L, do you know?

this is the point where I go in blind tho, I don't know anything that happens beyond this 🙏 i'll be documenting it tho :)

I don't know how often I'll post my thoughts on Crush. I'm still new to tumblr and I'm a little bit shy when it comes to sharing my thoughts publicly. 😭 I mostly post art on my other socials. Not used to the novelty of "post whatever tf you want" quite yet 🙏

but hey I'm here now soooooo might as well post my thoughts while they're still fresh. Doubt many people will see this anyway Just finished chapter 5, it was a lot. I honestly can't even fully put my thoughts into words, so this is probably gonna be a little messy, but I wanna document this so I can look back on it in the future. It's not meant to be pretty.

I really appreciate how delicately yet raw the book's contents are handled. Even if you've never experienced any sort of addiction before, you can really feel the overwhelming franticness that consumes Matt. I adore the changes in the prose: it's antsy and tense when Matt gets home, then softens into something calmer and dreamlike when he's high. It puts me into this middle ground of "I hate seeing this happen to you but I understand why you're reaching for it." It's careful because it's not portraying drug addiction in a way that's stereotypical or dramatized or as a moral failure. (Even though I know Mello definitely sees it that way at some point 😭 haven't gotten to that part yet so I'll leave it out for now.) But again, it's raw. It's ugly. It's not sugarcoated by any means. That's what I adore about this story. It's real. It's not romanticized. It's such a good balance.

I honestly had no idea what I was getting into when I was first introduced to Crush. In the beginning I don't think I fully realized the weight of the story. It's a huge change in pace from the normal, wholesome m2m content I was consuming. Shit was like jumping into the pool after being in a hot tub 😭 but GOD it's so good.

Anywayssss I don't want this to be too long but so far I'm really, really loving it. I love just how far Etorphine goes with writing Matt and Mello's story. From what I've seen, they're usually a pairing that's portrayed pretty wholesomely throughout the fanbase, so to be able to write a gut-wrenching ass storyline of the two of them that STILL makes sense in their situations is so damn impressive. Even though it's not canon, it's always good to see depictions of other characters' backgrounds. Every character has a story, really, but Death Note only really follows Light's </3