Can't Drive Past The Places We Used To Go To...
I accidentally made myself sad again by listening to "Driver's License" by Olivia Rodrigo. I feel for her but also, you can't really expect someone to wait for you...that's the thing about love...
I read somewhere that there is no such thing as, "right person, wrong time" because if they were right for you, there would never be a wrong time. And that really hit me.
If you're meant to be with someone, no one and nothing can stand in your way. I used to think that it wasn't true love if there was no drama or force to "test" your love etc and now that I'm older, I think that was a very "naive" way of looking at love.
I think sometimes because of movies and tv shows, we have all of these expectations that makes us feel like falling in love needs to *feel* like falling or it's not really love.
I've had my fair share of heartbreak because no matter how hard I tried, those guys and I never really clicked, no matter how hard I tried or how much I tried to change myself to fit into what I thought they wanted/needed.
I think maybe sometimes this is why some marriages don't work out...because at some point you stop choosing them. Love isn't always going to be easy but if you wake up choosing that person every.single.day. then that's what makes it work. You have to want it. And when you wake up one day and stop choosing that person and you finally tell them how you really feel, it'll be too late because by that time, you're done-done. And there's nothing they can say or do to keep you...because you stopped choosing them.
I honestly don't know where I was trying to go with this. Just because someone's feelings for you have changed, doesn't mean that what they felt for you wasn't real. It was real for them for however long they felt it for. Don't let your mind take that away from you. It was real.
It doesn't make it any easier though, knowing that their feelings for you have changed and maybe it's not meant to be easy. Maybe it's meant to hurt. So that when you finally find the "one(s)" for you, you'll know. You'll know exactly what you want and what you deserve. You stop taking half ass apologizes, broken promises, sayings of "I'll love you forever" at face value. Because the right person won't need words to express how they feel.
They're the ones who make or bring you food when you've been working on projects all day and you forget to eat. They're the ones who tell you that you always deserve hugs even when you've been mean to them all day. They're the ones who keep choosing you even when you forget to sometimes choose yourself. They're the ones who will feel like home when you've never felt any type of stability in your life, ever.
Because they wake every day and choose to love you.
I'm sorry if I made any of you sad. I just wanted to tell you that everything you've ever wanted will be yours. You just have to decide that you want it. <3
"Red lights, stop signs I still see your face in the white cars, front yards Can't drive past the places, we used to, go to Cuz I still fucking love you, babe" -Driver's License by Olivia Rodrigo
