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Yes indeed no nudity but you can find all the discriminatory and hate speech you want!

But wait, the icing on the cake…

…really? Do i need even say anything.

Alright followers, I’m always trying to help educate the next generation of kinksters. This time I’m writing to educate my fellow doms. Ask almost any submissive and they will tell you the world is WOEFULLY lacking knowledgeable dominants. That’s why I teach. I needed a teacher and too many people wanted something in exchange for teaching. I believe that making knowledge available for anyone who simply wants it will improve our community.

So, I asked my followers to tell me the things they HATE when dominants do. It’s important to know what not to do because so many doms have a move, or a skill that they know subs love. When subs aren’t interested or turned off by something we did? They vanish, that makes it hard to learn from our mistakes. So, let’s get into it.

Assuming any submissive owes you anything for simply existing.

@collegebottomwpb wrote: “Assuming that I have to do what they say because they identify as a Dom and me a sub. It makes me wonder what they are really looking for. I’m not your punching bag just because I identify as a sub.”

@gayhypnoboy wrote: “One thing certain Dominants do that puts me off serving them is acting as though they deserve my submission purely based on my being an s-type, without them bothering to establish any rapport with me. It’s far better to come in gently and respectfully - if rapport is established then I am far more likely to gift the Dominant my submission.”

@hungryhungrycumdump wrote: “Being a Dom doesn’t mean acting like an asshole to me, especially if we don’t already have a relationship/framework to build on. Every day I have to ignore random rude people that treat me like shit. If I don’t know you and you’re leading off our encounter by degrading me and demanding things that make me uncomfortable, I’m gonna shut down completely. Show me you’re worth obeying before demanding subservience. You can’t be in charge until I feel safe being powerless.”

I really wanted to bring this comment up first because it is often the opening move of a dominant to try and put himself in position as the person in charge. We know you’re in charge, we all know because we all self identify with our roles.  Confidence is quiet, insecurities are loud. Pushing your dominance shows insecurities to submissives. But being your dominant self and expressing dominance through who you are is going to be WAY more effective. (as much as I dislike “real” alpha/submissive as a concept) Think of how many submissives want a “real” alpha. They are desperate for the Man who radiates his dominance through confidence in himself and every action he takes even when he is at rest. Cultivate that Man within yourself. Mix in a bit of charm and you will be the center of attention.

Don’t forget that every sub is unique and has different needs. Get to know each submissive you want to play with.

@athenbax wrote: “I had a dominant thank me one time and I lost all respect for him.  Dominants don’t thank fags, fags thank dominants.”

@markinwisconsin also added: “I think when someone approaches a sub making demeaning statements or demands it is more likely a fake dom looking for a quick buck.”

@hungryhungrycumdump wrote: “Also learn the difference between betas and omegas and try to think about what kind of relationship dynamics most appeal to you. Subs need different levels of degradation and treating us all the same is a quick way to make us feel disposable (and not in a fun cumwhore way). If you need a human toilet, fine. Just don’t assume that’s gonna be me because I’m a sub.”

Both of these quotes show what a mistake it can be to assume all submissives are the same. @athenbax needs a Man to come in, take charge, and own his ass. @markinwisconsin will not be impressed if you are trying to humiliate or demean you right out of the gate and will likely leave. EVERY SUB IS DIFFERENT! They all have different: needs from dominance, personalities, kinks, appearances, and needs from a dominant. If you walk up and call @collegebottomwpb a faggot he’ll probably block you where as @athenbax is likely to say “Yes Sir”. This I hope explains some points of failure for a lot of brand new doms who start out with one approach thinking that porn reflects reality. Take a moment to ask a sub what titles he likes as that can often give you the first clues you need to get inside a submissive’s head. Each new sub you would play with you need to think like first. You want to be a step ahead of them in the conversation whether fag or boy at all times. If you’re a step ahead of them and leading them in just the starting conversation alone, it makes a fantastic first impression.

Learn the difference between confidence and arrogance.

@markinwisconsin wrote: “I don’t think an Alpha should ask a sub to do something.  They should be giving orders.”

Ok, so we’ve established that you’re here and dominant, and that every submissive is different. The last thing you need to establish is that a submissive feels into you and is looking to you ready to play. If he’s ready to play, he’s already submitting to you in a cursory way and wants to go deeper. I’m going to lay out some differences between arrogance and confidence for you below:

When you understand the difference between confidence and arrogance your words carry weight because you truly and deeply KNOW what it is you need and want in the moment. You give a submissive an order not to fill his time so you can think of something more to do but instead because it’s what you need him to do and need him to do NOW.

