“To be fair, I was not expecting him to drink that much.” Despite Sunwoo’s attempts to defend himself, you only flip him off.

You look at the guy sleeping next to you, feeling his breath against the side of your neck. The thing with Changmin is that he hates missing practice. There have been instances where he would get a fever and be extremely guilty for missing it.

As you sigh, you look back at Sunwoo who only had a guilty smile plastered on his face. “Let him sleep in. He’s not in the state to practice right now.”

“Y/N, you know he’s going to be mad if he misses out on practice.”

“Well, let him be mad.” You frown. “He can be mad at me for all I care. Let him rest, I already feel bad that he’s like this because of us.” With that, Sunwoo nods and leaves the room.

It is 7:43 PM. You and Jacob finished interviewing Song Yuqi, a member of (G)I-DLE‎. Your next and last interview for your assigned coverage would be four days from now with Choi Yeonjun of TXT. 

“Ah, what a day!” You exclaim as you made your way out of the classroom you were interviewing Yuqi in. Jacob and Chanhee trailed behind you with slouched shoulders.

Chanhee only sighs as he looks through the photos he took. “Tell me about it.”

“Nice work, you two. I can’t believe it’s this late already.” Jacob takes a look at the time. “What do you guys have planned now?”

“I’m actually going to hang out with Hyunjae hyung.”

You gasp at Chanhee’s words and smack his arm. “How come I didn’t know about this?!”

“To be fair, not much has happened. We just exchanged numbers at the party,” he mumbles the last sentence. “Which is why I need to go. I’ll see you guys for Yeonjun’s interview!”

With that, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Care to walk with me?” You give him a smile and nod. As the two of you walked, a comfortable silence came. Throughout your time working with Jacob, you felt happy to be with him whether you two were talking about nothing or everything.

“So, how are you? How’s Changmin and Sunwoo?” You laugh at Jacob’s question.

It has been a week since you went to Mingyu’s party—a week since Changmin took care of you. Throughout the week, you have not been able to spend time with him and Sunwoo due to the press cycle work. Chanhee could easily see them since he lives with Changmin.

At first, you were fine with it since it meant you were spending more time with Jacob (with Chanhee joining every once in a while). You got to learn more about him outside of the image you created in your head.

He has always loved to sing and play basketball since he was young. However, it was only in high school that he obtained this newfound love for Korean literature. The more he ventured into the topic, the more he felt happy with pursuing it as his course.

What surprised you is that he never planned to write for the university’s newspaper. Despite being one of the best writers you know in the publication (not an overstatement), he only applied because Kevin dragged him to do so. You never knew that their friendship went way back since high school.

As the days went by, you started to miss your other best friends. You texted them occasionally in the group chat but not much was said other than reasons why you could not meet up with them. Your time with Jacob sadly could not make up for the fact that you missed hanging out with your best friends.

“They’re okay. I haven’t been hanging out with them that much since the party because of the work we do,” you admit.

Jacob pouts and says, “I can only imagine since they do have practice also. That’s why I find it hard to hang out with Juyeon as well.”

You only sigh as you two make your way out of the building. “Yeah, I just miss seeing them. I know they have been stressed about the upcoming competition also so it doesn’t help that we’re just busy.”

“Yeah, it’s funny how even if we're all in the same university, it’s still hard to find time to hang out.”

Jacob is right. With your friend group coming from different courses, years, and extracurricular activities, it does get hard to find time to meet. Despite fixing your schedules to make sure that you all would have lunch together, some obligations seem to get in the way.

Yet, you four always made it work. No matter how different your schedules may be or how different your priorities are, your friend group always found its way back to each other.

Before you could say more, you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket. Once you take it out, you notice a message from Changmin.

qramzi 🐿️: are you free rn? qramzi 🐿️: if you are, come to the dance studio

“You should go to him.” You look up only to see Jacob smiling at you.

You pout and ask, “How did you know it was from one of them?”

“Just a feeling.” He hums as he looks at the athletics center from afar. “Also, you kind of have this certain smile every time you talk to your friends—it’s nice to see.”

You cannot hide the blush that starts to creep onto your face. It never dawned on you that Jacob has observed you enough to notice such a small detail. As soon as his smile got bigger, you were certain that he noticed how flustered you were.

“I’ll see you a few days from now. Thanks, Jacob.” And with that, you were off to the athletics center.

The moment you got into the center, you could hear the faint sounds of “No Diggity” by Blackstreet from afar. You walked to the source until you arrived in front of the door leading to the main dance studio. As soon as you swung it open, you could see your best friend in the middle of a dance routine.

Changmin was dressed up in jogging pants and a white shirt that was starting to cling onto his torso. You could notice the light shine on his skin, glistening from sweat. Only time could tell how long he has been practicing. 

