this blog is a trove of memories to me. not everything on here is good, & not everything here is something i still believe in. it's a time capsule of my entire existence. there are so many people i have lost contact with over my life, many of whom are buried inside this blog. i still love each of you & yes i do think well of all of you. one day i'll sit down to write all your names down, then i'll do a spell of happiness, prosperity, and love for each and every one of you who saved me in my darkest times. the more i heal & grow the more i understand the length that some of you went through to help me. thank you will never be enough, truly, and if you still check on my page to see if i'm alive haha, i am, & i didn't mean to lose touch. i have a disorder which makes me lose time. it's terrifying to say the least, but a year can feel like a week to me. i'll look back & be staggered to know i've lost touch with someone because the memories are so fresh it feels impossible that 3-5 years are gone by.
but from the bottom of my heart, with every single fiber of my being, THANK YOU. thank you thank you thank you. i miss you, i'm grateful for you, i still love you & i always will. you'll always have at least one person cheering for you. until i die. it's the very least i can give back. and please, if you EVER need someone. please reach out to me. i owe you each everything i have, everything i've grown to be, everything i will be one day. please know you're not alone.
thank you. -el


















