Chris doesn’t fight for you when you confront him of how unhappy you are in your relationship.
Angst no happy ending, mentions of previous sex encounters but nothing explicit, bad writing lol
A/n: this is crappy but I've have this idea for a long time, maybe in the future I can expand it more and rewrite it so I can make it better who knows
Dating an idol isn’t easy. You knew that before you started dating Chris. You knew the risk of being in a relationship hidden from the rest of the world. You knew you wouldn’t be able to go out to dinner with him on your anniversary, or even walk down the street holding his hand. You knew all of this. So why does it hurt so much?
The sound of keys at the door pulls you out of your thoughts. You don’t know when it got dark so quickly, or how long you’ve been sitting on the couch in the living room staring at the same fixed point. You don’t pay attention to Chris when he walks into your apartment and takes off his shoes. Not long ago, you gave him an extra key with the excuse of being able to see him more often, something that should be good. But lately, you’ve been doubting your decision. Today more than ever, it hurts, and you don’t know why.
Maybe it’s the negative thoughts that have been filling your mind lately. The fact that Chris still hasn’t told you he loves you, even though you say it to him. He never says it. But that’s not the only problem, because you know there are people who don’t say it, but show it through actions or other things. But not Chris. He doesn’t. And that was starting to hurt much more than you expected.
“Baby? Are you listening to me?”
His voice pulls you out of your thoughts again. You didn’t even notice when he got so close to you, or when he sat down beside you. Your lack of response and the confusion on your face answer his question - you were, in fact, not listening to him.
He lets out a tired sigh before speaking again. “I was asking you why you’re still awake this late. It’s almost 2 a.m. You should go to bed.” There’s a small tone of concern in his voice, and in the way his eyes study your face, searching for an answer.
Before he can say anything else, your voice interrupts. “I don’t think I can keep doing this.” Your voice is so soft it’s barely audible. You can’t even look him in the eyes as you say it, your gaze fixed on your hands. Suddenly, your apartment feels unfamiliar. The couch turns uncomfortable. The cushions that were once soft now feel hard, and you shift, trying to find the comfort you had before, but you can’t. Maybe it’s not the couch’s fault.
“What-baby, what are you saying? Where is this coming from?”
The confusion on Chris’s face is obvious. He isn’t comfortable either. He moves from sitting beside you to kneeling in front of you, trying to catch your eyes, trying to understand where this is coming from.
Tears begin to gather in your eyes. You still don’t have the strength to look at him, because you know that when you do, you’ll fall apart within seconds. The truth is, you love Chris. And because you love him, you ignored how bad and neglected you’ve been feeling in the relationship. His voice, soft and barely above a whisper, interrupts you again. “Baby, please talk to me.”
That’s when you finally look into his eyes.
Your voice feels heavy in your throat, and your feelings weigh on you like a bag of stones on your back, something you need to get rid of just to breathe properly.
“I can’t keep being in this relationship.”
You can see his face change. You can see the confusion fill his eyes, the way his jaw tightens. If someone saw his expression, they would think Chris had just heard the stupidest thing in the world and maybe he just did.
Before he can interrupt you with a question or anything else, you take a deep breath before continuing with what you’ve been wanting to tell him for so long.
“I know you’re busy with the group and that there’s a comeback coming soon, and that this is the worst time for me to tell you this, but I can’t stand being like this anymore. I’m sorry.”
His expression changes again. His eyes soften, and he looks at you in silence, waiting for you to finish. He tries to take your hand in his, but you pull away as if his skin burns you. That’s when the tears start falling from your eyes.
You continue between sobs. “I can’t be happy in a relationship where I feel like nothing more than sexual relief for you. I-I know it’s not because you’re a bad person, and I know that deep down you care about me, but our relationship never left these four walls. God, I don’t even know if I can call it a relationship. It’s like we’re teenagers just looking for sexual relief after a stressful day. I feel dirty every time we see each other and all we do is sleep together.”
At this point, you’re crying uncontrollably, hugging your own body. Your voice trembles, just like the rest of you. Once again, you avoid looking into the eyes of the boy in front of you, who remains silent, waiting for you to finish.
“I want to feel loved by you. I want to hug you and feel at home. I’m not asking for much… I just want to feel loved. You have no idea how badly I want to go out to eat with you somewhere in public, not at an expensive restaurant, that’s not the point. It’s about having the relationship I deserve without feeling like a prisoner in it. Why don’t you ever tell me you love me? Am I not enough for you? Am I not doing enough?”
At this point, you don’t even know what you’re saying anymore. There’s a mix of pain and anger that has been trying to come out for a long time, like a bomb waiting to explode, and tonight it finally did.
In the room, the only sounds are your sobs and Chris’s soft breathing. He stays quiet for a while before he’s able to respond. He just never imagined you could feel this way.
To be honest, the beginning of your relationship was sweet and romantic. But as you got to know each other and grew more comfortable, Chris became way too comfortable and stopped giving you the attention expected from a boyfriend. It’s not that he’s bad, it’s that he’s scared. Terrified, actually, that if he admits he loves you and truly commits to the relationship, he’ll end up ruining it.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Now it’s your turn to pull him out of his thoughts. Chris doesn’t even realize he has started crying silently too.
“I, um… I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt like this.”
That’s all that comes out of his mouth, almost on autopilot. And a part of your heart breaks all over again.
You didn’t know tonight would end like this. Both of you sitting in the living room of your apartment, talking about how you really feel. And you definitely didn’t expect Chris not to fight for your relationship. Although, if you’re being honest, a part of you isn’t surprised. Deep down, you already knew.
Chris can’t find the words to fight for the two of you. It’s true that lately the most intimate thing you shared were your sexual encounters, and then he would disappear for days into the studio and rehearsal rooms. When he came back, the routine would repeat itself. There were nights when you simply lay in bed together and fell asleep holding each other, but you barely talked anymore, not during dinner, not in the mornings. He never thought you were suffering.
You take his silence for an answer. If he has nothing to say in this moment, it must mean you don’t matter to him. But oh how wrong you actually were…
“I’m staying at my friend’s house tonight. I-I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” Your voice so quiet it almost got lost in the silence of the room.
You get up from the couch while Chris remains frozen in his place, fighting internally with his feelings and thoughts, trying to understand what you just said, and what he feels.
He’s so lost in his thoughts that he only realizes you’ve left when he hears the door close. The sound pulls him back to reality. His eyes focus on the spot where you were sitting just minutes ago. He remembers every moment he noticed you weren’t happy but hid it so he wouldn’t worry. He remembers the times you sent dinner to the studio and his members asked who it was from, and he never mentioned you. He never told them about the girl who made his heart race every time he saw her.
Chris realizes how negligent and bad of a partner he has been. And yet, he still doesn’t have the strength to stand up, go after you, and fight for your love, because deep down, he knows he’s a coward, and that made him lose you for ever.
maybe he just needed to fight for you.
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