Some submissives will make a point of letting you know that you can dominate them: “It’s ok for you to give me orders.” These submissives have often had lots of experiences with Men who were new to giving orders and unsure. Remember earlier in this post we talked about being a step ahead in the conversation? That applies in the bedroom. Plan, know, execute on your needs and your scene. Having that next step planned out while you’re spanking his ass means that there is no hesitation when you need to act because you KNOW what you’re going to do. It lets you speak with assertion because you know “this is what happens next”. Besides, a great many subs would be incredibly excited to hear: “I’ve been planning all week what I’m going to do to you. Are you ready to find out exactly what will happen now?”

Honorable mention

@lto2012 wrote: “As a Dom, I don’t know that I have much to offer here aside for the fact that I’m really willing to learn, to listen, to challenge boundaries and to openly communicate with subs. Things like this— a “how to” guide and other content I’ve found here on Tumblr— are helpful in my own learning process.

Every situation, interaction, and person is nuanced and that presents a challenge for some Doms. There is no formula. It is a continual test that goes in both directions. The issue I find is that when subs don’t communicate I fail that test. I’ll fail every test I don’t even know I’m taking.

I cannot read your mind.

I want to have the sex in real life that my buddies jerk off thinking about. Help me out and we can have that amazing sex together. “

I know how many cruel, abusive, arrogant doms are out there boys. Don’t forget there are good men too. It makes life a lot easier if even though you’re a submissive you’ll let a dominant know if something constitutes mistreatment so new sincere men such as this follower can learn and grow into a Man any of you would be proud to serve. Dominants can’t be dominants without submissives and submissives cannot submit without a dominant to lead them. This principle extends to all areas of our kinky lives not simply the bedroom for those of us who are called to live the life of a kinkster. So, speak up, let your would be dominant know what’s up and if he shapes up and treats you right, consider submitting to him. After all, a Man who can hear he’s done wrong and do better is what we all want from a partner isn’t it?

Conclusion

Hi my submissive and switch followers. I’d like to write a compilation list for dominants who are new to highlight behaviors that you’ve experienced dominants do and it made you not want to serve them or stop talking to them. I’ll offer a bit of commentary of my own on whatever you send me and link back to your blog (if you want me to). It can be simple, or complicated. Highly specific, or general. The idea is not to just bash on dominants although I’m told by subs pretty regularly that many have it coming.

The purpose of the compilation is to help them improve and grow faster by your wisdom and experience. I have a feeling it would be invaluable to new dominants and if we improve the quality of the dominant pool of men, all you eager subs and switches benefit!

Every situation, interaction, and person is nuanced and that presents a challenge for some Doms. There is no formula. It is a continual test that goes in both directions. The issue I find is that when subs don’t communicate I fail that test. I’ll fail every test I don’t even know I’m taking.

I cannot read your mind.

Hey all, a bit of unsolicited advice to newer submissives. I’ve been talking to a couple of guys lately and they all have one theme in common. They gave up too much information or power to a dominant before they’d ever met or during the very first meeting and that guy never came back.

It is in your nature as submissives to surrender power to dominants. But you need to make him work a bit for it. Giving dominants too much power too quickly, too easily can scare him off making him think you’re trying to commit very quickly. Alternatively, you can give him no limits on the first meeting and get hurt, or even just say yes to things that give you pause to make him happy only to find he wasn’t actually interested in a second play session.

“Submissives have the power” is a really great message, but I feel like it’s worth expanding upon this idea.

A submissive doesn’t owe a dominant their submission simply by virtue of their preferred (or natural) role. Sure, they might be submissive, but they won’t necessarily be submissive to that specific dominant.

But the same concept applies in reverse. I don’t owe anyone my dominance. Entitled and demanding submissives are a huge problem for dominants, and lots of subs don’t know where to stop pushing.

No one is owed another person’s body, or a chance to engage in a certain kink with another person. So just be respectful and sensible. If you’re a sub, approach a Dom in a friendly way. And the same goes in reverse. Doms who introduce themselves with abusive orders, and subs who introduce themselves with degrading statements and demands of abuse or control… they’re struggling to recognize the importance of communication and mutual desire.

This is a power exchange relationship, not a power surrender.

Your submission, like my Dominance, is a gift given in exchange for something of equal value.

Having a relationship with a woman that is just her calling me whenever she wants to get eaten out.

You decide when, you decide where, you decide for how long. And I get a boner whenever I see (or hear, you could have me assign some sort of cunnilingus related ringtone to your contact! my neck, my back…) you calling me, because I know there could only be one reason for it.

I arrive, you tell me something about it not going to lick itself, I sink to my knees and make myself useful.

Spreading my legs for me: Oh my god I love it when you slide those hands up between my thighs and force them apart, like yes please

Your hand on my throat: Not even choking hard or anything, but I promise if you just put your hand anywhere near my neck I will explode with excitement

Teasing my ears: They’re sensitive as shit, maybe nibble on them a little as you move to my neck to leave a hickey?

Hickies: Not just on my neck and shoulders, but I love when you leave them all over my body, my stomach and hip bones and ass and just everything

Pushing me down: If we’re kissing next to a bed or couch or whatever, and you push me onto it I will love you forever