love loave luff

Researchers have unveiled that the 6th-century BCE Neo-Babylonian king sent what is thought to be the first break-up letter ever discovered.

1. Sit quietly and look upon the world you see, and tell yourself: “The real world is not like this. ²It has no buildings and there are no streets where people walk alone and separate. ³There are no stores where people buy an endless list of things they do not need. ⁴It is not lit with artificial light, and night comes not upon it. ⁵There is no day that brightens and grows dim. ⁶There is no loss. ⁷Nothing is there but shines, and shines forever.”

2. The world you see must be denied, for sight of it is costing you a different kind of vision. ²You cannot see both worlds, for each of them involves a different kind of seeing, and depends on what you cherish. ³The sight of one is possible because you have denied the other. ⁴Both are not true, yet either one will seem as real to you as the amount to which you hold it dear. ⁵And yet their power is not the same, because their real attraction to you is unequal.

3. You do not really want the world you see, for it has disappointed you since time began. ²The homes you built have never sheltered you. ³The roads you made have led you nowhere, and no city that you built has withstood the crumbling assault of time. ⁴Nothing you made but has the mark of death upon it. ⁵Hold it not dear, for it is old and tired and ready to return to dust even as you made it. ⁶This aching world has not the power to touch the living world at all. ⁷You could not give it that, and so although you turn in sadness from it, you cannot find in it the road that leads away from it into another world.

4. Yet the real world has the power to touch you even here, because you love it. ²And what you call with love will come to you. ³Love always answers, being unable to deny a call for help, or not to hear the cries of pain that rise to it from every part of this strange world you made but do not want. ⁴All that you need to give this world away in glad exchange for what you did not make is willingness to learn the one you made is false. (ACIM, T-13.VII.3:1–4:4)

5. You have been wrong about the world because you have misjudged yourself. ²From such a twisted reference point, what could you see? ³All seeing starts with the perceiver, who judges what is true and what is false. ⁴And what he judges false he does not see. ⁵You who would judge reality cannot see it, for whenever judgment enters reality has slipped away. ⁶The out of mind is out of sight[...]

"To match couples together is as difficult as the splitting of the sea," states the Talmud.

What is the meaning behind these words? True, the process of finding and maintaining a life partner may be challenging and difficult, nothing short of a miracle. But why, of all miracles described in the Bible, does the Talmud choose specifically the miracle of the splitting of the sea to capture the process of marriage?

A Map of the Subconscious

What is the difference between the land and the sea? Both are vibrant and action-filled enviroments populated by a myriad of creatures and a great variety of minerals and vegetation. Yet the universe of dry land is exposed and out in the open for all to see and appreciate, while the world of the sea is hidden beneath a blanket of water.

In Jewish mysticism (Kabbalah and Chassidic spirituality), these two physical planes reflect the conscious and unconscious dimensions of the human psyche. Both parts of the self are extremely vibrant and dynamic. The difference between them is that while our conscious self is displayed and exhibited for ourselves and others to feel and experience, our subconscious self remains hidden, not only from other people but even from ourselves. Most of us know very little of what is going on in the sub-cellars of our psyche.

"Falling in love is the insanity of the soul." One of the most intense experiences a human being can have.

Soren KIERKEGAARD

Danish, 19th c

Book: “Works of Love” 

Fell in love with Regine Olsen - mutual 

He thought it was a tragic event 

Passionate Preferential Love

Just another form a self love 

Says more about what we are attracted to and how the object of our desire can gratify our needs, instead of what we can give without expecting something in return 

When we fall in love, isn’t it so that we’re attracted to them because they’re able to invoke a sense of pleasure in ourselves, and this pleasure is more about how they make us feel than the person themselves. 

Comes with strong attachment

Drenched with lust 

In its insanity, it produces a chaotic explosion of contradicting emotions, from great longing to extreme anger and jealousy 

Why would we pursue something that can change from affection to hate at the flip of a switch? Is this true love, or a curse? A manifestation of inner madness that’s been elevated to the domain of the sacred? 

Non-Preferential Love 

Not fueled by passion, not erotic, not selfish 

Comes form a place of equanimity 

A boundless source 

The love we have for our neighbor, no matter who they happen to be, instead of someone of our preference. 

Romantic love in BUDDHISM 

Recognized as potentially harmful 

The love between 2 people doesn’t have to be true love when it involves unhealthy attachment and suffering 

“If romantic love is true love, it can also bring a lot of happiness. But if it is not true love, it will make you suffer, and make the other suffer as well.” - THICH NHAT HANH  

How often does the experience of filing in love go together with deep desire and the pain that follows from it? 

As THE STOICS observed: The problem with DESIRE int he disappointment when one fails to obtain the object of this desire. It leads to jealousy, possessiveness, ownership. 

When two people are deeply in love with each other and want nothing more than to be together, they also produce a fear of separation, which is a form of suffering  

Is there a resolution? Is there a way to make romantic love sustainable?

According to TNH it’s possible for a couple that is romantically involved to experience true love,. 

Four Ingredients 

1. Loving-Kindness: the capacity to bring the other person happiness

2. Compassion: the capacity to have concern for the other person’s sufferings 

3. Joy: Because it’s important to have fun together 

4. Inclusiveness: Two people become one and are willing to carry each other’s burdens 

The Stoic Proposition on Marriage by MUSONIOS RUFUS

Mutual care is the key ingredient for a successful union 

“In marriage there must be complete compaionship and concern for each other on the part of both husband and wife, in health and in sickness and at all times, because they entered up on the marriage for this reason...” 

A problem many people face is that they seek relationships while operating from a place of lack, hoping that their partner will fill up their emptiness and make them whole. This isn’t the right way to think about love. If we let our happiness depend on external forces, we bet on something extremely unreliable: The infatuation phase we first experience when we fall in love. It may make us feel complete for a while, but when the honeymoon phase is over,  we go back to feeling incomplete. 

Many people breakup to find someone else to get that “romantic high” again 

Completeness is not anything to be found anywhere but in ourselves. 

When you are complete as an individual you are able to love without conditions

Not tainted by wants and needs 

Love is not a path to completeness, but an opportunity to share our own completeness with someone else. 

Enter the domain of Non-Preferential Love

I want to die while you love me, While yet you hold me fair, While laughter lies upon my lips And lights are in my hair.

I want to die while you love me, And bear to that still bed, Your kisses turbulent, unspent To warm me when I’m dead.

I want to die while you love me Oh, who would care to live Till love has nothing more to ask And nothing more to give?