The moment he spots you through the mirror, he quickly halts his movements and runs toward you. “Y/N-ah!” He barely gives you time to enter the studio and wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Changmin! You’re sweaty!” You complain as he continues to hold onto you. As you closed the doors behind you, he finally let go of you with a big smile on his face. “You get so happy to see me. Maybe I should just avoid seeing you,” you joke only for him to roll his eyes.

“Don’t even try. You know damn well you can’t survive without seeing me too.”

You only smile as you follow him back to the spot where he was practicing. He reached out for his phone to pause the music while you sat on the ground to lean your back against the mirror.

“So, is there any reason you called me here?”

Changmin shrugs as he wipes the sweat off his forehead. “Just missed you, that’s all.”

“Be for real right now.”

“Fine. I need a ride back home.” You roll your eyes as Changmin starts to beg you.

“C’mon! You know how hard it is to find a ride back at this time, especially at our university.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Just buy me dinner at least.”

Changmin frowns and asks, “You haven’t eaten?” Once you nod, he shakes his head and grabs his phone before taking a seat beside you. “You really need to eat.” He passes you his phone. “How do you even survive your meetings with an empty stomach?”

“To be fair, I had a late lunch.”

“And what exactly did you eat for your late lunch?”

“Well…” You give a sheepish smile. “Some yogurt.”

“Exactly what I thought. Whatever, just order something for the both of us.”

“That was good,” you say as you rest your hand on your belly.

Changmin is seated across from you with a frown on his face. “Really? I wasn’t able to tell since you practically devoured my food.”

“Hey! You were the one who offered your food to me!”

Changmin laughs and ruffles your hair. “I’m just kidding.” You frown and attempt to fix the mess he created.

“You have a competition, right? At the end of the semester?”

“Yeah.” Changmin sighs as he looks down at his phone. “It’s happening around late November so that it doesn’t coincide with finals season.”

You decide to ask him the golden question. “How is it so far?”

For a moment, Changmin does not respond. He lets his head loll backward and stares up at the ceiling. Before you could say anything more, he started to speak.

“It’s a lot, really. I think it’s sinking in that this will probably be the last competition I participate in since I’m planning to choreograph one of the performances for the year-end concert.” He looks back at you. “I just… want it to be perfect, you know?”

You have always known Changmin to be a perfectionist. Since your time working with him in the publication, he has always been particular about the work he puts out. Sunwoo has also shared his experience with the perfectionist when it came to dancing (and it was not a pleasant experience). Though, you understood where he came from.

“I want my last performance to be something I am proud of…” He takes a deep breath. “Because I know I won’t have another opportunity to dance again.”

As he says those words, you reach out to his hand that rests on his lap and hold onto it. He looks down at your intertwined fingers and shows a small smile at the sight. 

“I understand where this is coming from. I don’t even think it has fully sunk in that you’re graduating already,” you admit as you bite the inside of your cheek.

Changmin chuckles and jokes, “Don’t think you’ll survive without me?”

“Yeah,” you answer without letting a beat pass.

It is true. No matter how independent you made yourself out to be, you knew how much you relied on your friends—most especially Changmin. You have gone so long in your life with your best friends at your side that you never let yourself imagine a life without them.

“It’s almost like when you first graduated high school; I remember I couldn’t stop crying after you graduated.” Changmin laughs at the memory you mention. “You remember that, right?”

“Of course I do. I remember I was comforting you and Sunwoo on the day I was finally free from high school.”

You smile as you look back down at your hand that held him. “It’s just silly to recall. I mean, it already seemed like Sunwoo was set on going to the same university as you—just not me.”

“But you’re here now.”

And you nod as you look back at his eyes. “Yeah, I am.”

Changmin moves to take a seat beside you. With his hand still latched onto yours, he draws circles on the back of your hand.

“I’m glad to be here, you know?” You lean your head on his shoulder. “I like to know that as we grow in the things we like to do, we’ll always be there to witness each other reach heights we used to dream of.”

It is silent for a moment. All you could hear was Changmin’s breathing in sync with yours. You let your eyes close for a minute, happy enough to just be in that moment with your pillar of strength—your very own reason to keep going.

“I’m glad you’re here, too.”

“Ah, thank you so much again for having this interview with us!” You bow with Jacob and Chanhee to express your gratitude to Yeonjun. The four of you have officially wrapped the last interview for the coverage of K-Pop student idols. With Yuqi’s and Yeonjun’s experiences, the three of you got to learn the joys and struggles that come with such a life.

“No, thank you! It was nice to talk about my experience,” he says with a smile. “I’ll be heading out. It’s nice to see you again, Chanhee hyung.” Chanhee gives him a wave before he bids farewell and leaves the room. You sigh happily as you look down at the notes you took.

“Chanhee, you know him?” Jacob asks to which he nods.

“Yeah, I’ve had some classes with him. Not much interaction but he’s alright.”

You nod as you flip through your notes. “He’s cute.”

“Yah!” Chanhee smacks your arm only to make you laugh. “You know how risky it is to pursue an idol?!”

