GANG! AU DRUG DEALER JIMMY INK X F! READER
Summary:normality can be reassuring for change, especially when you want it more than anything else. Maybe it doesn’t feel right because it’s new, but missing part of your past can cause it to come back, but not in the way you might’ve thought.
Chapter 7: Mums the word
To say time had gone slowly would be an under exaggeration, three weeks and I felt years taken off my soul. Life experience, as my mum would tell me, when you’re in your teenage years is always a shock to experience, shock didn’t even touch the sides of what I was feeling. To say that every event that had occurred within the last month hadn’t fried my nervous system would just be plain and simple denial. The aching restlessness that I had once felt sitting in my room staring at my uni application was distilled into a light fizzing; which was as fair of a statement to make as a hypothesis on jimmy crystals schizophrenia. Focusing on myself for a while felt odd, not feeling concerned whether someone you cared about had been nicked by the police in the middle of the night or was lusting after other people or worse was lying on a bathroom floor alone covered in blood after an act of charity, overdosing on the substance of choice.
I had spent a lot of my time in between seeing Kelly with these similar thoughts replaying before I managed to fall asleep at night. She took up a lot of my head, especially my delusions of how I thought the rest of our time together would play out. Becoming closer with the other jimmies including being in the favour of the sir lord himself, being taken out to places with more class than I was used to while Kelly paid with a wad of rolled cash, sneaking away during movie nights parties and her meeting my mum; maybe them even getting along. The thought of almost having that kind of relationship with Kelly made me stir if I thought about it too long, no longer bringing me the same rush of excitement as it did before, as I now knew the price of it. Relentless abuse from jimmy crystal, being forced to work around drugs with an addictive personality, performing charity on people and having to pretend to like it, having the constant paranoia or rival gangs, police and my mums worry. It was no way to live. It was an insult to everything my mum had built to support me by herself through her own hard work and sacrifice; sacrifice I know for a fact was never apparent in the care of jimmy crystal.
I had returned to my home in the early hours of the Saturday morning after my drive with jimmy ink, I had spent a whole week off school, convincing my mum I was sick through some slightly manipulative phone calls of faux coughing. The swelling around my eye had gone down completely and I had a yellow hue that mixed with a dark brown that caressed the curve of my eye bag where the stone of Crystal’s ring had smashed into my face. The cut on my cheek was merely a scrape of a fingernail while washing my face and therefore raised no further questions from my mum. Spending most of my time with Rose’s mum as she worked from home gave me a trusted source of confinement, a trusted adult if you may. She let me give Rose a break from hearing about my inner monologue and gave me a reason to let someone else do the talking, through her own stories of nights out gone wrong ex boyfriends who were too heavy handed for their own good and kids like shite and ink who had grown up too vulnerable and were taken advantage of by nefarious adults gave me an odd comfort that I’m not the first person to get it wrong, no matter how dire the situation may be.
She not only made me feel less alone but less idiotic for my choices and gave me the realisation I truly didn’t know anything about ink apart from her name; Kelly. When voicing this to Rebecca, Rose’s mum, she simply smirked at me from the side knowingly as she wiped the kitchen counter to get rid of the crumbs caused from buttering the crispy bread, “Sounds like you two explored each other more than you realise, you know it was always going to be harder to go back to getting to know each other after you have sex, you can’t go back to holding hands once that step is taken.”
She placed a piece of toast with jam spread evenly in front of me as well as a cup of tea, tiny bit of milk and one sugar, “We’ll never get to know each other anymore as long as I don’t work for jimmy crystal, plus I made my decision I’m sure I’ll never see her again anyway.”
She laughed lightly as she made her way to her own seat, the customer service page glaring into her glasses from her company laptop, “I wouldn’t be so sure that’s a bad thing,” Rebecca caressed the underside of her eye before fixing her glasses up the bridge of her nose, “it’s a small part of the city out of the way of your house jimmy runs so you have nothing to be concerned about, in terms of bumping into your new friends that is.”
I had tried to hide the disappointment on my face, but I could be read like a book, what Becca said was true, on the days I did manage to leave the security of the current residents not a gold chain, adidas tracksuit or pungent fume of green was smelt. Even so, the lingering feeling of eyes never left me.
