Drunk Confessions: Chapter 4
Summary: Coming out of a relationship that is no longer fulfilling for Bug, she gets invited to a party and drunkly confesses her feelings to her best friend Nadine about her neighbor Folio. What will become of Folio and Bug?
Chapter Four: Memories and Blisters
Rating: T Word Count: 3,346
Photo Credit: Google Divider Credit: @kodaswrld
Taglist: @sleepycactus-omens
The following morning, you decided to get up at 7 am and go for a walk. There was a park nearby and you wanted to explore it.
You are very proud of yourself. Going for walks was something you use to always do when you and Spencer were friends. He would always support you on your health endeavors. Said it did you some good. He use to always cheer you on. Unfortunately, what he failed to mention to you was how he was sexually attracted to muscular women, and his reasoning for you being healthy had sinister undertones. The more muscular and lean you looked, the more aroused he became. Unbeknownst to him, you couldn’t gain muscle. You were always a lean lady. Unfortunately, this lead to unhealthy eating habits which triggered an eating disorder. You lost 20 lbs at your stature of 5”3 and 115 lbs. And you lost a lot of hair. Your brain was always foggy and your bones ached. It hurt to walk or move. Your bottom hurt because you had no meat to sit on. When you guys broke up, you were back to your healthy weight. Your health 115 lbs. After you guys reunited, he slowly punished you with food, again.
You remember what he would tell you whenever you guys went out to eat. “Are you sure you want to eat that?” He would say. “It’s going to go straight to your thighs. Maybe try this” He said, taking away your chips and giving you a rice cake instead. Your stomach dropped. You always stood your ground on that and told him “No.” He didn’t like it.
You stood by the sidewalk, waiting for the crosswalk to turn white.
You remember how oddly and creepily excited he would get when he realized your body was developing.
You never wanted breast. You were always happy with your 32B bust. They suited your frame, they looked natural and comfortable. But Spencer was always attracted to a bigger bust. He always wanted you to have more. You remember the first time you punched him in the face. You were waiting for him at school. You waited for him so you could give him his hug, like you did every morning. But he had other plans. You were wearing a green cotton V-neck shirt, blue jean capri pants, and white shoes.
Your chest was slowly growing and he took notice of it. He walked up to you, pulled your shirt lower, pushed your breast together, pushed them up and told you that they were too small, they needed to be bigger. Hurt, humiliated, embarrassed, and shocked, you punched him in the face.
You wanted him to remember how badly it hurt.
You ran into the closest restroom you could find, and allowed the hot tears to flow down your face. You were so lost in the throws of your sadness, you lost track of time. You missed your class and were called down to the principals office. You never missed a class. Your principal tried asking you why you missed your class and you lied. Told him you weren’t feeling good and you were in the restroom. You lost track of time and missed your class. Technically, it wasn’t a lie. You really were in the restroom, you were just there under different pretenses.
You were grateful the only thing he did was give you detention. Something you had to make up the next day. You lied to your parents and told them it was because of an overdue book. You always lied to everyone when it came to Spencer. You tried your best to see the good in him because he really was your best friend. It wouldn’t be until 12 years later that you would finally accept that you were never his friend. He was always yours. But you were never his.
You took a turn on the corner and walked through the forest. You remember the choir party. You and Spencer had both taken choir. You had 1st period girl choir. He has 3rd period Acapella choir. Your choir didn’t have any boys, which meant the same boys in 2nd period mixed choir were the same boys 3rd period choir. It was towards the end of the school year. A guy from Acapella wanted to have an end of the school year party. Spencer, being your boyfriend, invited you. You never kept anything from Spencer. He knew everything about you. He knew about your past. He knew about your former boyfriends and he also knew about your ex-boyfriend that used to drug you. You had an ex-boyfriend from the year before that used to slip drugs into your drinks when you weren’t looking because of this, you became very cautious and weary of the people around you almost to the point of paranoia. You would think that as a boyfriend, Spencer would be protective of you and make sure that nobody would be around you to make sure that you wouldn’t go through another drug episode, but that wasn’t the case. He had left you alone in a party full of people you didn’t know and of course, you panicked. You were so afraid you couldn’t find him, you got up and left. You threw your drink away. You went outside to the pool and found a friend of yours, Joe. For the rest of the party, you were attached at the hip to Joe, not Spencer.
Your heart felt thick and heavy.
The car ride home was long and quiet.
He never bothered to check up on you.
You remember when Spencer got accepted into college. He got accepted into NYU. And that’s where he met her. River.
River and Spencer use to have woodshop together in high school. An elective you never took. When you move out of a city and into a new city, it’s common to find a person from the same city as you. And that’s what happened with Spencer and River. All three of you went to the same high school, you stayed behind in the same city, while Spencer and River went to New York.
