the scusting

i cant believe this is getting reblogged by hipsters again. people are even tagging it as “#about me”. this was just an ego boosting post about how great i am about playing spy in tf2

does my little jesters hat piss you off? does it make you want to hurt me?

I fucking love jock villagers in animal crossing they're just like, "what is UP bro your triceps are looking particularly radiant today. Take this DIY card. Love you bro"

crime show: well we don’t know what time she was taken but as you can see in this convenience store security footage she’s mouthing something and our lip reading technology tells us she’s saying ‘those three wise men they’ve got a semi by the sea’ which are lyrics to James Blunt’s song ‘Wisemen’ which was playing on that store’s favoured radio station at approximately 3:18PM and she disappears from view exactly five minutes later so therefore

yes, but can you blow it up and enhance it?

unfortunately this particular footage is extremely low quality and very grainy but as I zoom in on this super blurry pixelated image you can see the details become much clearer and easier to identify

But what about the extremely specific pollen found on the camera lens?

good eye! originally I didn’t even notice it was there but while combing through the footage I noticed three different people sneezed while in view of the camera. I did some research and found that the particles represent the pollen of this obscure plant life that is native to this particular state, which really doesn’t help us, except that it only ever blooms in the opposite season! So I did some digging and found four nurseries within a 50 mile radius, only one of which sell that plant all year round, which of course means

Hold on just one moment! If the twitch streamer was using the cameras live feed as background, then we should know the time of the crime! The twitch archive should mark how long the streamer had been on by the time of the perpetrators presence onscreen, and if we know when they went live, we will know the time the perpetrator was in the building!

DAMNIT JONES THIS ISN’T YOUR CASE

WELL IT’S MY CASE NOW! The Captain thinks your kidnapping is related to my investigation into that cult up state. So, apparently, we’re supposed to work together. I’m not any happier than you are.

but I hate sharing!

TOUGH SHIT MCNAMARA! Your kidnapping case is somehow connected with that cult that’s been sacrificing its members to in the belief that it will appease the elder god Cthulhu. Now, I don’t like it any more than you do, and I’m worse at sharing than a toddler with a new favorite toy, but lives may well be on the line here! Are you willing to put aside our differences, and do what needs to be done?!

Alright, but when we catch the perp he’s mine. I don’t care if he’s sacrificed a hundred victims to goddamn Mickey Mouse! That man may know who killed my father, and I won’t let anyone get in my way - not even someone with your develish smile.

Do you think you’re the only one who wants to find Eric’s murderer?! He was my partner! He was my friend! I know we haven’t worked together before, but this case will have us working together for a while, until we eventually find your fathers killer. And I can see this case taking us a long time, and defining both of our lives for the foreseeable future. But don’t worry McNamara, my years of experience on the force, put together with your grit, tenacity, and loose understanding of the rules will make for a great partnership, with plenty of laughs and sexual tension to go around. Until some being from on high decides the precinct isn’t ready for a same sex couple, and I rekindle my relationship with my previously unmentioned ex-wife. But we, and some unknown watchers of our adventures, will always know we were meant to be together, weirdly large age gap be damned!

executive producer dick wolf

This is the best demonstration of the principle of “yes, and” that I have ever seen. They should put this in textbooks.

I just gotta say it everyone who saw ‘Twutch’ as a typo and not a middle aged screen writer’s attempt at avoiding copyright is not a real crime drama fan

This post is a gift.

I love the art made from sections of the glass from old lighthouses!!

UwU this, UwU that, did you know that most train conductors see at least 2 people get run over on average during their career?

Whore

And? What of my high jinks?