More specifically at sixth form, I had heard whispers of my attendance at the house of jimmy crystal along with the names that went along with the information, slag, cokehead, smackhead, just like her dad and a plethora of abbreviations of said adjectives. They only made me roll my eyes never one to snap the getting back into routine made me miss the adrenaline rush of being around the jimmies. Sixth form felt like watching paint dry and none of my subjects seemed to be interesting enough to pay attention to the content. On top of many of the others, I had lied to my mum that I had gotten a part time job at a local café when in reality I would just walk around for hours, going up and down every side alleyway and usually ended up at the beach, ignoring the car park and swimming centre as I pass it. I couldn’t be home, but I didn’t want to do anything too careless or trapping. Sitting with myself I tried to convince myself I had done the right thing. I mean, I had. But I didn’t feel like I did. I was completely selfish in my decision making, no doubt about it but my head did all the decision making, I had left out my heart completely. We never dated, held hands, met each other’s parents but those few hours together, the passion the hate the feeling that wasn’t quite love but was more than a fondness for each other. It was a break from isolation, celibacy it was a night of sin, but it was pure.
Walking past my mum’s car I turn into my front porch, reaching for my keys from my bag as I go over my scripted lines for when my mum asks about my “shift” at work. As I open the door to my house, I hear my mums voice along with another I don’t recognise slow, deep, calm. My brows furrow with confusion, just as I attempt to make out the conversation being had my body freezes at the sight of my mum. The man sitting opposite her has a presence of authority, the type I had learnt in my psychology class, the type of authority that required a uniform an identity that forced conformity to abide by the rules and not step out of line out of fear of the reinforcement, similar to the severity of jimmy crystal but the sense of professionalism and education jimmy crystal would confuse with a smite on old nicks new world of sin. But that didn’t scare me into straightening my spine, fixing my posture into embodying the stature of innocence, my mums face as it met mine allowed me to read the room before I stepped into the threshold into the kitchen. It read as follows; you lied to me, and now I know. It was the exact face she pulled before each time she called me by my full name, putting me into my social role as her child, no matter what the law stated of my age, I was her baby, her world, she was the one to teach me how to behave and I had royally fucked up. The glint of disappointment pulled at my heart as I walked closer to the two adults at the kitchen table. The man turned in my direction at my slowly revealed presence, he was in a suit and tie but had not taken off his black trench coat, his countenance evidently senior as his face folded with joyous memories tiring days and the calm he brought in the storm gave him a trusting almost gentle aura.
“Hey mum, what’s goin-“
“R/N sit down.” My mum was quick to cut off my attempt at false pleasantries to try ease the tension between her brows.
Facing defeat, I take the seat at the end of the table the adults either side of me with a cup of tea each that still seemed to be steaming hot, I realised I had kept being put in this position, at the end of the table. Both times now I had felt I was being put on trial, the first time I was oblivious to it given the new environment, but though this was my domain and I was certain I was still being interrogated by a stranger, a threat. My guard was up.
“Hello r/n I’m Detective Kelson, but you can call me Ian. There has come about some safeguarding concerns reported by your school and wanted to talk to you and your mum about providing support in this type of situation.” His calm demeanour freaks me out, but his words confuse me my school? This detail makes my brows furrow as I snap my head in my mum’s direction, I see a glint of hope in her eyes at my genuine confusion, but it doesn’t stay long as she keeps her hard demeanour.
“My sixth form? What would They have concerns about? What do you mean support for this type of situation?” I tried hard to remain calm, but my voice was shaky and uncertain as well as incredibly defensive for someone trying to play innocent.
“Due to reports made on your recent involvement with a particular group of individuals, criminal individuals, you may refer to them as the “jimmies” ran by a “jimmy crystal” notorious for praying on young individuals from rough backgrounds,” he glances towards my mum cautiously at his last words but I refuse to look in her direction focusing on the detective in front of me my heart pounding in my mouth as I try not to react as he continues, “the severity of the crimes committed by the self-proclaimed “jimmies” has been on my departments radar for the last four years.”
His warm eyes freeze on my demeanour as I struggle to release a breath. My mind simply swirls in intrusive visions of being placed in handcuffs and into a police van. I’m basically an accomplice, right? He’s going to think I’ve started working for jimmy crystal. My mums going to disown me. Kelly.