You were always an odd ball. You never fit in with “normal people” You found comfort with the weirdos. The oddballs. The misfits. The odd ones out. They were always your people. When Spencer told you River’s name. You immediately recognized it. Her last name was very unique. They knew each other from High School. A tidbit he kindly forgot to add.
Even before you guys dated, Spencer always made it a point to message you. 7 months was the longest you two have ever been apart.
He missed you and you missed him. The one hour time difference wasn’t that big of a deal. You weathered the storm because Spencer was important to you. Spencer is important to you. Unfortunately, he would invite River over to his dorm. And you knew this because he would tell you.
‘Oh River came over.’ - S
You didn’t appreciate that he would invite her over. You knew she had bad intentions. You knew River wanted Spencer. And you were angry Spencer never put up that boundary. He always let her in. She knew more about him than you did. And you were his girlfriend!!! Eventually, you stopped answering his text messages. The knowledge that he was slowly slipping out of your fingertips and you couldn’t stop it was killing you inside.
You felt like you were losing your best friend and boyfriend all in one fell swoop. And there wasn’t a damn thing you could do about it.
The more time he spent with River, the less he would message you. This caused tension between the two of you. You bit your tongue and tried your best not to jump to any conclusions. It took 5 years for you guys to finally become a couple. Why ruin it now? Why ruin the relationship over a little bit of confrontation? You worked hard to finally get together. ‘Was she really just a friend? You thought you yourself. ‘No. I’m not dumb. She likes him. And he likes her. It’s more than obvious. I’m not dumb. I’m not an idiot.’
You tried to be the chill girlfriend. You tried to let him have his friends. But you always knew it was never pancakes.
You remember messaging Spencer ‘good morning’
He replied 20 minutes later. You thought maybe his class got canceled and he wanted to go get breakfast. You always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but again, you knew that wasn’t the case. He did get breakfast, but he wasn’t alone. He was with River. He sent you a picture of his breakfast plate and unfortunately, he caught a shadow of another woman there and you recognized it as River and your heart sunk.
The end of the first school year was coming soon. You still couldn’t find it in your heart to let him go. You were mad, hurt, confused, and stuck.
Hurt, because he was developing feelings for someone else and he didn’t have the courage to end things with you.
Mad, because he never even told you he was moving halfway across the country for college. You found out a week before graduation.
Confused, because why spend so long to try to woo you and be with you? If in the end you never fit his standard of what a woman “should” look like? Even more confused because why spend 5 years of trying to be your boyfriend, just to throw it all away on a lie?
Stuck, because you really did love him. But now with the inclusion of River in the picture, what were you to do? How would you salvage this relationship? Does Spencer actually like her? Or is he only attracted to her because she checks off all of his boxes?
Something most girls weren’t when it came to him.
River was always willing to bend her nature to please him and fit his role of what a woman “should” physically look like. Something you firmly and constantly fought Spencer on.
River was the opposite of you. She was everything you weren’t.
While your love for Spencer was real, your romantic love for him was under false pretenses.
Originally, you never wanted to date him. You just loved him for him, but you knew you couldn’t be what he wanted because he never wanted you. He always wanted River. It was always suppose to be River.
You felt stuck and confused. You weren’t sure how to take things.
It was towards the end of the second college semester when you decided it was best to break up.
You remember how heavy your heart felt. Breaking up with him meant losing your lifeline. Your boyfriend and your best friend. Your heart wasn’t ready. Spencer meant alot to you. He was literally your best friend and your boyfriend all in one. Could you guys still be friends later on?
You called him and told him you wanted to hang out. He was completely clueless.
You got in the car and he drove to the theater. You guys had a movie date. There was a nearby park and you guys decided to take a walk once the movie was over.
You needed to know what was happening once and for all. You sat him down near a creek and watched the turtles and ducks in the river.
The tension between the two of you was thick and heavy. Electric and hot.
He drove you home. You remember the car ride. How silent and difficult it was to let him know you wanted to break up with him because you couldn’t bare the knowledge of not being honest with him.
You sat in the passenger seat and stared out the window.
Your heart felt thick and heavy.
But not once did he notice how upset you were.
Finally you took a deep breathe and told him you needed to talk to him.
“We need to end this. Our friendship. Everything.” You said.
“I can’t do this anymore. I tried to be what you needed but I just can’t. I can’t keep pouring into you and forgetting myself. It’s not fair. Besides, I get the feeling you’re not being honest with me about River.”
“There’s nothing going on between us.” Spencer said
“Don’t lie to me. I’m not dumb.” You said defensively. “I just need this to be over. These last two years away from you made me realize that it’s ok to love you, but you’re bad to and for me. You were the last person I thought to have ever hurt me. But I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much. I have to let you go. You need to let me go. You need to let me, let you go.”
