LOVΞCRΛFTIΛNBΞING

“Stop saying those things!”

"INFERNO OUT NOW"

2. I spend a lot of time online, secretly, and am exposed–for the first time–to the fact that it’s weird that I share a room and bed with my dad and am not allowed anywhere else 

3. My dad brings me to a corn field and tells me obama is the anti-christ who’s been sent by god to end the world, as foretold by the bible. I believe this and cry when he’s elected because i don’t want to die 

4. I begin googling and discover that my situation is not great. I begin a careful attempt to ~distance~ myself from my father by sleeping anywhere else through any means possible. Eventually, I’m allowed to sleep in my own room

5. Now that I’ve been exposed to the real world and the fact that I’ve been groomed, I’m not ~obedient~ anymore and my dad Dips(™) to find a new kid. We lose our house and have to move to government housing in a new city 

6. Eventually my parents divorce because of this. My dad moves to a horse ranch. I visit him on the horse ranch, think it’s cool, and invite my friends over for a sleepover. I have my first gay kiss with a girl in a tent. The next day my father tries to ~kill~ me on the horse ranch(™) with a golf cart

7.My dad disappears from the face of the earth. He forgets his phone is connected to the family iMac. We know all about the crimes he is committing. He fakes a heart attack in a Wal-Mart at some point, idk

8. The FBI is onto his life of crime. He flees to Romania to escape them and lives with a millionaire Romanian woman. She’s suspicious of him after a while. She hires a private investigator and unearths his life of lies and crime. He flees to Alaska. He gets a roommate in Alaska. The roommate goes to federal prison. We never hear from my father again. He is, perhaps, dead.

Softer less oily skin

Less acne

Prevent male patern baldness

Less cleanup after orgasming

More free time (masturbating feels less urgent)

You can make new friends (membership to a new community)

More trans girls will wanna date you

Jiggle physics

It's something to do

Maybe you're bored

Be spared during the alien invasion and their purging of lesser lifeforms

It makes you smell nicer

"INFERNO OUT NOW"