“I assume you know who I’m referring to and I would just like to assure you, unless you have actively worked for jimmy crystals drug operation, contributed to the assault battery or murdered another civilian or helped cover up a crime which would make you an accomplice, you are not in any sort of trouble. I am not here to ruin your chances of living your life as it is, I am here to help,” His words give me comfort as well as everyone else at the table, at his clarification my shoulders relax slightly but not completely as I could feel further explanation into this house visit than to steer me onto the right path, I finally look at my mum who seems to reflect my hesitation to relax, god I’m so sorry mum, “As well as preventing any further involvement, I have a proposition, an opportunity that you could help me with my investigation to gather further information on the drugs operation being ran distributed and sold through the group.” There it is.
My hands hold my face as I prop my elbows on the wooden table, I knew there would be more to this that I wasn’t prepared for, it felt like every part of my life for the last month had been brought into the light, ripping at every selfish and progressive rot of my own dignity was in full view and I couldn’t cover it up. I breathe in and out deeply in an attempt to calm my heart racing out of my chest. My options were disgusting to even think about, either I have a life of dealing with the jimmies decreasing my mortality rate to five years or I have a target on my back from working with the police and die surrounded by jimmies anyway. I couldn’t do this to myself any longer but at what cost, me and my livelihood, rose, my mum?
I lift my head at the sudden feeling of a hand on my shoulder; I look up slowly to see the soft touch comes from the one person who I had let down more than myself. There was so much I hadn’t said, so much my mum still didn’t know and yet she was there to make me feel less alone. The affectionate gesture caused me to burst into tears; the explosion of emotion was so sudden I could see detective Ian jump slightly in my peripheral vision. He was gentlemanly enough to offer a small square handkerchief which I took without hesitation. As I moved the cloth sound my eyes, the layers of makeup wiped away, revealing the façade and the bruising behind it.
“Oh my god.” My mums hand retracts to cover her mouth in horror at the obvious signs of an assault. The detective shifted in his seat brow curved with an equal amount of concern; he didn’t need to ask it was obvious what had happened.
“R/n why would you hide this from me, I could’ve protected you it’s my job,” the stress on every word turns my stomach even more so as she continued to direct her concern to detective kelson, “can we press charges?”
“NO..no mum we can’t.” I plead with her my heart pounding in my chest at the thought of the repercussions of snitching on any of the jimmies especially jimmy crystal.
“What do you mean no r/n? do you think I’m going to let some girl you’re seeing put her hands on you? God don’t be stupid I raised you better th- “
“It wasn’t a girl! Mum it-” tears choke me and leave me breathless, the fact she knew I was seeing jimmy ink passed right by me as all that was hidden had been brought to light, every occasion that had left me distraught, that I kept from my own creator now had to burden her. The fear of revealing it to someone who had it out for the girl I couldn’t get out of my head made me a traitor by default, paranoia was full blown consuming my being, I was trapped and would be hung drawn and quartered if jimmy crystal found out kelson was even here.
“R/n who/what caused that bruise?” kelson interjected at the pause caused by the silence of shock that radiated off my mum. Taking a deep breathe I look up to blink away any excess tears in my eyes.
“It was jimmy crystal,” the sudden movement of my mum standing up made me jump as she made her way towards the kettle to make another tea, a sign that the conversation would not be over for a while; filling me with a deeper sense of dread, “I mouthed off to him after a party, he was on a come down from whatever he had taken and threw me like a ragdoll.” a silent sob of pure despair broke my flow, making my head spin, my mum had her back turned away from the conversation towards the kitchen counter, shoulders caved in on herself for support, fuck.
Kelson nodded understandingly at my words, “how did you get invited to jimmy’s house?” he asked cautiously as if I was break into a million pieces at the further questioning.
I narrow my eyes at him anger bubbling inside of my core, “you do realise that by you being here you’re putting me and my mum at risk? If they find out I’ve even spoke to you what they’ll do? I was fine. I handled it myself. It was over. I rejected his job offer and I can’t see Kelly again, and that’s it no-”
“R/N R/L/N. first, lower your voice and show detective kelson respect; he’s only here to help get you out of this mess. Second, what do you mean “rejected his job offer”? you were around them that much? How long have you been around these people?” the pain in her voice was clear even though I knew she was trying to hide it to balance my uncontrollable crying.
