Starry Dynamo in the Machinery of Night

That matters to a lot of people.

I don’t want to look back on my youth as a waste of time, of my body, of my spirit.

I feel like I continuously am letting myself down. I sleep too much, I eat too much, I wallow too much, I am lost.

These are such harsh words but they’re the only ones I know right now. I love myself and believe that I have an explosive amount of goodness within me that’s dying to burst out of my every pore, every fiber. 

I just don’t know how to do it.

I am drowning in social media influence. It’s keeping me from seeing who I really am.

Social media is like a murky, vast ocean, and all of our heads are rapidly bobbing in and out of the water, all of us screaming and asking to be heard above the others.

I can’t think very clearly anymore. I’m not sure that anyone can.

I am an addict.

When I’m lonely, I sift through instagram stories. When I’m overjoyed, I share my life on my own account. Where does the real living come into play?

The thought of deleting my account or taking long periods away is a very scary thought. I don’t know what to do. I want to delete Instagram from my phone.

Reading this back, it seems so silly. How could I be so afraid of something like this? How can it take hold of me in such a bizarre way? It’s just an app, right?

I am 24 years old and so far, I have spent my entire young adulthood/adulthood as a byproduct of the social internet.