Is it wrong to be bitter over the popularity of yaoi and jealous to some degree?
I want to start by saying I’m aware that some straight women sexualise and fetishise gay men in fandom spaces, and I don’t support that at all. It’s something that harms queer people across the board (and, unfortunately, queer women deal with similar issues from straight men too).
But lately…I’ve been feeling really frustrated with the imbalance I keep seeing in fandom. MLM ships, especially in yaoi spaces, tend to get a huge amount of attention, while WLW ships are often overlooked or receive so little support. And when a WLW ship does become popular, it often attracts a lot of backlash. Ships like Catradora or CaitVi are good examples of that.
What’s also frustrating is that this isn’t necessarily about “toxicity” in ships, because even popular MLM or straight ships (like JayVik or Timebomb in Arcane) can be interpreted in toxic ways too. Yet they don’t seem to get the same level of criticism.
It often feels like female characters are held to a completely different standard. They have to be soft, likeable, and almost “perfect,” or they’re quickly attacked by audiences. And when stories center women without male characters, they tend to get less engagement overall, which ties into the fact that a large portion of fandom spaces are made up of straight women.
I understand that attraction can play a role in what people enjoy, and I don’t think that’s inherently wrong. But over time, I’ve realised I’ve grown a bit bitter about the disparity. Even looking at fanfiction numbers on AO3, MLM ships consistently dominate. They have over thousands of pages of content, while WLW ships usually have far farrr less.
This imbalance exists in publishing too. Sapphic books are often treated as niche. A book like Heated Rivalry, for example, likely wouldn’t have had the same traction if it were about two women, simply because the audience would be smaller (mostly queer women). Whilst straight women, who make up a huge portion of romance readers, are less likely to pick it up due to not being attracted to women.
And then there’s the hostility. The reaction to characters like Francesca and Michaela in Bridgerton shows how much backlash WLW stories can get. It’s hard not to feel like if a male character, like Benedict, had a similar storyline, people wouldn’t be nearly as upset or concerned about “accuracy.”
I think what I’m really struggling with is the feeling of wanting more support and visibility for WLW stories, without feeling guilty for noticing the disparity. I don’t hate gay men or MLM media at all. I just wish there was more mutual support. A lot of queer women show up for MLM stories, but it doesn’t always feel reciprocated.
At the end of the day, I’m just tired of seeing WLW stories sidelined, criticised more harshly, or cut short. Whether that’s through cancellations, lack of promotion, or harmful tropes like character deaths.
I just wish there was more space. More support. And more love for our stories too. And I am bitter.
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