“I’m just saying! Jeez, I’m not going to marry him or anything. I’ll just check the group out,” you whisper those last words which causes him to shake his head.

“Whatever, I can’t stop your ass,” he admits defeat as he stands up from his seat and slings his messenger bag on his shoulder. “Y/N, I’ll catch you later at our place, right?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Thanks, again! I’ll see you two for the next coverage.” With that, Chanhee was off.

Once again, you were left alone with Jacob.

“Hey, Y/N?” Your eyes shoot up to Jacob who was already off his chair. “Do you… want to grab lunch with me?”

“I’m sorry?” You could not believe the words that left his mouth.

“I mean, if you’re busy it’s fine!” Jacob scratches the back of his head. “It’s just that it’s about to be lunchtime.”

You cannot help but smile. Never would you have ever expected to have lunch with your crush—let alone be asked by him too. If there was a way to talk to your younger self, you would talk about this moment.

“Y-yeah! I’m free.” You close your notepad and shove it in your bag. “We definitely can.”

Jacob smiles as soon as you get off your seat. “Great! Do you like pho?”

Once you nod, his smile gets bigger. You do not think you will ever get over that smile.

It is 8:23 PM. You and Changmin were seated on his bed as you stared at the homework on your laptop for your Biology class due tomorrow. Although you were a HUMSS student, you had to take general subjects as it was required in the curriculum.

Despite having the choice to pick amongst the different natural science courses offered, you had the unfortunate fate of being left with Human Biology (you did not even know they offered it to non-STEM students) as the only option. You were usually decent with basic science, but you could not understand anything complex. That is why you were glad to have a friend who was well-versed in it.

“Jesus, which professor did you end up with?” Changmin asks as he skims through the worksheet full of questions you barely understood.

“Mr. Hwang.”

“You got him?!” He exclaims with his eyebrows shooting up. “Even I managed to avoid him because of all the reviews he got.”

You roll your eyes and let yourself plop back on his bed. “I know, and I hate him. It just sucks because his schedule fits my timetable perfectly so I thought it would be fine.”

Changmin clicks his tongue against his teeth and says, “Well, your problem now.”

“I know!” You sit back up and frown at your friend who was reading through your homework. “It was impossible to be transferred to another class because the other classes were clashing with my major classes.”

He nudges your shoulder and says, “At least you have me to help you out.”

Somehow, it took only two hours for you two (mostly Changmin) to accomplish your homework. During that time, it was mostly productive with you getting side-tracked by your phone. It helped that he took his time explaining each question rather than leaving you in the dark.

“You know, you’re a very good teacher,” you point out as you finally submit your work through the online portal.

“What do you expect? I mean, I’m hoping to be a preschool teacher,” Changmin says as he stretches his back.

“I don’t know.” You finally open up another document that had your draft for your first coverage with Jacob. “It’s just nice to experience it first-hand.”

Changmin takes a peek at your screen and pouts at the sight. “More work?” You only hum as you go through Kevin’s comments, approving most edits.

“You’re still working with Jacob, right?” As soon as a smile starts to creep in, he gasps. “How is it?”

“It’s fun!” You shrug as you type on your keyboard to answer some comments your editor has and attempt to reflect it on your second draft. “He’s really reliable, so I’m happy that I’m working with him.”

He smirks. “And?”

“Well…” You bit on the inside of your cheek in an attempt to stop the smile from getting any bigger. “He asked me out to lunch.”

As soon as you reveal that piece of information, he smiles. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, it’s not much.”  You shrug. “I mean, it seemed convenient to just eat together then.”

“Hey, it’s still something,” he says, which makes you feel at ease.

Your best friend is well aware of your very barren love life. If anything, you two were in the same boat. Although you always find yourself jumping from one crush to another, he has never found himself entertaining anyone who was interested.

It is funny—you two are opposites that stick together. While you ramble about all your short-lived crushes, he always listened as if it were the morning radio. However, your crushes never progressed past the infatuation stage. That is why when you share with him your adventures with Jacob, it felt like this was turning out differently from other puppy loves.

You sigh and decide to abandon your work. “He’s a very sweet guy.”

“I’m glad he is. You only deserve sweet ones,” Changmin says, which makes you pout.

“And thank you for always reminding me that.”

It is true—he has always made sure to remind you that you only deserve happiness. No matter how many one-sided crushes, terrible professors, or mental hurdles you faced, he liked to remind you that there is something at the end worth fighting for.

“What about you? Do you have anyone you like or just find interesting?” You decide to finally ask your best friend.

He shakes his head and says, “Nope. I’m so busy with dance and thesis.”

You could only laugh in disbelief. “I’m not asking if you’re planning to date anyone! You really don’t find anyone cute?”

“Ask me again after the competition.” He shrugs before letting himself lie down on his bed. “Right now, there’s no one.”

