same shit, different day

my sister-in-law, who has no kids and does not spend time around children ever, decided she wanted to take my kids on an “outing” yesterday. (she sees them like 4 times a year usually). she took them to some weird historical u.s. military fort museum thing, it’s like a big compound with like 15 buildings enclosed by a fence. anyway my 5-yr-old saw one of those red metal fire alarm boxes on the wall and asked his aunt “what does that say?”

Duuuuude!! Catfish grow to the amount of food there is which means the river these guys came from must be plentiful as fuck, or it’s eating the native species.  PSA: do NOT catch and release catfish. The fuckers will screw with the rivers ecosystem if they’re not native to the area. These are the sort of size fish that WILL have a go at eating people as well, they will probs chock but yeah. Catfish have little to no sight, since they’re bottom feeders they scout for food mostly using their feelers, and just swallow whatever they think can fit in their mouths.  I watch a lot of Jeremy Wades River Monsters when I’m bored. The shit he films is ridiculous and I love it.

Things my dentist has actually said to me:

a man that thinks hes about to prove some sort of point and win the one sided argument he’s trying to get me involved in: Well let me ask you this

me,at a clothes store: excuse me, how much are these pants?

me: *sees morgan freeman trending on twitter* dont be dead pls dont be dead pls dont be dead