i have loved the stars too fondly

I love when someone is explaining instructions to a group I’m in and they look at me and it reminds them to say something about using preferred names/pronouns or that there’s vegan food options available. I go by my given name/pronouns and I’m not vegan but I’m proud that I can provide this service

"you can jack off you can eat grapes all else banned" is kind of the post of the summer because literally wtf else are you supposed to do once it’s 30°C outside

'the moral of project hail mary is that unfortunately eva stratt was right' 'the moral of project hail mary is that friendship will make you braver than you ever believed you could be' WRONG!!! the moral of project hail mary is BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WRITE YOUR THESIS ON

so i work in a care home w elderly people and one of my residents called me an intelligent girl, before apologizing and saying intelligent man, before apologizing again and landing on "youre an intelligent transsexual"

every 4th of july I think about the american tourist who was like oh thank god you’re open I wasn’t sure if you’d be open today and I was like why wouldn’t we be and he said because of the holiday. in norway.

I love the implication that, as Larry is an "unpaid trainee", the dog is paid.

Remember when Xbox was going to basically ban used games for the xbox one, and Playstation made fun of them with that video titled "how to share games on Playstation" and it was just one guy handing another a game disk? And now Playstation is getting rid of physical disks entirely

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french