With your work now abandoned, you let yourself lie down beside him. The two of you stared up at the ceiling as you let silence come between you. You could only hear Changmin’s breathing. Once you rolled onto your side, you let your eyes fall on your best friend.

In that period, you let yourself really take in his appearance; his eyebags have gotten heavier; his shoulders seemed tense; his eyes were on the border of closing. You always knew that your best friend has been tired from his academics and dance, but now was the only time you started to see how it was affecting him physically.

“Hey,” you speak up which has him turning his head to face you. Before you could say anything more, your hand reaches out for his. “I’ll always be here for you. You know that, right?”

He gives you a soft smile and intertwines his fingers with yours. Instead of saying anything, he rolls on his side. And with his eyes closed, he brings your linked hands close to where his heart is.

It has been weeks since you and Jacob wrapped up your first coverage together. Surprisingly, you two had minimal edits—almost like a clean close. Kevin seemed happy with the work you two delivered.

“Excellent read! I can’t believe you managed to interview Yeonjun and Yuqi for this,” your editor says as he scans through the article once more. “Plus, Chanhee’s photos and videos are good. Nice call, by the way. I think the videos will help in garnering more attention.”

Kevin quickly switches windows and plays a video of Yeonjun’s interview. “Who did you get from the video editing team to work on this?”

“I worked on it mostly, but Heejin helped in some segments I didn’t know how to execute,” Chanhee answers as he proudly watches his work on Kevin’s screen.

Jacob watches the video in awe and says, “Woah, this is nice. Did you know about this, Y/N?”

“Yup!” You nod as you smile at the three. “Chanhee was showing it to me throughout his editing process. It’s cool to see it come to life.”

You have always known your best friend to be well-versed in photography and video editing. When he initially pitched the idea to you, you wondered why he wanted to do it himself when you had a small staff capable of handling it. However, the process to ring them in would only take too long. Chanhee’s persistence is both a present and a threat—he always found himself pushing limits which could ultimately lead him to his downfall or success.

“God,” Kevin says with a happy sigh. “You three are almost like the perfect team! I’m looking forward to the other coverages. Once the two coverages are done, I will for sure treat you three to some food.” The three of you could only smile at his praise and promise.

Now, it is 9:34 PM. The most anticipated party of the year has finally come—Sohn Eric’s Halloween Extravaganza. Despite him being the same year as you and Sunwoo, everyone agreed that he knew how to party. Last year, you two along with Changmin got hammered while Chanhee was left to take care of you three.

At that same party, you made friends with other members of the publication who were not part of the Features staff while Sunwoo was busy making out with someone from the volleyball team. While Changmin was busy hanging out with people from his dance team and playing drinking games, Chanhee was out talking to someone from the soccer team. It seemed that everyone was happy with what they gained from the party.

Now, you and Sunwoo are seated on the couch at Changmin and Chanhee’s place all dressed up in costume. While you chose to go as Howl Jenkins Pendragon from Howl’s Moving Castle, Sunwoo opted to go as a soccer player.

“Your costume is so generic,” you point out as you look at him from head to toe.

Sunwoo frowns. “I’m sorry that I chose to not weeb out like you.”

As he plays with the soccer ball in his hand, you decide to ask him a question. “Where did you even find the jersey?”

All he does is point to the back of his shirt which has the last name “Lee” and the number ten. “I asked Dokyeom hyung and he had an old jersey that I could borrow.”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused to hear that name leave his mouth. “Since when were you and Dokyeom friends?”

“Since that one party where we played the loyalty game,” he says with a smirk. “C’mon Y/N, didn’t you say I was Mr. Popular?”

You could only roll your eyes at the way he flatters himself. “God, you are so annoying. And also so boring. I can’t believe you chose to dress up as your old sport just because you want to make out with someone.”

Your best friend shrugs with a smirk still resting on his lips. “Or go up to the fourth base with someone.” As soon as he says those words, you scrunch your face up in disgust.

“Changmin! Chanhee! Please save me from this fucktard!” Sunwoo shoves your arm which only makes you laugh. You spot Chanhee finally leaving his room all dressed up in a blue jumpsuit and goggles sitting on the top of his head.

“Ah, you did end up going with Pororo!” You exclaim with a smile on your face.

Chanhee spins around in place to show you two his whole fit. “Does it look nice?” He asks with a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah! It suits you,” Sunwoo says, which allows Chanhee to feel relieved.

“Where’s Changmin? It’s almost 10 PM!” You say as you stand up from the couch. Chanhee only shrugs as he takes a seat beside Sunwoo. “I don’t know what’s taking him this long.” You sigh and walk towards the door of Changmin’s room.

“Changmin!” You knock on his door. “We’re waiting for you.”

No response. With a frown on your face, you swing the door open. As you step into the room, you notice that everything has been tidied up in his room, no sign of him getting ready. You tilt your head at the sight, clearly confused.

