lets see the checklist:

✓ calling trans men whiny for speaking about their issues

✓ use of stereotypically gendered insult

✓ implying trans mens issues are less important or don’t exist

What matters to me in regards to bigotry is if they treat others badly based on immutable traits in everyday life, not in the privacy of their own bedrooms or in adult only-gated kink communities online.

All forms of kinkplay, but especially BDSM, are founded on consent and safety.

If something gets too heavy in regards to the couple's impactplay, whether or not it involves a kink you don't like, the concept of safewords exist to stop the play immediately to assess what went wrong.

If something was a little too raw in regards to the couple's degredation kinkplay, whether or not it involves a kink you don't like, the concept of aftercare exists to help the pair review their sessions to address what insults they were and weren't comfortable with.

Alongside consent and safety, risk-awareness is paramount to all kinkplay activities. So even if a couple decide to forgo safewords and/or aftercare, they are still able to assess the risks in doing so and can leave the relationship if their styles don't align.

Because if one person refuses to let the other leave or bring what should've been harmless roleplay into everyday life against their consent, then that person would be correctly identified as an abuser. Regardless of their skin color or whether or not they enjoy a kink you don't like.

if someone is only racist amongst their friends, is it judgmental to say that they're racist? they're not racist anywhere else right? how about if they're only racist on the internet, but not in real life? if they're only racist on a private forum but normal everywhere else, does it stop making the racism racist? if a white guy yells nigger in a forest and nobody is around to hear it... etc. etc. etc. the foundation of the idea that bigotry as expressed in sex is simply different from other expressions of bigotry is cognitive dissonance the whole way down.

All forms of kinkplay, but especially BDSM, are founded on consent and safety.

this is a giant cope. the reason why these kinks require everyone to harp on about how much they care about consent and safety is because they are so easily abused and continue to be so. the framework that these principles are fundamental to the practice simply exists to allow people to No True Scotsman their way out of acknowledging how rampant abuse is within kink dynamics by simply asserting that the people using them to abuse others aren't doing Real kink. they're Bad people doing Wrong and Abusive kink, there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with kink itself!

in spite of harping on about how consent and safety are paramount, in the same way that most society seeks to protect rapists and abusers while ostracising and blaming their victims, kink communities protect those who violate these "foundational" rules and actively work to push out their victims. the whole missing stair allegory was first written because a BDSM community that the guy who coined it belonged to kept a literal rapist around rather than rocking the boat. because that is what our misogynistic society does, and kink communities are no exception, even if many people like to pretend they're somehow better.

the fact that you're even bringing up safewords feels like kind of a joke. even active kink practitioners have written at length about how a safeword isn't some sort of panacea for all the potential of "consent accidents". here is just one point: if someone is deeply uncomfortable, in pain, or triggered, their first instinct is not to reach in their mind to yell Pineapple, it is to use the language they use in their everyday life. here here's a decade old article that I don't even fully agree with of a woman talking about that exact thing.

> looks inside

"if you accuse a trans woman of anything I will simply not believe you. by accusing a trans woman of literally anything you will get her harassed by transphobes and that is your fault. and also even if she did the thing by talking about it you're not doing anything about it so it's useless and I hate you."

"what if she's racist? I am a black trans woman and many white trans women are racist."

"you see oversensitive darkie this is exactly why I posted this. she probably has a very human and normal and understandable reason to actively be racist, which is normal for racist people. you can't help if she's racist. unless you are willing to personally put in the work to deprogram her racism why would you want to talk about her being racist? who gave you the authority to do that? what's that? this is actively harmful to you and other people she is being racist to? too bad. by talking about it to warn people or anything kiwifarms will kill her."