When it really looks like this

Alien: So this girl claims to hear the voice of god and then leads an army of her countrymen? Human: Pretty much, yeah. Alien: Do you always let people who claim to hear voices in their head into positions of power? Human: To be fair they were French and they have never been all there to begin with. ———————————————————————————————————-

 Alien: So this man was poisoned? Human: With cyanide laced tea, pastries, and wine; but that didn’t work. Alien:  And that was then they shot him? Human: Point blank in the chest; still didn’t work and he jumped up some time later and attacked them.  Alien: But then he was shot several more times, yes? Human: Correct. Alien: And then he died? Human: No. Alien: No? Human: They dumped his body into a freezing river and when they found it the next day they found that he had been trying to claw his way through the ice but died from either drowning or hypothermia.  Alien: By the gods!  Alien: What kind of man was he to endure so much?!? Human: He was Russian.  Human: Their idea of fun is putting a loaded gun to their head and pulling the trigger to see if they die.  ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: This Greek speakers works are truly amazing!  Alien: How did he become so good? Human: He shaved off half of his head. Alien: ……… Alien: What? Human: He figured he would be too embarrassed to go outside looking like that so he was then forced to stay home and work.  Alien: ……. Alien: What?! ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: These ancient portraits are astounding.| Human: Also fake, but glad you enjoy them. Alien: How are they fake? Human: Well for starters this guy had an overbite jaw so big he could have been used to open beer bottle and hips so wide he needed a walking stick to keep himself upright.  Alien: If this is true why did they not paint him properly? Human: Royal blood families tend to downplay how much incest they had going on. Alien: Could you run that by me one more time? ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: So this man can reincarnate himself spiritually? Human: Yeah, but he said he wouldn’t do it anymore so he actually died.  Alien: Can he do that?  Human: Don’t think we had spiritual cops to tell him otherwise. ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: This leader had his predecessors body dug up and put on trial? Human: He REALLY didn’t like the guy when he had been alive. Alien: How does that make any sense?! Human: Makes perfect sense to a man of the cloth. ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: This man was nothing but a bloated tyrant. Human: History says officials threw his dead body on to the street and set it on fire. Alien: A fitting end for such a monster. Human: More like a fire hazard. Human: Legend says he was so fat and oily his body burned for three days straight. ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: If this man was so important why did they name a salad after him?  Human: Because to make it you need to slice it up with sharp knives. Alien: I still don’t see t- Alien: …….. Alien: Oh. ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: Why does this man wear a pipe on his head? Human: He needed a place to hide his speeches. ———————————————————————————————————-

Alien: How could such a tiny man be desirable to your kind? Human: He basically conquered all of mainland Europe.  Human: So he was big where it counted. ———————————————————————————————————

and humans are like oh yeah we don’t fuck with that

and aliens are like you literally hop galaxies with little to no understanding of what you’ll find but you won’t venture into your own aquatic abyss?

and humans simply say scan it

On the one hand, it’s kind of fascinating that they know to do that.

raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they’re opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don’t want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there’s a number of situations where humans feed whoever’s bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. ‘a human got me but nothing bad happened’ is a much more frequent thing than ‘a human got me and tried to eat me’.  

I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we’ve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it’s not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really… It’s just that, y’know, we can’t actually go make a deal with the faeries when there’s something we can’t figure out.

Of the stories I’ve read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure.- Just like our food to most animals.

The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae work and live by strange rules also often nonsensical or obscure to us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals.

-they have wild and unexpected parties where you’d least expect to find them, but if you’re bold enough to entertain them they’ll feed you and caress you and play with you all night.

-time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summerlands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again.  

-their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining.

-sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads.

-they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children return— if they ever do— they will come back strange. they will know things they shouldn’t. they won’t know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own. but they will always be marked by their time away from your world.

-the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community. 

For whatever reason. Right now as of uhhhh Friday March 27, of 2020, within the quarantine of COVID-19 you are most likely want to garden in order to feed your family as you want to save money from the grocery store. And to ya know. feed your family.

SO. Here’s some YouTube videos. Mainly from this one YouTuber since she runs her own farm. She talks about what to grow and how to grow as well as saving seeds. (Trust me, saving seeds is better in the long run.) You can also regrow kitchen scraps too if you feel like you’re unable to get any proper seeds. And for fun have a post apocalyptic type garden.

What to plant in a small garden:

Fast-food growing options:

The importance of Seed saving:

How to build an arched trellis for $30:

A complete guide to virtual gardening:

How to PLANT & GROW with cattle panel arched trellises:

14 store bought vegetables & herbs you can regrow:

Save your kitchen scraps, these 7 plants can be grown out of them:

9 survival gardening crops to grow in a post apocalyptic world:

I’m not the most eloquent writer, but I’ve had this idea kicking around for a while and figured I’d put it out into the universe.

A lot of the basis for the “humans are space orcs” stuff is the idea that we’re pretty durable compared to many species, yeah? When it comes to physical trauma, we can bounce back from most things that don’t kill us outright, especially given the benefit of hypothetical space-age technology, and adrenaline is one heck of a drug when it comes to functioning under stress. 

But that doesn’t make us unkillable, and even though we can survive debilitating injuries and not die from shock, it doesn’t mean it’s fun. Dying of shock sucks, but at least it’s probably quick.

So - Imagine a ship, adrift in space, slowly being drawn into a star or something. In order to save the ship, someone has to repair the hyper-quantum-relay-majig on the hull or in the engine or whatever. Bit of a problem though- there’s a ton of deadly, deadly radiation (Wrath of Khan style) or poisonous fumes or, I dunno, electrical current, between the crew and the repair. Like, enough to kill most species instantly, so the crew is just like, ‘welp, guess we’ll die then’. But then.

BUT THEN

They ask the human. Because everyone’s heard the stories - you’re basically unkillable, right? Could you survive long enough in there to fix it? And their human goes real quiet for a second, but still says ‘Yeah, I could fix it’. And the rest of the crew is like, ‘Whaaaaaa, it won’t kill you?’ and the human repeats “I can fix it” (which isn’t an answer, but no one catches that, not yet at least), so they send ‘em in. And the human fixes it, they come back, the ship flies to safety, and the crew is thrilled to survive. If the human is a little quiet, well, they’re entitled after pulling off a miracle. Everyone else is just excited to get to the nearest station’s bar to tell their very own human story, cuz, ‘those crazy humans, amiright?’.

The good mood keeps up until the human is late for their next shift. At first it’s just faint unease, but- but they earned a bit of a lie-in, right? No reason to begrudge them some extra rest, even if it is a little weird for them to oversleep. They’ll be fine. Humans are always fine. 

(Right?)

(…Wrong.)

- What is… help. Help!-

- ake up! You have t-

- been days. You need sleep, you-

- nother transfusion. We could-

- out of sedatives!-

A week later, the crew finally reaches the station. They stumble into the bar, haggard and haunted. And over the next months and years a new rumor about humans starts to make its way through space. A rumor unlike any before.