“it’s okay Mrs r/l/n it’s understandable to be worried in this type of situation,” his calm demeanour gave me a pang of guilt at how I spoke to him he really was in the right profession, “if you would like me to leave and not answer any more questions we can stop here that is completely up to you, you seem like a rational young adult r/n I know that no matter what you decide to do you’ll make the right choice.”
I fiddle with my hair as I look down. The mention of making right choices make me squirm, after all wasn’t I here in the first place because of making the wrong ones again and again? Worst of all, through all this, I wanted to talk to ink. Tell her what was happening tell her to come get me and I would say yes to jimmy crystal so we could be together for a little while. That was just one of the twenty other thoughts in my head. I wanted to play double agent and help detective kelson out of spite of being bashed around by the sir lord. I wanted to stay in my room for the rest of my life and never leave. I wanted to beg my mum for forgiveness. I wanted to go to a church and confess everything I had seen been apart of and done, the lust the rage and the greed.
Tears rolled down my cheeks for the millionth time in the past month and a half. I looked at my mum who was waiting for my answer, the anger no longer reaching her blotchy eyes as she tries to fine her little girl she once knew. I shake my head as I find the eyes of the detective.
“No, I’m sorry, I’ll tell you. It started when rose was speaking to this lad Micheal, he invited us to a house party, made it seem like it was his gaff-“
I talked and told every detail for over an hour; it was prolonged due to crying and my mum interjecting her own questions which she had every right to do. I spared the intimacy details, but I shared my feelings for jimmy ink, kelson seemed genuinely surprised but indifferent he must’ve delt with thousands of drug dealer spouses. I told them about helping ink out during the car chase, the lad who had groped me at the first party, ink knowing details I was yet to tell her, the only way jimmy crystal was going to let me see jimmy ink was by working for him and most importantly old nick. Kelson had asked again about his proposition, but I didn’t give him a definite answer, he left his card with his contact information written in prestigious font which I accepted more so for my mum’s sake. I was scared, it felt like I fell down a rabbit hole and there was no way out, both of my options made me shiver in a cold sweat as both came with a warning or more like a death wish.
Me and my mum had moved to the living room and after half an hour of criticising my evidently poor decision making, she had taken my fantasy and forced the reality on me. Only me, myself and I have put me my mum and my quality of life in danger but me. Jimmy ink did not care for me the way I thought about her, she didn’t see me as a person but a means to an end. We gradually started to have a heart; our favourite show on as background noise. She was disappointed but relieved I had come clean, she was furious to the point of understanding, “Half of this is my fault, you’re half of me and half your dad, you were bound to fall for someone like her sooner or later.” My shoulder moved against her arms wrapped around me as I laughed at her attempt to make me feel less stupid in my life choices.
“I still can’t stop thinking about her and I feel like an idiot; the only girl I’ve been with in months and she’s like…her.” I confess, feeling lighter as the words leave my mouth.
“I know baby, you have my personality; you love with all of yourself, you’re not built for casual, you love until your love runs out. Even if she doesn’t put you first, you won’t let go easily,” Her words feed my soul, and cut me at the same time and I nuzzle into her hold which doesn’t last long as she moves me away, standing up, “I’m going to bed Hun, we’ll talk more in the morning, try get some sleep I love you, goodnight.” She kisses my forehead as she walks away from the couch and out the living room door.
“Love you, goodnight.” I call after her.
The clouded moonlight peered through the blinds, spilling onto the carpet and my legs hanging over the arm of the couch I was split in two; half of me was watching, though watching was more of a blank stare that allowed me to recognise words and shapes, characters keep their secret affection away from each other even though its blatantly obvious to everyone around them, and the other half of me wondered. If I could do it all again would I do it the same? Do I change sides and give in to detective kelsons proposal? Am I going to get myself killed either way? Do I just go back to being in a dark room void of affection attention lust attraction?