“What the fuck? Chanhee, he’s not even here!” Before you could do any more, you felt someone grab onto your shoulder with a menacing whisper following right after. 

“Peekaboo.”

As soon as you hear those words, you screech. “What the fuck!” You spin around only to reveal that the sinister voice belonged to Changmin whose smile was bigger than ever. As you take in his costume of blue overalls, red wig, and a lazy attempt at stitches on his face, you notice a creepy doll tucked in his arm.

“Yah, Ji Changmin!” You whine as you let yourself take a seat on his bed with your hand clutching your chest.

He only laughs as he parades his doll around. “You’re still such a scaredy cat.”

You frown and say, “You’re so mean! You know how much I hate stuff like this!”

Both Chanhee and Sunwoo quickly enter the room to see the mess Changmin has created. “Yah, you know Y/N hates this more than me and Sunwoo,” Chanhee says as he shakes his head.

“When did you even get that doll?”

“First off, his name is Chucky. And I got him a few days ago! I’m so glad he arrived on time,” Changmin answers Sunwoo’s question and plays with his doll once more.

Chanhee sighs and grabs your hand to pull you off the bed. “C’mon, it’s almost 10 PM. We should head to Eric’s place already.”

The perpetrator quickly links his free arm with yours and pouts. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I was expecting to scare Sunwoo but you came in!”

“What do you mean you were trying to scare me?!”

Changmin scowls at Sunwoo and says, “This isn’t about you.”

You roll your eyes. “It’s fine. I guess you wanted to have your fun before you have to take care of our asses.” Once you see the confusion on Changmin’s face, you cannot help but smile.

“What do you mean I have to take care of you guys?”

Chanhee giggles and says, “That’s what we agreed on last time, remember? You take care of us while Sunwoo, Y/N, and I drink our hearts out.”

It takes Changmin a moment to recall the said conversation which happened a month ago. As soon as the memory hits him, he groans. “Really?”

You shrug, clearly happy with how the events are playing out. “Think of it as your way of saying sorry to me.” He only sighs, knowing he could not argue.

The four of you finally arrived at Eric’s place which was bustling with more people than expected. You could only guess that word about last year’s party got around. From what you could see, some people came in different costumes. In a sea of generic costumes such as nurses and firefighters, you were happy to spot cool costumes like Sanrio or video game characters.

“Well, I’m headed off to find Eric,” Sunwoo says.

“I’ll join you.” Chanhee says before he takes a look at you and Changmin. “Don’t forget, we leave at the latest 1 AM. Don’t separate, okay?”

As soon as you two nod, Sunwoo and Chanhee make a beeline toward wherever Eric may be. You cling to Changmin’s arm as he leads you two to the kitchen. What you do not expect to see is your editor and crush there.

Kevin was dressed up in a black and white leopard print and makeup which you could only guess as Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmatians. However, nothing could have prepared you for Jacob’s outfit. He wore a volleyball uniform and an orange wig with a volleyball by his hip. You have always been a big fan of Haikyuu, so to see Jacob dressed up as one of your favorite characters made your heart flutter.

“Oh, Kevin and Jacob hyung!” Changmin exclaims, which grabs their attention.

“Y/N and Changmin! It’s so nice to see you,” Kevin says with a smile on his face.

“Ah, Cruella de Vil and Hinata?”

“Yeah! Not a lot of people could figure out who I dressed up as. Everyone loves Jacob’s costume though,” he answers your best friend.

“You’re Howl, right? And Changmin is Chucky because of the doll.” Jacob asks which finally has you snap out of your trance.

Changmin smiles as he tries to show off his doll and answers, “Yeah! Do you like him?”

“He’s… something!” Kevin says which only makes you laugh.

“If it helps, I hate that doll.” In an attempt to agree with your editor, you earn a nudge from Changmin.

“Hey! He’s our kid,” he complains with a pout on his lips. You only ignore his comment and drag him to take a seat with you on the stools.

Since Jacob and Kevin were wrapped up in their conversation, you took this as an opportunity to quietly ask Changmin something. “You don’t want to hang out with your friends from the dance team?”

He shakes his head and says, “I’m fine here with you.” You let yourself smile at him before he could find a way for you two to squeeze into Jacob and Kevin’s conversation.

While the four of you talked over some drinks specially made by Jacob, you were pleasantly surprised to see Eric come in a baseball uniform. “Hey, guys!”

“Eric! It’s nice to see you,” You greet the party host.

“Why are you guys just here?” Eric quickly grabs a bottle of beer. “You don’t want to dance or play some party games?”

“We’ll probably join the crowd in a little bit,” Kevin says as he wraps his arm around Eric’s shoulder. “Also, coming in your baseball uniform? You’re so generic.”

“Hey! It was the only thing I had since I was busy organizing this party,” Eric attempts to defend himself.

Jacob chuckles and says, “Well, it’s a nice party.”

“Thank you!”

“Have you seen Sunwoo and Chanhee?” Changmin decides to ask the host.

