
if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Love Begins
Three Goblin Art
styofa doing anything
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izzy's playlists!
Peter Solarz

#extradirty

Janaina Medeiros
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
occasionally subtle
RMH
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sheepfilms

@theartofmadeline
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Today's Document

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@lunaamplified

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hi I made a kinboard for the first time ever etc etc
[2026 Aid Post]
hi! maybe you know me or maybe you don't. i'm an aging disabled genderqueer who has been living on this site for ages. i've shat posts, written poems, made music & videos too. i also host a few tumblr communities like my book club.
i have been unable to work for a while & am currently surviving in a low income apartment with help from family support, weekly plasma donations, commission orders & pawning old items. i am in a tighter spot than ever now with little help from assisted living services so far.
if you have enjoyed anything on this blog & want to help me live:
my KOFI. this is the easiest way.
my venmo: FlowersForJean
buying my first Bandcamp Album, voted on by mutuals
[Commission Details Below]

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SH3'S MY R3SPONS1B1L1TY
[Emergency Funds Post]
hi!! maybe you know me or maybe you don't. i'm an aging, disabled genderqueer who has been living in the pits of this hellspace for a while! i've shat posts, written poems, made music & videos too!
i have a book club, i've offered music commissions for a few years, & i recently made a bandcamp where my first album is up for sale.
i have been unable to work for a while & am surviving in a low income apartment with help from my familys support, commission orders, selling plasma every week & pawning things off on ebay to make rent/grocery money, that kind of thing. recent stays in the hospital threw a big wrench in these efforts & i am in a tighter spot than ever now with little help from assisted living services so far. (ty to everyone who has offered advice, links, numbers, it means a lot. i promise i am trying)
you might relate to living on that cusp of stability where you're a grown adult who is capable of taking care of themselves but who would sure have a much easier time with someones help. at worst i'll have no consistent home, & i'd like to keep being here for as long as i can.
so since i've never made an outright asking post before without trying to give something in return, i'm doing that now. i really need help.
my KOFI. this is the easiest way to support me.
my venmo: FlowersForJean
or buy my album.
thank you. here is a picture of my cat socrates (sock for short)
have a safe day.
*SHIMEJI SIMULATION SPOILERS*
Do any shimsim fans/readers on here use the website tv tropes? I looked at the pages they have on shimeji simulation and find the way Shijima/Majime's relationship is handled... strange to the point I'd consider lightly homophohic.
Majime spends the majority of the story making OVERT romantic gestures towards Shijima, asking her out, holding her hand, cuddling, trying to kiss her, even joking about them being engaged. And while she's more reserved and less blatant about it, Shijima DOES end up reciprocating her feelings, and they live together, sleep together, kiss one another and eventually, after dreaming of being with Majime every night for perhaps an eternity, she breaks her imposed infinite solitude to travel through a giant void of human loneliness just so she can be with Majime again. Just to be labeled "heterosexual life partners"???
The relationship between their teacher and classmate, which BRIEFLY appears in two chapters, is mentioned several times as an official romantic relationship, but the romance between the two protagonists is barely even touched on?
The manga doesn't have any tags specific to being gay or queer, such as #ho-yay which is the general tag for homosexual content in works of art on the site, INCLUDING subtext and queerbaity stuff. And Shimeji Simulation is a girls love, it's beyond subtext. It's listed as such on every manga site I've ever used to read it on, every fan I've talked to sees it as such. It's an incredibly central part of the story, ESPECIALLY the ending of it. I want to believe this is just a case of ignorance and not deliberate censorship, but it still bothered me enough to ramble about it on here haha. Im not a very avid user of tv tropes so I dont really know how editing it and membership works but if someone who does can do literally anything to change some of this you'd be my hero... Anyway that's all angsty lesbian rant over
MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?
GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.
“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own
CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.
THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-
FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?
THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!
HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.
MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US
WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?
MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”
MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”
Isn’t there anything else you can say?
YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?
THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.
CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.
THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
There. There has to be better options than this.
YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.
MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”
MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.
GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.
MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.
DAMAGED MORALE -4
CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.
SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.
FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.
STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.
THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!
YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”
MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”
CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.
RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.
YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”
MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”
Order 10000 yen worth of tempura
Order 1000 yen worth of tempura
Order 100 yen worth of tempura
YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”
HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.
THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!
MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.
HEALED MORALE +1
RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.
THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.
Thank you.
Why don’t you hate me?
YOU - Why don’t you hate me?
THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.
Thank you.
THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.

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Haibane Renmei (2002)
Jupiter

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障子にナンシー