Lulandia

· It’s entirely possible that waking up from the surgery is going to hurt more than the actual accident

· Post surgery depression is an actual thing and it’s fine if you cry for no reason then get angry for no reason and then cry again because you’re upset that you’re angry and crying for no reason.

· Forget dignity, just use the bed pan.

· The first time you wash your hair/have a real shower after leaving hospital will be better than sex. This is still true even if you’ve had some really good sex.

· When you’re finally allowed out of your boot or cast your leg is going to look INSANE.

· When you’re finally allowed out of your boot or cast and you’ve recovered from how insane your leg looks, you’re going to be amazed at all the leg hair you grew.

· When you’re finally allowed out of your boot or cast your foot/leg is going to peel... A lot. It’s disgusting but it’s normal. It’s also going to be crazily itchy. 

· If you have a wound pump/drain they are going to tell you it feels fine when they remove it. They’re lying. But it’s only going to feel revolting for a nanosecond as they remove it. Accept any painkillers and sympathy offered by the nurse afterwards, you earned it.

· You will stop caring if your neighbours see you navigating the building stairs on your ass instead of legs.

· The boot is so much better than a plaster cast, it’s lighter, more comfortable and much easier to get around with on crutches.

· For a while after the surgery even the lightest sheet on your foot/leg is going to feel like a hot iron blanket. It gets better.

· People will want to help you navigate stairs but will have no idea how, it’s cool because you won’t really know how they can help either.

· Do your ROM exercises as soon as you’re allowed.

· Seriously, do your ROM exercises. Things start to loosen up a few days after you start and feel much better.

· If you’re on blood thinning injections for an extended period of time after surgery be VERY careful when you decide to shave off all that impressive leg hair you grew. For real, one little nick and my bathroom ended up looking like the battle of the Somme.

· It’s important to stay involved and see your friends, but if you’re at a party, remember that a bunch of drunk people trying to help you navigate with your crutches is going to be a uniquely terrifying experience even if you love them.

· Czech soap operas are very bad and the only excuse for watching one is because you literally can’t run away.  

Ding Dong