“Oh, yeah! I saw them just a few minutes ago.” Eric chuckles. “Sunwoo’s busy trying to rizz up someone from the swimming team.”

Your face scrunches up in disgust as you lean your head on Changmin’s shoulder. “What about Chanhee?”

“I think he’s just with Hyunjae hyung.”

“Ah, I see,” you say with a smirk as your best friend and Kevin giggle.

It takes a few seconds before the dots connect in Jacob’s head. “Is something going on between Chanhee and Hyunjae?” He asks with a gasp. 

“Yeah! Haven’t you noticed that Hyunjae hyung is always with him?”

Jacob ponders over his best friend’s question for a moment. “Huh, that makes sense.”

“They’re actually so cute, but I actually don’t think anything is going to happen,” Eric says after he takes a sip of his beer.

Changmin hums and agrees, “Based on what I talked about with Chanhee, it looks like they’re just friends.”

“You don’t think it’ll turn into something more?” Kevin asks with a pout on his lips.

“It would get messy, don’t you think? Since your friend groups are slowly getting close.”

You sigh and answer Eric’s question with, “Honestly, whatever makes the two happy. I think they’ll manage to figure it out.”

“Feelings are weird.” Once Changmin says those words, you could only hum in agreement. You felt like you did not know enough to comment on whatever Chanhee and Hyunjae have going on. All that mattered to you is that your friends were happy and safe at all times.

“Hey, Changmin hyung!” Someone you could only recognize to be Lee Chan, Changmin’s teammate in the dance team, enters the kitchen with a cup in his hands. “Oh, hi Eric! Well, I just wanted to call my lovely friend to play some beer pong with us. You guys are free to join us!”

“Oh, I’ll join!” Eric quickly says before he makes his way out of the kitchen.

As you lift your head from Changmin’s shoulder, your best friend frowns at Chan. “Wait, I can’t drink that much. I’m taking care of Y/N and like… the others.”

You shake your head and nudge him. “It’s fine,” you reassure him.

He shakes his head firmly and says, “We have a buddy system, remember? Plus, I don’t want to ditch you.” 

“Then they can join us!” Chan attempts to convince him further. “If it helps, we’re playing with people outside of the dance team.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll probably just hang with those from the publication.” You smile at Chan and take a look at Changmin. “What if I just meet you two hours from now? We can meet here.” Changmin bites the inside of his cheek as he contemplates.

“Uhm, we’ll also stay with Y/N,” Jacob chimes in. As your head whips in his direction, you could see his signature smile. You would think that working with him for a few weeks would give you time to get used to his smile. And yet, you still found yourself melting at the view.

“Yeah!” You look back at your best friend. “I promise that I won’t drink too much without you.” It takes a moment before Changmin decides to give in to Chan’s request. Before he could stand up from his seat, you reach out for his doll. “Let me take care of our child.”

He cannot help but smile before he hands his Chucky doll to you. “I won’t forget you calling him that.” With that, he followed Chan out of the kitchen.

You sigh and hold the Chucky doll close to you, combing through its hair. “Do you know where News and Social Media are staying? Maybe we can stay with Seungkwan and Yeji?”

“I spotted them by the pool area. It’s actually in the same area Changmin is playing beer pong,” Kevin says, which has you standing up from your seat.

“Why don’t you guys go ahead? I’ll just meet you there,” you say as your eyes looked through the drinks.

And there comes Jacob with his sweet smile. “I’ll wait for you. Kevin, we can just meet you there.”

For a moment, you could notice Kevin snickering but he quickly covers it up by saying, “Sure.” As soon as he makes his way out of the kitchen, you give your crush a shy smile.

“Do you mind mixing me another drink?”

Jacob chuckles as he grabs the cup from you. “It’s fine, I don’t mind if it’s you.”

You do not know what to make of his comment, slightly blushing as he creates another great concoction. You decided to stand beside him and lean against the counter so that you could get a good look at whatever he was making you. In the cup, he poured two different liquors and cranberry juice.

“Can I… ask something?” He decides to ask you as he hands you back your cup.

You raise your eyebrows before you take a sip of the drink. “Oh, it’s good!” He smiles at your comment. “Yeah, of course! Ask whatever.”

Jacob takes a moment to think over his words. “I don’t really know how to ask it.”

You laugh and say, “Jacob, aren’t you a writer?”

“Yeah! But sometimes, words are weird.”

“Just say it to me straight. I think it would make it easier for us both,” you reassure him before you drink.

“Are you and Changmin dating?” As soon as those words leave his mouth, you choke on your drink.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” He quickly grabs some tissue and wipes your chin as you cough.

As you grab the tissue from his hand, you set down your cup on the counter. “S-sorry! I didn’t expect that.”

“That’s why I said I didn’t know how to phrase it right.” He pouts as you wave your hand at him to signal that it was alright.

“No, your question is fine!” You cough out before taking a deep breath. “Why would you think that?”

