🕊

finally doing better mentally. I applied to change my minor to philosophy and i really hope i get in and my chances are actually really good. Here in germany its almost always based on your final grade average from high school, the average you need is calculated based on how many people apply and i looked it up for the last few years and i wouldve gotten in every time. So unless a much higher amount of people suddenly applies, i will get in. I wont know until mid to end august tho which sucks. I am so excited, i think this is gonna be so great

swimming did not happen bc its too cold and windy and almost all the inside pools are closed or extremely full. Spent the first hour of my day in an insane shame spiral bc of it but S helped me get out of it

I really want to try and go swimming tomorrow...i hope it will happen

it is really nice to be able to cook well. I think i dont appreciate my own skill often enough. I get to eat a bunch of lovely meals every week without having to pay for it at a restaurant and i can tailor it exactly to my taste

today i slept in for ages and then i just hung around and tidied the living room a bit and in the evening S and I went to see I swear which was a bit disappointing. Then i cooked some aglio e olio and made us some drinks with this non alcoholic gin we got last year. <3

okay everything is soo much better now. Today was really challenging, i had this interview scheduled for a volunteer position at this literature festival and i was really nervous but it went super well and then i had my evening class which i was nervous about bc my code just didnt work but the professor is actually so nice and everyone had issues which he helped us solve. Overall such a successful day! I'm proud of myself for applying for this volunteer job bc i think its gonna be really nice and i like how i am able to expand my life <3

I cannot believe silo made that sexy butch lesbian kiss a man!!!!

felt sick again today. Today was a good day to miss so i stayed home but i think i really have a stress management problem. The thing is, it is truly in my head. Like I'm constantly freaking out but actually everything is fine. I just feel like everyone is about to be mad and upset at me

I ended up making it to london after a lot of crying and being unsure and a lot of back and forth. I'm glad i went and I haven't felt sick at all anymore. It was a bit rough bc the decision to come with was ultimately so last minute, so i hadnt had enough time to process and so when we had to leave in the middle of the night to go to the airport all my travel anxiety started coming in at full force. But i made it to the airport and then to london. Its been quite nice actually, just extremely hot. I had heard bad things about the heat in the uk but outside it was the same as in germany just that at home i would not be outside in 35°C. I did not know however how it is inside and my hotel room is on the highest floor and it was brutal. Of course the ac was broken (tho S and I think they just say that bc it would be so insanely expensive in this heat) so the room was crazy hot. Also you cant open the windows properly, at least there was a fan. No matter how much i was in the cold shower, my body refused to cool down. At home i cant ever take cold showers bc i start freezing as soon as I'm slightly wet but here it did nothing. Today its thankfully cooler outside and there's wind.

I'm getting sicker every day which fucking sucks. Like i really feel like I'm still in the beginning of being sick. Trying not to panic about anything

been having such a shitty week, S has been really sick so we've been distancing and wearing masks at home which sucks and ive started to feel really exhausted around wednesday but from thursday to saturday i had signed up for this student linguistics conference and i went on thursday for half the day, i had to leave early due to the concert but then on friday i felt super gross and sickly and now ive basically been lying on the sofa since and this morning i felt super dizzy and bad. I'm so sad that i missed so much of that conference and i also just want to feel better already. I absolutely overdid it in the first weeks of uni and ive been depressed and exhausted since and i just want to be okay again and ive been trying so hard to do less and relax a lot. Also I'm hoping i can finally go swimming next week, the outside pools are open now and the weather is supposed to be nice and i have a desperate urge to move. But right now i feel so sick and S has been sick basically all week already so who knows how long I'll be sick. Ughhhhhh

any recommendations for what to do in london? Things to see? S and I are going in two weeks for a short trip and i dont really know what i want to do haha