so many fandoms, not enough time

I just remembered that this was a thing that was HILARIOUS in 2006 and apparently that was ten years ago now.

Old people: join with me in remembering how funny we found this on LiveJournal.

Young people: look at this lolrus, it’s so happy, it has a bucket.

i promised some shorter fics, so here's a quick dump of the best fics i've read the past few months!

inuokko

renegade by diggingupthegrave (18ch, 133k) - enemies to lovers inuokko with a year swap, so first year inumaki second year nobara, and inumaki is friends with all the second yearssss... until yuuta shows up! lots of angst, solid backstory, a really cool take on yuuta's domain, and i love how genuinly badass inumaki is! plus some tokyo vs kyoto rivalry we always like to see~

take ahold of you by geebee - a cute possessive!yuuta oneshot where yuuta gives a little extra attention somewhere and maki wins a lot of bets. just trust me, this is rly good.

red at night (sailor's delight) by koviah - unfinished pirate au with some evil noaya. inuokko aus are actually so fun and this one has fabulous writing. yuuta is so pirate core and his crew is hella cool!

will you still love me when i'm no longer beautiful? by ottoge (3ch, 24k) - post shibuya fic, yes with a/b/o dynamics. uhm. hurt comfort in the fic to the max, and soft and healing yk? i get if your not a fan of the omegaverse jam, but this is actually so healing after watching the shibuya arc.

between curses and confessions by koviah (2ch, 14k) - a jealousy fic yuuta pov with a lot of onesided kamo x inumaki. personally, i don't like kamo, so this was very fun to read... goodwill event! i love seeing tokyo vs kyoto relationships and this one captured everything so well!

satosugu

achilles, come down by hotcocoaaa (38ch, 208k) - i used to avoid time traveling fics bc i feel like its hard to find good ones? but a lot of the top kudosed fics in stsg are time traveling and guys i swear there's a reason why! satoru gets sent back in time to when he was a jjt after he kills himself in the prison realm. super angsty with but there's comfort after every angst which i loved, and there's an amazing amount of plot work, i actually was soooo hooked. shoko is amazing too, she doesn't get nearly enough justice :)

carry me home by valleykey (11ch 58k) - another stsg time travel fic BUT this is a fix-it! basically satoru accidentally sends them (both satoru and suguru) into the future and meet older!gojo and the first + second years... and then they realize suguru's older version of himself isn't there...

itafushi! (both oneshots)

bonito flakes by mustardleaf - ikik, title sounds like a inuokko fic, but nope! this is a super cute smut (but not too steamy) oneshot where the two figure out itadori bruises easily. they try to get inumaki to help... it really doesn't help much tho ;)

moments in between by anonymous - an itafushi kinda getting together fic but like crackfic because the sukuna commentary, i can't. it's soooo funny!

a lot of these are actually just me reading through the top kudosed page on ao3 (filter by kudos to find the fics that are like most popular) but one of these days i'll pile together a list of fics that are pretty recent and harder to find, but still really awesome!

It's been five years since your husband passed.

"I can be him."

One year since you returned to the jujutsu world.

"If you just let me. I can be him. You can call his name. Pretend he's touching you."

Six months since 𝓨𝒖𝒕𝒂 started pursuing you.

The setting sun over jujutsu tech glared you down as your back pressed into the bridge's wooden beams. Was Satoru's glare in the horizon? Was his judgement in the sky? Were his chastises whispered in the wind that kissed your cheek?

His eyes were above you.

His hair tickling your forehead.

His hands on you.

His. But not his. Not your husband. Not Satoru.

Just the man who wore his skin.

Yuta shedded his a long time ago. A miscalculation. A medical horror. Returning to his body became impossible and so, he remained in the man who was once yours. Now twenty three, and all he wanted?

You.

Before you, he stood. Looming over you the way that Satoru did. Caressing your cheek the way that Satoru did.

Whispering to you the way that Satoru did.

"I have his memories," he said, thumb tracing a familiar line on your cheekbone. "I know how he touched you. I know how he loved you. I can love you the same."

He leaned closer. Diminishing both the space between you and your shame.

"We can play pretend," he promised.

The same way Satoru had promised that he would come home.

The same way you had promised him that no one else would ever hold your heart, your body, your soul.

You broke your promise.

All it took was a kiss. From lips you remembered. From a mouth that worshipped you every day of your short marriage.