Jacob scratches the back of his neck and says, “I just thought so based on tonight’s event. I suspected something was going on between you two that one night I gave you guys a ride home. I was just thinking that tonight might have confirmed my suspicion.” You tilt your head over his words.

All throughout your friendship with Changmin, no one has ever thought of you two in a relationship. In every interaction and time spent with him, you have always thought it was normal. Sure, you do acknowledge that you spend more time with him than you do with Sunwoo and Chanhee, but it never meant that you two were together.

“We aren’t,” you start off with a smile. “We’re just very close, that’s all. I am very much single.”

Jacob nods with a relieved smile on his face. “Alright, that’s good to know.”

Before you could process his words, he spoke. “C’mon, let’s meet with the others.”

Over the hours, you have been half-focused on the conversation going on between your friends from the publication. Your mind was still trying to wrap around the fact that Jacob would think that way—you cannot even believe he seemed relieved to hear you are single.

While most of your group sat in a circle on foldable chairs, some had to stay standing up. Despite being deep in thought, you were somewhat hyperaware every time Jacob was looking at you from where he stood. Never did you ever expect the 5th-year student to show some interest towards you. 

That is why you never noticed someone grab your shoulder. You jump in your seat and take a look behind you to see Changmin with a concerned look on his face. “Hey, are you okay?” He whispers only for you to hear.

You nod and quickly get off your seat. “Hi, I’ll come back.” As soon as you bid farewell to the group, you grab Changmin’s arm and make your way to somewhere far from Jacob.

Once you two arrive at a relatively quiet corner of the backyard, you take a seat down by the porch. With a worried expression on his face, he takes a seat beside you and grabs the doll from you. 

“What’s up?”

You place your hands on the bottom half of your face and take a deep breath. “You would not believe what Jacob said to me.”

“You’re scaring me,” he says, which only makes you laugh as you shake your head.

“No, it’s just funny! But also, so many thoughts are being thunk right now.”

“Okay, what?” He asks with furrowed eyebrows. Clearly, the suspense was starting to kill him.

You bite the inside of your cheek. “He just asked if I was single!” The way Changmin’s eyebrows shoot up is a sight you could only laugh at.

“Are you serious?” He asks, shocked by your news.

“I know!” You squeal as you smack his arm. “Well, he did ask if you and I were dating–”

“He asked WHAT?!” Your best friend shouts which attracts some looks.

You smack his arm and give an apologetic smile to those who looked over at you two. Once you look back at him, you could see the expression on his face—something you could describe as shock and disgust mixed together. With the way his eyebrows are furrowed as he moves slightly away, you could tell he was taken aback by what you revealed.

“Oh, yeah! It was so weird.” You shake your head before you take a peek at where your friends were (thankfully, Jacob was preoccupied with whatever conversation was going on). You look back at Changmin and say, “I remember even choking on my drink just because he asked. But anyway, that’s beside the point–”

“Why would he think that?”

You roll your eyes as your best friend continues to cut you off. “Honestly, I don’t really know. I mean, he explained but it didn’t make sense.” He looks you up and down with a frown on his face.

“Hey! It can’t be that bad to date me!” You exclaim as you smack his arm once more.

“I’m just thinking that it would be weird for us to date!”

You roll your eyes and say, “Obviously. It’s even weirder to think I had a crush on Sunwoo then.” Before Changmin could say more, you say, “Jacob just thought so with how close we are, but I made it perfectly clear that I am single. And here’s the kicker.”

Your best friend only signals you to continue with what you are saying. “He said he was glad to know that,” you finally say as you smack his arm, earning a groan from him.

“Can you stop smacking me?”

You ignore his request as you remember the events. “I’ve never had a crush actually show some type of interest towards me. It’s so surreal.” You let yourself lean back on your hands so that you could look up at the sky.

With your eyes looking up to the starry night, you smile as you let out a happy sigh. Despite being in your second year of college, you never really had that much experience with romance aside from occasional one-sided crushes (whether with you as the apple of someone’s eye or the idea of someone plaguing your mind). That is why when Jacob shares such words, you cannot help but feel so much warmth spread throughout your body.

“I’m glad, though.” You look at your best friend who has a small smile on his face. “I’m glad that what you have is going somewhere,” he says which only makes you grin.

It is during these moments that you remember how long you and Changmin have been friends. From achievements to heartbreaks, you both have been there for each other to witness it all. In the greatest and lowest moments, the two of you always found solace in each other.

Changmin looked at himself in the mirror—all dressed up in black (from blazer to trousers) with a pair of sunglasses and chains to accessorize his whole look. He took a deep breath as he spun around.

The day of the competition has finally come. The team spent many weeks practicing the same routine in hopes to secure that trophy. After all the late nights and injuries he had to endure, he could not believe that he was to participate in his final competition.

