i have loved the stars too fondly

he still did 9/11 no one can take that from him ❤️

Mondays aren't that bad once you cannot tell days apart from eachother

when we started talking about getting a small-breed dog I was like, "I will NEVER turn into one of those people who treats their little dog like a doll or an accessory by forcing them to dress up in ridiculous outfits. Dogs HATE that. They should get to be DOGS, and that means not having to wear anything but a HARNESS and being FREE to ROLL in the MUD." and then I adopted a dog who throws a fit if you try to take him for a walk without letting him pick out a bow tie first. a dog who loves wearing pajamas so much that I'm about to spend a disgusting amount of money on several sets of linen ones for summer. a dog who watches me wave at him to follow me through a mud puddle and just stands there blinking up at me like, "are you fucking serious? and get my paws wet?"

do nuns have pockets

surgery is so intimate like what do you mean im gonna be naked and asleep on a table while surrounded by a group of people who are responsible for my very life. kind of sexual. i mean who said that

a lot of people dont care about insect biomass collapse bc when they hear we are losing 2.5% of the insect biomass per year they just imagine the cockroach and housefly population decreasing by that much. they dont realize those are among the only ones that will remain unbothered

you can make a little oasis right where you are, and it matters

Your heart is not true enough to enter the gates of Margaritaville

My heart was heavier than the feather; I am sentenced to Rainforest Cafe

hey, hey, don’t cry. seals are recolonizing the tidal zone of the Thames River in London, okay?

i love whenever theres a discourse around what kind of sex it is moral for heterosexual women to have (where the morality of the sex acts obviously fall onto the woman) not because it’s enjoyable, interesting, fresh, or remotely good for women or the feminist movement, but because you do get some immortal lines every time. from the recent twitter discourse, “enjoy the blowjob, but REFLECT on it” could be my tagline

I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it

[trying to flirt with ms frizzle] hey val. can i call you val? i've always liked how most of the working professionals you know appear to be homosexuals. how about you take a chance on me, and we can make some mistakes and messes at my place? [sniles] [she turns me down with a pun] [i walk dejected out into the parking lot] [The Bus runs me over]

trying to undress ms frizzle but when you pull off her dress there's a second, "lingerie-patterned" dress underneath