Your downfall were his hands. Familiar. Once yours. The wedding ring he still wore out of reverence for his sensei.

A kiss. A touch. A memory. That's all it took.

All it took for the sheets to welcome your back. For your thighs to welcome his head. Your hands greeting white hair that you once stroked so tenderly when the world caved in on him.

Your Satoru.

Not your Satoru.

Satoru's body.

Your Satoru's body.

Between your legs. Worshipping you. As he always did. With big, scarred hands spreading you apart. With a tongue that knew every inch of you. A voice that praised you.

The same way your husband would.

"So sweet, taste so so good, sweet girl," the groan soaked into your slick. An aphrodisiac of its own. Seeping into your veins. Dizzying your mind.

"Toru," you whimpered.

Toru.

Satoru.

Your Satoru.

He's not your Satoru.

But you moaned for him as if he was.

Tugged onto his hair. Ground into his face. Whimpered his name— as if he was.

Two orgasms on his tongue alone. Yuta proved that he had committed to his sensei's memories. He knew exactly how to fuck you on the pink muscle. Where to touch. What pressure.

His thumb stroked along your slit. Tracing the quivers as his lips occupied your clit. Sucking on its pulses and worming out another devastating orgasm out of you.

Three. You came three times.

The same number Satoru worked you up to before he kissed you. Held you. Fucked you.

Yuta committed to the routine. Kissed you. Spread your thighs.

Pressed his dick to your twitching cunt.

Shushed your cries.

Held you.

Fucked you.

Your body forgot, but your mind didn't. The stretch burned and tears pricked at your eyes— but your mind keened. Slipped. Soaked in the memory of him.

Of your husband.

Of Satoru.

As Yuta's hips engraved new memories into your thighs.

As his fingers blossomed new bruises.

As his mouth kissed you with a new hunger.

Your arms hugged around his neck. Breath stuttering. Voice breaking. Every plunge of his cock stroked the fire deeper into you. Unravelling your mind into a messy heap of tears and needy.

Rough pants fanned above you. His brows pinched at the centre. One hand gripping your thigh and the other cupped beneath your head. Yuta's thrusts were as nasty as Satoru's. Deep, fast, taking you apart from the inside out.

"That's it. There you go," he huffed, white lashes fluttering. "There's my girl."

"Sat— toru," you sobbed. Because maybe crying would make it real.

Maybe it'd wake you up from this terrible nightmare.

"You're doing so well, sweetheart." His voice slipped into your ear. Clenched your heart. Squeezed your cunt as your nails raked down his back.

"Toru," you whimpered. "T-Toru, toru please. I need— I need you. I need you."

His thumb found your clit, your back bowed into the pleasure. Another sob shook from your lungs. Reaching out for him. Not Yuta. Not his body. Him.

But it was Yuta who cupped your face. With Satoru's hand.

Yuta who bottomed out. Fucked you deeper. With Satoru's cock.

Yuta who whispered to you. With Satoru's voice.

"I'm here." He lied, so sweetly.

As his hips drove faster— and faster. Grinding into all of the sweetspots that Satoru knew. That were now at his disposal.

"I'm here, I'm right here, sweetheart." He lied, so gently.

As he hugged you close. Took you higher— and higher. Perfectly choreographed to the memory he committed to.

Playing with your clit, with Satoru's fingers.

Praising you, with Satoru's words.

Kissing you, with Satoru's lips.

"I'm gonna cum," you cried, and he licked your tears away. Cradled your face. Whispered tenderly.

"Cum," eyes so blue, eyes once yours, stared deep into your soul. Deceived you with promises that had already been broken. "Cum for me. Cum for 'toru, baby. C'mon."

The heat, the need, the memories— they all rushed into a knot that snapped in the pit of your stomach. Your eyes rolled back. Body arched. Tensed.

"Satoru— t-toru. Toru, miss you. I miss you."

You sobbed his name when you came.

Clung to his shoulders.

Squeezed his cock.

But you knew.

That it wasn't him that held you.

Wasn't him that smacked his hips into yours.

Wasn't him that groaned deep, even if it was his voice.

Wasn't him that stilled, that moaned your name, that filled you to the brim and kept pumping as you shook with whimpers.

Eyes so blue. Eyes once yours.

But in your heart, you knew. Satoru was dead.

Knew that the thing wearing his skin wasn't him.

And that the only one who caressed your face, kissed you, told you that he loved you— wasn't your husband.

But Okkotsu Yuta.