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DM: The Paladin runs around to all the injured hyenas, laying on hands. Bard Player: He's just gotta pet all those dogs, huh?

#i know they're not actually dogs #my point still stands #can i pet that dawg #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #dnd paladin #d&d paladin

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DM: The gnolls are fascinated by the Tieflings' horns. Bard: I make sure to teach them that no, you can't just grab them. DM: You can grab the gnolls' ears, though. They don't mind… They will try to bite you, but they don't mind.

#social quest with gnolls #both hilarious and terrifying #lost so many hitpoints to play-biting #gnolls #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #d&d gnoll #dnd gnoll #shit my dm says

"Duskhollow is continuing to grow slowly but adorably."

- DM, with the important updates

#duskhollow #we turned that place around #a real fixerupper #paint me a word picture #shit my dm says #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #dnd campaign #d&d campaign

"I learned an important life lesson that night: don't leave the tavern walking on your hands if you want to correctly remember which building is the one you're supposed to be staying at."

- Bard, with words of wisdom

#useful advice for anyone #we've all been there #it was fun at the time #dude where's my inn #dnd bard #d&d bard #dnd shenanigans #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #bard

"Laughing makes the trauma grow fonder."

- Cleric, with questionable words of wisdom

#don't know what it means #but it feels right #vibes #also we're all traumatized #gotta laugh or we'll cry #shit my players say #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #dnd cleric #d&d cleric

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"I've only lost a few hitpoints, but every one of them hurts, okay?"

- Bard

#i require bandaids #can a guy get some Lay on Hands #that cute paladin over here #not a crybaby #the bard has his priorities straight #the bard has priorities #dnd bard #d&d bard #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #shit my players say

"As you approach, you see just a bunch of Lizardfolk tasting the air, getting a vibe check."

- DM, describing some good bleps

#blep #mlem #like a bunch of yoshis maybe #they were cool scaly dudes #nervously licking the air #lizardfolk #dnd npc #d&d quotes #dnd quotes

"The Rogue, who can't be surprised, goes "Oh—!" and you all need to roll Initiative."

- DM

#good ol Alert feat #last time the rogue yelled “fuck!”#and then the fight started #funny every time #alert feat #shit my dm says #dnd quotes #d&d quotes #dnd rogue #d&d rogue

"No, no. In Gnollish, teeth-baring is part of the pronunciation. It's very important. And if you can get your pupils to dilate on command, that's even better."

- Bard, giving important language lessons

#if you want a wild time #run a social quest with gnolls #and have the gnolls be genuinely alarming like real hyenas #also the gnolls assumed all the big dudes were female #look it up #gnoll #dnd gnoll #d&d gnoll #gnolls #dnd quotes #d&d quotes

Paladin: It's good of the Raven Queen to send a note this time and not... Bard: —Haunt me with a crazed ghost murderer? Paladin: Yeah.

#she's a sweetheart like that #her messengers suck #raven queen #shadowfell #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #dnd shenanigans #dnd campaign #d&d campaign

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"It's about to become an Insight Check arms race."

- Player, dice in hand

#on your mark #get set #vibe check!#insight check as a contested roll #fight me #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #shit my players say #dnd shenanigans

DM: Last time, you fought a skeleton minotaur named Virgil— Player: —WAIT. Why wasn't it named Skele-Taur?? DM: Oh man, the joke was right there!

#we'll get em next time #virgil is okay too #but not better than skele-taur #the stygian gambit #keys from the golden vault #minotaur #d&d quotes #dnd quotes

"Two guards in here don't move when their boss calls them because the paladin Commanded them to sit. So, they get on fantasy Microsoft Word to update their resumes."

- DM

#the party getting people fired #again #thanks adventurers #adventurers are menaces #adventuring life #shit my dm says #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #dnd paladin #d&d paladin #paladin

"The Tiefling who joins you at the table has horns that go straight back, like… racing horns."

- DM

#nyoom #i can picture it perfectly #tiefling life #paint me a word picture #dming is rad #shit my dm says #dm life #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #tiefling #dnd tiefling #d&d tiefling #tieflings

Rogue: Go up to him and pretend to be a hot lounge singer looking for work. You know he would want to stroke his ego in front of that. Bard: I'm more than happy to squeeze every last drop of helpful information out of him. Everyone: …Ew. Bard: Not like that!!

#phrasing #you can't blame us for assuming #you're the bard #you know what youre like #bard life #bard problems #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #bard #dnd bard #d&d bard #dnd shenanigans

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"My only answer is a drunk, grumbly, The-Paladin-is-asking-too-many-questions sound."

- Bard Player

#we've all been there #sorry paladin #you're harshing the vibe #of course it's the bard #a tale as old as time #bard #paladin #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #shit my players say #dnd bard #d&d bard #dnd paladin #d&d paladin

Bard: Straight up, you should work on your resume. This place isn't lasting long. Tiefling Entertainer: Yeah… there's just only so many jobs you can get with a theater degree. Bard: Oh gods, I thought you were about to say, 'as a Tiefling,' but no that is legit.

#burn on theater majors #theater kid joke #womp womp #d&d quotes #dnd quotes #dnd shenanigans #dnd tiefling #d&d tiefling #tiefling #dnd npc #d&d npc

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