Here to Lurk

when fictional creatures are characterized as having superhuman agility (e.g. some versions of vampires) i think they should also canonically have flabby skin. "this species has catlike predator traits" ok now give it catlike baggy skin for flexibility. make its tummy jiggle like a slinky

Xerxes Break, confronted with irrefutable proof of his realness: Well that could mean anything

BUG SEX HEADQUARTERS

2.30am and i'll actually never be able to be normal about retrace 92 ever in my life. this guy was set up to die on all levels of the narrative and he knows that and he's come to accept it. over the entire story his body keeps breaking down further and further, and he's fine with it. and it's literally the name he's taken, he's got to break things and be broken, and he's fine with it. his death is inevitable and he's fine with it. and THEN he's dying and he realises "no wait, no hold on, wait a minute, i actually also want to see the happy end, i want to live", and now I am supposed to act like that didn't fuck me up forever??

people needdddd to wear headphones in public because while on an otherwise very lovely walk in the park today i saw a guy sitting under a tree watching a porn parody of the star wars prequels

if nothing else trying to tune out the sounds of anakin and padme going to town as i contemplate the babbling brook gave me a brief but vivid window into what it’s like to be obi wan kenobi

It’s been over a decade since Xerxes Break died and I honestly don’t think there has been any fictional character whose death has caused me more pain than that since…

I'm so glad that that truncated fucking ran-into-a-wall-at-speed tadpole-ass looking squirrel only lives in high altitude forests in Borneo bc this means I am extremely unlikely to encounter one in my day to day life. thank god

DID YOU MAKE THIS BLOG SIMPLY TO TORMENT ME

WHERE IS THE REST OF YOU

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

would you like to share with the class 🤔

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

would you like to unshare with the class

Aragorn n Legolas r so funny to me bc people who don’t know lotr well see gruff manly ranger and elegant princely elf but they don’t know what i know. they don’t know that Aragorn is the long haired sensitive softboy writing sad poetry on his livejournal about not being able to show his girlfriend the awesome new song he wrote for her on his guitar meanwhile Legolas is doing backwards kickflips over gimli at the skate park bc gimli double dog dared him then he and gimli climb the tree at Aragorn’s house n yell at him through the window to come play halo