cacophony

when considering the sexual violence against trans women, it's important to remember that "people only view us sexually" does not mean the same thing as "people only find us attractive". it means "people can only conceptualize of our existence within a sexual light" because that's how the majority of our coverage in media has been tinged in the past century. as a result of the chaste and patriarchal nature of modern capitalism, gender and sexuality are inseparable in much public discourse by virtue of propaganda, and as a result, a trans woman is seen as sexual because efforts towards projecting specifically femininity is only categorized as sexual. and when paired with the uncharitable perception of "man", that propaganda can often evolve how people view us directly into "sexual threat" anywhere, for any reason. i could be in the freezer aisle of costco looking down at the ground while i push my cart and i'd still get dirty looks for wearing a dress (this has happened).

when i say "they're either jerking off or sharpening a knife", i mean we're either viewed sexually, or as sexually threatening, in almost all scenarios.

part 3

None of these are rules someone imposes on another, they are simply information one announces or learns. Its important to remember that no one is obligated to meet or keep to any of these in a relationship. Choosing to do so is an act of love, which is why love is seen as inseparable from safety in being vulnerable. And the act of being in a relationship alone is never a reason to give up on any of these for someone.

Two people's Needs/boundaries/hopes may clash or contradict or sit at odds. These interactions and changes and compromises and how each partner is treated are the relationship.

For a relationship to be healthy with contradicting sets (you will never ever find any truly non-contradicting sets ever) both partners must be able to communicate their own and understand their partner's and find compromises or circumvents that genuinely respect both partners. When people talk about communication being all-important, they mean this. Being logical about these compromises means understanding that sometimes, things are held so personally to someone that a conflict is not solvable. Its important that it is understood that in these moments, breaking up is not only a neutral concept (despite often being portrayed as a "definitive lose state" socially), but often necessary. Many attempts to brute force these interactions into a functioning relationship result in abuse.