I refrain from messaging rose through my spiral mainly out of fear. By my understanding from what she told me, her and shite were on track to going some form of unstable steady. I couldn’t risk blowing myself up when there was no need to. I wondered what she was telling him, if she was complaining of the way I was acting how she talked shit on every guy she was going out with. What scared me was that it had been a week and so far, she wasn’t pissed off with him. That was unusual for rose, I knew I wasn’t one to talk considering my situation, but it usually meant that she actually likes him, which never ends well. A pang of guilt reaches my chest as the realisation hits me, yet again another consequence to my actions, another person in harms way because of me. The one time I choose selfishness, and I’ve quite literally destroyed my life as well as endangering my support my unconditional love and my home. Tears well up in my eyes as I sit up holding my knees to my chest as I use my cotton sleeve to wipe my face from the moisture.
To say regret filled every crevice of my being was an under exaggeration. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, like my body was made of cogs and wheels that had rusted through exposure to my environment. Since I had met jimmy ink, I had this overwhelming sense that I was being watched, not in a powers that be sort of way but just that I had eyes on me, stalking, staring, all the time. As well as this feelings of impending doom shortly followed, like clockwork one right after the other. I felt it when I was alone at the beach, in the walls of Rose’s bedroom, taking a shower, walking through the gates of sixth form and right now. The urge to look around me was imminent, the feeling of an ominous glare snapped me out of my daze as I look around the room peaking through the crack in the living room door, where every horror movie jump scare occurs, nothing. My eyes dart to the mirror in the corner wall that faced out into the hallway and the stairs, it was dark but not to the point that I wouldn’t see a figure if it were there, but it wasn’t. Shaking my heads lightly as I turn my attention back towards the blaring tv screen. Suddenly my heart is in my throat as I see a figure pop out in window out of my peripheral vision, snapping my head as my body reflexes forcing me up out of my seat to come face to face with the glare that disrupted my peace, my nostrils flexed open to allow my air into my lungs that had been robbed by shock. As my brain registers the shape in front of me, my shoulders slant in a more relaxed state, the figure dressed in a blue tracksuit with platinum blonde hair peered through the glass with her hands cupping either side of her eyes to block out any shadows, to not distract her vision, like a lion to a lamb. Jimmima. Her smile wide, freakishly so, almost uncanny like she was in on a joke I wasn’t. I cautiously take a step closer to the window opening the curtains more as I reach the window, I didn’t trust she was alone and the way she was smiling had set me on edge more than my initial adrenaline had. The situation was completely ambiguous the separation of the glass brought a healthy barrier but made it uneasy, it was a question of who was out looking in and who was trapped being watched. I open the top window which caused her to step back slightly her arms moved to her side like she was being held to attention, her smile not faltering once.
“What the fuck Jimmima? What are you doing here, you scared the shit out of me.” The irritation was clear in my tone, but she didn’t seem bothered by it.
“Oh, don’t be a little bitch! come on, come out and play!!,” she motioned for me to leave through the front door her excitable energy rang every alarm in my head that something wasn’t right, she smelt my hesitation through the glass, “Inks in the car, we snuck away because sir lord got fucking smashed and he’s passed the fuck out.”
her attempt to lure me out of my house would’ve fallen on deaf ears if it wasn’t for the mention of ink. Her smile somehow widened as she watched my interest peak and she disappeared from my view towards the front of the house. Every part of my brain told me not to, something felt off, it’s clear if Jimmima had any interest in pushing for me and inks relationship then I would understand the excitement, but the way she moved suggested some sort of personal gain, as if ink had promised to share me if she helped her. A chill ran down my spine that triggered my movement out of my living room, as I enter the hall I see the blue outline through the obscure glass. I felt like the girl in a slasher film, the one that follows the noise in the dark, the one that gets herself killed in the first ten minutes, the one that everyone screams common sense at to run away call the police and calls a dumb bitch. I felt myself doing the same thing as I unlocked the door, feeling the resistance of the key, taking a breath I open the door. Jimmima’s smile looked like it had dropped in anticipation but quickly returned at my appearance through the threshold. I look out into the street and see the familiar shot-in side of the Mercedes ink had picked me up in. through the blue glow of the LED lights I see ink staring at me, her freckled face almost looked uncomfortable, until a sudden switch in her demeanour and she smiled.
