Logic And Crazy

They take one photo together and every publication and Instagram account is using a singular photo as the first in the dump and writing entire articles about their reunion at a party full of A-listers

As always it must fucking suck to be a hater

And here's Shane. Shane who folds his clothes before sex. Shane who will always be happy with a cold ginger beer. Shane who has a stylist and an interior decorator because he likes things to look objectively nice.

Shane who answers "How many times can you cum in an hour?" completely literally. Shane who has no filter and comments on the bed being dirty within 0.2 seconds of cumming all over it. Shane who comes out to Ilya the moment he figures it out himself, and who tells him point blank that it's not just sex, because he never ever expects Ilya to read his mind.

They routinely have entire conversations where Ilya is very softly smacking Shane's foot the entire time. Shane enjoys the percussive feedback.

Ilya mispronounces the word "Application" and they just sit there mutually whispering 'Aaap-li-caaa-shun' at each other for the next thirty seconds.

Ilya comes up behind Shane while he's trying to make a smoothie and says 'HELPING HANDS' and puts his arms under Shane's armpits.

Ilya sees Shane undressing in the bathroom and yells, "Take it all off!"

Shane carries Anya into the bedroom and holds her over Ilya's chest and moves her paws and says, "Papa it is me. Papa it has been an whole hour since I ate. Papa I am so hungry and sad." then drops her on his stomach.

Shane comes into the home office and grabs a pen off the desk and puts it against Ilya's cheek and says, "Any last words?" and Ilya says, "I wish I had eaten more dumplings."

Ilya spends an entire episode of House Hunters International with his hand down Shane's pants. It's not doing anything in there either it's just keeping warm.

Sometimes they are just mutually awake at three AM for No Reason and they go stand on the porch and stare at the empty street together.

Sometimes they are laying there playing footsie on the couch while on their phones (Parallel play) and Shane says, "Does your mouth ever do that squeezing thing. You know. When you eat." And Ilya says "Explain" and they spend the next ten minutes dissecting whether this is a Human Experience or a Shane Experience.

Sometimes Ilya will put his head on Shane's stomach and say, "Show me your boooones" and wait for Shane to lift his shirt so he can burrow under it.