Hi

I finally found a girlfriend. After 17 years of being single I finally have someone. The circumstances aren’t what I had imagined but that doesn’t matter this woman is amazing and worth it. A little older than me but that doesn’t matter. So far our relationship has been fantastic and everything we do is loving and supporting. I couldn’t have asked for a better girlfriend and I am so happy that we are together. I never thought this would happen I really did think I was going to die alone but no I was wrong I have her. So glad I was wrong.

I woke up from the dream panicked thinking I had no longer had her but the messages were still there and she had texted me good morning.

Anyways that was it and I slowly woke up. I can’t believe I’m contemplating dating a person with kids. I’ve been so against the notion. Since I had this grand idea of meeting someone falling in love and enjoying each other without kids then eventually when we were settled in we could have kids. It’s not the ideal situation. But then again none of this has been ideal. I’ve lost so much. I live in a completely different area of town now. I live in a house I can’t believe is mine. I work somewhere I didn’t think I’d ever be. I’m not friends with the people I thought would be my friends for the rest of my life. None of it was been the ideal or what I had planned if there was ever one to begin with. But it’s been a long time since I felt someone be so attracted to me, like actually interested in me. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone be interested in me. I’ve been but in one relationship my whole life and that was back in high school. She actually feels like someone I could be with. Should I forsake this intense affection in search for the ideal. Or should I just “settle” and be clear I do not mean the word settle in a bad manner. I tried dating apps on at least 3 different occasions over the span of several years and they yielded no results. It’s gotten worse with the egregious use of monetization and pay walling your best matches. So I deleted them. And it’s not like I’m going out with friends to places to meet new people what with being an introvert and all. I’ve been forsaken by my “friends” and now I’m just alone. I know I’m not alone but I feel alone. Idk what to do anymore. It’s my life and I shape it.