can't stop won't stop

My current employer once said to me, “I get the impression you work to live, not live to work.” Uh, yeah motherfucker.

every time you sneeze you steal it from someone else. theres only ever 1 sneeze in the world

if two people sneeze at the same time they’re borrowing the sneezes from each other very quickly

It’s like that electron thing

Its exactly like that electron thing

#things i did not expect from phil of the future

#things i am glad to see from phil of the future

bears have absolutely no right to be as cute as they are. i want to hug them and pet them. big fluffy dogs, supersized

science: bear will kill you human & monkey brain in unison: hehe fluffyyy

I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver

When it bounces perfectly in the corner i experience a Thought

i just walked past the apartment beneath mine and through an open window i could hear my downstairs neighbor crying faintly while the song jolene played in the background and im just like… bitch are you okay…?

I actually ended up going back downstairs to check on her and brought some leftover cookies I baked this afternoon. she’s very sweet and going through a Breakup Mood™️ after being cheated on. she’s coming over to my gf and I’s annual bad movie night on Friday and she even let me pet her cat named Clarence

my gf thinks it’s funny but very fitting that our downstairs neighbor was able to summon a concerned lesbian just by playing jolene while crying about being done dirty by a man

omfg

How the fuck

John Wick Part 4

This was no accident.