“If that’s what you want.” He said in the smallest of voices.
He held your hand one last time and walked you home. Under the streetlight around the corner of your home, he kissed you. But this kiss felt different.
You stood there under the shadows of the streetlight, waiting for Spencer to turn around and realize he could salvage whatever was going on between you two. But he never did.
In the dark of your room you cried until your eyes hurt. Until your throat was so dry water couldn’t salvage it. And it was the best sleep you had years.
It was 4 years after the breakup, and the two of you have gone your separate ways.
Because you have gone no contact, you didn’t know River and Spencer had broken up.
He moved to another city and you moved out of the country.
After 3 years out of the country you missed your family and friends and decided to book a ticket back home.
It’s weird coming back to a place you once knew. While everything looks the same, a lot can change.
You went no contact with Spencer after the break up. It hurt too much to hold on to your past. Leaving him behind was something you had to do. For your own good. Before you left, you purposely deleted all of your social media. You didn’t want to leave a trace. You didn’t want your past to find you.
What you never did was change your cell phone number. You always kept it the same.
You got a message from a number you almost didn’t recognize.
He wanted to know if you could do dinner with him soon.
You accpeted. You missed him but you were also very cautious. He hurt before. Were you willing to let him back on a hurt you again?
You decided to talk to him about it over dinner. You guys talked about everything, college, family, work, your ex’s, his ex’s, his moving away, your moving away.
You guys slowly rebuilt your friendship and relationship again. And it was beautiful. A bit difficult because you guys have grown alot. You weren’t the same person from before. But neither was he. You two decided to move in together. And everything was great. Not perfect, because there’s no such thing as perfect. But it was good. Time apart made him more mature, outspoken, and vulnerable. All of the things he couldn’t be when he was with you.
You on the other hand were more rigid and cold. In between the time apart, you met alot of people. Alot of people that took advantage of your kindness. You were robbed of $20K savings. Your clothes were stolen. Someone even stole your car at one point. You weren’t alone though, you had friends to fall back on. You bounced around from city to city. Finding and losing yourself all the time. Fuck, you even decided to take a spontaneous road trip to Canada! You were so proud of your growth and your accomplishments!! However, you met someone on the way. A man. A man that would turn your life around. And not for the better.
He was everything you could ask for in a person.
But he was also a liar. He lied just as easily as he breathed.
You were young. You were in your 20’s. Naive and kind hearted. He took advantage of your sweet nature. He never helped around the apartment, never helped with maintenance, never wanted to take you out, never wanted to get to know your friend. Every time you asked him to help, he played coy. He would do it, but it was half assed. Everytime you wanted time for yourself he’d throw a fit. Claiming you never wanted to spend time with him. You had a job, you worked at a burger shop down the street. You found yourself at the shop and not at the apartment.
One day, after coming home from your double shift, you came home to find Tristan passed out on the sofa. You thought he was asleep but upon further examination, you realized he was blacked out drunk.
You didn’t want to live like this. You called a neighbor and asked for help to get home out of your apartment.
You were grateful he was too drunk to notice he was being lifted. You took your apartment key pit of his pocket and left him on the street.
You took a quick inventory of your apartment. And realized a-lot of your belongings had gone missing.
A ring you had since you were 12 wasn’t on the dresser.
Your only necklace, that you loved, wasn’t there either.
A few of your clothes were missing too.
Your face was hot. Fucker was pawing your shit!
You vowed never to allow a man come back into your life and turn it all around.
Which is why Spencer’s message threw you for a loop.
You did miss his friendship.
You decided to give it another shot.
You asked Spencer if he wanted to do dinner. He accepted and you told him everything that has happened since you broke up. You guys reconciled, rebuilt your friendship and moved in together.
It was a great relationship. Not perfect because there is no such thing. But it was better than before. You both have grown and learned alot about each other.
You noticed a shift in Spencer’s behavior. His sentences were clipped and short. He couldn’t look you in the eyes. He kept his cell phone oddly close to him at all times.
Even when he went to the restroom.
After a week of arguing with you, you decided it was best to break up. The breakup was quick but much needed. You didn’t need or want him in your life again. You were hurt, distraught and depressed. You didn’t leave your apartment unless you absolutely had to. You kept conversations with people short. You didn’t want people in your business. You and Spencer had plans to go to Nadine’s birthday party. You walked to your nearby corner store, greeted the clerk, bought your alcohol and went home. You never made it inside your apartment. You remember a mans voice.
You walked into your kitchen and saw your note. You hunted down your neighbor, but it was fruitless. He was no where to be found. You had to put your mission on the back burner. Your phone reminded you about a birthday you needed to attend to.
And you’d be damn if you didn’t go to her birthday.
But still you couldn’t stop thinking about those brown eyes that belonged to your neighbor.