Jimmima motions for the car and bows lowly “Your carriage awaits, princess.” An array of giggles exceeded her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. I would’ve gone along excitedly, like normal teenage girls who were sneaking out to go on a drive, listen to music and maybe stop at a drive through. But something caught my eye as we moved forward, closer to the driver’s side, there was someone in the passenger seat. That’s when I stopped dead in my tracks, faced with those rotten teeth smiling devilishly in my direction, that disgusting purple velour tracksuit that always had an aroma of sweat and weed. Ink was no longer looking at me, her smile a distant memory, her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly; her refusal to turn to face me brought a delight to jimmy crystals eyes, it scared me to distraction; so much so, I barely noticed it at first. He was pointing a gun to her head; the same gun I had seen him place on the table in that dingy dirty little room where we had our first introductions. I felt my knees go weak as my heartbeat increased in pace, I may as well be dead already. That screaming feeling I had when Jimmima first jumped out returned but this time it was deafening.
The sir lord’s eyes moved from me, to behind me. His smile disappeared as he spoke something to ink, something I couldn’t quite make out but it made her grimace and finally look back at me. I squirmed under their collective eye; I managed to choke out a moment of realisation.
“No...” I felt tears well up in my eye ducts, but I had no time for tears and I knew that. If he was so easy to threaten his own, I couldn’t even, no, I didn’t want to imagine what he wanted to do with me.
In a moment of courage, I flung myself out of Jimmimas surprisingly strong grip; kicking her stomach as I did. Turning around my plan was to rush inside, lock the door call out for my mum and call the detective, his card was still on the kitchen table I could make it within ten seconds of locking the door, fifteen to dial and call the number. However, like most decisions made in the recent month, I was far from in control and far too naïve to realise the extent and severity of the situation I had been left in. As I faced the front of my house, I hesitated to move forward, Shite Fox and Jimmy Jimmy on either side of my front porch. You have got to be fucking kidding me. They all looked at me the same. Rage vengeful, shite more than any of the others specifically looked like he wanted to rip my head clean off my shoulders. The hesitation allowed for Jimmima to pounce on my back, within my struggle to shove her off me I hear the driver window rolling down.
“GET HER NOW.” I recognised the Scottish anger any day. He was the commander and they were his soldiers and therefore did exactly what he told them too.
I tried to scream but before I knew it my legs were picked up as that familiar lanky structure held my head in a head lock, this time covering my mouth. A punch to the gut and an elbow to my side made me limp, easier to carry, bringing tears to my eyes and a small whimper to leave my mouth. I continued freaking out, struggling hard and squirming at the hands grabbing at me; my vision darkening with cloth covering my eyes as I hear giggles, sinister laughs and continuous taunting.
“Did you think you could nip away ya daft cunt?”
“Aww look at the little baby, crying for ya mummy are ya?”
“STOP fucking SQUIRMIN’”
“Bagsy first on charity!!!”
“FINGERS GET HER IN THE FUCKIN CAR!”
“SHE FUCKIN’ BIT ME”
I almost laughed at the last one as I brought my teeth around shite’s finger as hard as I could, but the joke was really on me as the boot of the car opened and I was shoved inside with multiple kicks to my stomach, side and one to my face which caused my shrieking and cries out to halt as my face tingled with a numbness that knocked my whole body into a state of shock. Warm liquid travels down my lips, which is shortly followed by another warm liquid hitting my face, thicker gooier. Someone added the cherry on top by spitting in my face.
“Nighty night you little rat.” SLAM I feel the vehicle around me sway at the impact of the boot of the car being shut, the last word, I assumed spoken by fox due to the Welsh tinge of his words, made my ears ring more than they already were. My darkened world spun around me as I clinged on to consciousness feeling the hum of the engine start, lulling me into a false protective state, I was slowly losing the battle of light but still managed to form a line of conscious thoughts before I was fully submerged into the dark. Detective Kelson, today, my mum, the front doors open, Rose, Kelly, he has a gun, night night rat, charity.
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READERS NOTE: OH THE DRAMA!! thank you so much for your patience it means the world!! also lock in because next chapter is gonna be messy and slutty asf! also thank you so much for all the support it really keeps me motivated to write faster even if it doesnt seem it LMAO!! love ya MWAH!!💋💋
tags: @s1ut4adamstanheight @lovesexdreamm @alwaysathoughtdaughter @gaydacity