Since he figured out to walk all on his own, dance came to him naturally like breathing comes instinctively for all. His love for dance has only grown with him throughout the years. For Changmin, there was never a possible reality where he does not fall in love with dance. Yet, with graduation dawning, it seemed like he would have to entertain that idea whether he liked it or not.

With him being deep in thought, he does not hear you enter the room. “Woah!” He snaps out of his trance once you whistle while taking in his appearance. “You look good!”

He cannot hold his smile. “Thanks. I realized this is your first time seeing me in my outfit.” He makes his way back to his bed and takes a seat.

“Yeah! You never sent me the pictures,” you say with a pout. “But I’m kind of glad. I was shocked to see how nice you looked.”

“Are you saying I don’t look good all the time?”

You frown at your best friend. “Of course, you don’t, weirdo.” Changmin could only roll his eyes while you set your small sling bag beside him.

“Thank you for offering to do my makeup,” he says as you start to take out your small cosmetics bag full of essentials for his look.

“Don’t even worry about it. I mean, I have always wanted to do your makeup before.” You adjust the position of his floor lamp to make sure it was facing him. “Sunwoo cannot stay still when I put makeup on him.”

Changmin chuckles as he looks at you retrieve different tubes. “Thankfully, I have some extra concealer that should suit your skin tone,” you mutter as you squeeze out some product onto the back of your hand.

“Anyway, how are you?” You rest your right knee on the bed as your fingers start to do the work. “Are you still nervous?”

He hums for a moment. “I am, but I’m trying to focus on just leaving the competition on a good note.”

You nod as you cover up any dark spots and circles. “That’s good. How’s your thesis going so far?” As soon as you ask that, he groans.

“Don’t even remind me.”

You cannot help but giggle as you blend out the product. “Isn’t your thesis adviser Ms. Lee? I heard she’s good.” You look through your bag and reach out for your eyeshadow palette full of neutral colors and its proper brush.

“She’s great, really. It’s just that I may have underestimated the difficulty of my chosen topic.” He sighs as he watches you open up the palette. “I hope she knocked some sense into me.”

“Or, she just had faith in you,” you point out as you pick up some light brown eyeshadow with your brush. “You’re very smart, you know? I’m pretty sure she just wants you to get some recognition for your thesis.”

He only huffs as you carefully color his eyelids. Once you were done, you set the tools aside and grabbed an eyelash curler for him to use. As you hand the contraption to him, he frowns.

“Do you really trust me with that?”

“Yeah because I don’t know how to use it.”

“I think you’d be more scared if I was the one doing it on you,” you try to reason only for him to hand it back to you.

“Just do it.”

You groan and place the curler right on his eyelashes. “Don’t move, okay? I’m scared to rip your eyelashes out.”

“W-wait!” Changmin pushes your hand away with a frown on his face. “You can’t just say that. Now, I’m scared!”

You sigh as you rest your free hand on your hip and say, “Well, what do you want? I’m letting you do it.” He sighs for a moment before signaling you to continue. “Exactly.” You proceed with what you need to do.

“And… there!” You smile as you set the contraption aside. “That wasn’t too bad. Now, I need to do your mascara.”

You open the tube and take out the wand. “I need to sit down for this, okay?” As soon as you ask, he nods.

“Yeah, that’s no prob–wait!” He cuts himself off as you suddenly lift your other leg to rest on the bed as well.

Now, your knees were practically caging Changmin. As he takes a look down, he could see your legs pressing on the outer side of his thighs. For a moment, he cannot breathe.

This felt different. In this position, he felt his mind buzzing. Sure, he has always found himself linking arms with you or even snuggling up your side. But to see you straddling him only had him at your mercy. 

Once you took a seat on his lap, he could feel himself getting dizzy. To feel your heat on his lap made him feel like he was back in high school—he could hear his heartbeat ring in his ears. There was barely any distance between you two as your face slowly got closer to his. Changmin could only hope you do not notice how red his ears are.

“Hey,” you whisper as you look into his eyes, taking a small peek down at his lips for a brief second. “Just relax, I don’t want to poke your eyes in the process.” He could feel your breath cast over his lips as you set your free hand on his shoulder.

First coat. His eyes were focused on your lips.

Second coat. You lick your lips as you focus on trying to not ruin your work.

Third coat. Changmin tries to swallow his anxiety down

Fourth coat. You let your eyes trail back down to his lips.

Fifth coat. He finds himself moving his face closer to yours, his eyes flickering down to your lips.

And something possesses him—his hands find themselves on your hips to hold you steady in place. Your breath hitches at the action, and you finally notice how close his face is to yours.

“Changmin,” you whisper his name so sweet. For him, it felt like he has never heard you say his name so gently.

“Say no and I won’t,” he finds himself saying as he lets himself finally look up into your eyes.

And before he could get a reply, he found his eyes opening to the white ceiling. Covered in sweat, he feels himself breathe heavily at his dream. There was no other way to say this—he was utterly fucked.